


A window on another life

by Beezarre (Dibee)



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alex is there mostly to tease and do some matchmaking, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Bernie is a mechanic, F/F, Fletch is being Fletch, Hanssen is being helpful, I know there is at least one version of that AU but once the plot bunny bit me it wouldn't let go, Raf is being a sensible friend, Ric is being a somewhat unhelpful friend, more tropes and AU-ceptions to be added later, this will probably turn into slow burn with a side of mutual pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:22:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 113,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dibee/pseuds/Beezarre
Summary: Serena had long considered the house next door to be a mirror of her nightmares, a bit broken, empty, and lifeless. When Bernie Wolfe waltzes in and starts making it her own, fixing it bit by bit, Serena finds herself drawn in her universe: a little unruly, a little free... and more than a little attractive.As they look toward each other's house from their bedroom windows, they yearn for the possibilities staring back at them.





	1. From day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly I have to thank Muffindragon227 for accidentally giving me the AU idea!! And MatildaSwan for being enthusiastic when I described it to her!
> 
> I'm not entirely sure where this is going, and can't promise anything as far as updates go, but I'll do my best/worst!
> 
> (I'll add more tags as the story evolves, and will probably change the rating as well.)  
> (Also, Bernie is a mechanic because Reasons, but I won't really go into details, just playing with the trope!)

The house next door had been empty for years. You could see through the gate that the garden had grown wild. Some windows were shattered, old white curtains moving like ghosts with every draft. It was not haunted exactly, but had been a place of unhappiness and whispers for so long no one really remembered where the feeling of uneasiness came from. Serena could see the house from her bedroom window. She didn’t mind, she was grateful for its otherness, the odd sight helping her disconnect from her own nightmares. She had worked with bodies, alive and dead, long enough to stop believing in ghosts. Moreover no garden would go wild in a cursed place, although whoever would attempt to remove those weeds would definitely curse it!

She liked to stand there, next to the window, whenever she woke up too early. It happened more and more lately. She had the day off, but despite that and the fact that it was Sunday she was staring outward, noticing the first blooms of the apple tree, smiling.

She was taken aback when she saw several cars and a couple vans start haphazardly piling in the driveway. There were almost a dozen people, all men as far as she could see, most of them broadly built and not entirely awake. A camping table was set, coffee atop, radio next to it, set loudly enough that Serena could almost recognise the tune. She saw them empty the vans and the back of their cars until the gravel was covered in various pieces of equipment, a boiler, and a few windows she wouldn’t have believed could fit in a van this size.

She wasn’t one for spying, but she was curious and Jason wasn’t up yet, so she could still take a few more minutes. He always used the bathroom first, said she wasn’t reliable enough to be out of the shower in time.

Once properly caffeinated, the workers headed in different directions. Serena hadn’t seen who had opened the door. She wondered how much work there was to be done inside. And why it had to be done on a Sunday. While the men didn’t look like a professional team, they sure seemed proficient. The radio was turned up a notch, and comments shouted across the different work stations. Serena was just getting in the bathroom when she heard the first hammer. Or at least it sounded like a hammer.

 

“Auntie Serena.” Jason looked at her, frowning as she exited the bathroom. She took a look at the clock, she was on time, there was nothing planned that day, she wasn’t sure what that look meant.

“It is not 7am yet.” He said. Serena nodded. She couldn’t argue with that.

“There are noise restrictions rules. This is not a building site, so they are allowed to work during the week-end but 6am is too early.” Jason explained. Serena agreed, but didn’t really see the point. They had started, she and Jason were already up, and she had no intention of going to disturb a group of dozen men who were probably not having that good a day in the first place.

“What would you like me to do, Jason?” Serena asked. She hoped he would see it the same way, although she knew he probably wouldn’t.

“You need to tell them. They can’t do this much noise. They have to wait.” He explained patiently.

“But they could make less noise until they are allowed to make noise?” Serena asked. Jason nodded.

“Alright, I’ll go talk to them, but we’ll have breakfast first, or we’ll be off schedule.” She added. Jason nodded again. She took her time, nibbling on toast while trying to figure out what she could say. She hoped they would be understanding. She could be persuasive, but she hadn’t had enough coffee yet.

 

It only took a minute to reach the neighbour’s driveway. She had to slalom between cars to come close enough to be seen. The radio had an ad for mattresses on, which Serena found particularly devious at this time of day.

Two men appeared, coming from the side of the house, carrying a large broken window. One was about Serena’s age, the other a bit younger but with equally broad shoulders. They had not seen her yet. The one on the front stopped when he noticed her, the other almost colliding with his end of the frame.

“Damnit, mind where you’re going!” The younger man muttered.

“Sorry, mate!” The other replied. “We’ve got a visitor!” He exclaimed with a smile.

“We’ll just put this out of the way, we’ll be right back with you.” He added before starting to shout.

“Bernie, where d’you want it?” His booming voice startled Serena. The answer was lost in the surrounding noise but they steered their load towards the other side of the house, maneuvering it more delicately than Serena had expected.

Once they were done, the front man wiped his hands on his trousers, looked at them, and shoved them in his pockets, opting for a nod instead.

“How can we help?” He smiled. He was surprisingly cheery given the time of day, which was a better outcome than Serena had expected.

“I’m the neighbour next door.” She explained, trying to convey as much meaning in those few words as she could.

“Ah, right, one sec.” He turned towards the house, shouting even louder than he had before. “Bernie!”

“Bernie’s at the helm of this ship.” He exclaimed. “’Ll be right with you. I better get back, plenty of heavy lifting to be done I was told. Got to earn those beers we were promised.” He nodded and went inside the house, leaving Serena to feel a bit self-conscious. At least three men had stopped working to look at her, and she had a feeling whoever Bernie was would not be as accommodating as her first interlocutor. She pictured a tall broad shouldered paunchy man with a 5 o’clock shadow and a downward smile.

She couldn’t have been more surprised when she saw a woman her age, a mop of messy blond hair, overalls, bare arms and the longest pair of legs she’d ever seen, walk in her direction, with a slight embarrassed smile. She removed her heavy duty gloves and ran a hand through her already mussed hair.

“Hi, Bernie, sorry about this, I hope we didn’t wake you.” She introduced herself, wincing

“No, not at all, but my nephew asked me to come remind you of the noise regulations anyway, he is a bit of a stickler to the rules.” Serena paused for effect, and to recover from the effect the woman’s apparition had had on her. “You might want to wait a couple hours before going full on, for the neighbourhood’s sake.” Serena added with a charming smile. She doubted anyone but her would really be bothered by the noise, let alone bothered enough to come, or complain at all, but she had promised Jason. “Still, it’s good to see this house being taken care of!”

“There is a lot of work to be done, but with the load of us we should get the main things out of the way, you know, plumbing, electricity. Make it habitable. I’ll just dump my things in the room that needs least work, and that’ll be it!” Bernie replied, having stuck her hands in her pockets, shrugging in an unassuming manner.

“You’re moving in today?” Bernie could hear the shock in Serena’s voice.

“Well, yeah, while I have all of the guys on hand, it’s rare to manage to get the lot of us at once, hence why I more or less dragged them out of bed on a Sunday. I don’t have enough stuff to warrant getting a truck of any kind, nothing a few cars can’t move.” She said, looking around her and catching a few of her friend’s eyes in the process.

“That’s bold!” Serena exclaimed. She couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to live in there until it was at least partly renovated.

“Ah! Bold is practically her middle name!” One of the nearby guys interjected. Bernie rolled her eyes playfully.

“We’re doing a makeshift barbecue for lunch, if you and your nephew fancy joining us!” She said, smiling.

“I already have something going, but thanks for the offer!” Serena declined politely. She didn’t really, but she knew for a fact that Jason would not approve, and Serena wouldn’t really feel at ease herself.

“No problem! I’d invite you to come over for coffee sometimes, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to offer any surface that’s safe and sanitary to sit on for a while.” Bernie smirked. Serena could have sworn there was something there.

“Well feel free to drop by! If the car’s in the driveway, I’m probably in.” Serena explained, immediately wondering why she was doing that, and why the way the woman looked at her unsettled her so much. With a smile she turned around and slalomed her way out.

She was almost at the gate when she heard one of the men go: “She’s hot, eh?” She was about to turn around, and confront whoever had made the comment, when she heard Bernie answering “Shut up!” in an embarrassed tone. She kept walking, feeling herself blush, blaming it on the slightly chilly morning air. Why was she more at ease with the idea of being ogled by a woman?

 

“That was quick!” Serena exclaimed. She had been about to start preparing lunch with Jason when she had heard the doorbell.

“Sorry, it’s stupid really, but with the whole bunch of us, none of us thought of bringing matches for the barbecue, and every other attempt has been met with burnt fingers, so I was hoping you might be able to help.” Bernie pleaded, looking through her fringe. Serena thought that was the cutest thing she had seen someone her age manage to pull of.

“Well, I’m a surgeon, but I’m sure we have some plasters somewhere.” Serena replied with ease. What was it with this woman that made her want to impress her?

“I meant…” Bernie started, stopping mid sentence when Serena laughed.

“Come in, I’ll see what I can find.” Serena waved her in and Bernie stepped inside tentatively, looking around with an open mouth as she did so.

“You have a beautiful house.” She said, sounding genuinely impressed. Serena was used to hearing that comment as a polite icebreaker, but the look on the woman’s face was clearly appreciative.

“Thanks. You can do something really nice with yours, over time.” Serena pointed out.

“Yeah, I’m not there yet. And according to the guys I have no sense of interior decorating.” She shrugged.

“Fair enough. How are things coming along?”

“Faster than we expected, I think the strength of the coffee has something to do with it!” Bernie laughed, a low rumbling laugh that made Serena want to join in. “Turns out we don’t have to do all the electricity today, just the main rooms, the rest can be done later. The plumbing is almost done, and all holes are patched up. I still can’t believe there wasn’t any in the roof, that would have been trickier. So there’ll be a lot of back and forth this afternoon. I’ll have to stay at the flat to coordinate things. Make sure not to dump the books on the ones with a bad back, that kind of thing.” She stopped abruptly, biting her lip, drawing Serena’s eyes there. “But I don’t want to bore you with all this.”

“That’s alright.” Serena countered. “I can imagine there’s a lot to be done. Is it empty or do you still have to deal with that?”

“Oh, no, no, it’s not empty. It was very clear that the house came with the content, and I have a feeling I’ll spend a lot of my evenings making sense of it. I didn’t actually know the owner, but it was left to my grandmother, who left it to my mother, who left it to me, so here I am, moving into a stranger’s home. I feel like I’m intruding, even though there’s no one left.” Bernie said, looking blankly forward. “On the bright side, the library is impressive! I’m not sure what state the books are in though.” She winced.

“Well if you need a hand, I’ll be happy to help.” Serena offered before she even thought about it.

“Really? Thanks! I’ll happily give you a tour once I figure out how to store my boxes. I better figure that out before we get going, eh?” She smiled self-depreciatively.

“Don’t worry, no matter how hard you plan, things never go according to plan and some boxes just end up at the wrong place or with the writing on the wrong side.” Serena said with a knowing smile.

“That sounds like you’re speaking from experience.” Bernie winced. “I wrote on all sides and the top of all boxes. The guys were mocking me but they won’t be the one looking for the kettle with a torch!” She said, making Serena laugh.

“Do you really have this little to move?” Serena said, a bit concerned.

“Former army, never had much, and the furniture came with the flat.” Bernie shrugged. “Still, enough to get messy if it’s not properly organised.” She smiled. Serena nodded. She held a finger up and went in search of the primary reason for Bernie dropping by.

“Here.” She handed her a box of long matches. “Keep them, there’s only a few left, I hope there’ll be enough. I won’t be needing any any time soon, we’re not nearly adventurous enough to barbecue at this time of year. You better go back to them before they decide to experiment further.” Serena said, not quite wanting the neighbour to leave just yet, but feeling like she shouldn’t be keeping her either.

“Well, considering the last attempt involved a flamethrower, I think it’s safe to say we’ve tried everything.” Bernie laughed again.

“How…” Serena frowned.

“Don’t ask…” Bernie smiled, thanked her and went out, looking back for a moment before heading for the gate, her hair swishing as she turned her head, a spring in her step. Serena stood on the porch, mesmerized by her impossibly long legs taking equally long strides out of her driveway.

Soon afterward the characteristic smell of grilled meat and celebratory noise of clinking beer bottles signaled the success of their lunch endeavour. Serena smiled. Their new neighbour might have been a bit scruffy, but she liked her. Jason said something she didn’t catch, her daydreaming having distracted her for a moment.

“Is the new neighbour interesting?” He asked. Serena nodded.

“Yes, she is.” She replied. Jason nodded, clearly not expecting more, for now. Serena was glad for that, because ranting to him about the woman’s messy hair wouldn’t help anyone.

She found herself leaning against the window frame in her room a few times over the afternoon, looking at the ballet of cars. The vans were gone, possibly because they couldn’t hold more than their equipment. Serena noticed a car that didn’t move, possibly Bernie’s. It looked like some sort of sports car, which she couldn’t quite believe Bernie would pick. She shrugged it off.

 

It was already late afternoon when Jason reminded her that she had intended to go grocery shopping; they were missing some key ingredients for dinner, and she wasn’t sure she could go in the next two days. She decided to take the car rather than go by foot. As she sat down, she noticed cars driving past. Probably from her neighbour, she would be settling in right about now.

She tried to start the car, several times, with nothing but worrying noises. When she managed to start it, more noise and some smoke indicated that she wasn’t going anywhere. She cursed as she got out of the car, taking a look under the hood, knowing that she had no idea what to even look for. Standing there, she had her back to the gate. Bernie’s voice made her jump, leading her to turn around, startled. She had been asking if she needed some help but Serena swallowed hard as the setting sun made her hair glow in an eerie way.

“Sure! Any help would be welcome!” Serena said, sighing. Bernie was still in overalls, and Serena couldn’t take her eyes off her arms. She was strong. And covered in plaster. But mostly strong. Serena had taken a couple steps back to leave Bernie some space, but soon realised her mistake. From where she was standing, Bernie’s top half was bent over, leaving her with the sight of everything from the waist down to contemplate. She had to look away as she blushed and took a step closer to distract herself.

“How bad is it, do you think?” She asked.

“Define bad?” Bernie replied. Serena winced.

“You’ll need to get it towed and fixed. There’s just a couple bits to replace, nothing too fancy.”

“Well, I know what I’ll do tomorrow morning then!” Serena sighed.

“If you can find the time, it’s probably for the best.” Bernie smiled apologetically.

“Well, I’m always hoping for an excuse to skip budget meetings… This is not really what I meant, but I’ll take it.” She said with a borderline flirtatious smile. She could have sworn Bernie had blushed a little.

She had a feeling Bernie kind of lingered, and Serena was in no hurry to go back inside. She heard the door open and Jason walked towards them.

“My nephew Jason.” She introduced him. “This is Bernie, our new neighbour.” Bernie looked at her hand and held them in front of her apologetically. They were covered in plaster, and some grease from the car. “Sorry. Nice to meet you.” She smiled.

“Hello.” He said. There was a pause, but Serena noticed Bernie wasn’t too put out by the way he was staring at her.

“Have you been in the neighbourhood long?” Bernie asked the both of them. Jason replied.

“I have only lived with Auntie Serena for a few months, but she has lived there for much longer.” He said. Serena nodded.

“Do you intend to stay long?” He asked. Bernie thought for a moment.

“I don’t know yet. I think so. I don’t know how long though.” She said, unwavering.

“Are you single?” He asked. Now that seemed to surprise Bernie but she replied immediately, ignoring the look of horror on Serena’s face, and her slight blush.

“I am.” She replied. “And I don’t know how long that will last either.” She answered with a smile, expecting further questions.

“OK.” Was all Jason replied. “Nice meeting you.” He added before turning and going back inside.

Serena opened her mouth to apologise, but Bernie shook her head.

“Blunt, but to the point.” Bernie commented.

“Yes he’s… he’s often like that.” Serena said, not feeling the need to elaborate. If Bernie wasn’t fazed by Jason’s behaviour now, she wouldn’t mind whatever he could throw at her next.

“I should add, his motives for asking…” Serena started, realising how that might have sounded.

“He wants to know how many people he should expect to meet and see around.” Bernie finished Serena’s thought. Serena nodded.

“I should go, I realised that when we changed some of the electricity fitting we failed to put a lightbulb, so my best bet is to do it while there’s still some natural light, because it’ll be tricky with a torch.”

“Depends, do you have a head torch?”

“I do, actually, but it’s conveniently packed in the furthest box.” Bernie laughed.

“Things always are, aren’t they?” Serena smiled.”Thanks for taking a look.” She said gesturing towards the car. Bernie shrugged.

“No problem!” She waved and left with a smile. Serena waited until she was out of site to go back inside.

Later, as she went to get a cardigan from her bedroom, Serena noticed light opposite. The balcony that was facing her window had a new window, and she could see a dancing light bulb through it. It made her feel better somehow. She shook the thought away and tried to reach a compromise for a smaller grocery list. There was only so much she could carry. Jason had preferred to stay inside, which she could understand, although it wasn’t particularly helpful. If the car could be fixed by lunch, she could see whether she could get some more, not perishable, food while she was at it.

She sighed. Jason had reminded her that the usual car repair shop had closed a couple months earlier. That left her with having to pick another, and she had nothing to go on. Should she pick closer to home, or closer to work? She went for closer to work, and took a look as soon as she was back, leaving Jason to organise the groceries in his preference.

There were two, one which also sold cars, and one which claimed it could fix a wide variety of vehicles. She sighed and opted for the second. She noted the number down, the address, and the opening times; she’d be on it as early as she could the next day.


	2. Strong and hot is all I care about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second chapter! Thanks to all those who commented, it really made my day(s) and encouraged me, and there you are! This was incredibly fun to write, and I hope you'll have fun reading it too!
> 
> I promised mutual pining and slow burn in the tags. I might have been rather heavy handed on the mutual pining, and not very good at slow burn, but I'll try to fix that in the future *grins*.
> 
> I might not keep doing a day per chapter (because there are 7 days in a week and I can't wait this many chapters to fit some of the stuff in!)
> 
> For the purpose of this fic working out, Alex is Bernie's age (and her best friend). Marcus doesn't exist.

To Serena’s surprise the phone was picked up after just one ring. She explained the situation, gave her address, and less than a half hour later was at the garage with her car and a young trainee who asked her questions she didn’t even understand. An older mechanic took over and frowned as he looked inside the car.

“Alright then, I know just who you need. Could someone get me Wolfe?” The apprentice nodded and disappeared in the back of the shop.

Serena’s jaw very nearly hit the oil-stained floor when she saw who the mechanic was. Bernie had her hands in her pockets and a smug smile on her face. Serena had to resist the urge to kiss it off her lips.

“Hi!” Bernie’s greeting floated in the air between them with the grace of a ton of brick. The man who had had her called, possibly the boss, frowned again.

“New neighbour.” Bernie explained. “Actually took a look last evening, it should be ready in an hour or two. You might even make it to that budget meeting.” Bernie winked.

Serena was speechless. How could a woman, especially a woman her age, look so good in overalls? There were traces of grease everywhere and her hair was half tamed by a rubber band Serena was pretty sure wasn’t supposed to be used that way.

Serena felt silly not having asked her before what it was she did. She had mentioned the army, of course, but it was vague enough that Serena had immediately assumed something along the lines of foot soldier. She forced herself not to think about either fatigues or uniform, the overalls were bad enough!

Bernie was clearly in her element, more confident than she had appeared to Serena the previous day. As she was about to ask Bernie why she hadn’t mentioned it, she noticed a couple men staring, and snickering, from the back of the garage. She recognised them as some of Bernie’s impromptu workmen friends and glared at them pointedly. She wasn’t sure what they were snickering at, but she had a feeling it was nothing good.

Bernie pointed her toward the coffee shop next door, and Serena admitted she would definitely need coffee. She recovered some files she had meant to work on from the boot and made her way there, settling in a quiet corner, sending a message to Hanssen to let him know roughly how late he could expect her to be, or not to be. With the help of good coffee and boring paperwork it was soon time for her to go back to her, hopefully fixed, car. She stretched, interrupted with her arms half in the air by someone calling her name.

Bernie was leaning on the door frame. She was very good at that, the whole leaning thing, it made her look even taller, both relaxed and powerful. Serena shook her head to get the thought out of it.

“All done.” Bernie smiled, desperately trying not to stare at the way Serena’s blouse stretched with her movements.

Serena followed her back in the garage. As she paid for the repairs, she noticed Bernie was lingering by the door next to her car.

“You were right.” Serena mumbled as she walked past her. “I might just make it to the end of that meeting.”

“I’m on my break.” Bernie said lightly. “We could celebrate your newfound vehicular freedom with some real coffee.” She suggested, a twinkle in her eyes. “Might just make it not worth your while showing up altogether.” She grinned. She could feel her colleagues tempted to whistle in her back. She crossed her arms behind her and flipped them off, drawing Serena’s attention to the top under the generously open overalls.

Serena thought for a second, pictured the board room, insipid coffee, and Ric Griffin’s eye rolls, and decided to take Bernie’s offer.

The garage had a small break room in the back. They called it a break room for lack of another name. It had a pair of mismatched chairs, a wobbly table, a coffee maker, and a number of broken car parts disseminated through the room. Bernie picked a clean mug, poured a large serving of coffee and offered it to Serena. One whiff of it was enough to keep her awake for at least a week. No wonder the guys were hard at work the previous day!

“They normally never let me around the coffee maker.” Bernie explained. “But our regular ‘coffee attendant’ is off sick and no one thought of trying to keep me away.” She grinned.

Serena was starting to feel for her colleagues. The coffee was good. Very good. Very strong. So strong she was wondering whether any water had been used at all. If they ever ended up with one of the garage employees in the cardio-thoracic ward, Serena was pretty sure Bernie would be to blame! She realised she had been daydreaming when Bernie cocked her head to the side, looking at her.

“Sorry.” She apologised. “Coffee only just kicking in.” She had actually been wide awake for hours already. There had been no light next door when she had gotten up, and neither had there been when she had left, but the car was gone. She was hardly going to ask Bernie why she hadn’t turned the light on, was she?! Bernie’s eyes were peering into hers.

“So, I meant to talk to you.” Bernie started, seemingly oblivious. “About the hedge?”

Serena stared at her blankly.

“The hedge, between us?” Bernie tried again, brow furrowed, wondering whether the coffee hadn’t been too much after all. Serena’s eyes got lost in the space between them before she nodded more enthusiastically than necessary, partly to put her thoughts in order.

“Yes, the hedge, of course.” She tried to refocus and wondered whether there had been something other than coffee in her cup.

“It’s just that I’m not sure which side it’s on, and my end needs a bit of a trim, so I wanted to clear that with you.”

“Well, it’s shared actually. I have the tools if you need, to get you started. You’ll need more than a small pair garden shears.” Serena laughed. “You might have some lying around though.” She added, serious again.

“Thanks! If I do they’ll be too rusty I think, but I’ll have to go through them anyway. The garden…” Bernie sighed.

“Now, that I can help with, there’s probably some nice things to be salvaged in there.” Serena replied before she had time to think about it. It kept happening when Bernie was around, and she could tell it would land her in impossible situations soon enough. Still, it could be a nice little project. The garden would be nice, too!

“I’m better with grease than soil.” Bernie replied self-depreciatively.

“It’s not that hard once you figure things out.” Serena said, very tempted to pat Bernie’s arm and having to restrain herself by biting her lip. What was it about that woman?

“You’re talking to someone who managed to kill a cactus!” Bernie laughed.

“Well, luckily you won’t have to worry too much about having to water your garden. The weather usually does the trick.” Serena smirked. Bernie nodded thoughtfully.

“Wolfe! Stop howling and get in there.” A guy called from the workshop, making Bernie roll her eyes affectionately.

“Sorry, have to dash! Good luck with the meeting!” Bernie winked at her as they walked out of the room into the street, leaving Serena to stand next to her car, staring at the garage, not entirely sure it wasn’t some sort of bizarre dream, but the taste of coffee on her tongue was too strong for that.

She climbed in, hummed appreciatively as the car started without a hitch and drove toward the hospital after one last look at the garage. She wasn’t sure how well she would be able to focus on budgets after this. Luckily for her her pager beeped the second she set foot in the lobby, making her change directions and head for AAU instead. As she arrived, she was suddenly overly thankful for Bernie’s strong coffee. It was going to be a long day.

 

Bernie’s day had been slightly more perilous than usual. After Serena’s visit she had had to fight off her colleagues’ remarks, teasing her about taking a liking to her next door neighbour. The large majority reckoned she had no chance, which she agreed with. Quite a few thought Bernie could turn a nun if she tried hard enough, which she definitely did not agree with. The others just teased her.

Did she like her? Yes. Did she find her attractive? Definitely. Was she going to try anything, at all, ever? Most definitely not!

She tried to get her point across but by closing time the guys were still sharing knowing looks. One of them will have a crush soon enough and they would move on, she told herself, before shaking her head. She did not have a crush on Serena! She just wanted to spend time with her. Which, for her, kind of counted as a crush.

She grunted as she got out of the car, trying to remember which key worked on the front door. She had colour coded them with tape, but couldn’t remember which colour was which. When she got inside, she hit the light switch and was rewarded with a suspicious noise, a blinding flash, followed by more darkness.

“Great. I hope it’s just the bulb!” She groaned.

Her torch was by the side of her mattress up the stairs, and she knew where the matches were but not the candles. She probed her way to the room she had made into her bedroom, in as much as there was a bed in it, albeit no bed base. A few promising contacts with sharp angles later, she finally reached the torch, wincing. She would have a nice collection of bruises in the morning! She headed downstairs to check the electrical cabinet and sighed in relief when she noticed nothing was wrong. She went back up, tried her room’s switch, and it worked straight away. She rewarded herself by dumping her bag next to the mattress, and herself on it.

She grumbled as she tried to get back up, reaching into her pocket for her cigarettes, heading for the small balcony that had lead her to choose this room in the first place. Well, that and the fact that it was already the cleanest room. As she lit her cigarette, closing the window behind her so she wouldn’t let the chilly evening wind in, she looked out onto her neighbour’s house. Her window faced several of Serena’s, though she couldn’t tell which rooms they were. She could see no car in the driveway, but light in the ground floor. Jason, most likely. She was just about done when her phone rang, and she got back inside.

“Alex, hi, yes, I know, I know I promised to call you yesterday.” Bernie started without letting her friend get a word in.

“Bernie! It’s fine, you’ll just have to give me even more details.” Alex said calmly, knowing that Bernie would know the threat behind her words. Her children, Bernie’s godchildren Charlotte and Cameron, had been asking to see the house, and unleashing them on Bernie would ruin any attempt at productivity, which Bernie knew very well.

“What do you want to know?” Bernie asked, not sure where to start exactly.

“Everything!” Alex exclaimed. She had meant to be there to help Bernie move but something had come up at the last minute.

Bernie explained the bulk of it, what they had done inside, what was left to be done, how she had set her things up , and therefore how visitors would be greeted with crates as seats. Alex pressed a little more and Bernie finally mentioned Serena. She hadn’t meant to hide her existence, but now she realised how Alex would get the wrong idea.

“So, you met your apparently single neighbour, who happens to be not just a woman but also your age, went to beg for matches, and took a look at her car, all within a day?” Alex asked in disbelief.

“And I fixed her car this morning.”

“What?”

“She came to the garage. I hadn’t told her where I work, or even that I was a mechanic, so that was sheer dumb luck.”

“And, did you talk to her?”

“About the hedge, yeah, she wasn’t really interested.” Bernie explained.

“Well, as far as icebreakers go, hedges aren’t really in the top 5 most exciting conversation starters!” Alex exclaimed. “You’re really hopeless at this, aren’t you?” She chuckled.

“I’m not trying to woe her!” Bernie replied defensively.

“Well, I’m glad, because you would be doing a really bad job otherwise.” Alex teased. “Seriously though, you like her, don’t you?” She asked more gently.

“I… Alex, she’s straight.” Bernie stated.

“You didn’t answer my question!” Alex replied.

“She’s nice, she’s attractive, and she’s clever.” Bernie pointed out.

“But?”

“But she’s straight! Been there, done that, not going there again!” Bernie said.

“How sure are you that she is straight?” Alex asked. There was a blank.

“Look, I know I have a shitty gaydar, but… she is!”

“Bernie, if this is you just using this reason not to at least befriend her, then… you really are hopeless.” Alex laughed. “Is she married, divorced, something?” She prodded further.

“I don’t know, it didn’t really come up. Her nephew lives with her, that much I know.”

“Met him yet?”

“Yes. Mid twenties, a bit… blunt, but otherwise nice, I think.”

“You might get something out of him.”

“I really, really don’t think so.” Bernie laughed.

“Are you going to ask her out?” Alex teased. Bernie rolled her eyes.

“No, Alex, I am not going to ask her out. She offered to help me with the garden though. And possibly the library.” Bernie explained, knowing how it would sound.

“Berenice Griselda Wolfe, has your neighbour been hitting on you non stop for two days without you noticing the whole time?” Alex laughed. Bernie rolled her eyes again, knowing full well that Alex couldn’t see her.

“No, Alex, I’m not *that* hopeless.” She replied. “I’m pretty sure she was checking me out last night though, but I was bent over her car in my overalls…” Bernie explained.

“Well, yes, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.” Alex said with a side smile she knew Bernie could hear.

“I’m serious! She’s not into women!” Bernie assured.

“Well, she wouldn’t be the first whose eyes you open.” Alex teased. Bernie had broken many hearts, and had her heart broken many times, but she was also very good at making unsuspecting women discover their appreciation for the female body.

“Alex, for the umpteenth time, I don’t do that on purpose!” Bernie countered.

“What can I say, you’re just irresistible.”

“And you’re impossible.”

“I know, you repeated that often enough in your bridesmaid speech!” Alex replied.

“You’re still not over that are you?” Bernie laughed.

“Nope.”

“Well, I’m still not over that bloody dress you had me wear, if it’s any consolation.”

“It’s not. But I bet your neighbour would love to see you in it!”

“Oh, please, the guys have teased me all day already.” Bernie whined, before realising what she had just said.

“What?”

“We had a chat this morning when she came for the car.”

“And?”

“I had made coffee.”

“Ouch, did she survive it?”

“Well, she didn’t wince, so I guess she didn’t mind.”

“A woman who doesn’t wince when tasting your coffee, definitely a keeper!” Alex replied.

“Oh, shut up!”

“What does she do, by the way, do you know?” Alex asked, curious.

“She’s a surgeon.” Bernie said, remembering the plaster conversation. She heard Alex laugh at the other end.

“Bernie.” She started, trying to talk in between fits. “Bernie, she’s a surgeon.” She finished, still laughing.

“And?” Bernie asked, a bit lost.

“Do you know what’s really interesting about surgeons?” Alex asked. Bernie didn’t reply and she carried on. “Fingers.”

“Alex, no!” Bernie replied, shaking her head. “Well, thank you for that, I won’t be able to get it out of my head now.” She groaned.

“You’re welcome!” Alex grinned.

“You’re worse than the guys.” Bernie sighed.

“Thank you!” Alex replied.

“That was not a compliment!” Bernie laughed.

“Alright, I’ll leave you to your pining, but I demand regular updates!” Alex ordered.

“Well, there’s only so much progress I can make in the house in the state it’s in during the week…” Bernie explained.

“I didn’t mean the house!” Alex grinned. “Take care…” There was something in the way she said the words that made Bernie roll her eyes.

“You too, say hi to the kids for me, but keep them away for at least a couple more days yes?”

“If you’re good!” Alex teased.

“Alex…” Bernie chided her, nicely because she knew her friend meant well. They had know one another so long they had lost track. The whole bridesmaid and godmother business had seemed like a terrible idea at the time, but Bernie knew how much it meant to Alex, and it didn’t turn up as bad as she had feared, other than the dress. The dress had been much worse than she had anticipated. She shuddered at the thought as she hung up. Alex had promised not to complain if Bernie forced her into the worst possible dress at the own wedding, to which Bernie had replied that she was not a wedding person. Alex hadn’t been too convinced, but the more time passed, the more convinced Bernie was. The only aisles down which she walked were those at the supermarket, and gladly they did not call for frilly pink dresses.

 

  
Serena came home much later than the end of her shift. A massive car accident had taken over the ward and it had taken hours for things to calm down to a manageable level. Jason had already eaten and was in front of the tv, watching a rerun of Countdown. She smiled wearily and went to sit in the armchair next to the couch. Jason paused the program.

“Is the car fixed?” He asked. Serena repressed the urge to point out she had not walked home, and nodded instead.

“Is the new shop good?” He asked. Serena nodded, before a smile slowly crept up her lips.

“What is it?” Jason asked, puzzled.

“Our new neighbour, Bernie, works there. She’s a mechanic.” Serena explained.

“You like her.” Jason pointed out.

“She’s nice.” Serena replied.

“You find her attractive.” Jason pointed out again. Serena stared at him in surprise. “I saw the way you look at her, and I have reasons to believe you find her attractive. You…” Serena interrupted him before he could analyse any further.

“She’s beautiful, Jason, that’s all.” She said, emphasising the word beautiful.

“But you still find her attractive.” Jason said. “There is nothing wrong with finding another woman attractive.” Jason added. Serena was pretty sure she was blushing. She was also fairly certain this conversation was not supposed to happen this way round.

“I know that, Jason.” She assured him nicely. He frowned.

“I don’t understand.” He said. Serena was tempted to reply that she didn’t either, but she knew it wouldn’t help matters.

“Not everything can be understood.” Serena opted to say.

“Everything can be understood with the right explanations.” Jason countered.

“Well, I don’t have the right explanation for this, and I haven’t had dinner yet, so I’ll leave you to watch tv, alright?” Serena got up, blinking a few times. She really needed some sleep. And possibly a glass of Shiraz after that conversation.

By the time she went to sleep the light opposite was off, and it made her feel a little sad. It didn’t make sense, the house had been uninhabited for so long, and now in just two days… She sighed. She wasn’t sure how helpful the house would be against her nightmares now. It used to embody them, but now… now it was starting to come alive again, and Serena didn’t want to hope her nightmares would fade from the sheer pressure of there being life opposite the window. Now, if she could get the chance to help with the garden, she would be able to see some of it from her room. That was a comforting thought, freeing the apple tree from the tall grass and weeds surrounding it would be a good start, something to look forward to.


	3. The yogurt effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little longer than planned. I wasn't sure where to start at first, then I made neat little lists and I can now say I have the basis for at least half a dozen chapters after this one!
> 
> You have MatildaSwan to blame for the existence of the balcony.
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and kind words!

Bernie was awoken much earlier than she had planned. She had never particularly been a morning person. She woke up when her alarm sounded, or when someone woke her up as had been the case during emergencies in the army. As long as that pattern wasn’t disturbed, she was fully functional by the first half of her first coffee. Having timid daylight pierce through the room via the curtain-less window was not, however, her idea of a clean wake up. She groaned and turned away from the window, wrapping the duvet over her head so it would shield her from the light. It was too late now, but if she could just get five more minutes…

She took a look at her phone and realised her alarm was set for an hour later. She sighed, stretched, and tentatively got up. She winced as she realised the bruises collected the previous day were making themselves known.

She had a look at her breakfast options. Coffee, her colleagues liked to repeat, was not breakfast. In a way she agreed. Coffee was so much more than breakfast, more important, and its own ritual. There was toast on offer. Yogurt. Broccoli. Steak. There was a bakery not too far but she wasn’t sure it was open that early, and she didn’t feel like getting in proper clothes just yet. She went for yogurt while the coffee started trickling down.

She opened the window, took a quick sniff of the outside air, and decided it was well worth enduring the cold moistness permeating the morning air. She looked down at the garden and saw it covered in dew drops, making it shine like some elaborate jewel. She knew it was far from that, but the sight was impressive. Her eyes danced along the hedge and she noticed something odd. Not too far from the garden, there seemed to be a bit of a dip in the shape of the hedge. She made a mental note to check it out later.

Dipping her spoon in the yogurt, her eyes drifted to the neighbour’s windows. There was no signs of life, too early still. She felt the yogurt she had piled on the spoon wobble, most of it landing in her mouth, the rest on her chin and down the front of her tee-shirt. She wiped her chin and rolled up her t-shirt until she could get a clear look at the upcoming stain, revealing the shorts she wore underneath it. She sighed. It would be easy enough to remove. Not worth going back inside straight away.

She paid more attention to the rest of her breakfast, enjoying the freedom of breathing in clean air, something she hadn’t realised she had missed. Maybe this house had more to offer than she had thought after all.

 

Serena had slept badly, her discussion with Jason the previous night still going through her head. Yes, she found Bernie beautiful. Did she find her attractive? She had never been attracted to a woman before, she was fairly certain she would have noticed. Her brain unhelpfully provided her with a long list of women she had found more than beautiful over the years. She liked to flirt with people regardless of gender, so what? And what was it with Bernie that made her feel so… different?

Her thought process was interrupted by the apparition of the subject of her musings. Serena had been looking at the garden, particularly beautiful this morning, but she found herself distracted by the apparition of Bernie on the balcony. She seemed to wear nothing with an oversized t-shirt, her hair appeared to have a mind of its own, in an adorable way, and she was eating… yogurt. Now that was… Serena chose not to put a word on it just yet.

She saw Bernie’s eyes going over the side of her house and wondered whether she could see her. She couldn’t, Serena knew, of course she couldn’t. The blinds were half drawn, no light in the room but what little morning light was already coming through.

And then… then Bernie’s hand seemed to have slipped. Serena had followed the stray spoonful of yogurt, down her chin, onto her t-shirt. As if it hadn’t been enough to make Serena overly aware of her own mental, and physical, reactions to it, she saw Bernie wipe her chin, and her attempt to take a closer look at the stain unveiled what little expanse of legs hadn’t already been on display, and a rather tight pair of shorts that left very little to the imagination. Not that Serena had been imagining it. Over and over.

She was almost relieved when Bernie let the shirt fall back down, while at the same time disappointed. She knew she shouldn’t have been looking, and most certainly not enjoying it, but the woman seemed to hypnotise her. She watched as she got back inside, her breath hitching when she saw that the back of the shirt had gotten caught on her waistband, revealing the back of the shorts, and another peek of those impossible legs. Serena bit her lip. It seemed that prolonged celibacy was doing a number on her brain. Secretly ogling a woman was extreme, even for her.

 

  
As Bernie got back inside she decided to get ready, however early she was, and take a look at the content of the house. She would start with the gardening tools, which were probably in the basement, she supposed. She hadn’t seen a gardening shed, and suspected that, if there was one, she would need gardening tools to reach it in the first place. She whistled a tune she had heard on the radio the previous day while in the shower. Dusty Springfield, she thought. Having gotten dressed, she gave up on taming her hair, started on her second cup of coffee and brought it down with her.

The basement was a mess, even more so than the rest of the house. They had gone in to check for any damage on Sunday and there seemed to be nothing specific, other than a few cadavers of rodents and insects that had almost mummified over time and, luckily, no longer smelled. She stood in the centre of the room and started a mental inventory of what she could see.

It was not as messy as it appeared. Part of the room was dedicated to mechanical tools, another to gardening, a third to general house maintenance. A large area on one side seemed to be a repository of things that didn’t fit any of the other categories. A cursory glance told her that quite a few things could be salvaged in the mechanic tools, little in the house maintenance area, and the gardening section she had no idea about. Nothing looked too rusty, but her neighbour had been right about needing more than a pair of small garden shears.

She noticed a tarp on the side, inspected it more closely and, once she was happy it had neither holes nor suspicious substances covering it, laid it in the middle of the room, putting all the gardening tools on it, trying to make sense of it. She would have to find some oil, some of those were badly seized, others were dull, and the watering can had several holes in it in places it really shouldn’t. Rakes, spades, and their cousins, while covered in age old cobwebs, looked in decent shape. The wheelbarrow’s wheel was off its axis though, so she’d have to see about fixing that.

Happy with her discoveries she closed the door and went to take a look around, heading for the anomaly she had noticed from her window. It was barely visible from this angle, but there was clearly something there. Possibly just the remainder of an old fence. She had forgotten to ask Serena whether there was a fence somewhere in there, or whether the hedge itself was the fence. Given how thick her side of the hedge was, she couldn’t see anything through there, not that she expected to see through any of it once cut. That was part of the role of a hedge, after all.

Bernie looked toward the garden. She wondered what they would find in there. She frowned. They. Of course, Serena had offered to help, but… Bernie realised she was very happy with the thought of doing this with Serena. What was it with this woman? Her sex life may have been inexistent, it wouldn’t be the first dry spell to give the Sahara a run for its money. She would have to have reached rock bottom to be that unable to get her, straight, neighbour out of her head. She knew Alex was wrong. Well, Alex was often right, but in this instance Bernie was sure she wasn’t. Serena was as straight as it got. She just happened to be smart and nice to look at. Bernie shook her head, she really needed to get a life!

She looked up at the apple tree Serena had mentioned, wondering whether it actually had apples sometimes. She would have to ask Serena. She would probably have noticed the previous years! Would the apples be edible? She’d like that. She could give some to Serena to thank her for helping. Bernie shook her head again. No more daydreaming for her. Time to get to work. Hopefully some motor oil and elbow grease would be enough to clear her head of all things surgeon-related.

 

  
Ric had noticed throughout the day that Serena seemed a bit… off. He had invited her to Albie’s hoping to both help take her mind off whatever was bothering her, and get some information out of her. From the way she had looked at him she knew exactly what he had in mind, but she had agreed anyway. He had smiled knowingly. She needed to talk more than keeping it off the rumour mill. That was good. The Shiraz was on him, and he had a feeling it would be worth it. If anything, it’d be some teasing material, and it could bring some fun to otherwise long and tedious shifts.

“So, Serena, what is on your mind?” He asked, leaning against the counter to get a clearer look at her face. She didn’t reply. “Or is it a who?” He nodded appreciatively. That was getting good already. He noticed her jaw tense a bit, and a small smile tug at her lip.

“It’s nothing, really, just…” She started, seemingly unable to phrase her thoughts.

“It’s never nothing, Serena. Not with you.” Ric pointed out. ‘Not if you confide in me anyway.’ He added to himself.

“I think I need to get out more.” She groaned. “I have a new neighbour, whom I can’t get out of my head.” Serena voluntarily left the pronoun out, knowing Ric would assume she was talking about a man, and unwilling to correct him on that.

“Oh, tell me more!” He was grinning now and Serena shot him a dark look.

“Bernie, my age, mechanic. That’s about all I’m willing to say.” She muttered. Ric chuckled.

“Bernie, eh? And a mechanic! God Serena I didn’t think that would be your type!” Ric exclaimed.

“That’s not my ‘type’, Ric, although mechanics are perfectly decent people I’ll have you know.” Serena took a sip of her wine, wondering what she had gotten herself into.

“Defencive already, oh my.” Ric was enjoying himself immensely and Serena was already regretting having accepted his invitation.

“It’s just… being stuck in the hospital, we don’t get to meet new people that often.” She said. “So I suppose having new people around…” She let the sentence hang in the air.

“Single?” Ric asked. Serena winced in recollection of Jason’s question.

“Yes.” She conceded.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Ric asked jokingly.

Serena turned toward him with an odd look on her face. She realised that his suggestion wouldn’t have been out of place had Bernie been a man. She could have tried to charm him, see where it got her. After the whole Robbie debacle it would have most likely been a terrible idea though, especially with someone she was doomed to see on a regular basis. But she already knew Bernie wasn’t put out by Jason, and she didn’t seem like the kind of person that would be difficult to live next to even with a failed attempt at a relationship.

“Earth to Serena, are you daydreaming yet?” Ric teased. Serena rolled her eyes.

“Ric… After Robbie…” she started, knowing Ric would understand, despite having debunked those ideas for herself just a second before. “And a neighbour!”

Ric nodded.

“Fair enough. Might still be worth a shot though? I mean a fling rather than a long term relationship.” He suggested, suddenly trying to be helpful. Serena pursed her lips. A ‘fling’ with Bernie Wolfe would probably be a terrible idea. In fact she knew it would. And she wasn’t even into women for heaven’s sake! Why was she even considering this?

“Don’t think so, Ric.”

“Then why can’t you get your ‘Bernie’ out of your head?” Ric teased. Serena glared at him.

“Like I said, I need to get out more.” She said. “And there’s no harm in looking.” She added, knowing full well that if Ric ever got word that Bernie was a woman she would never hear the end of it.

“Do you have a picture?” Ric asked. Serena realised that, eventually, he would be asking for one and she would be expected to have one. Luckily, she only had her picture burnt on the inside of her eyelids. Serena shook her head.

“Bernie moved in on Sunday. I don’t go around stalking my neighbours!” she exclaimed. Ric smirked.

“Any plans then?” He asked. Serena looked away too fast. “I knew it!” He said victoriously. Serena sighed.

“It’s the house next to mine, you know the one that’s been empty for years that looks a bit… off? I offered to help with the garden.” Serena explained, leaving a lot out, hoping Ric wouldn’t ‘accidentally’ find himself in the neighbourhood.

“Nothing says flirting with your new neighbour like putting your arse on display while weeding.” He laughed.

“Ric!” she quipped. He laughed some more. “I have no intention of flirting with Bernie!” She added.

“Serena, you flirt with everyone with a pulse, that’s what you do, that’s the way you function. If you were not to flirt with Bernie… that would be telling. Or are you afraid your mechanic would not flirt back? Or, worse, actually flirt back?” Ric teased. Serena had to admit he had a point. She wasn’t sure which option would be worse.

“It’s not that simple.” She said, again without thinking. Ric frowned. Serena knew that telling Ric that Bernie was a woman was a terrible idea, so she had to find something, fast. He saved her the trouble.

“What is it? Do you think… Oh, you think Bernie is gay!” Ric exclaimed. Serena winced. She actually thought Bernie was gay, which in itself made things even more difficult. If she wasn’t… well if she wasn’t she had odd ways of showing it! Although Bernie would probably say the same thing of her, at this stage.

“Something like that.” Serena said, non-committal.

“Well, that does complicate things. Any way you can verify that hypothesis?” Ric asked, suddenly more concerned about her. Serena realised that, if she played her cards right, Ric might not use that piece of information to tease her. That would be best. Until he actually met Bernie, that is, at which point things would get complicated, but they weren’t there yet.

“Well, anything short of kissing my neighbour…” She started. She had managed to avoid pronouns so far, and she had noticed Ric had too, although it might be because he didn’t approve of the name, or the profession.

“That might indeed not be a wise move. Keep me posted though!” he smile encouragingly and lifted his glass. “In the hope that your mechanic will agree to fix you.” He said smugly. Serena blushed, which Ric noticed with interest. That thought had gone through her head before, he thought to himself, that was promising.

 

It was still reasonably early when Serena got home. She noticed the light was on on the ground floor of the neighbouring house and decided to take advantage of that to deliver the gardening equipment. She put her bag in her living room, letting Jason know she was home, before going to knock. No need to bring it along if she wasn’t there or not ready for it.

She knocked, half expecting not to get an answer. Bernie answered the door quickly, a screwdriver in one hand, a yogurt in the other. Serena’s eyes focused on the yogurt, having caught herself from mentioning the yogurt incident she had witnessed that morning.

“Yes?” Bernie said, amused. She wasn’t wearing overalls, this time, her clothes fit her well, and it was almost worst.

“Sorry, I thought you might want the… , for the hedge?” Serena managed to look up from the yogurt to Bernie’s face without stopping at the open collar that revealed more flesh than she was capable of handling at the moment. She was reduced to non verbal communication, any advanced vocabulary locked behind a spoon-shaped door at the back of her mind.

“Sure! There was no hurry though, I don’t want to bother you!” Bernie said, gently waving her arms, stabbing the air with the screwdriver. She looked at her hand and put the screwdriver down on the stand next to the door, unsure whether to resume eating the yogurt. Serena seemed distracted. Bernie put the yogurt next to the screwdriver and made a mental note to go back to it later.

Serena led the way. Her gardening shed was in top shape, incredibly well organised and taken care of. Bernie had had a glimpse of the garden and had stood there for a minute, Serena noticing the look of awe on her face.

“Are you this good at everything you do?” Bernie had said before she could think better of it. Serena had blushed somewhat, or so Bernie thought.

“In a job like mine, having a passion outside that passion helps keep you sane.” Serena replied. Bernie had simply nodded and smiled.

Bernie realised that the best place to store the equipment for the time being was the basement, which was still in a terrible state. Serena would probably not approve. Bernie realised she might offer to help, which would both be a very good thing and a terrible idea.

They carried everything over and, as expected, Serena was horrified by the state of the basement.

“Nothing some sweeping can’t fix.” Bernie waved her concern away. Serena turned towards her, still in shock, then back to the room.

“Is the rest of the house like that?” She asked.

“Pretty much.” Bernie replied. “Not as many cobwebs though.” She added. “Most pieces of furniture had covers over them. Quite a few moths have had a field day, but that’s about it. Everything is still filled with whatever there was when the last owner left the house, though. I’m not sure I want to taste those tin cans!” She said playfully, making Serena laugh.

“Better not. Who knows what you’ll find.”

“I’m not expecting anything exciting, but you never know!” Bernie replied, closing the door behind her as they walked out. They walked side by side to the gate, neither of them really wanting to leave.

“It was nice seeing you again.” Serena said before she could catch herself. She had seen her the previous day! And, technically, that very morning. And had spent the entire day thinking about her.

“Likewise.” Bernie replied with a disarming smile. Serena turned around and waved, knowing that staying any longer wouldn’t be a good idea at this stage. Jason would probably say something already.

Once she had left, Bernie realised she had forgotten to ask about a fence, or the anomaly in the hedge. Maybe once it’d be cleared up…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! There should be more to read soon!


	4. Taking the hedge off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly longer than the others, because Reasons.
> 
> What's with the hedge? You ask. Well, here's your answer! Also Serena has a chat with someone sensible.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, and left a few references to canon here and there!
> 
> Thank you for your comments!!

It had taken Bernie a long time to find sleep that night. “It was nice seeing you again.” Serena’s words had been going round and round in her head. She liked how comfortable it had been, how easy Serena was to be around, how her eyes twinkled, the shock on her face… Bernie realised that she liked more and more of Serena, for every detail she discovered there was a new bullet point on her ‘I actually quite like Serena’ checklist, and it was starting to worry her.

As much as she would have wanted to talk about it, she knew Alex would never get off her case if she called her, so she had just spent part of the late evening staring at the ceiling until the light in the windows opposite hers had gone out. She had been tempted to go out there for a smoke, try and figure out if one of those windows would reveal some of Serena’s home life, but she knew it would be a bad idea, one of many that had plagued her all day.

Having had the time to do some grocery shopping after work, she actually had more on offer for breakfast the next day. She had reached the end of her stock of yogurt and wasn’t too keen on leftover broccoli with coffee. She finally fell asleep with a smile on her lips, remembering the look on Serena’s face when she had seen her pick up the hedge cutter. She had seen that look before, but she still refused to agree with Alex’ beliefs about her ‘curse’. Serena’s appreciative glance had had less to do with her checking her out and more with her being a doctor. That had to be it.

 

  
Serena came home to Jason’s judgemental stare.

“You have gone to see the neighbour.” He stated. “I can tell, you’re smiling very brightly.” He said.

Serena felt like a schoolgirl being chided by a parent, foolish and a little giddy, before remembering Jason was her nephew and she was the one supposed to do the parenting, to some extent anyway.

“I just thought I would give her the equipment, for the hedge.” She explained, not entirely sure why she was justifying herself.

“When will she be using it?” Jason asked. Serena was happy for the, relative, change of subject.

“We didn’t discuss it, Jason, but I am sure she will respect the noise regulations this time.” Serena pointed out. Why did she find herself hoping she wouldn’t just to get the chance to talk to her again?

“I wonder if she will notice.” Jason said, somewhat enigmatically.

“Notice what, Jason?” Serena asked, hoping Jason didn’t mean her behaviour was obvious.

“The irregularity of the hedge.” Jason said, heading for the kitchen, leaving Serena with more questions than she already had, one of them being whether Bernie would wear overalls, and whether the muscles of her arms would be as apparent as when she had picked up the hedge cutter earlier. She was strong, there was no denying that, and it made Serena’s heart do a little somersault that made her suspect that Bernie’s coffee wasn’t the only thing likely to land someone on a gurney to Darwin.

It brought her back to her conversation with Ric. She had said too much, but there was no backpedaling now. She sighed, wondering whether she shouldn’t have considered talking to Raf instead. That would definitely be more sensible, and he would at least have tried to help. She could always try the next day, if their shifts lined up properly, which they did if she remembered correctly.

Dinner was spent chatting with Jason about surgical procedures, a welcome diversion to her mechanic-filled thoughts.

In the end it was Bernie’s smile she drifted to sleep to, choosing the ignore the whole yogurt business, for her own sake and to make sure she could look Bernie in the eye the next time they met.

 

Serena woke up to a text from Hanssen. Did the man ever sleep? Sometimes she pictured him in some sort of futuristic pod that projected a new impeccable suit every time he left it. The things she did to stay awake during long meetings… His text was the promise of more paperwork than she could fit in her day, guaranteeing overtime and the postponing of her conversation with Raf. Still, if she talked to him they might be able to arrange something later that week. Between Ric’s inquisitiveness and Jason’s blunt remarks, she would need an understanding friend.

Serena got ready earlier than usual and forced herself not to peer out onto her neighbour’s balcony. Any kind of fantasising would hinder her chances of making it home for dinner, and she wanted to stick to it for Jason’s sake, even if it meant working afterwards as well.

 

  
Thanks to an overcast sky Bernie didn’t wake up quite as early as the previous day, deciding to stick to coffee and take it inside. Using a cold as an excuse to go visit her new favourite doctor was ridiculous, even for her. Bernie had to actively kick any thoughts of playing doctor to the back of her mind as she got in the shower. She looked forward to work, which had helped keeping her distracted the previous day. One of the boys had a birthday, and they had quite a few pranks lined up, as well as an evening at the pub planned. A good day ahead of her, full of nothing but grease, grisly jokes and, she hoped, decent beer.

  
Serena’s day went by extremely quickly and at the same time incredibly slowly, like most days spent working on paperwork. She had managed to take Raf aside, and reassure him that the matter was hardly life threatening. He had seemed troubled himself, so she would have to dig into that as well. They could get themselves a quiet break in the next couple days.

She had found herself barely thinking of Bernie, mostly because she had three urgent things to think about at once all day, and not enough coffee to add a fourth. Not that Bernie was urgent, of course, she was just… Serena had given up on finding the right word to define her, and had not yet questioned why.

Jason had, gladly, not mentioned anything once she got home, aside from pointing out that working from home was possibly a breach of the hospital code of conduct. She had pointed out that she was not performing surgery and he had rolled his eyes, choosing not to reply and focus on his documentary instead, leaving her to muse over the last semester productivity statistics while a voice droned on about the jungle in the background. There had been no light next door when she had got home, and there still wasn’t any when she went to sleep. She wasn’t sure whether to be worried, disappointed, or relieved.

 

Having worked on various pranks all day between two cranks, Bernie had managed to keep her daydreaming to a minimum, the surgeon only popping up in her mind whenever she drank coffee, which was still way too often for her liking.

She ended up drawing the short straw and being one of the designated drivers for their little outing, she would have to steer clear of the ale, which she realised was probably for the best. She had a, real, doctor’s appointment early the next morning, something to do with a checkup for the garage insurance. She had been given the whole morning off and had every intention of taking advantage of that to start on the hedge.

Having mentioned it to her workmates she soon realised she shouldn’t have as they all suddenly remembered that neighbour of hers on whom she had had an eye. She made a point of ignoring them before giving in and assuring them that she did not have an eye on her neighbour, at which point one particularly inebriated colleague said she had both eyes on her instead. The beer helped the laughter along, and Bernie found herself stranded in the middle of their teasing. She liked them, they were great guys to work with, but they really needed to get a life, and so did she!

 

Waking up in the morning turned out to be more difficult than she had imagined. They had stayed up much later than they had meant to, it was the middle of the week after all, and although she had had nothing to drink, the noise and lack of proper sleep made her head throb. She groaned, about to reach for some tablets before remembering she was supposed to go on an empty stomach. She got up quickly, got ready still half awake, missing her sacrosanct coffee. She was still grumpy when she got in her car and reversed out of the driveway. She would have to find something to eat before she got back, or that hedge would be a massacre by the time she’d be done with it!

 

  
Serena had been looking at the garden, not quite as awake as she normally was but having pushed herself to get up anyway, pretending to herself that the garden was the only interesting thing to look out for. No luck for her that morning, she only caught sight of her neighbour as she got into her car just as Serena had realised she had left her scarf at the foot of her bed. Her hair seemed wilder than usual, and she wondered what combing her fingers through it would feel like. She shook herself out of her trance and headed for her own car. If she was lucky there wouldn’t be more paperwork waiting on her desk.

 

  
The doctor’s practice had luckily been next door to what turned out to be a really nice coffee shop. She muttered something about a time when coffee was just coffee, and ordered the strongest they had, as well as a croissant. She took a few minutes to enjoy them before heading back to her car. A clean bill of health and a decent breakfast all before 8.30, it hadn’t turned out too bad after all. She went into the house to change and opened the door to the basement, hoping it might have somehow cleaned itself overnight. It hadn’t. She decided to dispose of the dead rodents and cobwebs before she started on the hedge. She left the door open, hoping some fresh air would dissipate the dusty smell.

She hesitated, unsure which end to start with. She decided she would start where the hedge met the front gate, that way if she didn’t get through everything, and she doubted she would, Serena would at least be able to tell she had been working on it. Why was she so eager to please her? Well, it was her equipment, but still. The stepladder she had lent her was very sturdy, and taller than the one she had borrowed the previous Sunday. The hedge cutter was heavier than she had imagined, but she had a feeling it would do wonders, and there were wonders to be done!

She put some tarp over the gravel, and realised she had no idea where she could put whatever fell, and she knew it would be quite a large volume. She had a look around the house and spotted a corner that had neither plants nor actual gravel and decided it would do for now. She would have to ask Serena if it could be any good in the garden, she would know.

She wasn’t sure how deep she should cut and decided to start with a reasonable chunk and do the rest later if there was any more to cut. Serena’s side was cut extremely neatly, and Bernie knew she would never achieve that level of precision. Leaving some extra would hopefully help correct that further down the line. The cutting itself, it turned out, was relatively quick and rather satisfying. Disposing of what fell was slightly trickier and Bernie realised that it might be time for her to start exercising a little more, or maybe just not wait as long to move the tarps.

Bernie soon found herself next to the section she had noticed two days earlier. She cut through it more carefully than she had the rest of the hedge, feeling like something was wrong yet unable to figure out what it was. She realised she had dipped further inside than she had meant and rolled her eyes. That would be hard to fix!

She got off the step ladder and crouched down. It looked as if a tree was missing. Maybe it had been cut at some point, but then there would have been a hole in the hedge, and there didn’t seem to be. She noticed the floor was uneven, there seemed to be some sort of crease, just a hint of it, as if there had been a repeated movement there. She frowned, got back up, close to the hedge so her nose was almost brushing the newly cut section and extended her arms forward. The branches came from each side but not straight ahead. There was indeed no tree there, where there should have been one.

She pushed against the foliage and took half a step forward, finding herself half buried in the hedge, feeling a little bit silly, grateful that she had no spectators. She caught a glimpse of something and frowned, stepping further in, feeling like she had stepped inside a magical wardrobe of some kind. The hedge was thick and she obscured most of the outside light, but she could now grasp at what was very clearly some sort of metal fence.

It didn’t make sense. There was only one row of trees, as far as she was aware. Why would there be a fence in there? And why leave a gap in the trees? Then it hit her. It wasn’t a fence. It was a door. It would explain the notch she had noticed earlier.

The door opened in her direction. She tried to find the handle, still fighting with the branches that had long since taken over the free space. It was some sort of latch, which had probably seized over time. What did she expect anyway? The other side was Serena’s hedge, and she was fairly sure Serena would have told her if she had known about it.

She stood there for a while, trying to digest the information before realising she was still standing in the middle of her hedge and, from the noise coming from her stomach, it was nearly lunchtime. Stepping out, she realised she was covered in a mix of cobwebs and other questionable substances and decided to hit the shower before the fridge. As soon as she was out of it, she tore a piece of paper from the nearby stack she had been using as memos and scribbled a note for Serena on it, putting it next to her car keys so she wouldn’t forget to slip it in her mailbox. Out of all the things she could have imagined, that had not made the list!

 

 

Due to some unexpected miracle, Serena had managed to spend as much time in theatre as she had doing paperwork. She had run into Ric during her quick, and overdue, coffee break, and he had made a poor attempt at asking her for a garage recommendation because a friend’s car had broken down. It had been such an obvious ploy that, instead of smiling, she had just stared at him until he had given up, throwing his hand in the air, mumbling something about it being worth a try.

He would try again, Serena knew, and there were only so many garages she would logically go to, but she didn’t think he would be this desperate. Would he drive through her neighbourhood though? Oh that he would, and she hoped Bernie wouldn’t be out. She hoped her car would be, Ric would be puzzled by that. Why exactly did she care what Ric thought again?

 

She had a chat with Raf over coffee on the roof, after a particularly long surgery. They had let Fletch know where they were going and had claimed the, gladly empty, roof for themselves.

“So, what’s on your mind?” Raf asked, a kind smile and tired look on his face. Serena sighed. “That bad?” He laughed, making her smile.

“I have a new neighbour. Moved in Sunday.” She started. Raf nodded attentively. “Whom I can’t stop thinking about.” Serena finished, frustration evident in her voice.

“Ah.” Raf exclaimed. “I see.” He added. He did not see at all. “What is that mysterious stranger like?” He asked encouragingly. Serena looked at him, looked away, and focused on her coffee. The heat was radiating from the cup into her hands, a welcome source of warmth in the cold air. Serena mumbled something. Raf frowned.

“What was that?”

“It’s just…. Forget it.” She said. For some reasons she didn’t feel comfortable telling him either, even though he was the only option.

“Serena, you’ve practically begged to see me, and now you just want to drop the subject?” He asked. He wasn’t mad, he sounded rather amused in fact.

“You don’t understand.” She said, still looking at her coffee.

“Well, no, you haven’t given me anything to go on.” He replied, not pushing her, knowing she would come round to telling him eventually. He just hoped they wouldn’t be called down before that.

“Bernie is a mechanic.” Serena said, thinking it would be a good starting point. She looked at Raf and saw that one of his eyebrows had been climbing his forehead, reaching unexplored heights.

“And? I mean there’s nothing wrong with mechanics. They’re just the car equivalent of surgeons.” He pointed out. Serena had to admit he had a point.

“It’s not a crush though, and it’s not attraction, it’s just…” She continued. She could see Raf’s brain work through the succession of facial expressions.

“So you don’t have a crush and are not attracted to your neighbour called Bernie.” He summed up. Serena nodded. “For whom you haven’t used any pronoun yet.” Raf pointed out. He could tell when people were avoiding pronouns, he had been doing it long enough himself. He saw Serena simultaneously blush and roll her eyes.

“Like I said, it’s nothing…” Her sentence hung in the cold air. Raf looked at her.

“Listen, I know this is the pot calling the kettle black here, but what happened to ‘needing to see past gender sometimes’?” Raf laughed. He remembered that conversation really well. He had had too much wine, she had had quite a lot too, Fletch was working, the kids were taken care of, and he had spilt the beans about his feelings for his best friend and flat mate.

“It’s not like that.” Serena defended herself weakly, still blushing.

“Then why did you want to talk to me this urgently? Because if you expect me to convince you there’s no way you’d ever be attracted to a woman, you came to the wrong person, Serena.” He said, smiling. She looked up, squinting suspiciously.

“And by that you mean…” Her voice was almost dangerous but Raf knew her better than that.

“By that I mean that you are extremely good at flirting and making people at ease and you are comfortable doing that with both genders and that’s just how you roll.” He stated. “Also I’m pretty sure half of the hospital already thinks you’re bisexual.” He added as an afterthought. He could see the disbelief on her face.

“I… I’m not, Raf.” She assured him. She was fairly sure she would have figured it out before hitting the half century milestone.

“I’m not saying you are, Serena.” Raf corrected her. “I’m just saying that being unable to get your female neighbour out of your head while being sure it’s neither a crush nor attraction might be your brain giving you a hint.” He finished.

“A hint of what.” She answered deadpan.

“What is she like?” Raf avoided the question, not entirely sure how to reply.

“My age, ridiculously messy blond hair, looks bloody good in overalls, incredibly long legs…” Serena started. Raf grinned. “What?”

“When I asked you that question, I expected funny, or clever, but all you did is comment on how she looked.” He pointed out. “Have you talked to her?” He asked, trying to dodge whatever bullet Serena was about to send his way.

“Yes. She is nice. Very nice. Makes the strongest coffee I’ve ever tasted. Charming.” Serena tried to piece together what Bernie made her feel, a dangerous activity, she found. Raf’s gentle smile grew at every word.

“Serena, whatever this is, give yourself a chance? And remember the advice you gave me.” He said.

“Raf… No.” Serena started. He was the third person to tell her to go for it. Well, no, Jason had just pointed out what he believed to be the truth.Also she did find Bernie attractive, she just wasn’t attracted to her. Ric hadn’t known Bernie was a woman, so it didn’t count, and given his track record with women she wouldn’t take his advice anyway. Raf though… Raf knew her, and wasn’t judging or teasing. But she didn’t feel that way. So what exactly was bothering her?

“I don’t feel attracted to her.” She started. Raf stared at her.

“You noticed how attractive she is quite a lot for someone who isn’t attracted to her.” He pointed out, rather unhelpfully.

“Well, you would too if you woke up to your neighbour in an oversized t-shirt and tight short on the balcony opposite.”

“Oh, did she know you were there?” Raf asked. Serena just shook her head, unsure whether to feel guilty or relieved.

“So you ogled your neighbour at some ungodly hour unnoticed and think this is totally normal neighbourly behaviour?” He laughed. She had to admit that putting it like that made things a little less simple.

“I was barely awake.” She pointed out.

“So what you’re saying is that you’re less straight before your first coffee?” He teased her. She swatted his arm playfully.

“Ok, a few questions for you then.” He sighed. “If you had the chance to kiss her with no consequences, would you?” He asked, not sure why he was asking that, before thinking how revealing that had been. He would definitely take that chance. He could see Serena think. She replied with a non-committal noise, but he could tell her brain was slowly wrapping itself around the idea.

“Okay, next question: if she kissed you, what would you do?” He asked. She answered straight away this time.

“Freeze and stop her.” She replied. She and Raf exchanged a look.

“You wouldn’t, would you?” He asked, rhetorically. She laughed.

“I probably wouldn’t.” She admitted. He shrugged the answer away, smiling softly.

“Okay, if she gave you the opportunity to do something together?” He asked. Serena looked away and he rolled his eyes.

“I already offered to help with the garden, and possibly the inside, and she seemed interested.” Serena replied.

“Serena, I think your subconscious is trying to send you a message.” He said. She glared at him.

“Actually, I forgot to ask, but is she actually single?” He asked. Serena nodded. “Any clue as per her sexual orientation?” He asked straight out. Serena shrugged.

“I have reasons to believe she might be gay.” She said somewhat hesitantly. She could remember walking away from the house the first time.

“As in…” Raf pushed.

“As in the first time we met was when she had a bunch of coworkers helping her set up the house and I heard one of them make a comment about me, and I was about to turn around, and I’m pretty sure…” She said, not daring to finish her sentence.

“Pretty sure?” Raf encouraged her, curious.

“It was her who told him to shut up, but she sounded embarrassed?” She finished her sentence, unsure what her analysis of the situation revealed. She hadn’t really thought about it that much.

“You’re telling me that your neighbour has had her eye on you from the start?” Raf stared at her in disbelief.

“I said no such thing.” She replied sternly, a smile slowly blooming on her lips.

“Serena, you are a lost cause.” Raf sighed.

“Pot, kettle, black, darling.” She replied. “We better get back on the ward before Fletch comes fetch us. Who knows what he might overhear.” Serena says, winking at Raf who blushed. They were in it together now.

 

Serena felt better by the time she got home. Jason was with Alan that evening, and she knew he wouldn’t have checked the mail. She took in the pile of ads, two bills, and what looked like a weird note. Setting everything down on the kitchen table, she took a closer look at it.

“Need to talk, Saturday -Bernie.” The note was small, the handwriting large and bold, on a torn piece of blue paper. She turned it over to discover a partial doodle of a car. Was that significant, or had there been only that on hand. She frowned, somehow tempted to go knock next door straight away, but she could keep away for two more days, surely? She sighed and fished her phone out of her bag. She took a picture of the note and sent it to Raf.

“Just got this in the mail. What do you think this means?”

The answer was almost instant.

“It means you’ll look forward to Saturday all day tomorrow.” She rolled her eyes and decided to drop it, sticking the note on the fridge so Jason could see it the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Coming up next: the balcony gets some more use and Bernie has visitors.


	5. Diving in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little longer than planned (sorry about this), but it’s also almost twice as long as planned (I’m not really sorry about this!), and I haven’t even included everything I meant to write, hence the slightly mean cliffhanger (not sorry about this either!).  
> (I still can't believe this chapter is 6K long. This is definitely the longest chapter I've ever posted, and AO3 is not my first dip in the fanfiction world!)
> 
> Quite a few details just ‘happened’, so I’m rolling with it! Serena went a bit… wild, but things are going to soften up for a bit after this! For now…
> 
> Thanks for your comments, they really help!

Bernie had gone to sleep thinking about the mystery door and dreamt of the door opening, revealing a landfill once she had passed the last branches. She woke up in the middle of the night. Her brain was trying to tell her something, probably something about not stacking false hopes next door.

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep right away she got up and went to take a look through the first floor. She had made the ground floor her own, or at least started using it. The kitchen was more spacious than she knew what to do with. The smaller bathroom was the only one with running water for the time being. She hadn’t touched the office or its library, only removing the covers and running her fingers along the book spines. The living room was also a dining room, with one large table on one side, enough for a good dozen people, Bernie suspected.

In front of the large double windows, she had discovered a grand piano. She had known what it was before she had even removed the cover but her breath had caught in her throat as she unveiled it. It looked in perfect condition, but she knew enough about musical instruments to suspect that the insides were most likely the worst for wear after decades without any attention. She had opened it, taking a quick look inside, admiring the craftsmanship, noticing nothing out of the ordinary. She had been hesitant to sit down and touch it, afraid what sound might come out of it, afraid of disrupting the peace of the place. She had bit her lip, trying a quick scale.

It would need serious professional help, but there was hope. She would need to work on her fingering though, she hadn’t played in a very long time and the scale, once as natural as breathing, had demanded a real effort. Playing again had not been something she had considered before sitting there, facing the keys, and feeling the yearning for it, sending her back to her childhood and teenage years.

Overall, she still felt out of place, but she was getting used to the feel of the house, it was growing on her, and every discovery drew her in, like it was calling to her.

Upstairs, she hadn’t really ventured past the room she had claimed her own. There were three bedrooms, two with large beds and a children’s room. There was a large bathroom, not yet usable, and a room she didn’t really know how to describe.

She removed the covers off the two armchairs and the floor globe in the corner, wiped the dust off the edge of a bookshelf, and tiptoed to the roll-top desk when she heard the floorboards creaking. She could see the garden from the armchairs and flopped in one of them, surprised by how comfortable it still was. She made a note to sweep through as much of the house as possible. With Alex and the kids coming the next day…

She fell asleep on the armchair, peering into the darkness, the garden nothing more than a still jungle in the dead of night. She startled awake long before her alarm went off, the sun was only just starting to peer over the hedge into the garden. Bernie could see shapes and colours but had no idea what they were. She got up and stepped aside to avoid the small cabinet that stood behind the table between the two armchairs. She opened the door. ‘Spirits.’ She whispered. She’d have to take a look through that later.

Going back to her room, she grabbed her cigarettes from her makeshift nightstand and headed for the balcony, debating whether or not to wrap herself in something warm before deciding against it. She wasn’t quite ready for coffee just yet, fresh air would do the trick. Sweatpants and a singlet would guarantee an extra cold kick.

She stretched before lighting her cigarette, enjoying the first drag, thinking that the day was up to a good start. Both forearms on the railing she peered down at the hedge. It wasn’t as uneven as she had feared but she wouldn’t be winning any gardening competition any time soon. The thought brought her back to Serena. As she glanced upward to the window facing hers she thought she saw a shadow, but she knew surgeons had harrowing enough hours without being up at dawn for no good reason.

She could hear the first birds, the early risers, and wondered whether they’d agree to repopulate the garden once they gave it some semblance of order. She knew the garden would be a cooperation, and by that she meant Serena would try to pitch some gardening sense into Bernie. She might even enjoy it. She knew for a fact she would enjoy the company.

Bernie debated whether to indulge in a second cigarette. She lit it with care and exhaled in a sigh, wondering what Serena would think if she knew what Bernie was thinking.

 

 

  
Serena had had trouble sleeping and had gotten up to go to the bathroom and stretch her legs. She hadn’t turned the light on, knowing her house well enough, well aware that she was more likely to go back to sleep, even for a little while, if she wasn’t blinded by bright light. She had seen light opposite, rousing her curiosity. What she saw took her breath away.

Bernie was out on her balcony, stretching in a way that was almost painful to watch for Serena, who bit her lip and tried to tear her eyes off the singlet, or rather what it failed to cover. Serena had never met anyone who could make smoking look gracious, and yet here she was. When Bernie leaned on the railing Serena was fairly sure her legs would give way. She was glad that Bernie’s were fully covered.

Unable to take her eyes off Bernie, Serena was starting to think Raf had been right. She was considerably less heterosexual before her first coffee. If she were to consider the situation objectively, she would have to admit she was attracted to her neighbour. But any attempt at elaborate thinking had been thrown out the window when Bernie had looked up, allowing Serena to look, really look, at her face.

For a fleeting moment she thought maybe she could see her, maybe she was discovered. Serena was relieved when she saw her light another cigarette, thinking to herself that it bought her some time, drinking in the sight of Bernie as the sun slowly rose, painting warmer colours on her pale skin, making her hair look a little less like half the local bird population was nesting there. She couldn’t get enough of her, and she knew that for one person to get to her this quickly, without even trying…

She decided to wait, wait for Saturday, see how that went, try and read Bernie, and let her true self shine through, even if her true self was a schoolgirl with a crush at the moment. But that wasn’t right, was it, because it wasn’t a crush, and definitely not anywhere near as innocent as a schoolgirl’s. No, it was much, much worse than that, and she suddenly found herself not really caring about that.

She would, however, have to find something really boring to focus on if she wanted to get another half hour sleep in before work, or things would get out of hand. She sighed. That’s how far it had gotten, how far she had let it get, and while saying it out loud, even thinking about it, during the day, was impossible for her, it seemed Raf was most definitely right. Her first coffee was nowhere near, she had the mechanic under her skin and her whole body dancing under her eyelids in a way that made her squirm.

She tried to keep her body in check, but her mind was rebelling and she ended up getting up to take a shower, to hell with Jason’s routine. She got out of the shower with a clean body and questionably clean thoughts. Raf had been right about another thing: she would be thinking about Bernie all day. She just hoped he wouldn’t be able to tell what kind of thoughts were going through her head.

She couldn’t believe her brain had been overturned by a woman. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had looked at a man like that. It was most certainly not Robbie, and if it had happened with Edward it had long since been forgotten. Was it just the fact that she found herself single at 50 that made her grasp at the closest available person? Or was it more than that? There was chemistry between them, there was no denying that, but… And it wouldn’t work anyway, so why bother, right? Could she stick to her morning guilty pleasures, how long would she still be able to face Bernie? Serena sighed as she entered the ward, making Raf frown.

“Something wrong?” He asked, probably thinking back to their conversation the previous day.

“Balcony.” She said. “Again.” She admitted, somewhat blushing. Raf smiled brightly.

“Pre-coffee?” He teased. She showed him the cup in her hand. She had had one at home already but it hadn’t helped her brain flip the switch.

“You need to talk to her.” He pointed out.

“Right now I need more than talking.” She grumbled, revelling at the shock on his face. “What?” She bit back.

“Nothing, just… That escalated quickly!” He said, surprised.

“Tell me about it.” She replied, her voice even but a storm was brewing in her eyes.

“Anything I can do to help?” He offered.

“Drown me in paperwork and surgeries.” She said, looking at him with a hint of despair in her voice. He laughed.

“I’ll do my best.” He promised with a grin. “I’m glad you’ve seen reason.” He added. She glared at him. He scurried away before she could say anything about him seeing reason.

 

 

Bernie was surprised, and relieved, to see that her work colleagues had forgotten about her and her neighbour. All they talked about was the upcoming football match that same evening, and while she would normally have joined them, she declined, just this once, hoping to be able to make the house somewhat presentable for the next day.

She managed to stay focused, not to think about either Serena, or Alex’ visit. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to think about it too much. Was she really ready to face Alex? Banter over the phone had gone well enough, but Alex could read her better than anyone, and Bernie wasn’t sure what her face would betray, knowing there were ample things to betray.

She focused on the kids instead. She wondered whether she should let them loose in the garden but decided not to until they figured out what there was in there, she didn’t want them to get hurt. Once they were done they would no doubt revel in the possibility of running around freely. Still, they could explore the house with Bernie, not that there was much left to explore that could interest them. The children room she hadn’t really opened had nothing kids their age would be interested in anymore.

Then she wondered, should she mention the door in the hedge? If Serena came it would come up, what would Alex think if she hadn’t mentioned it?

She closed the hood of the car she was working on, the last of the day, and sighed. She was over-thinking this, she would have to improvise, but improvising when feelings were involved was not her forte, because yes, there were feelings. If Serena wore the same kind of blouse she had the last time she wasn’t sure how well she would be able to concentrate on the conversation that would be going on. She had no doubt that Alex and Serena would get on great, and that was part of the many things that worried her. She could remember the last time Alex had tried to meddle in her love life, or lack thereof, and it hadn’t ended well.

 

 

Serena had survived the day, mostly thanks to Raf’s benevolent attempts at drowning her in work, as he had promised to do. Still, every time she looked over to him he looked either concerned or smug, or both, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it, nor how to react to it. She had managed to only leave the hospital half an hour after the end of her shift, and Jason was already home when she arrived. She greeted him and noticed a peculiar look on his face. He pointed to the table where Bernie’s note laid. He must have taken it off the fridge.

“Do you know what this is about?” He asked. She shook her head.

“No, it’s really vague, Jason, I’ll have to see tomorrow.” She replied.

“But it sounds urgent.” He pointed out.

“But she did write to meet Saturday, and that’s tomorrow.” She countered. He nodded.

“She is not very good at drawing.” He said, turning the note over to the partial doodle of a car. Serena let out a small laugh.

“Not really, no, but she is better at repairing cars than she is at drawing them, which is the main thing.” Serena smiled. Jason smiled in response and went to put the note back on the fridge.

“You don’t have to put it back.” Serena said. “I only left it there so you would see it.”

“But I don’t want you to forget it, this is the best place for you to remember.” He replied, putting a magnet carefully so it wouldn’t cover part of the message but still hold the paper properly. Serena wanted to assure him she wouldn’t forget but she wasn’t sure it was such a good idea.

 

 

Later that night, Serena realised that while she could admit to her attraction she had not really come to term with what it meant. The very thought of Bernie making her wet was perhaps the ultimate proof that her brain wasn’t just playing around and pointing out attractive people. She was genuinely attracted to her, and found herself more bothered by that than she had thought earlier that day. She wasn’t one to deny herself pleasure, but that was a line she wasn’t sure she was ready to cross.

She had two solutions. Ignoring the problem, or dealing with it while concentrating on something else. Neither was very appealing to her at that point, if only because she found herself struggling to find something, someone, that would do the trick. Given how keyed up she was, she knew it wouldn’t take long, still she wanted to be able to face Bernie in the morning. She grunted, turning to her side, wondering what she would give in to first, sleep, or release. She closed her eyes, and a crystal clear picture of Bernie leaning on her balcony was the first image that popped up. ‘Fine.’ She thought to herself. ‘Just this once, so I can get some sleep.’

 

 

Bernie, having cleaned up as much as she could, was lying in bed, thinking ahead, wondering once more what Serena would think if she knew the kind of thoughts racing through her head. Bernie bit her lip, stretched and found a comfortable spot, knowing she had kept her alarm as early as usual, just to be ready.

“You’re over-thinking.” She could almost hear Alex’s voice, and seemingly favourite words. Yes, she was over-thinking, feeling guilty for the very same thing Alex seemed to encourage. She knew the reason it bothered her so much was because she liked Serena, as more than a neighbour, but she would have to get it out of her system because there was no way it could ever work. Even, even if the stars aligned and destiny was one hell of a trickster, even if Serena did happen to have any kind of interest in women, she would probably not be interested. Bernie had a baggage so large it barely got through the large double windows downstairs. She sighed and willed her brain to slow down.

 

 

Serena woke up as her alarm sounded, having slept better than she had in weeks. She sighed, her body was trying to tell her something, again, and, again, she wasn’t ready to hear it. She forced herself not to peer out the window and started thinking about what to wear. She wanted to look, and feel, confident, but not overconfident, not too revealing but not stuck up either. She sighed. She had ample choice and yet nothing stood out.

 

 

Bernie woke up early again, pausing in front of the window to look at the hedge, wondering when Serena would arrive, Alex hadn’t given any exact time either. She decided to remove all the covers through the house, do some dusting on top of the sweeping. She wanted to show, or at least pretend, that she wasn’t living strictly in the room she had claimed upstairs.

She went to check her fridge, chucking out everything whose aspect interred that it shouldn’t be consumed, lest Alex lectured her on that, again. It was pretty empty, which she knew she would get a lecture over as well, but Alex had promised a picnic. Bernie hadn’t had the heart to remind her again that the garden was far from ready for that yet, and that the gravel in the driveway was probably not the best idea either.

They could always eat inside, with the window open. The living room with the double doors facing the garden would do the trick. They could push the furniture away and sit around on cushions. She made a mental tally of the cushions she knew were about the house. Ah. They might be a bit short in cushions. She could always sit on the floor, the wooden floor would always be considerably better than the scorching hot sand she had sat on when in the army when the jeeps they were repairing couldn’t fit all of them at once, not with enough space to eat anyway.

She heard a car in the driveway at nine sharp and went to the door, having barely opened it when a flurry of curly brown hair launched herself at her.

“Hello Charlie!” Bernie said, smiling. “Hi Cam!” Her godson had apparently been put in charge of half of the picnic and therefore had to be a bit more careful. Bernie took a step back to let them in, pointing toward the kitchen, glad that she had cleared the corridors of anything they could stumble over.

“You look nice! Made a bit of an effort, I see!” Alex teased her. “You wouldn’t be expecting to see your neighbour today?” She added. Bernie blushed, giving her the answer to her question. “Bernie, you’re incorrigible!”

“Get in and shut up!” Bernie said playfully, pushing her gently with her hand on her back so she could close the door behind them. Things would go just fine. Nothing could go wrong when they were there, her little family. She made a show of pointing out the bathroom and the coat rack, making Charlotte giggle. Cam rolled his eyes, taking a look around.

“Let me show you outside first.” She said, almost jumping in place, proud of her new home, however unkempt it was. Cameron smiled with a glint in his eyes, Charlotte re-buttoned the coat she had started to take off and Alex bit back a remark about the fridge content.

Cameron ran his hand along the cut hedge, pointing out that it wasn’t really even. Charlotte decided she liked it. They stopped on the edge of a garden.

“You said garden, Bernie.” Alex pointed out.

“Can we go?” Cameron asked, pleading in a way that was still irresistible. Charlotte looked up at her with the same look on her face.

“Sorry, but no, it’s too messy and I don’t know what’s in there.” She wondered whether there was still something to find.

“But we could discover it for you.” Cam pointed out excitedly.

“Better not.” Alex said. “Come on you can already see quite a few things from here, Cam.” She pointed at a few flowers that were growing at the edge. Cameron crouched down and picked one, taking a notebook out of his pocket and pressing it in the middle. Charlotte agreed that it was pretty. Bernie made them turn around and from there they could see the house through the double doors.

“It’s a bit austere.” Alex said.

“It’s a bit boring.” Cameron added.

“I only just got here, there hasn’t been anyone in decades.” Bernie explained. She liked the place more and more, and looking at it from this angle, with the sun lighting the living room, made it seem almost magical.

“Plus it’s a bit big for one person.” Alex dropped, shooting Bernie a look. Bernie rolled her eyes.

“It’s not all that exciting inside.” Bernie warned. “Especially if you find this boring already. The house is old, the people left a long time ago, but they left things behind.” She said, looking at the kids in particular. There was a glint in Charlotte’s eyes and a grin on Cameron’s face. Those two were trouble, but she liked their kind of trouble. She knew that whatever they found would only make the house dearest to her. And they had behaved so far.

They insisted on trying every seat, looking through the shelves, under the desk and tables, looking for clues of something mysterious they didn’t find. Alex watched them with a smile.

“They like it.” She said.

“Looks like it. You’re welcome any time you want, you know that!” Bernie replied, looking at her.

“Thanks, but I don’t think you could handle them that often.” Alex replied cheekily. “Plus, what if you have company!” She added.

“Alex, please, stop.” Bernie said, serious.

“Bernie, it’s worth a shot!”

They were interrupted by Cameron.

“Can we go upstairs?” They had seen the whole ground floor save for the living room. Bernie wanted to have the picnic there and they could investigate it then.

They went up. Bernie had attempted to keep her things tidy but she could see Alex shaking her head in disbelief.

“Bernie, I know you have only been here a week, but you’re still camping!”

“I don’t know what I’ll do, and I’m good so far.” Bernie replied with a shrug, but Alex’ eyes was caught by the balcony.

“And you chose this room because…” She asked playfully, letting her sentence trail of.

“Because it was the only empty one, and the easiest the clean.” Bernie said, not quite following her.

“So not so you can spy on your neighbour?” Alex asked, pointing at the windows opposite. Bernie turned.

“I’ll have you know that I picked this room before I met her. And I don’t think I can see anything anyway, and I sure wouldn’t try.” Bernie retorted.

“Fair enough, let’s see what the kids are up to!” She sighed, following Bernie out of the room and closing the door behind her. They were on the armchairs, looking out toward the garden. They opened every door they could find, peering inside and closing it, Cameron first, then Charlotte. Bernie hadn’t gone through everything and hoped there was nothing untoward anywhere. Cameron tugged at the handle of a closet with no success.

“Aunt Bernie, I think this one’s locked.” He frowned. She stepped closer, tried the handle with no success and crouched down. It looked like part of a key had broken inside, effectively locking it. She shrugged as she got up.

“I guess we won’t know what’s in this one until I find a way to deal with this lock then.” She said, wondering about the content of the cupboard. There was a kind of stain at the bottom of the door, could have been wine, but she knew where alcohol was stored, part there and part in the living room.

She shrugged it off and let them go through the bedrooms. Nothing there but old clothes, old books, and old papers. She’d get through those in time. There were letters, some bills (all paid, she hoped!), notes of some kind. She expected the kids to run into the children’s room but they stopped on the doorstep, then looked at her.

“I’m not going in there.” Cameron said very seriously. Charlotte turned as well and shook her head. Alex peered in, there was nothing out of the ordinary, just two small beds and wardrobes, with some toys in one corner. Bernie closed the door with a frown. That was not eerie at all.

They all jumped when the doorbell rang.

 

  
Serena had spent most of the morning trying not to pace, and Jason had spent most of it looking at her quizzically. His shift started at nine thirty and he reminded her she had to go see Bernie before he left. She almost snapped at him, but managed to restrain herself. It had taken her a while to calm down enough to grab her keys, lock the house and walk next door.

She immediately noticed the car, and wondered whether it was a good time. If she had visitors she would most likely not be welcome, but she could at least ask when she was supposed to come back. She closed her eyes as she rang the doorbell, Raf’s smug grin appearing behind her eyelids. She quickly reopened them before the door opened. If she was going to make a fool of herself she might as well make a good first impression.

 

 

Bernie and Alex exchanged a look as she was about to open the door. Bernie’s eyes were telling Alex to behave, and she could see in Alex’ that she had no intention to obey the order whatsoever.

The door opened and Serena took in Alex, who was standing just behind Bernie, and she felt a pang of something bitter in her stomach. It dissolved when she saw, and heard, the children.

“Mummy, who is it?” Charlotte asked. “Aunt Bernie?” Cameron echoed. Serena could have sworn there was a smirk on the woman’s face.

“This is my neighbour Serena, she lives next door.” Bernie explained, avoiding Alex’ eyes. “Serena, this is my best friend Alex, and the two little devils are Cameron and Charlotte. They don’t normally stare at people like that though.” Bernie chided them and Charlotte hid a bit behind her mother while Cameron grinned at Serena who still hadn’t said a word. What was she even supposed to say?

“Hello.” That was a good start! “I came because of the note you left in my mailbox.” Serena explained. So her brain had started working after all, no thanks to Bernie’s clothes, who looked like they had been made for her and hugged her in all the right places, and there were more right places than Serena would have believed possible. She did her best to keep her eyes at face level but she wasn’t sure how successful she had been.

“Yes, I discovered something.” Bernie replied somewhat unhelpfully. She saw Serena raise an eyebrow. “When I started cutting the hedge.” She added. She couldn’t read Serena’s face. She looked both cross and fascinated. She could feel Alex’s hand on her back pushing her forward. Damn her and her matchmaking tendencies!

“A picture is worth a thousand words.” Bernie added, still very unhelpful, a grin slowly blooming on her face. Serena smiled in return and it seemed to light up her whole face. “This way.” She said.

“Come on. I think that’ll interest you too!” Bernie said, with an air of mystery. Cameron ran ahead, while Charlotte was still tentatively peeking from behind Alex. Bernie tilted her head towards the side of the house and followed Serena. Cameron had stopped by the basement door but they walked past it. Bernie turned towards Serena, realising she still hadn’t explain why she had asked her to come.

“Watch this!” She said to both Serena and the others. She pushed the branches aside and walked inside the hedge. She heard Charlotte giggle. Alex said something she didn’t understand. She had let go of the branches and now felt like a particularly odd sandwich filling. She extended her hands toward the outside, not stopping to think about how weird that might look. She heard Alex laugh. Still no audible reaction from Serena. Bernie turned on herself and extended her head as well as her arm.

“There’s no tree there.” She pointed out.

“Well no, obviously.” Serena replied, deadpan. Bernie blushed slightly.

“Come have a look.” She encouraged Serena.

“That’s alright, I believe you.” Serena said, wondering what the hell Bernie was doing. The excitement in her eyes was endearing and woke up a bunch of butterfly from their long slumber in her stomach. That was new. Well, no, it was not, it had just been temporarily eclipsed by stirring further down.

“It’s not just the tree though! Come see!” Bernie said somewhat excitedly, diving back into the hedge and opening the branches enough so Serena could follow her. She heard Alex chuckle in the background.

“Actually, Alex, could you make yourself useful for a second and keep the branches apart for a moment, it’s a bit dark in here.” Bernie shouted.

There wasn’t much space and she and Serena were sharing not just the same space, but also the same air, the branches pushing them together. Bernie’s right hand was on the door but she couldn’t see anything, and neither did Serena. They heard steps and she could tell it was Cameron, Alex a few steps behind him with Charlotte running to catch up with her brother.

Alex and Cameron each took and side, peering in. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best they would get. Bernie found Serena’s hand and took it, guiding her to the door so she could feel it before seeing it. Despite the relative lack of light she could see the surprise on Serena’s face, and something else she didn’t know how to decipher.

“That’s a door.” Serena pointed out. Bernie nodded.

“You’re very observant.” She replied with a grin. Serena glared at her.

“It must have been there for decades.” She mused.

“You had never noticed anything on your side?” Bernie asked. Serena shook her head.

“When we moved in the hedge was in a terrible state, we never cut deep enough to notice this. Jason had noticed something though, he said something the other day. I wish I’d asked him to elaborate.” Serena explained, still a bit puzzled.

“It opens on this side.” Bernie explained. “There are tracks, small but still visible.” She vaguely pointed at them with the tip of her foot, knowing that none of them could really see anything.

Serena turned toward the door again, facing it, forcing Bernie to take a step back so she wouldn’t be pressed into her, something Bernie knew would be a terrible idea. Serena ran her hands over the door, the sides, the top that was somehow still within reach, the seized latch.

“It doesn’t really make sense. Do you know anything about the history of your house?” Serena asked. Bernie shook her head, her hair catching in the branches.

“Do you?” She asked.

“Not really. Given how much you still have in there, you might be able to figure something out. Maybe they belonged to the same family.” Serena pointed out.

‘Or lovers who didn’t want to be seen from the street.’ Bernie thought to herself. The thought had gone through her head already, and didn’t seem to want to go anywhere.

Alex asked the question neither of them dared ask.

“What are you going to do about it?” She sounded innocent but Bernie knew that look on her face and was very tempted to glare at her but knew it would draw more attention than it was worth.

“I don’t know, Serena?” Bernie replied before her neighbour had the time to. She didn’t want to be the one having the take the decision, because both options were bad ideas, in their own ways.

“We could reopen it. If we cut it well we might even manage to keep an arch over it like there probably was at the time. Even if we don’t use it, it might help the integrity of the hedge. If we get some heavy snow, having both sides cut, with your side dipping in…”

She paused there to indicate that she had indeed noticed the unevenness of the line that had curbed inward somewhat.

“It could make the whole hedge collapse, at least that section, and it would be a mess to clean up.” She finished. She wanted to give Bernie as many logical arguments as she possibly could because ‘I want to keep that door functional so I can see you more often’ wasn’t necessarily what her neighbour wanted to hear. And yet it was exactly what Bernie was thinking. Serena wondered whether it was just the low light or if Bernie looked relieved.

“We’ll have to start with your side, though, see how wide we have to keep the passage so I can mirror it on my end.” She added. Bernie nodded, her heart missing a beat at the ‘we’. They looked at one another.

They heard Alex clear her throat.

“As nice as this little exchange is, we won’t be able to hold the branches for long.” She said playfully. The two women exchanged another look and looked a little sheepish. Alex’ smile widened.

Bernie let Serena go first, unable to stop herself from guiding her with her hand on her back. Serena didn’t protest. Bernie shook her head in order to try to remove anything that shouldn’t be there. Serena picked out some large pieces of greenery with a laugh and Bernie froze for a second before laughing as well, knowing that it was best she didn’t look toward Alex for a moment.

“With a door in the hedge, who knows what you’ll find in there.” Serena said, pointing to the garden, hoping to dissipate the odd tension.

“Maybe a swing!” Charlotte said, hopefully.

“Or a tree house!” Cameron added.

“As nice as those thoughts are, I think we’d be able to see a swing from there, and there’s no tree anywhere near big enough for a tree house.” Alex pointed out.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!” Bernie said. She looked at Alex and immediately regretted doing so as Alex’s eyes quickly darted toward Serena.

“Serena, I suppose you’d have access to it on your side already?” Alex asked, hoping to get the conversation somewhere, and maybe get a feel for the neighbour.

“Probably more easily than Bernie does.” Serena said amiably, turning toward her. “I think my nephew is going to have to take my word for it, because I doubt he’ll agree to step inside the hedge.”

“Some people are more sensible than others.” Alex said, looking at Bernie who blushed somewhat. Serena laughed.

“Did you manage to get started on the inside?” Serena asked Bernie who took a moment to answer.

“Er, yes, I have, well, no, I just removed the covers and the dust, really. Want to go take a look?” Bernie said, her brain providing the words before her common sense could give it a quick once over.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Serena replied, wanting nothing more than to take Bernie on her offer.

“It’s no problem.” Alex assured her, she could say Bernie was still surprised at her own suggestion and didn’t want her to backtrack because of them.

They went back inside, the children aiming for the kitchen, their mother rolling her eyes, but secretly pleased that she could leave Bernie and her lovely neighbour together for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still unsure about the kids, they might not appear again after the next chapter.
> 
> Next up: the rest of Saturday, at least! (I’m not saying any more, because I’d rather post more reasonably sized chapters more often than ‘monsters’ like this one!)


	6. A mystery wrapped in a nightgown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday, and you get the rest of Saturday! Alex leaves Bernie to give Serena a tour of her new home...
> 
> In this chapter: shameless fluff/cuteness, more of Alex and the kids, a side serving of Feels, and more mystery!
> 
> Thanks again for your wonderful comments <3

Bernie wasn’t sure where to start. She was tempted to let Serena walk in front of her, but she didn’t trust her eyes not to dive lower than they should. Serena had the exact same thought and they found themselves walking side by side, the width of the corridor leading them to walk close enough that their arms were almost touching. Serena gaped at the kitchen, saying something about how handy that kind of size could be for family gatherings. While Bernie agreed, the size of her family and her culinary abilities meant that it was highly unlikely to be used that way. Serena paused when she saw the office.

“That’s just magnificent.” She said, a hint of disbelief in her voice.

“As long as you ignore the ageing wallpaper, I suppose.” Bernie said, suddenly feeling self-conscious about every negative detail of the place. She saw Serena smile as she turned toward the library.

“You’re definitely going to need some help with this.” She chuckled lightly, stepping closer to get a good look at some of the titles. Bernie was a couple steps behind her, admiring her as sneakily as she could, her posture, the way she moved and stood transfixing her. Serena suddenly turned toward her, catching her in the act and Bernie blushed. Serena opened her mouth a couple times, blushed slightly, and pointed at the nearby bookshelf.

“I could be wrong, but I think there’s something wrong there.” She said, looking Bernie in the eye, not entirely sure the other woman had registered what she had just said. A slight eyebrow raise was all the encouragement she needed to continue.

“From the outside, this window is much further from the corner of the house than it feels now. And there isn’t any other room, or at least no door, next to this one, is there?” Serena asked, seeing Bernie’s eyes light up.

“Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking?” Bernie grinned.

“If you’re thinking I think that there is some sort of hidden space behind that bookshelf, then yes, that’s what I’m thinking.” Serena grinned back. Bernie joined her, standing next to her and taking a closer look at the bookshelves, trying to find something out of place, pushing a book here and there. They exchanged a look of mischief that Bernie was more used to seeing on her godchildren. You were never too old for a treasure hunt.

After a while of prodding around they had to admit that they’d need to go through the library methodically in order to figure something out. Bernie suggested to wait until Serena was there to carry on looking, hinting at not wanting to tell the others, making Serena’s heart beat just a little faster.

Reaching the living room, Bernie let her go first. The dining room side was just that, with fine china stacked in voluminous dressers and the table in the centre. Serena’s eye caught on the piano, and she turned toward Bernie.

“Do you play?” She asked, surprised, before realising that the piano had in all likelihood already been there.

“I used to.” Bernie shrugged it off. Serena looked at her encouragingly and Bernie’s eyes widened. If she couldn’t play scales properly there was no way she could play something decent for Serena.

“The piano isn’t in top shape.” Bernie announced. “And neither am I.” She cringed apologetically. The way Serena looked at her at that moment made her realise that she wholly disagreed with that statement, in a way that made her feel a little warm in the otherwise rather cold room.

She sent a quick prayer to Erik Satie. His pieces were peculiar, in a way that was both unforgiving and freeing, accidental mistakes often able to seep into the fabric of the piece. Muscle memory would, she hoped, do the rest. She closed her eyes, not seeing the empty sheet rest would help forgetting about how much of a long shot this was.

With her fingers on the right keys, she bit her lip, feeling a small smile creeping there, hearing the first few bars of the [third Gnossienne](https://youtu.be/D30LAzub2gs?t=21s) in her head, her shoulders giving her arms a small impulse as she started playing. She started slowly, tentatively, her smile growing shyly as her fingers took over. Some of the lower notes didn’t sound right and she blamed it on the piano. She felt the music, however hesitant and somewhat broken, lift something in her, the sound of the piano not nearly as bad as would be expected of one that had been forgotten about for so long.

She let the music carry her for as long as it could before freezing over the keys. She opened her eyes, and it felt like waking up. She wasn’t sure where she was, be it on the keyboard or in the piece. The magic had vanished but the smile on her face hadn’t. She still had it, somewhere, the ability to sound dreams out, her own at least. She looked at her fingers before looking up toward Serena who was still standing by the piano. She had almost forgotten about her. Almost. There had been something there, something in the melody, and she knew Serena’s presence had given it the extra edge.

Bernie knew her face would betray her far more than it normally would, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away. The look in Serena’ eyes almost breaking her heart, a mix of admiration, intense sadness, deep understanding, and, maybe it was wishful thinking, but Bernie was fairly sure there was a tinge of love in there, something meaningful that made her want to reach out to her but also intimidated her. They looked at one another for a long time, something unspoken hanging in the air between them, Bernie’s fingers brushing past the keys in slow waves that made Serena’s stomach knot.

Serena hadn’t really expected her to play. Well, she hadn’t really known what to expect. Watching Bernie’s reverence toward the instrument was breathtaking already, the light falling on both her and the piano nudging a couple butterflies in her stomach. It felt as if time had stopped, Bernie looking up at her before composing herself, closing her eyes and starting to play.

Serena knew the tune, well, it brought back painful memories of her mother, but there was something in the way Bernie played… She was playing it slowly, carefully, as if she was trying to win over a small scared animal, and it warmed up to her. Serena could feel her eyes welling up and she blinked back tears. It was silly, really, the two of them locked in a kind of musical embrace, an intensity none of them had foreseen.

She had seen Bernie’s sharp intake of breath as she had stopped, opening her eyes and looking at her. The look in her eyes… it had made Serena’s heart constrict almost painfully. There was a softness there, an openness betrayed by the tentative smile, a surprising amount of trust that made Serena realise how special that moment really was for her. Serena felt the butterflies blooming, almost choking her.

None of them noticed the door closing. As she had heard the first few notes, Alex had put a fingers on her lips and gestured for her children to follow her. Cracking the door open, they could at the very least hear what was going on. As soon as Alex noticed how engrossed in the moment the two women were she closed the door softly and led the children back to the kitchen. She sighed. There was something there, something deeper than she had imagined. Something she wasn’t sure Bernie was ready for.

After a while, Bernie got up, closing the lid carefully. She gestured for Serena to follow her, none of them wanting to be the first to break the now comfortable silence. They went up the stairs, bringing them both back to somewhat less appropriate thoughts they had had about one another. She showed Serena the two empty bedrooms, skipping her own, and the children room. Serena stepped in, intrigued.

“It doesn’t really make sense, does it?” She said, mostly to herself. Bernie shrugged, she wasn’t sure she would ever understand what had happened there.

She led Serena to the room overlooking the garden, pointing to it. Serena smiled as she saw more bookcases, this room was made for comfort, not work. Her eyes were drawn to the locked closet. She looked up at Bernie, pointing toward the stain.

“We couldn’t open it, the key is jammed inside.” Bernie explained in a low voice.

“If I were you I’d find a way to open it sooner rather than later. That doesn’t look like wine to me.” Serena pointed out, taking a step back toward the door. Bernie frowned and walked forward, crouching down to take a closer look at the stain. She blanched.

“I think you’re right.” She stated, a little unsure.

“Well, if some old lady in a see through nightgown starts appearing and disappearing through the walls, feel free to come knock on our door.” Serena had meant to say it as a light joke but it ended up sounding a lot more serious. She didn’t mind though, not really.

“Well, thank you, I’m going to sleep a lot better tonight with that image in mind.” Bernie teased.

“My pleasure.” Serena replied, involuntarily flirtatious.

“And why should it be an old lady anyway?” Bernie pouted, but there was a glint in her eye.

“Who else would you want it to be?” Serena asked before realising that that might be a more personal question than she was ready for. She saw Bernie stop to think.

“Reasonably aged lady?” She offered. Serena nodded her assent, trying to hide her relief.

“Fair enough.” She replied “Any stains in your room?” she asked, instinctively pointing to where she knew her room to be, although it would be a logical assumption given that it was the only room she hadn’t seen.

Bernie made a show of walking carefully to the door and sneaking her head in, before opening it wide.

“If there are, they’re probably my fault!” She said, almost proudly. Serena shook her head, taking in the relative mess.

“I see you’re still swimming in boxes.” She smiled.

“I think drowning would be a better term.” Alex said, startling them both. She had gone up the stairs quietly and none of them knew how long she had been there.

“You know, save for the nightgown, she might actually be your ghost!” Serena exclaimed, making Bernie laugh. Alex frowned but Bernie shook her head. She didn’t want to know. Alex smiled, them having private jokes already was promising.

They all went down, not questioning why Alex had been there in the first place.

Bernie was thinking about making tea, then realised she wasn’t sure she had enough mugs, or at least that they weren’t buried somewhere in her room. She took a look at her watch and realised it was nearly lunch time already. Her stomach growled its assent. She didn’t want Serena to leave. Not yet. Would inviting her be a good idea? She was still pondering that when she met Alex’ eyes who nodded almost imperceptibly.

“You can stay for lunch, if you want.” Bernie started. “Alex had the common sense of bringing a picnic, and I know her enough to know I’ll be eating leftovers for at least a week.” She laughed quietly. “All I’d need is help locating some stray pillows.” She finished, shyly. This was a make it or break it affair, and she was painfully aware of it. Serena considered it and Alex noticed Bernie was holding her breath.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Serena said. Alex shook her head in understanding. “Jason is at work, so I have no commitment there.” She added. She was trying to find acceptable reasons to decline that she could then counter so she wouldn’t sound as eager as she actually was.

“Do you like baby tomatoes?” Charlotte asked inquisitively. Serena nodded. “Then you can stay.” She beamed, making her mother laugh. Bernie rolled her eyes and sighed, trying to hide her relief.

“Alright then, follow me.” Bernie said, leading them to the door to the living room and opening it ceremoniously. “We can make ourselves a nice little picnic space in front of the window, and, hopefully, we’ll get to have a picnic outside at some point.” Bernie didn’t sound convinced but Serena nodded encouragingly. It would probably take a while, but if all she was aiming for was a place for a picnic, that could be arranged fast enough.

“Cameron, there are a couple covers on the back of the chairs over there. Charlotte, you’re in charge of the baby tomatoes and every small vegetable.” She ordered playfully.

“Tomatoes are fruits.” Charlotte countered, sounding cross.

“Alright then, so you’re in charge of all small vegetables and fruits.” Bernie corrected.

“Do grapes count?” She asked. Bernie thought for a second before turning to Alex.

“Do grapes count?” Bernie asked. Alex nodded, laughing. “Alright, we’ll go hunt down the pillows then!” she smiled at Serena, her voice suddenly sweeter. Alex rolled her eyes and followed her daughter to the kitchen.

Serena followed her upstairs, Bernie picked a few stray cushions through her room, asked Serena to look through the bedrooms, except the children’s room.

“I can bring some over.” Serena offered, looking at their meagre collect.

“Nah, we’ll manage.” Bernie waved off her concern. She didn’t mind sitting on the floor, the cover she’d had in mind was fluffy and she feared that she would only flatten any cushion she’d use as seat. “There are still a few in the living room, I think.” She added.

Bernie called out for Cameron and threw him the cushions one by one from the stairs landing. Charlotte soon joined in and they found themselves showered in cushions, making Alex roll her eyes.

“Bernie, you’re not supposed to encourage them!” She said, gesturing toward the brewing pillow fight.

“What are godmothers for!” Bernie protested with a large grin.

“Serena, please, help her see reason?” Alex begged.

“I’m not sure anyone can achieve that!” Serena replied teasingly.

“Hey, you two realise I can hear you, right!” Bernie said, gently hitting Serena with the last cushion. She heard Alex laugh and launched her impromptu missile so it hit her right in the face.

“Very grown up, Bernie. I swear sometimes she’s worse than the kids.” Alex shook her head.

“Then, if you don’t mind my asking, why did you think them having her as a godmother was a good idea?” Serena asked more seriously.

“Why indeed.” Alex sighed with a smile, sharing a knowing look with Serena. Bernie shook her head and went to join Alex, Serena following her.

 

  
They went to set things up, the children making a show of searching what position they wanted to eat in, their mother reminding them that the idea was that they would be able to eat without making a mess, and after a long argument everyone was comfortably seated. Bernie was on the floor, sitting with her legs crossed like it was the most natural thing in the world. Alex noted Serena staring.

“She does this all the time. Little reminders of her army life.” She explained. “She can sit comfortably virtually anywhere, it seems.” Alex continued. “Or at least that’s what she says.”

Serena felt a little guilty having been caught looking, but gladly Alex didn’t seem to see anything but curiosity in her behaviour. She liked the woman, she was sensible, and she brought out a cheekier side of Bernie Serena wasn’t sure she would have gotten that good a glance at otherwise. Charlie shared her baby tomatoes with good grace, more picky about who got hold of the radish, but she seemed to favour Serena. Cameron was unusually quiet. When Bernie asked about it, he just shrugged.

“This place is weird.” He said, frowning. “It’s like those people are going to come back.” They all fell silent, they had all had this impression, except possibly Charlotte who was nibbling on her cucumber sandwich.

“You know what you need.” She said, her mouth half full. Her mother shot her a look and she swallowed before finishing her thought. “You need a cat. They are very good at hunting ghosts.” She said, nodding.

“I’m more of a dog person.” Bernie pointed out.

“Well dogs are no use against ghosts.” Charlie replied matter-of-factly. “Do you have any pets, Serena?” She asked.

“I don’t, but I don’t have any ghosts either.” Serena replied, smiling. Charlotte nodded her approval, resuming her inspection of the filling of her sandwich.

Serena managed to steer the conversation away from the awkwardness they could all sense, asking Alex how she had met Bernie, pretending to ignore her, making her pout. As Bernie expected, the two women got along well, and she had the sinking feeling that the more they talked, the more Alex would insist later. Serena was very happy that her back was mostly turned to Bernie when Alex pointed out that Bernie’s room had a view of Serena’s house. Serena was pretty sure there was a hint of a smirk on Alex’ face when she blushed. Did she know something she didn’t? Was her behaviour around Bernie this obvious?

They were almost done eating when Serena’s pager went off. She had put it in her pocket with her phone, hoping it wouldn’t go off. She cringed, reaching for her phone. It rang before she could dial. She listened attentively, her face falling with every word. Her eyes were close by the time she spoke. “Ok, I’m on my way. Get as many people on board as you can. This is going to be a long afternoon.”

She opened her eyes, looked at the four of them and apologised before all but running away. She only went back in her house to get her bag and immediately got in her car, driving away as close to the speed limit as she dared.

“She’s a doctor, it’s an emergency.” Alex explained. Charlotte nodded her understanding. Cameron just said. “She’s nice.” He resumed dipping a strawberry in cream. He had managed not to make a mess of it so far, and Bernie thought she might manage to match his dexterity herself. She didn’t.

 

  
Serena managed to concentrate on the road while on her way to the hospital. If she was lucky, she could arrive before the first patients did, which wouldn’t be that lucky for them. Everyone was ready, those who weren’t were just arriving and getting ready themselves. Serena was almost glad for the upcoming mess this trauma situation would no doubt be. They weren’t equipped for this, but they would make do as usual. It should keep her mind off her eventful morning for at least a few hours.

 

The mood seemed to falter a bit after Serena left, but Bernie kept things going. She rarely got the chance to see her godchildren properly and this was a golden opportunity. Alex had told her they had to leave in an hour or two, but Bernie could tell she lingered. Bernie managed to keep the children away from the piano, they had adopted the kitchen as their favourite room. Or perhaps they really disliked the rest of the house. Bernie wasn’t sure and she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to know either.

Alex managed to corner her for a moment. All it took was one look.

“I know what you’re going to say.” Bernie said before Alex could talk.

“Oh, really, what would that be?” Alex replied calmly with a side smile.

“To try my luck, that she’s nice and good looking…” Bernie started.

“No.” Alex said, startling and worrying Bernie. “That’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say that you’re already in deeper than you know, and so is she.” She said gently. “You two might get somewhere, even if you’re missing the obvious, but you have to be careful.” Alex paused. “And you have to give yourself a chance.”

Alex’ seriousness put a damper on Bernie’s defensiveness. She stood speechless facing her friend.

“There’s a spark, Bernie, it’s undeniable. You met a week ago and you’re already more comfortable than I’ve seen you get with anyone in twice that amount of time.” Alex pointed out. “The way she looks at you when you’re not looking is really telling, too.” Alex smiled. “Also… Next time you’re on your balcony, you might want to look up, because I have a feeling she might have caught sight of you.” Alex added, her eyebrow shooting up suggestively. Bernie blushed. “Even if I’m wrong, you’ll at least make a friend. A friend who has the hots for you and who makes you speechless whenever she looks at you.” Alex clarified, making Bernie roll her eyes.

“Why does everything have to be so complicated?” Bernie asked.

“You’re the one making things complicated. Keep being yourself around her, and yes, that includes the flirty side of you, and things will go just fine.” Alex assured her with a side smile.

“But what if she flirts back!”

“It’s less a matter of what and more a matter of when. Then give as good as you get! You’re attracted to her, I can assure you she’s attracted to you, flirting is the best way to go.”

“I still think she’s straight.” Bernie opposed.

“I think she still thinks that too.” Alex replied. “But she wouldn’t be the first! And frankly from the way she looks at you she must have had some doubts already!”

Bernie sighed. Maybe Alex was right, but she still didn’t think Serena would really be interested. There was a difference between turning heads and that actually leading anywhere. She wasn’t sure she was ready for a relationship based on an existential crisis.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I forgot to say after the last chapter, but I actually have a bit of backstory for this Alex and the kids! I'm fairly sure I won't actually use it (I have enough subplots as it is!) but let me know if you're interested and I can add it in the notes next time!) (I'm not sure the kids will appear again, but I made the stupid mistake of getting attached to Charlotte... so who knows!)
> 
> Next up: Sunday! I'm not entirely sure what happens on Sunday yet, I've only just started on it, but I can promise more Bernie/Serena interaction!
> 
> (Also, my accidental in-depth brainstorming led me to realise I have quite a lot of chapters ahead, given the plots, subplots, and allowing for the characters to do their own thing because let's face it it always happens when you write stuff like this!)


	7. The hedge in that department

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I told you I wanted to keep the chapters at reasonable lengths? Yes? Well, I failed. Here's the longest one yet, a dozen words shy of 8K. I apologise to those who were hoping for a short procrastination break when they opened this!
> 
> I promised Sunday, and some interaction, but I realised when I started writing that I hadn't properly finished Saturday, first. And then I listened to some sad music. All this to say that there's a bit of everything, from mutual pining to angst!
> 
> Thanks again for your wonderful comments!!!

The emergency had been less chaotic to handle than Serena had feared, although for the wrong reasons. Many patients hadn’t made it to the hospital and they had lost almost as many in theatre. Having done her rounds, she had gone back to her office, hoping the paperwork might keep her mind off the patients they had not managed to save. Raf joined her and sat on the edge of the desk opposite hers.

“I take it you went to see your neighbour in the morning, then?” He asked, smiling encouragingly, hoping to get their minds off both their patients and the pile of paperwork they came with. Serena looked up at him, too tired to stop a smile from stretching her lips.

“I did.” She started, a slightly dreamy look on her face.

“Did you figure out what she wanted?” Raf had to admit he was curious. Serena nodded.

“I’m not sure you’d believe me if I told you.” Serena chuckled in recollection. Raf’s eyebrows shot up. “It turns out there is a secret door in our hedge.” She continued. “Well, it’s not secret, we just didn’t know it was there.” Serena waved it off. Raf looked baffled.

“So there’s a secret passage between your two houses?”

“Gardens, but yes, that’s the overall idea, Raf.” Her no-nonsense tone was softened by her somewhat victorious smile.

“Any other surprises?”

“I met her best friend and her godchildren, and she gave me a tour of the house.” Serena said. Raf was waiting, knowing there was more to it from the look on her face. “And I was having a picnic with them when you called.” She wasn’t sure she would live that down.

“Wow, looks like they’ve adopted you already!” Raf exclaimed with a grin.

“They’re nice!” Serena protested, perhaps too much.

“I don’t doubt that. So it went well?” He asked, smiling.

“Very.” Serena smiled earnestly.

“Are you any closer to figuring things out?” Raf prodded.

“I don’t know. There was something there, I think. She’s hard to read.” Serena frowned. She was normally good at reading people, it was just her luck that the one person she couldn’t read was the one she needed to figure out more about. The looks Alex had shot Bernie through the whole thing gave Serena a hope she wouldn’t dare embrace.

“Any intention of seeing her again soon?” Raf teased. Serena rolled her eyes.

“I was thinking of going tomorrow. I would send her a text to apologise for earlier but I don’t have her number.” Serena said, realising it felt weird not to despite having only known her for a few days.

“Well we’ve got things on this front, if you only do the urgent paperwork, you can be back early enough to see her. And ask her number.” Raf said, as innocently as he could. Serena rolled her eyes again. She had an early shift the next day, or should that be some time in the night, which she suspected would be filled with more paperwork than she could bear. Having Bernie and her garden to go back to would be a welcome distraction.

She finished as quickly as was advisable and headed home. It was still reasonably early to pay her neighbour a visit. She had texted Jason to let him know she would be late, and that she would be dropping by Bernie’s first. She left her things in the car and walked next door, knocking rather than ringing the doorbell. The door opened almost straight away. Bernie was wearing a floral patterned apron that was way too small for her and currently sported a fresh stain of tomato sauce.

“Serena, hi! Again! Come in.” She replied, a bit flustered. She still had a spatula in her hand and was waving it about before realising that it might be a bad idea. She headed to the kitchen, Serena following her. She went back to stirring the content of the pan, inviting Serena to sit down on one of the wooden chairs. Serena preferred to stand and had started wringing her hands, suddenly unsure how to go about things.

“Sorry, I wanted to text you to apologise about earlier but I realised I didn’t have your number, so I just wanted to drop by.” Serena started, realising that it probably sounded a bit odd.

“Oh, right! Do you have something to write on?” Bernie asked, stirring counter clockwise now, but the content of the pan was still looking very much like bubbling lava. Serena wasn’t sure what she was making, but she could smell it needed more salt. She was hardly going to say it out loud though. 

She took out her phone, and Bernie smiled. Bernie was not a big fan of technology and had a clear preference for pen and paper. She was terrible at typing, for starters, which was ironic because a keyboard was a keyboard, after all! Bernie spelt out her number and asked Serena to text her so she could have hers.

“There’s no need to apologised.” She continued. “I understand, lives are at stake, and you’re one of the heroes needed to save the day.” Bernie said softly, no hint of humour in her voice. Serena nodded slightly. “How did it go?” Serena winced.

“Not that well, many didn’t make it, but those who did have good chances of recovery.” She replied, keeping things simple. Bernie nodded gravely.

“It must be incredibly taxing.” She said, her voice a mere whisper. “Having people’s lives in your hands, knowing that sometimes…” She didn’t finish her sentence, and Serena realised from the look on her face that she was thinking about her time in the army. “Sorry.” She grimaced. “Old memories.”

“You must have seen quite a lot yourself.” Serena said. Bernie pinched her lips.

“Coming back to civilian life has helped.” She started. “No lives depend on the time it takes to repair a car, here.” She said. “And there’s never anyone injured, or dead, in the vehicles we work on.” She added, looking in the distance, lost in her memories. “I miss it, sometimes, not just the work, but everything. But now I remember what it’s like to live, all the time, not just in parenthesis.” She was almost whispering, her throat constricted, her voice raw. “When you work close to death, it makes life all the more precious.” Bernie turned toward Serena and could see a weight similar to her own in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I got carried away.” She looked down, clearly not used to open up like this, least of all to a virtual stranger.

“That’s alright.” Serena’s voice wavered slightly. She wanted to say more, to do something, but she couldn’t think of anything worthwhile. She noticed Bernie had stopped stirring. The bubbling lava had become a full blown volcano and was threatening to erupt any second. For some reason it felt fitting after their conversation. “Bernie.” She said softly. “You might want to check the salt in that.” It seemed to be enough to break Bernie’s contemplation.

“Oh, right, yes!” she stirred it a bit to try and calm it down, before tasting from the tip of the spatula. She made a face. “There is nothing to check.” She said with a low laugh. “I have clearly forgotten it altogether.” She smiled. “I”m better with military rations than I am with regular cooking, I’m afraid.” 

The sadness seemed to have washed away slightly, and as she smiled to Serena there was an openness in her eyes that made her heart skip a beat. The woman had that infuriating ability to pull at her heart strings without even realising it. It was both alarming and endearing. The fact that she managed to pull that off through a fringe this ridiculously long made it even more remarkable. It was like a curtain to cover her soul, except it was a torn curtain and in need of a trim, or a brush, whichever came first.

“If you’re free tomorrow we can see about the hedge?” Bernie asked, startling Serena away from her blatant staring. Serena realised that that had been one of her main reasons for being there, but she was glad Bernie had offered.

“Definitely! Can’t make it before the afternoon though.” She didn’t elaborate, no need to drone on about paperwork. Bernie nodded with a smile. They could sort out exactly what they’d do once they were there.

“Good evening.” Serena said with a smile, looking her straight in the eyes and forgetting how to breathe for a brief moment, her hand grazing past her arm as she made her way out. 

Once she reached the door, she turned around and saw Bernie watching her. She waved and let herself out, only letting the blush colour her cheeks in the cold evening air. She was in deep, she realised, sighing. She just hoped Jason wouldn’t comment too much. All she wanted was dinner, an hour or two of mindless telly, and as full a night sleep as she could manage with her upcoming shift. She sighed again, already looking forward to the next day, knowing the prospect of spending her afternoon with Bernie would help her handle the mountain of paperwork on her desk, which would probably have doubled in size by the time she got there again.

 

As Bernie heard the front door shut, she turned back to her mixture with a smile on her face. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe she was wrong. But it didn’t matter, because unless things went wrong, she would be spending the whole afternoon with Serena the next day. No failed tomato sauce could put a damper on her mood now.

 

 

Serena tossed and turned, she would have to get up an hour later and she knew full well that any hope of going back to sleep was well and truly out the window. She couldn’t get Bernie’s face out of her head, not just her face, but the look there had been there, when she had been caught in her memories, the one Serena had a feeling few people ever saw. The way she had looked at Serena, it was the look of someone who genuinely knew, genuinely understood. 

Bernie might have been a mechanic, but she had seen blood, wide gashes and deep bullet wounds, no doubt people die, some of her own, unable to save them. She could see the parallel. Raf had told her about mechanics being surgeons for cars, but they were more than that, in the army at least. A vehicle might not be a living thing, but it could be the difference between life and death somewhere down the line, and, like with medicine, some things could go wrong that you just couldn’t prevent. You couldn’t afford to have reinforcements stuck in the desert, ambulances leaking oil. It could all backfire, literally and figuratively. 

All it had taken her to understand that was one look, one look and a whole journey of feelings she had not been ready for, those she was never ready to face when they were her own, when, like the previous day, they lost patient after patient, they were too little too late. There was nothing more they could have done, yet thinking that, hearing that, was not enough, it didn’t keep those faces, those flat-lines, from haunting them. 

It was something you had to learn well and early as a surgeon, but it never really got away, and there were days when things just didn’t cut it, when it was too much, moments when you operated on a colleague, found yourself with your back to a wall and sitting at the bottom of it with your head in your hands, doubting everything from your own abilities to where your life was heading. If you were lucky a friend will come find you, give you a hand and help you back up, or come sit next to you in quiet support. 

If you weren’t, you had to find your footing on your own again, you had to find the strength to get out there, finish your shift, not let it show, and find your way to your car and pretend, pretend that there was a point to everything. She was lucky to have Jason now, she had him to go back to, he had made her home their home, her space was his space too, and while the beginnings had been hard she couldn’t imagine her life without him, and his presence had greatly changed her outlook on life, making her reevaluate her priorities. Her priorities were him and her patients, medicine as opposed to admin, not that there wouldn’t be lots of admin still, but she did it less begrudgingly now. 

Moments like last night, that fleeting moment in Bernie’s large empty kitchen had made her realise something. By swearing off men, and relationships in general, she had locked herself out of any relationships out of the hospital. She had many friends, professional ones, her life revolved around the hospital to the point where she felt trapped sometimes, heading to the roof for a quiet break, looking at the town surrounding them, wondering whether there was a place for her there.

With Bernie, she had hopes for a friendship with someone who knew Serena, not Dr Campbell, someone who could understand her struggles but share her joys, someone untainted by the tension at work. If she wasn’t careful, she might even start caring about her. She knew she did already, and part of her, a small, repressed part of her, thought that maybe there was something there. Still, enough romantic entanglements had ended in heartbreaks, and after Robbie she didn’t want to risk it, for herself, for Jason. 

She didn’t want to risk what was starting as a promising friendship with someone who was easy to be around, someone who made her laugh and smile. So what if her heart missed a beat every now and then, what if she found herself breathless once or twice, that she could live with if it meant preserving the start of a beautiful friendship.

 

 

Bernie woke up bright and early, biting her lip. It wasn’t the light that had woken her up, not quite. She had a vivid recollection of her last dream, and part of her wished she didn’t. It had all started with what Serena had said the previous day, her delicious voice had echoed with the deepest corners of her brain. It had offered a breathtaking rendition of a diaphanous Serena in a see-through nightgown. She had been floating lightly above the floor, a flowing purple nightgown with a lace border hiding very little, although her brain had happily blurred details, which Bernie hoped would help her face her neighbour later. Still, she couldn’t get the image out of her head, and the irony that Serena had told her to come knock on her door if something like that happened wasn’t lost on Bernie. 

She had behaved, so far, kept her thought as clean as she could manage at all times, afraid to mess things up. It had happened before, and what she had with Serena already wasn’t something she was ready to mess up. Of course, she could have, from day one, flirted with her and tried her luck, but she had reached a point in her life where it just didn’t seem to make sense anymore, and was more destructive than anything now that she had nowhere to run to. That and there was something about Serena, something in her eyes, something in the way she moved, the way she smiled, that threw her off kilter. 

The younger, bolder, Bernie would probably have listened to Alex, or maybe not even needed her suggestions to make a move. Bernie, as she stood now, knew better. There were fewer chances, if any, and were not to be taken lightly. Part of Bernie, an old and somewhat broken part, the one Alex was calling to, had a silver of hope, that maybe something could come out of this, something that wouldn’t lead to become estranged acquaintances, something that wouldn’t force Bernie further deep in her shell, something that wouldn’t shatter what little positive image she had of herself. 

She couldn’t remember when it had stated. Some time during her last tour, she thought. She was one of the oldest, in charge of new recruits with others who were still younger than her. She had never been a maternal figure, but she knew most looked up to her, she was old enough to be their mother, hell she had even thought of hitting on one of their mothers. Then what was it? 

She had been used to some wolf whistling, some colleagues had even started calling it Wolfe whistling, through most of her career, all men she had no interest in, and that was something she always made clear, but it hadn’t stopped, it had just become a friendly acknowledgement, almost a greeting. She had barely noticed it at first, until it had stopped almost completely and she had realised that what was once an inconvenience had started to become a crutch for her self-esteem. Its disappearance had felt like an echo to failed relationship back home. 

She had long wondered, was it because the guys were younger now, and therefore she was closer to their mothers’ age than theirs, or was it something else. Official ceremonies in formal uniform had generally been proof of the contrary. She didn’t feel nearly as confident in those as in fatigues, but she could see the looks some shot her, and for some reason it had helped yet made her feel guilty. 

She had spent most of her time, back home, since she had come out, to herself and the world, living in the moment, thinking there would be ample time later for stable relationships, laughing at Alex when she settled down so early, secretly envious when she married at the earlier opportunity, which happened to only have been a few years back given what laws on same sex marriages had started applying. 

Now she was starting to regret her choices, to regret her attitude, because Alex was right, this house was too big for one person. She didn’t even feel real when she walked along those corridors, along those bookshelves, like she was the ghost haunting those walls. Was it all she could hope to achieve now, be a ghost in other people’s lives? This was the spark Serena had managed to light, after all this questioning. 

Alex was right, worst case scenario she’d make a friend, and from their conversation the previous night, it would be a friend who could understand, who could read between the lines, someone who had managed to get to know her this much in under a week when it had taken a number of months for the guys at the garage to really understand what made her tick, and she was always wearing a facade there. 

She was confident in her own skills, she knew what she was capable of, what she could do, and she had to stretch that confidence to the rest of her behaviour. Now, out there, without a car to hide in or under, without a tool in her hands, she felt naked, like she had managed to root herself in her work so much that she couldn’t escape it. Without the comradeship and the rigour of the army, her life had lost some of its focus. 

Sitting down on the piano seat the previous day had flipped a switch, reconnecting her with a part of her she had forgotten had ever existed. Something that was still a bit wild but partially tamed, something that was creative past the logic of mechanics, a way of expressing herself, expressing all the things she had bottled up over the years. She knew her best shot was to hang on to that like a lifeline, hang on for dear life, and, maybe, just maybe, she might become half the woman she thought she could be. Maybe with that music she could fill the ghost she had become.

 

The first thing Bernie did when she got up was start the coffee maker, making sure it would give out as strong a coffee as she could handle. Then she dove in her boxes. She knew it had to be in there somewhere. She could see the writing on all the boxes, but she couldn’t remember with what she had associated it. Thinking carefully, she narrowed the possibilities down to four boxes. As luck would have it, she only found what she was looking for in the fourth box, removing it slowly. 

The bunch of sheet music was a mix of proper books and loose sheets. She remembered it having gone from box to box over the years, and she was happy to see they seemed to all be in the same place. She would have to look through it carefully. 

Heading downstairs, she sat where they had had the picnic the previous day and put her cup of coffee next to her before going through the pile. They were more or less in the order she had played them, give or take a few accidents that had sent the loose sheets flying in all directions and would make matching them to the respective piece somewhat difficult. 

She tried to sort them by difficulty, the easiest first, all the way to the pieces she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to play again. Once she was relatively happy with the result, she sat in front of the keyboard and put the pile on one side, taking a look at every piece. She knew it would take a while, but it wasn’t about playing them, but rather identifying those she wanted to start on, those she wanted to play again, those she wanted to focus on. 

Some she could identify well enough to know that she wouldn’t go there again, others she played the first few bars, having to decipher some of it sometimes, to make up her mind. The sheets she still had were strictly of the last few years of her piano lessons. The earlier ones were long gone although she had kept a few pieces that she enjoyed playing in between more difficult ones. Those were the ones she was most interested in finding again. 

It took a very long time but she finally picked out half a dozen pieces she wanted to concentrate on for a start, some of which were wishful thinking still. She realised she had left her coffee on the floor and it was stone cold by then. She drank it, wincing, set the pile aside and tried to decipher the easiest of them. She remembered enjoying playing it a lot, she remembered how it sounded, but her fingers were rather unhelpful. She looked through the one she had played for Serena the previous day and cringed. She should really work on it, too. 

Closing the lid, she put the big pile aside and the smaller one on the seat. Next up: cleaning the basement. They would need to go back there this afternoon, and she wanted to show Serena that she was ready to make an effort, and that was the first step.

 

She made good use of the spare tarps, laying them on the gravel outside the door and bringing armfuls of tools to see through them, and see what could be done with them, or not done at all. She started with the mechanical tools, they got their own tarps, most could be salvaged. She cleaned and reorganised them, that was her element, that she knew how to do. 

The heavy duty bin bag she had prepared was starting to fill up once she reached the home section. Some things she could keep, others, age old encrusted paints and plasters, rusted nails and screws, headed directly to the bin which helped clear the space. She made a list of things she couldn’t recover but would need. There wasn’t much she didn’t already have, but it was always best to figure that stuff out before you needed them urgently on a Sunday, although it would be one more excuse to pay Serena a visit. 

She turned to the gardening tools next, discarding any remainder of seeds and fertilisers that had degenerated into something she wasn’t sure she wanted anywhere near her garden. It took a very long time but she managed to clean and oil everything. It was obvious they were old, but the metal to rust ratio was still reasonable.

Next up was the bric-à-brac. She got everything out methodically, rolling her eyes repetitively. She was going to need a bigger bin! 

She managed to salvage two parasols, a questionably clean sleeping bag, three cricket bats, a pair of garden chairs, an old bike with, unsurprisingly, two flat tyres, a few cookbooks in ridiculously good shape (was it a sign?), and a small metal box with pictures in it. She had flipped through it quickly and found some with the garden in the background. She set the box aside to show Serena later. The rust had almost sealed it shut but gentle prying had allowed Bernie to open it. Closing it again might require some brute force to open it again, and Bernie decided she might as well keep it as she’d found it.

Having sorted through everything, she faced the now empty basement and sighed. Cleaning it would take hours. Would it be worth it? She hoped so.

Several hours, a throbbing back, and a broken heavy duty brush later, the place was as clean as it was likely to get. Bernie decided to keep the overall organisation idea and found herself enjoying making the space her own. She had freed enough space to no longer store anything on the floor, including what Serena had lent her. The tarps were neatly piled up in the corner, or so Bernie thought. She knew Serena would disagree, but folding tarps neatly on your own was not something the army had taught her. 

Reasonably happy with her work, she got the two chairs out again and in front of the garden, put the box on one of them and went to get herself something that resembled lunch. She didn’t dare recline too much, not entirely sure how sturdy the chair was. She put the other chair in front of her, the box on top of it, taking a bite of her sandwich while hunched forward, flipping through the photographs with her empty hand. They didn’t seem to be in any kind of order. 

There were dates and names on the back of most of them, and she thought to herself that it might be worth putting them back in order and showing Serena the ones with views of the garden and hedge. It might help make sense of the jungle in front of her. She tried as soon as she was done with her food, foregoing coffee for once, and found herself engrossed in it, the faces, some of them half blurry, the backgrounds, … Some views were from inside the house, too, and it felt odd to see what it had once looked like, full of life and colour, something she wasn’t sure she’d ever achieve. 

She jumped when she heard her phone. It was just a text alert. A smile grew on her face of its own accord when she saw who the sender was. Serena. 

‘Just finishing up here, I can be there in half an hour, I’ll just change quickly. -S’ 

She took a moment to reply, not sure how to phrase it, not sure how words worked anymore. 

‘Ok! See you then. -B’ 

She had been tempted to joke about her finding Bernie staring hopelessly at the garden, but she wasn’t sure how to phrase it properly so she had gone for something simple. She hoped the exclamation mark had not been too much. 

She put the chair back next to hers, as close as she dared, leaving the box on the one she had occupied and going back inside. She needed a quick shower, she could smell the disinfectant on her skin, and while Serena was not doubt used to it, she wasn’t. Grease and oil she could handle, the dirtying was something she could cope with, the strong smells of cleaning products that clung to your entire being and made you feel unclean was not her thing. 

She chucked her overalls in the wash and picked another pair. She only had two available, having forgotten to do her laundry, and she needed the other pair for work. This pair, slightly too small, would have to do. It clung to, if her colleagues were to be believed, all the right places, thus making some movements difficult, and occasionally distracting the newbies. She had been instructed not to put her hands in her pockets unless it was an emergency, but some habits died hard and this one wasn’t even remotely on its deathbed! Damn her colleagues, it was her backup anyway. She hoped Serena wouldn’t mind. 

She was squeezing in it when she heard the car drive past through the front door she had left open. She tried to tame her hair, with mixed results, wondering exactly why she was taking time to do that. This was gardening, not a date, even if they might end up pressed against one another inside the hedge again, something she preferred not to think about too much.

 

She arrived at the front door as Serena walked up the driveway. Closing the door she shook her head, freeing her temporarily tamed hair in the process. She felt like an overexcited puppy, and it should not have been something that made her feel good, should being the operative word.

Serena was wearing sensible clothing, something Bernie wished she had thought of, or rather had in her possession. Her smile blinded Bernie temporarily, but she blamed it on the strong sun reflecting off her car’s windshield. She looked amazing, but Bernie suspected she could have worn a bin bag and still look striking. Some people had that ability, but Bernie had never met someone who made it into an art.

Serena’s shift had been exhausting, full of paperwork and damage control as common sense seemed to be hemorrhaging rapidly from her ward, and she wasn’t sure she could suture the breach fast enough for her own sake. The knowledge that she had Bernie to look forward to… Well the point of it was the hedge really, but who was she kidding? And then Bernie had appeared and Serena had felt her tiredness and residual anger fade away, her lips curling into a smile she couldn’t control, nor wanted to. 

Her hair was messy, but Serena could tell Bernie had made an attempt to tame them. And then there was the overalls. She had liked her in them before, but this particular pair was… flattering. Serena didn’t think it was allowed for anyone their age to look this good. She realised she had been staring, but that Bernie had been staring too. Oh. She started feeling a bit self conscious, before realising that, contrarily to Bernie, she was wearing proper clothes. Not that overalls weren’t, but she suspected Bernie had little else in her wardrobe save for what she had seen her in the previous day. She had thought that had looked amazing on her, but those overalls… Serena forced herself not to think about Bernie climbing the stepladder, or bending to get something, because she wasn’t sure she would be able to put her reaction down to the heat.

“I found some interesting stuff.” Bernie started, skipping greetings altogether, but Serena found she didn’t mind. “I’ll show you in a minute.” Bernie winked, making both their hearts miss a beat. 

She had not meant to do that, but had unwillingly followed Alex’ advice about being herself around Serena, and, from Serena’s reaction, it was not a good idea. She reined in her urge to flirt and bit her lip, turning her back to Serena to lead her to the chairs she had set up earlier. Serena had felt herself pale, and could tell Bernie had tensed. She could hardly tell Bernie to keep doing whatever she had been doing, could she? So what now, because she had promised herself to keep this friendly, and she knew that if she started to flirt with Bernie, she might not be able to stop.

When they arrived to the back of the house, Bernie gestured toward the chairs.

“Found them in the basement, I tried them and they didn’t give way, so I think they’re safe.” She smiled at Serena would felt herself melt. She blamed it on the sun, secretly knowing that she would have felt the same way in the middle of a snow storm. “I sorted through it a bit, not sure what’ll really come in handy, but you never know.” Bernie added, waving away the whole ‘I spent most of the morning doing that and swore never to go anywhere near that bottle of cleaning product ever again’. Serena nodded, wondering what Bernie meant by ‘sorted’, but she would find it soon enough. 

The chairs were facing the garden, Bernie sitting on the one on the right, leaving the other to Serena. The chairs were already close together but Serena had readjusted her chair to be closer to Bernie before she even realised what she was doing. Bernie pretended not to notice but was not really convincing, least of all to herself. She passed the box without a word and stared at Serena as she peered inside. 

She hadn’t had the chance to see her from this angle, the way she concentrated was exhilarating, and Bernie realised she had been daydreaming when Serena turned her head and found her staring. Bernie wanted to say something, opened her mouth, thought for a second and closed it again. Serena blushed slightly at Bernie’s imitation of a fish and found herself staring back. Bernie bit her lip and Serena felt most of her resolve flinging out the window, before realising that there was no window between them this time, and it almost made things worse.

“I… I guess… this should give us an idea of what used to be where, you know, maybe it might help?” Bernie started hesitantly, surprised that her voice wasn’t just a croak as she had feared. Serena didn’t react. “You know, in case anything could be salvaged?” She continued, tilting her head slightly. She saw Serena swallow hard.

“Yes, yes, of course, definitely, you’re right.” Serena said quickly, her words almost mashing together. She had rarely had such the urge to kiss anyone, and when she had it had generally been someone she had been in a relationship with. This afternoon was going to be a long one, and she doubted she would sleep very well that night.

“I, guess we should start with the hedge?” Bernie suggested, already getting up, not trusting her self control to do much controlling anymore. Serena nodded, put the box back on the chair and tentatively got up. Once she was certain both her legs were in working order she followed Bernie to the basement. She was stunned as Bernie let her go first, pinching her lips to hide a smile.

“Sorted, eh?” Serena said appreciatively. She took a step inside, repressed the urge to whistle, and looked at Bernie again. She was blushing slightly. Serena had the feeling that she might have done the in-depth cleaning for her benefit and she didn’t know how to feel about that. “I’m thinking manual hedge cutter to start with. Electric might not be a good idea on a Sunday.” She started. “Shall we?” She offered a small smile and Bernie nodded enthusiastically. 

She went to grab a tarp and saw Serena’s eyes widen, but she didn’t say anything. Serena walked in front of her, stopping in front of the soon-to-be passage. Bernie threw the tarp aside, for now. Serena took a step back, walking on Bernie’s foot in the process. Bernie’s hands had automatically gone for Serena’s waist in an attempt to make sure they wouldn’t tumble backwards, which would, they both mentally agreed, have been a terrible idea. Bernie felt Serena freeze and mentally kicked herself. Was she voluntarily trying to mess things up? And why hadn’t she removed her hands already. Sure, Serena was still standing on her foot, but that was no excuse. She felt Serena relax and wasn’t sure what to do.

Serena was very happy Bernie couldn’t see her face. She had stopped focusing on the hedge, and her walking straight, or was it, into Bernie had been genuinely unintentional, but Bernie’s hands on her waist had been both a shock, at first, the closest human contact she had had in a good while, and it was Bernie. She had felt Bernie freeze when she had, but Bernie had yet to remove her hands. Serena wasn’t sure she wanted her to. 

She knew she would have to be the one to move away, if only because she was standing on one of Bernie’s feet, to start with, and she wasn’t sure how long she could get away with it. Part of her started dreaming of Bernie’s arms around her waist and her lips in her neck and she knew she had to step away, unaware that Bernie was thinking the exact same thing, and yet had still not removed her hands, afraid of loosing the warmth of Serena’s skin, almost burning in its intensity. Bernie could feel her skin despite the thickness of her top and it was more than she could bear. 

She removed her hands as Serena stepped forward, resuming her inspection of the hedge, swallowing hard, not ready to face Bernie just yet. Bernie was happy she didn’t turn around, afraid what she might read on her face. She realised that the moment they had jut shared was, well, exactly that, shared. She would have expected Serena to step away, possibly push her away, but they had lingered. Had Serena not noticed, or had she and let it happen? Alex’s words were going through Bernie’s head again, and she was starting to believe she had a point, not that she would ever admit it to her. So what now? She still wasn’t ready to take that chance. There was nothing wrong with being physically close to a friend, surely she could keep her mind, and hands, in check. She would have to do her best and hope it would be enough.

 

Serena couldn’t really focus on anything but the blood pounding in her ears. A smile suddenly bloomed on her face. She knew exactly what she, what they, had to do: get rid of the offending section of hedge and clear the door, because it would make everything easier, or so much harder. She beckoned Bernie closer, still not looking at her, and pointed at the middle, the part where Bernie had her walk in. Serena held the hedge cutter between them.

“Who do you think should cut it?” Serena asked, finally turning to Bernie who was facing the hedge with the determination of unflappable army of puppies.

“I can do it. I probably have the edge in that department.” Bernie said, suddenly regretting her words as she saw Serena’s expression change from smiling to annoyed to something that made her stomach do back-flips.

“Well, you definitely have the hedge.” Serena replied teasingly, unable to stop herself from walking toward Bernie and getting lost in her eyes. “Big macho army mechanic, are we?’ She asked, revelling in Bernie’s flush. Bernie’s pun on guns got lost when her brain melted. There was a pause, comfortable but charged.

“You’re the one who knows what she’s doing.” Bernie pointed out. “I can do the cutting, and you do the actual guiding me into taming the thing?” She suggested. “I wouldn’t be any use to you standing back here.” Bernie was also concerned about getting too clear a view on Serena’s back, and backside. Serena nodded thoughtfully.

“Fair point. From the photographs there was no arch over the door, and I don’t think we can pull it off given what shape it’s in without it collapsing, and that should help matters.” Serena said. Bernie frowned.

“All you need to do is cut in a straight line.” Serena simplified. Bernie nodded.

“That I can do!”

“Well, looking at the rest of your hedge I wouldn’t count on that, but that’s where I can help.” Serena teased, passing the hedge cutter, letting Bernie step forward, and immediately regretting her decision. 

The only thing worst than Bernie in those overalls was Bernie working on something in those overalls. Serena wasn’t sure how straight that hedge would end up being, but if it was as straight as she was they would have to pretend the waviness was on purpose. She trusted Bernie to start cutting in a sensible manner, letting her eyes wander for a bit, hoping it would help her mind not to. 

The one thing she could tell straight away was that Bernie was strong, perhaps even stronger than she had thought, which was bad news. She could probably sweep her off her feet, although she was doing exactly that already, figuratively at least. She could see her arms, and her back, and she suddenly felt the heat of a sun concentrate on her cheeks a little bit more. The overalls were like a thick bleached hug, revealing curves Serena wished she didn’t know were there, although she had had a peek on the balcony. She stopped a breath short of her ass for her own sake. 

Serena took a couple steps forward, now able to look at Bernie’s profile, a ridiculously large smile on her lips as she carefully sought out the largest branches that would collapse most neatly and effectively. Serena had to force herself not to let either her mind nor hands wander. Bernie worked fast and methodically and they were starting to see the door. It was odd seeing it in the light like that, it would need some taking care of, but it was promising. 

Bernie had done a fairly good job on one side already, that was about as far as they wanted to go. They still had to cut the top off, but she started working on details with a pruner, her back to Bernie. She was incredibly conscious of how close they were, and it didn’t help her concentrate, but she managed to do a decent job. It would most certainly be straighter than the rest of the hedge. Was that a sign? She worked on the other side while Bernie went to get the stepladder.

Ten minutes later, Bernie’s side of the passage was fully freed. They stood side by side, almost touching, admiring their work.

“What do you think, do you want to do your end while we’re at it?” Bernie offered, her eyes fixed on the hedge. She felt Serena nodding.

“If you don’t mind. We might want to start on your end though, I mean from the inside out.” She explained.

“Agreed. That does involve managing to open the door.” Bernie pointed out playfully, turning to Serena who rolled her eyes.

“Let’s see what you salvaged from the landfill you once called basement, otherwise I’ll go and get something.” She said. Bernie did a mock salute and walked back toward the basement, coming back a few minutes later with three different cans, hoping at least one of them would do the trick.

“Hinges first, latch later.” She announced, using the stepladder to take a closer look at the top hinge, hoping a little oil would be enough to get it started before she could work more in once it could move. The latch proved a bit of a troubling piece. Once Bernie thought she had freed it properly, she theatrically gestured for Serena to do the honours. She lifted an eyebrow, a smile fiercely attached to her lips. 

With the latch undone, she tugged on the handle gently, then a little less gently, before tugging as forcefully as she could. It didn’t budge. She glared at Bernie who inspected the door thoroughly, suspecting the hinges were the root of the problem. Standing where Serena had stood moments earlier, her neighbour’s breath practically on her neck, she got a good grip on the handle and pulled progressively harder. She could feel it move ever so slightly, went to reapply some oil and tried again, trying to play on what leeway there was. 

After a while, she pulled a little gentler and felt it start to move. She grabbed Serena’s hand, ignoring the little offended noise she made, and put it on the door. She could have opened it on her own, but she wanted them to do that together. Serena took a step aside so Bernie wouldn’t collide into her and they finally managed to open it about a third of the way. Bernie had been pulling most of the weight, they were both well aware of that, but it didn’t matter. Bernie went back to the hinges, asking Serena to move the door when she told her to. Ten minutes later the door was in full working order, Bernie’s oil can the worst for wear. They exchanged a victorious grin.

“I suppose you’ll want to do the cutting on your side of the hedge? I don’t think I can pull off something as neat.” Bernie winced. Serena extended her hand and took the hedge cutter before pointing at the door.

“You can see if you can find something to clean it up a bit.” She blamed the flirtatious tone in her voice on the intensity of Bernie’s stare. Bernie nodded and all but sauntered to the basement, leading Serena’s eyes further down than she had promised she would let them go. 

Whatever product Bernie had found smelled very strongly of something she couldn’t quite describe and would rather never encounter again. She focused on her hedge, cutting little by little on both sides, more methodical than Bernie had been, but also slower. By the time she started the final touches, Bernie was kneeling at the bottom of her side of the door, making Serena uncomfortable in more ways than she was ready to acknowledge. 

Bernie finally got up with a victorious grin, showing her work and pushing on the door gently. It opened without a hitch and looked almost good as new. They high-fived, grateful for their gloves as Bernie’s was covered in oil and whatever substance she had used to make the door presentable again. Serena took a few steps back in her garden, leaving Bernie to take a look at it. She caught Bernie’s jaw hitting the floor, the look in her eyes that of a kid at Christmas time.

“Wow!” She uttered once her vocal chords resumed their normal function. Serena blushed slightly. “This is incredible!” Bernie turned on the spot, taking everything in.

“It’s the right time of year.” Serena said, suddenly uncomfortable at the praise. Bernie looked at her in disbelief.

“Still!” She said, almost defensively.

“You can keep the hedge cutters, by the way, you’re far from done.” Serena said, hoping Bernie would drop the subject. She nodded gently. “Shall we take a look at your garden, then?” She offered. Bernie nodded again, a goofy smile on her face this time. That woman would be the end of her, Serena knew. And she wouldn’t mind, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: the rest of Sunday, and, unless the story gets out of control, again, hopefully some of Monday (I have a few things ready for Monday that I'm really excited about, including something involving Ric that I've already written!)
> 
> PS: I have nothing for/against overalls!
> 
> I'll try to make a tumblr post about 'my' Alex' backstory for next time, unless I manage to fit it in soon.


	8. Brambles and Rambles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is relatively shorter (aka the length I’d like my chapters to be on average), because I haven’t written for the past two or three days, and I have a busy weekend ahead of me and I didn’t want to leave you without a little piece of cuteness. This is the end of Sunday, and I promise the next will be Monday!
> 
> Two people have pointed out the danger of wildlife in (overgrown) gardens, and while I agree with them, there won’t be any clothes shedding happening any time soon (this is a slow burn after all!), let alone in the garden! I’ll try and keep the wildlife to a minimum, to spare both you and me. (I live in the countryside, surrounded by a garden, and having spent several hours these past few days locked in a staring contest with bees while standing in an overgrown former field, I’ll happily banish all thoughts of creepy crawlies from my head right now!)
> 
> I actually made a map of the garden how it would have been originally, I’ll post a link to it further down the line, because Reasons!
> 
> Thanks for all your lovely comments! Especially to those finding innuendos when I hadn’t meant to have some... (This has, in fact, made me realise that one of the scenes I’d written needed to be rewritten because it could be really dirty if you have your mind in the gutter!)

They had gone back to the chairs, taking the most promising pictures out to try and make sense of the mess in front of them. They were standing side by side, each holding one end of the picture. Their shoulders were touching and Bernie’s hair was tickling Serena’s neck, neither of them dared to move, and neither was very focused on the garden, either.

“Where do you want to start?” Serena asked, whispering, afraid to break the moment.

“Well, those trees there, seem to have gone from small bushes to unmanageable giants, so they are a kind of barrier, to us if not to plants anyway.” Bernie said, mostly as an observation. She felt Serena nod.

“We can’t see much from here, but I don’t think there are any violets left under the oak there, in the middle.” Serena started. “I’m not sure there’s much of the oak left under the clematis either, actually.” Serena pointed to the centre of the garden where there seemed to be a heap of vine-mounted flowers covering everything. 

It was hard to tell where something started and finished. On top of what the garden would have been like, it was now covered in a mix of ivy, nettles, brambles, and more dandelions than Bernie had ever seen in her life. Some plants had taken over their neighbours, too, especially the mint in the back.

“We can try on the right? Probably the only part of the garden we can step into without needing a billhook.” Bernie tilted her head to one side. Even without a billhook, they would need something to keep the brambles and nettles at bay. Bernie didn’t know nettles could grow this tall, and while she knew her grandmother liked to make soup out of them, she wasn’t very keen on the idea.

She put the picture in her pocket and went in first. The lavender they could see on the pictures was still there but had barely grown more than it had been, surrounded and suffocated by foxgloves on one side and weeds on the other.

“You might want to watch where you step, Bernie, when you can’t see the ground, you can’t see what’s crawling on it.” Serena advised her, walking more carefully.

“I’ve dealt with scorpions, I’ll live!” Bernie turned toward her with a sly smile.

“Bernie…” Serena started.

“Hm,” She turned around again, a twinkle in her eye. It took Serena a moment to remember what she had been wanting to say.

“You’re standing on an ant hill.” Serena’s brain finally caught up and let a grin bloom on her lips. She saw Bernie’s eyes go wide, mostly in surprise but there was a hint of ‘oh shit I messed up how do I fix this’ in there too.

“Any advice?” Bernie asked, having frozen on the spot.

“Well, moving away from the ant hill sounds like a good idea.” Serena teased her, enjoying her reaction far too much. Bernie took a few steps backward, stopping a step short of Serena. “Moving away from me would also be very much appreciated.” Serena added sternly, but there was something in her voice that made Bernie smile. Bernie nodded and she took a few steps sideways before freezing again.

“How many ant hills can there be in that small a perimeter.” She asked. Serena looked down and shook her head.

“Bernie, if you bothered looking where you’re going, you’d have noticed that that was a mole hill. While moles are bigger, they’re less likely to get inside your trouser leg and leave tiny bite marks.” Serena was trying to hide the smile in her voice, but she knew that even though Bernie still had her back to her she would be able to hear it. “Was it black or red ants?” Serena asked.

“I didn’t stop to check!” Bernie replied, sounding offended. Serena chuckled.

“I’m fairly sure you’d be able to tell by looking at your feet.” She pointed out. She could almost hear Bernie roll her eyes. 

Standing on one foot she tried to brush off as many ants as she could from the outer side of the overalls leg. Luckily it was tight enough that few would have gone inside. She would have to evaluate the damage later on. She repeated the same movement with the other leg but lost her balance and wobbled sideways, still trying to shake ants off her shoe. 

Serena put a hand on her shoulder to ground her and their eyes met, freezing them both on the spot, Bernie’s foot still in the air, the remaining ants taking advantage of the new angle to continue their exploration. Bernie carefully put her foot down again. She bit her lip and tried very hard to ignore Serena’s eyes fleetingly dive there. Bernie suddenly frowned, distracted by an unwelcome noise.

“Serena, there’s a buzzing sound coming from over there…” Bernie pointed at a plant, flowers on long stems like the tip of a match.

“Ah.” Serena said, staring at the torch lilies, noticing the source of the buzzing.

“Not bees, is it.” It was less of a question than an affirmation.

“Definitely not bees.” Serena stated. They would have to be careful, and find something, or someone, to get rid of the nest, hoping there was only one. Starting with the other end of the garden for now sounded like a safe bet.

“Is it just me or does that plant look threatening?” Bernie squinted at the odd bunch of flowers. She suspected it had multiplied over the years.

“You’re probably more of a threat to it than it is to you.” Serena teased. Bernie pinched her lips, hiding a smile.

“And aren’t those poisonous?” Bernie pointed toward a bundle of bright purple flowers. She knew they were used in heart medicines, though she couldn’t remember the name.

“Foxgloves, yes, handle with care.” Serena said, mostly to herself.

“Well, we’ll have to handle them a lot, given how many there are! I’m not sure I’ll be keeping them here, with the kids around.” Bernie said, looking around.

“We’ll it’s your garden.” Serena pointed out with a smile. “But I agree with you. Between what disappeared and what you’ll want to remove, you’ll probably have to rethink the space.” Serena finished, noticing Bernie looked a little out of her depth.

“Rethinking involves prior thinking, and I don’t think I’m there yet.” Bernie replied, eyes twinkling as she looked at Serena who lost track of her thoughts for a second. “Want to take a look at the middle? If those trees will let us, that is. What are they exactly?” Bernie asked, frowning.

“Box trees.”

“Serena, I’ve seen box trees before. Those can’t be box trees. They are container trees. Maybe even Fort-Knox trees.” Bernie said, making Serena laugh.

“They’re easy enough to tame, with some patience.” Serena reassured her, putting her hand on her arm. Her eyes followed her hand and went back to Bernie’s face. She forgot to remove her hand. The sun was definitely doing a number on her, she rarely got a sunstroke in the middle of the afternoon.

They went back to their starting point and pushed their way through where the path had once been. The path was barely visible past the thick box trees, covered in a variety of weeds and brambles tangled in the trees and extending in every direction, their thickness making Bernie reconsider the adequacy of her shoes.

“Looks like there’s still a tree under there.” Bernie pointed out the shapeless mass in the middle of the oblong prison.

“And the violets are still there.” Serena said, not sounding as enthusiastic as Bernie would have expected. She shot her a quizzical look. “They are everywhere. They took over, and kept growing under whatever grew over them. It’s good, but it means that we’ll trample over them when we tackle the rest.”

“If they survived decades of plant bullying, I’m sure they’ll grow back after a stampede or two.” Bernie reassured her, very proud of the little flowers for resisting the oppression. The significance of violets wasn’t lost on her, and she kind of liked the idea of having some in her garden, especially running wild. She made a mental note to mention it to Alex. She already knew what Alex would say though.

She took a step forward and pointed something to Serena.

“Are those little oaklings?” She asked in delight. Serena laughed.

“I don’t think that’s the proper name, but yes, those are small oak-to-be.”

“I’m fairly sure that’s not the right name either!” Bernie teased her. “And why to-be? They’re are small, but they have leaves and everything!”

“Ok, fine, small oaks, then.”

“I guess it’s the acorns that fell on the floor?”

“Over this many years, it’s possible, there are lots of different ages, that’ll be tricky to manage.” Serena chuckled.

“Is it bad that I’m proud of them, too?” Bernie asked with a wide smile, meeting Serena’s eyes and blinding her for a hot second. Serena wanted to laugh but she couldn’t keep her eyes off Bernie and she felt herself melt. She suddenly saw Bernie freeze, tense, and stare intensely at something behind her.

“Turn around, very very slowly.” She said, her voice barely a whisper. She saw a hint of fear in Serena’s eyes but she knew that every second counted. Serena had only half turned when she heard an ear-piercing call and turned as quickly as she could, facing the bird for a second before it flew off.

“It was just behind you!” Bernie said, pouting. Serena turned towards her and glared at her. “It was cute!” she added. She saw Serena smile again and smiled back. ‘So are you.’ Serena thought to herself.

“Please don’t stop us every time you see a bird or we’ll be here all year!” Serena said playfully, not wanting to dwell on the moment they had shared earlier. They couldn’t go much further on this side, either, and decided to try the left side before making a battle plan.

Roses had gone untamed, camellias had mostly disappeared but there was hope for a couple of them. Along the hedge, a trellis had been put up to support elderberries and honeysuckle, but that had gotten out of hand, too. Ivy had invaded every available space. Bernie said she could spy some aromatic herb in the back near the mint, and Serena took her word for it. They could try and save it, if they ever reached the back!

Back on safer ground, they sat on the chairs, the box back on Bernie’s lap. She turned to Serena, she was the expert, after all. Serena sighed.

“I think first we need to think about what we… well, need.” She started. “Mostly space to put what we remove, preferably bramble-proof containers.” She smiled at Bernie. “Also long sleeves.” She stared at Bernie’s arms. She had rolled up her sleeves, and while Serena had no problem whatsoever, at all, absolutely none really, against her having her sleeves rolled up, the nettles might agree, too. “Good shoes and knee pads.” She finished. She had those, so did Bernie she suspected. Bernie nodded attentively. “Now it’s up to where you want to start, and what you want to do.” Serena said. She saw Bernie shrug vaguely.

“Remove all the weeds and undesirable stuff and see what we can do with what’s left?” She suggested. Serena nodded. “We might have to see what actually falls in the ‘undesirable stuff’ category, though.” She added. “Also, give those box trees a bit of a trim so we can see what’s on the other side.” She added cheekily, making Serena laugh.

“I suggest we don’t cut the side next to the wasp nest, that would make our lives easier for now.”

“Do you think we should start working on the edge of the right side, clear things as far as we dare for when we get something done on that nest?” Bernie asked. She had never had a very close encounter with a wasp before, and she wasn’t keen on starting now.

“That sounds sensible.” Serena said. It didn’t really, or at least not when Bernie was the one suggesting it. “So start from the centre and see where it gets us?” Serena summed up. Bernie nodded. “Well then, I’ll go and get some things, try and see what looks like a logical thing to use in what you have, I’ll be back… well with that door it won’t take long.” Serena said, getting up and winking at Bernie before she could stop herself. It might have just been the heat, but she could have sworn Bernie had blushed! 

It took Bernie a few minutes to get up and head toward the basement, her brain still trying to grasp what had just happened. Maybe she had misread Serena’s reaction earlier. Or maybe Serena was always like that and didn’t mean anything by it. Whichever it was, she would have to keep her mind on task

Bernie was still daydreaming when Serena came back. She helped her pick the right tools and they headed to the centre of the garden.

“Deal with the nasty stuff first?” Bernie asked, pointing at brambles and nettles. They had reached a silent agreement that Bernie would do brambles and Serena nettles. Serena had made a point to tell Bernie to try and get the root too, or they’d keep coming back. Resilient things, she’d muttered. 

They started, side by side, complementary given how entwined everything was. They progressed quicker than she had thought they would and cleaning felt good, to both of them. Other than a couple visits by the odd spider, and two more ant hills, they managed to steer clear of the wildlife. They tried to be nice to the violets, but inevitably stepped on a few. 

Serena had gone to empty her bucketful of nettles and Bernie picked a dozen violets where she knew she would step on them later on. She managed to make them stick out of her pocket, deciding against offering them to Serena. Or maybe just the one. She extended the flower when Serena came back. She rolled her eyes with a smile, took the flower, and tried to find a good place to make it fit in Bernie’s hair. The stem was short, but Bernie’s hair was messy enough that it proved rather easy. Bernie looked stunned. Serena shot her a teasing smile and went back to work, wondering why exactly she acted like that around Bernie, and why, how, they had come to be this comfortable around one another.

Bernie took a break, getting up to crouch by her little oaklings, poking at a couple of them. Serena was right, they would be difficult to manage. Still, she supposed, she could plant them somewhere else. Maybe Serena would like a couple of them. They were in good hands. The main tree would need to be reacquainted with direct sunlight, but Serena had said it would live. In just a few hours, she had fully claimed the garden as hers, and, with Serena with her, she had an idea of where it could go and what it had been.

Serena noticed she was a bit distracted and disposed of her itchy handful before getting up again.

“Want to start on those trees?” She suggested. She saw sudden twinkles in Bernie’s eyes, and her smile grew bigger. They agreed on how tall, or rather, small, they wanted them to be, they would see how much had to be cut on the side to cut the top all the way through. They agreed, too, that, for now, straightness wasn’t important. When Serena had said that, Bernie’s brain had short-circuited, before realising she was reading too much into everything, courtesy of Alex. Serena hadn’t realised what she had said until she had seen the reaction Bernie had had. Not a negative one, just one of surprise, good, she hoped.

It took a while, but little by little, they managed to get a very small section of the box trees go back to looking like boxes. They worked well together. 

Serena’s phone rang as they were admiring their work from the chairs, having decided to call it a day. Serena, having had trouble getting the phone out of her pocket and not wanting to miss the call, hadn’t looked at the caller id. Bernie saw her face fall and feared it might be work, and then she saw the anger in her eyes and her pinched lips and she thought it definitely wasn’t work. She went to leave, give her some privacy, but she felt Serena’s hand on her arms, a soft, soft plea in her eyes that made her heart ache a little. She stayed there, fidgeting with the picture she had got out of her pocket.

Serena closed her eyes and when she talked her voice made Bernie understand why she would be good at leading a hospital ward. No one would be stupid enough to risk angering her, let alone be on the receiving end of her wrath.

“Edward, go to hell.” Serena’s words were clipped and infused with as much annoyance as anger. Bernie could hear whoever it was start talking again but Serena was already hanging up. She opened her eyes and was faced with a concerned Bernie, all anger suddenly drained from her face.

“Ex-husband.” She said, pursing her lips, a frown growing back stronger than it had been before. “Wants me to help mend things with his wife, or our daughter, I’m not entirely sure. Ironically I would probably have less trouble with the former than the latter.” She added bitterly. “He’s old enough to clean up his own messes.” She finished, finding herself unable to stay mad with Bernie there. She smiled at her and Bernie smiled back, not sure what to do. Serena hadn’t noticed that her hand was still on her arm, Bernie realised.

“Not a clean break-up, I take it.” She asked, not wanting to pry, but it was clear Serena needed to get something off her chest. Serena’s dry laugh hurt her a little.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Serena said, looking in the distance. “It’s one of those things: looking back, you realise you should have known better, that the signs were there. I suppose some lessons hurt more than they are useful.” She continued, looking back toward Bernie. “But we all have our own baggage.” She smiled.

“I think the older we get the more it weighs us down.” Bernie replied, a little more earnest than she had meant.

“I don’t know, I think sometimes you need to shed that weight, especially when you have a new start. It’s what I did with Jason, and I guess you have a chance too.” Serena said. Bernie looked in the distance, nodding. She hadn’t thought of it like that.

“Ironically, I’m as much as a hoarder with baggage than I am unattached to personal belongings.” She added self-depreciatingly.

“We cling to what we can.” Serena replied, wondering whether she didn’t push too far, but Bernie was facing her, nodding.

“Are we the violets or the brambles in that comparison?” Bernie asked with a chuckle.

“The violets.” Serena replied straight away. “The brambles are the baggage, they’re hard to get rid off but not impossible.” She finished. ‘Not with some help anyway.’ She added to herself. There was a small glimmer in Bernie’s eyes that made her think Bernie had added the same thought.

Bernie realised she would have to stop using violets in her reasoning, because it kept giving her hope where there clearly wasn’t.

“Thank you.” Serena suddenly said, surprising Bernie.

“Thank you, Serena! You spent the whole afternoon helping your completely useless neighbour, you have nothing to thank me for.” She finished, shocked by the look on Serena’s face.

“You’re not useless.” Serena replied with an even voice. “And thank you, because it’s been a long time since I’ve had a nice uncomplicated weekend in pleasant company.” She added, continuing before Bernie had time to say something. “Emergency aside, of course. The few weekends I get to enjoy with Jason are usually… complicated.” She explained. Bernie didn’t try to interrupt, didn’t know what to say, thought she’d happily steal Serena away whenever she needed a break.

“My pleasure.” She replied. She’d never been very good with words so she hoped Serena would be able to read in her eyes what she couldn’t say out loud, how much she had looked forward to this and enjoyed it, how it felt like they had known one another for years, that she couldn’t remember any of her friendship developing like that, how she looked forward to a next time.

And then all the things she hoped she wouldn’t see, how often she had been this close to kissing her, how her heart fluttered when she looked at her too intently, how Serena’s touch made her feel alive.

“Please, tell Jason he’s welcome to come by, by the way. I’ll happily give him a tour.” She said, realising that Serena was lost in her eyes, afraid she had dug too deep already. She saw Serena focus on her voice again.

“Thank you. He’d like that.” She replied, still unable to look away. She could get lost in those eyes, already had, isn’t sure she could resist that pull, or that she even wanted to. Bernie didn’t want to have it look like a dismissal and tilted her head toward the house.

“Fancy some tea?” She knew her voice reflected how unsure she was, but she felt herself light up again when Serena shot her a frank smile. Serena welcomed the tea and declined the biscuits. They didn’t talk, sitting opposite one another at the table, sharing looks over the steaming cups. It was comfortable, leaving them to their own thoughts, silent support when they went astray. It felt almost too intimate, in a way Bernie couldn’t quite explain. She was happy without words, looks said it all, but their silent conversation, although wordless, felt heavy with meanings she wasn’t sure she was ready to share.

When Serena was about to leave, they didn’t exchange a word, just a small glance and a small smile, getting up at the same time, walking side by side to the door. Serena turned toward Bernie after walking through, finding her leaning against the door frame. With her smile a little larger, she extended her hand, not entirely sure what she was doing, or why she needed one last contact, to end the moment perhaps. She realised her mistake when Bernie took her hand. They exchanged another look, neither willing to let go until Serena ducked her head, a small blush on her cheeks she hoped Bernie couldn’t see, their hands gently sliding apart. She only looked back when she almost reached the angle of the house, Bernie’s eyes following her, before she headed for the door. It felt odd, almost forbidden, to leave that way, as if she hadn’t actually left.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Bernie ran her hand through her hair, finding the violet Serena had put there earlier. She had to say something, do something. They needed one another, and if all there was was moments like they had just shared, she would go for it in a heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate torch lilies, I hate wasps and I really dislike ants, too.
> 
> Up next: Two words: Balcony. Ric. (Those two words aren’t related!)


	9. In tune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! I wrote the last part of the chapter a while back, knew what the first part would be and wrote it next, and then, well, filled in the blanks! There are things in there I hope you'll like as much as I enjoyed writing them!!
> 
> There's a bit in there, in the conversation with her colleague, that was more or less directly inspired by one of the comments I got two chapters ago. Thanks to all those who remind me to put on my mind-in-gutter goggles every now and then! It'll come in handy next chapter!
> 
> Thank you all for your comments! They really make my day and encourage me and... <3

Bernie had had surprisingly little trouble falling asleep. The afternoon spent with Serena and a decent dinner had led to her unpacking a few more boxes, finding things she hadn’t realised she had missed, such as the only non-dried-out mascara she owned. Along with it, she had found three dozen hair clips that were a gift from Charlotte with which she wouldn’t be caught dead, regular hair ties that could replace the rubber bands she had been using as substitutes, and the two crocodile clips Alex had sweet talked her into wearing for her wedding. Then there was a sparkly pink nail polish from the Secret Santa at the garage the previous year. She had taken advantage of having drank her colleagues under the table to apply some on their nails. Stuffed in the bottom was lacy lingerie she had completely forgotten she owned, courtesy of Alex’ powers of persuasion, again. She had yet to find a proper use for them.

Laundry had been on her list, too, and, hopefully, she would get to show Serena that overalls didn’t make the bulk of what she owned. Well, it almost did by now, but unless she peered in her closet she wouldn’t be able to tell, much. Bernie rarely had the opportunity to dress well, only doing so when she had company, the only nice clothes she had a result of painstakingly long shopping sprees with Alex. She did feel good in them though. Still, nothing wrong with a t-shirt and skinny jeans.

Getting up, she eyed her cigarettes, the balcony, and decided to prepare coffee first. It was still early, the light barely piercing through some low clouds, making the sky look like a bored artist’s paint water. She knew it would probably be chilly, her shorts and tank top not an appropriate barrier against the cold but she brushed it off, deciding that a coffee and cigarette worth of time wouldn’t kill her.

Stepping out she shivered, suddenly questioning her decision. Balancing the coffee mug on the edge of the railing, she lit her cigarette, unsure whether the volute of smoke was just that or her breath in the cold air. She looked up and almost knocked her coffee mug off the railing. Serena was at one of the windows, Bernie thought she had made to move away, but she had remained there, their eyes meeting, unsure.

Bernie reached out for her coffee, almost choking on how hot it still was. She cursed, and when she looked up again she found Serena still there, smiling at her. She smiled back, a little too wide than would have been necessary. She felt a little exposed. She could see Serena’s face and little else, her room still dark, while Serena probably got an eyeful. Bernie realised it should have bothered her more than it did.

So Alex had been right, after all. Again. How often had Serena been looking at her little balcony outings? And why didn’t it make her uncomfortable, other than the fact that she felt really under-dressed. Serena wasn’t moving, Bernie thought she could make out her biting her lip, but she couldn’t see very clearly and she chose to ignore that. If she had thought, the previous day, that the moment in the kitchen had felt intimate, this was a whole new kind of intimacy, the kind she knew none of them would mention whenever they met again.

She didn’t want to be the one looking away first, not feeling cold anymore, the coffee mug in her hand felt almost cold compared to the warmth spreading inside her. This was almost indecent. The way she was dressed was almost indecent too, and while she was tempted to go back inside to find something to wrap herself in, she didn’t want to come back to see Serena gone. Cigarettes and lighter back in her pocket, she took another drag, sighing. She wondered what Serena was thinking, what she saw when she looked at her, hoping, fearing, that her thoughts might mirror her own.

 

Serena had had trouble sleeping, images of Bernie dancing behind her eyelids, the kind that made her heart flutter. It made it easier to look her in the eye than the alternative, but it was never strictly one or the other. Her heart, brain, and body were of one mind, as it were. How did it get this bad this fast? How could she be expected to resist the pull? If she let go… She wasn’t ready for the consequences. If she didn’t, she would be torturing herself.

When she got up, her usual slightly too early, she had tiptoed to the window, as she usually did, parting the curtain a little more than usual to enjoy the unusually beautiful sky, her heart missing a beat when she saw Bernie appear. The woman was clearly trying to kill her. She had thought overalls were bad, but shorts and a singlet was the worst combination she thought could have happened after the first two times.

She was enjoying the view far too much, and was about to take a step back when Bernie looked up. She knew she could see her, this time, and she didn’t know what to do about it, how to react, so she held her gaze, making sure her eyes stayed on her face rather than straying further down. She smiled when Bernie almost burned herself on her coffee. She could imagine the extra strong caffeine shot was both strong and hot. A bit like her, Serena thought to herself, biting her lip.

Having watched her before, with her oblivious to her presence, had already felt illicit, but sharing that moment now almost didn’t feel real. It felt like the tension between them hung in the air, ready to break at the slightest false move, and yet pulled them toward one another.

Her alarm made her jump, she had forgotten to turn it off. Her eyes went from Bernie to the source of the offending noise and winced. She turned back toward Bernie, waved slightly, with a smile, and saw Bernie do some kind of salute that gave Serena enough to fantasise for the next century. This was likely to be a very long day.

 

The moment ended way too fast for Bernie, and while she had kept a brave face while Serena was still at the window, a sly doubt was nagging at her. What had distracted her? Was there someone with her, was it simply Jason, or her phone? She didn’t like the knot forming in her stomach, knew it was bad news. She was too invested in this, emotions had never really been her forte, and they were clearly running havoc whenever Serena was around. She downed the rest of the coffee and headed back inside. She had looked up tuning specialists the previous evening and would try and call a few of them during her break, hoping to move things along. That was one thing she could do right.

  
She got lucky. She had called as early as she could, and the call was answered so quickly it took her by surprise. She explained the situation as concisely as she could manage, and heard the woman on the other end of the line share a few words with someone in the background.

“One of our customers cancelled, we could have someone with you by lunch time to evaluate what can be done.” The answer, delivered with what Bernie thought was genuine cheer, put her on the spot. She could probably manage with the guys, she would have to skip the lunch part of the lunch break, but it would definitely be a step forward, even if she had to wait a fortnight to actually get it tuned. She agreed, gave her address and contact number, staring at her phone as she hung up.

That day had been surprising in an odd yet interesting way from the start, but luckily this surprise would help keep her mind off the earlier one. She talked to her boss and arranged for an extended break.

Having had to explain, the confirmation that she had a piano and actually knew how to play soon made the rounds. The guys promised to help as much as they could with the tuning process, as long as they could drag her to one of their favourite haunts and on the spinning stool in front of the old piano in a corner. It was played at irregular intervals by patrons and the occasional music group and sounded a bit off, but it was the beauty of it. She had never dared go anywhere near it, having stopped herself from glancing at it altogether.

She wasn’t sure how ready she was to play in front of her colleagues. She was used to pouring herself in her playing, and she would have to find a tune they would like that she could memorise quickly to get them off her case. They seemed to understand that not having played in years meant she needed to practice first. It would buy her some time.

 

  
Her colleagues practically pushed her out of the garage before lunchtime, making her laugh. She had to admit she was nervous. The van was parked in her street opposite her gate when she arrived. She waved at the driver who hopped down with the grace of a drunk hippopotamus. He grabbed a toolbox from the passenger seat and joined her at the door.

She was still in her work clothes and realised when she let him in that she had a large trace of grease on her left cheek. She knew rubbing at it would only make it worse and decided she would deal with it later. She found herself being immediately a bit defencive, of herself, her instrument, and whatever might have happened to the house before she inherited it.

The man, about her age and seemingly very bad at keeping his eyes to himself, asked questions toward a point that was quite a way further down than her eyes, making Bernie more angry by the second. The fact that he didn’t pay attention to her replies wasn’t helping. When he finally moved on to the piano she let out an aggravated sigh.

She suspected he was using as much jargon as possible to impress her, but he got more than he bargained for when she replied with as much precision to everything he said. The intricacy of a piano had a lot in common with the intricacy of a car, and while she didn’t look like a pianist to the man who was more likely used to young students and old teachers didn’t mean she didn’t have the same passion and respect for the instrument. She kept those opinions to herself, fearing the whole business might already take longer than she had anticipated.

After a while of his comments being met with sensible answers, he shut up altogether and started working somewhat more efficiently. She could still follow what he was doing, and the limited amount of wincing gave her hope. He drew up a quote, almost begrudgingly, and informed her that one of his colleagues had had a customer, the same in fact, cancel an appointment in the late afternoon the next day. She wasn’t sure her boss and colleagues would agree, but one of the guys on sick leave had just come back and one who normally finished early owed her a favour or two, so there was hope. Holding the quote, she told him she would get in touch as early as she could in the afternoon to let them know.

She pocketed a banana and made her way back to work. It didn’t take much convincing, and the boss gave her the time off without having anyone fill in for her. He pointed to a spreadsheet which, according to him, informed the person unfortunate enough to be dealing with human resources that she held the record for most overtime and least days off taken, the sum of all those reaching the limit of acceptability several times over.

When the guys asked her what the tuning guy had been like, she just grunted, mumbling something about overalls not being a bloody fashion statement. The colleague she was closest to approached her later, hinting at that comment and she frowned.

“Remember that neighbour of yours. Meet her again with overalls and she will fall at your feet, Bernie.” He teased gently. A smile grew as he saw the look on Bernie’s face, a slight blush creeping on her shoulders, pinching her lips in an effort not to let anything show.

“So she likes you in them?” He stated, no judgement in his voice, just friendly concern. Bernie mumbled something about overalls being clearly not the only thing her neighbour liked her in. She hadn’t accounted for the fact that the loudest machine that had been on had been turned off just as she spoke, and her colleague had the sharpest hearing of the whole team.

“Any plans tonight?” He asked playfully, and she rolled her eyes with a large smile. At least she had one sensible friend here. She mentioned her gate needing some oil, saw him trying to hide a grin who suddenly erupted on his face.

“Bernie, for someone who’s been in the army as long as you have, you’re suspiciously unaware of double entendre.” He said. She blushed violently and hid her face in her hands.

“I used to be making those! I’m out of practice.” She replied, trying to pinpoint when exactly her mind had been scrubbed clean, but she thought Cam and Charlotte had had a lot to do with that.

“Well, you might just have found someone to practice with.” He winked at her before heading for a customer that had just arrived. She shook her head with a smile. What would she do without them? Less overtime, that was for sure!!

 

  
She took advantage of a quick break in the afternoon to text Serena. They hadn’t exchanged anything since the previous night, and as much as Bernie would have loved to send her something, she couldn’t figure out what, but now she had something to tell her at least.

“Hi, got a quote for the piano tuning today, having it done late tomorrow afternoon. We could try to crack the mystery closet afterwards if you’d like, maybe even start on the library? Let me know -B”

It took her the best part of 20 minutes and three unhelpful opinions from chuckling colleagues to send the text. She shoved her phone in her pocket and focused on work, finding herself checking her phone at regular intervals still. She didn’t expect Serena to answer straight away, of course, she was a very busy woman, but the disappointment she felt as the phone company informed her of their new confidentiality policy wasn’t lost on the entire garage.

 

  
Serena had just had a word with Hanssen. And then one with Fletch. And then Morven. Raf had narrowly escaped the same fate. The whole ward could tell pissing her off would be even riskier than usual.

When she heard her phone text ringtone she was very tempted to throw it across the room, fearing who else might be wanting to make her life difficult today. After seeing Bernie this morning things had gone seriously downhill, and going through the scene over and over hadn’t helped.

She was at the nurse station when she checked her phone, unaware that most of her staff were holding their breath, some mid-stride fearing that their shoes might squeak and draw attention to them. They were all stunned, as they studied her face, to see her smile brightly, with, they thought, maybe even a hint of a blush. She all but sauntered back to her office, closing the door behind her.

It took a few seconds for the medical professionals to remember that breathing was necessary for survival. It took only a few more for speculations to start. There was nothing rumour-worthy, but they all knew that it didn’t take much. A nurse who was slightly taller than Serena and had particular good eyesight had managed to read the name of the sender. It only transpired later, Serena being spared the trouble of killing it in the bud by a three-hour long operation and very careful staff. Better safe than sorry.

None of them saw her reply: “That’s great news! I’d love that, see you tomorrow! -S” She wondered whether they weren’t too many exclamation marks, but she was called in theatre and hit send without having time to think more about it.

 

  
Bernie felt before she heard her phone as she was called to fix the coffee machine. Ironically, she was the one who wasn’t allowed near it and yet always in charge of fixing it. Even more ironically she seemed to be the only mechanic able to fix a coffee machine. Next time the guys wanted to start it they found it half fixed, Bernie’s mind having gotten sidetracked by the reply she had received. Nothing could have pried the smile off her face.

 

 

Bernie was kneeling next to her front gate, trying to figure out which hinge needed the most oil to stop the atrocious creaking when she heard a car stop in front of her neighbour’s house. A quick glance allowed her to see a well-dressed man taking long strides towards the front door disappearing from sight soon after. She knew neither Serena nor Jason were home, and yet she felt her heart plummet. It looked like she had been right after all, not that she felt like bragging about that. Part of her brain was fishing out half a sentence about bisexuality and unicorns when she heard the man walk to his car again. He stopped and she turned her head toward him, surprised when he headed in her direction.

“Hello, Ric Griffin, I work with Serena.” He introduced himself, extending his hand before noticing the grease covering Bernie’s. Why did she suddenly feel a bit hopeful?

“You’re her new neighbour, I presume?” He had a confident smile and she saw his eyes light up at the surprise on her face. She had not expected Serena to have mentioned her. She wondered what Serena could have said to make her colleague smile at her like that.

“Bernie.” She offered with an unassuming smile, getting up and fidgeting with the rag she’d been wiping the stray oil with.

“Any idea where she’s gone? She clocked off half an hour ago, and I meant to talk to her about something, preferably outside work, but, well…” He let his sentence trail off, mentally grinning at the hope he could see in the woman’s eyes.

“I’ve been here for longer than that. I’d have noticed if she’d come home.” Bernie pointed out. “Unless you know where she gets her groceries, I think you’re out of luck.” She figured it was the most likely scenario.He nodded thoughtfully. He echoed her smile and looked at his car.

“I guess I’ll just call her later.” He said, not looking that bothered, actually looking somewhat chipper. “Thanks, nice meeting you Bernie.” He said. She nodded with a smile, her eyes following him as he walked to his car and drove away.

When exactly had she decided to go for it? Had it been last night? That morning? Earlier? Why else would she feel that way when she so much as suspected Serena might have someone? Chances were she wasn’t into women, although upon reflection Bernie had to admit that there had been moments that couldn’t just have been wishful thinking. She’d have to see about calling Alex, she understood Bernie more than Bernie understood herself. She didn’t want to mess this up, and if she wanted to do this right, she would need Alex’ help.

 

  
She heard Serena’s car coming from the other end of the road ten minutes later. She had memorised the sound and although part of her brain blamed it on her job, she knew it was slightly creepy. She waved as she drove by and decided to follow her; she hadn’t missed her colleague by much and it might have been important.

She was greeted by a large smile, Serena’s eyes twinkling in a way that made Bernie weak in the knees.

“Sorry, j-just wanted to let you know, a colleague was there about ten minutes ago.” She stuttered. She saw Serena frown. “Ric Griffin?” She offered. She saw a mix of emotions jumbled up on Serena’s face, surprise, horror, resignation, annoyance, and a hint of something murderous. No one should be able to be that expressive, Bernie thought to herself.

“Did he say what he wanted? “Serena’s tone had been sharper than she’d intended, she could feel Bernie’s sudden uneasiness.

“Something about wanting to talk to you outside of work.” She started. “He said he’d call you later. Is there a problem?” She asked, concerned. Serena shook her head with a smile.

“Never befriend someone who’s at the head of the rumour mill.” She said light heartedly.

“Aye aye!” Bernie replied, thinking about how things worked at the garage. She’d be the centre of attention for a good while after the whole texting business, she suspected.

“I better call him.” Serena said nicely. “I think there’s some damage control to be done.” She sighed. She saw the puzzled look on Bernie’s face. “I’m generally the one responsible for either making sure things don’t reach the rumour mill, or that the rumour dies down quickly.” She explained. “He’d never wanted to discuss it specifically out of work, though.” Albie’s didn’t count, it was practically an extension of the hospital.

“Trouble?” Bernie asked.

“Let’s hope not.” Serena muttered, making Bernie smile.

“I’ll leave you to it then” She said. “I hope he won’t be as reticent as my gate. See you tomorrow!” She added, saluting playfully before confidently walking out of sight. How could someone make her both confident and utterly useless?

Serena was glad Bernie didn’t see the blush on her cheeks, but she had bigger fish to fry. She put the smaller ones in the fridge, making sure everything was at its proper place before glaring at Ric’s name when she selected it from her list of contacts. She spoke before he had the chance to say anything.

“Ric, you have some explaining to do!”

“So do you, Serena.” She could hear smugness emanating from him in waves. She sighed. It was going to be a long evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil cackling*
> 
> Up next: the rest of this conversation! At least some of the next day as well!


	10. Roaming rumour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: Ric, some Raf, a hint of Fletch and Hanssen, and a tertiary character who got a backstory because that’s what I do. There’ll be texting, and rumours, and fun! Also: mystery closet!
> 
> Warning: If you consider killing me, remember that I’m no use to you dead… *grins*
> 
> Thanks for your comments!!!

Serena’s shift hadn’t ended on that bad a note. She had a feeling people were still cautious around her, some outright avoiding her despite the fact that she was considerably less tense. If it made the ward more effective, she wasn’t going to complain. Raf had, at some point, tried to convey something to her before disappearing in the flow. She hadn’t seen him again before she left and she knew he would text her if it was urgent. It hadn’t looked the ‘it’s about Fletch’ kind of urgent so she didn’t expect anything before the next day.

Coming back home after a bout of grocery shopping only to see her favourite neighbour kneeling by her gate, in overalls, again, had almost led her to swerve off her lane. Then Bernie had gotten up and waved and it was like time had stopped for a moment. Luckily, she had caught up on time as she needed to brake and turn in her driveway.

When she had heard large strides on the gravel she had turned around, smiling wildly. The day had been Bernie-full and it kept getting fuller. There was something in her stance though, that made Serena worry. Had she rethought their plans for the next day and decided to cancel? What she had said next had made the prospect of cancelled plans ideal in comparison.

Ric ‘your business is my business’ Griffin had, as she had feared, accidentally on purpose dropped by the neighbourhood while she wasn’t there. She wondered how often he had tried only to not be able to see Bernie. And now he had talked to her, and confirmed that *she* was the Bernie Serena had mentioned…

Serena had wanted to both kill him and disappear in the thick hedge, preferably dragging Bernie along with her. Alternatively, she could kill him and hide the body in the hedge. It had swallowed a gate for decades, surely it could handle a decomposing surgeon for a few years. The only problem would be having Bernie on board, because that would mean explaining why Ric was there, and … No, better let him live and make him pay in a shrewder fashion.

Serena had said something about the rumour mill which, while true, wasn’t exactly the point of Ric being there, although if he dropped even half a word at work she would have to hone her ninja skills, the fighting for him, the disappearing for everyone else.

And then Bernie had saluted, temporarily disconnecting her brain, a split second brain death. Watching her walk away, she had had trouble tearing her eyes off her, afraid Bernie might turn around and notice that Serena’s eyes were not exactly aimed at the back of her head.

Once she had managed to shake herself out of it, she had decided to tackle the problem head on.

“Ric, you have some explaining to do!”

“So do you, Serena.”

There was a blank. What was she supposed to say? She didn’t have any explaining to do! He was the one who stalked her neighbour. Well, she had, too, sort of, but he didn’t need to know that!

“Anything to say in your defence?” Ric asked, she could hear his grin in his voice.

“What am I charged with?” Serena replied deadpan. She heard him chuckle.

“Having a massive crush on your very female neighbour.” He teased.

“So you noticed then.” She replied, still deadpan. He chuckled again.

“I can recognise a woman when I see one, Serena. Those overalls fit her rather well, too.” He threw the bait, waiting for her to bite. He wished he could see her face, knowing it would be highly enjoyable.

“Can’t say I noticed.” She muttered. He laughed this time.

“Serena, there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to women.” He replied, a bit more serious.

“You would know!” She exclaimed, almost offended.

“Well I’m not a woman.” He stated. He could almost hear her roll her eyes.

“Have you ever been attracted to a man?” She asked, hoping to stall for a while until she could find a way to actually carry out the rest of the conversation without digging herself in a very dangerous hole of rumour material.

“No, I haven’t. But this is not about me, Serena.” He sounded almost reasonable this time around. Almost. She could picture him reclining in a comfortable armchair sipping a colourful cocktail with a large paper umbrella. She knew the cocktail was pushing it, but he had to have a ‘colleague teasing’ armchair by now.

“Well, if you had, you’d know that it’s not that simple.” She replied in earnest. There was a beat, a charged silence, and Serena knew the next few words would determine how bad the next few days would be for her.

“I’m not saying it’s simple to handle.” He started. “If there’s one thing I noticed about your neighbour though, is that she seemed… relieved to know I wasn’t a potential suitor.” He finished, waiting for her to reply.

“What?” she asked. He could hear her frowning.

“Just saying, it might not be one sided, Serena.” He replied, so innocently she could tell he was up to something.

“That’s not really the point of all this though, is it?” Serena asked, deciding to go all or nothing. “I called you to call you on whatever this little visit was. I expected you to come and figure this out. Now, congratulation, you pulled it off, met Bernie, almost admitted I had good taste-” She kept going before Ric interrupted her.

“Good taste, eh, Serena? Meaning she is your taste?” He was so smug by now she had resolved to put him on speaker so she wouldn’t be tempted to throw her phone at the closest wall.

“Ric, let me finish.” She said, the anger in her voice not nearly as strong as the one she felt yet enough to make Ric shut up. “Remember what I said about needing to meet people outside the hospital? Well, things don’t exactly work the same way outside, do they? The world outside isn’t a closed circuit, and this, Ric, is ballet dancing on a tightrope.” Serena realised she wasn’t entirely sure where that comparison was going and paused to take a breath, hoping Ric wouldn’t interrupt her, or refer to her pole dancing skills. “Am I attracted to my neighbour? Yes. Does gender matter? Society says yes, my brain says no, apparently, although I’d have liked to have gotten that memo earlier.”

“Wait, Serena?” Ric interrupted, waiting for get her full attention.

“Yes, Ric?” She sounded annoyed, but no longer ready to bite his head off first and talk later.

“Are you telling me that you only just figured out that you liked women?” He asked, chuckling in disbelief. There was a pause, and he realised she wasn’t going to answer. “Serena, anyone who’s been around you for a day or two and isn’t completely clueless could have told you that.” Ric himself hadn’t really noticed it himself straight away, later putting the fact that the only partners he had ever seen her with were men down to attempts to preserve herself. Still, the signs were there. And the latest sign looked really good in overalls.

“You’re the second person to tell me this in one week.” Serena sighed. Ric wasn’t sure what to make of her voice, he wished he could see her face.

“Who was the first and where did you hide the body?” He asked teasingly.

“It was Raf, and he’s safe and sound, I promise.” She replied, smiling but still a bit bitter.

“There’s something you need to know, Serena.” Ric started, changing the subject to something he knew she would like even less. They could always go back to the rest later.

“What is it?” Serena asked, suspicious.

“Someone started a rumour earlier. It’s hard to say who, I think it might be your whole ward. Apparently, all it took to calm you down is a text from a certain Bernie.” He started.

“… Ric…” Ric had never heard anyone say his name this threateningly, and given his number of ex-wives that was saying something.

“Oh, don’t worry, they have the wrong pronoun, but there’s ample speculation.” He explained.

“I hope you don’t intend to…” Her voice was back to dangerous with a hint of murderous.

“Oh, I might volunteer a detail or two.” Ric teased her. “The mechanic bit to start with, it’s always good to have someone who’s good with their hands.” She could hear him grin. “The fact that… it’s early days.” He was grinning a little wider, she could tell. “Now I might tell them to look out for a convertible?” He pushed, hoping to get a reaction out of her. He sobered up when he didn’t, checking that she hadn’t hung up on him.

Serena hesitated. Two could play that game, but this one was likely to get way out of hand, and she didn’t want to blow however few chances she might have with Bernie just to get the upper hand in the rumour mill.

“Well, you want to do things right?” She asked rhetorically. “Then mention that Bernie was in the army, that we are just neighbours and friends and please stress that because it’s going to backfire on someone eventually and I’d rather it not be me.” She continued. “Please leave out any pronoun. Better yet, use the wrong one, and save us both a mountain of trouble.” She couldn’t stop now that she’d started. He was her friend, if he wanted to mess with her he may as well make himself useful in the process.

“What if Bernie shows up at the hospital?” Ric asked, starting to follow her train of thought. As enjoyable as he would found that little game, it could be problematic for Serena, and for Bernie, and for whatever relationship they might have or head toward. You couldn’t work the rumour mill if there was nothing to mill!

“Well, luckily, I warned her about the rumour mill earlier today. From what I understood she’s familiar with that kind of thing. I’ll just glare down the stupidest suppositions.” Serena was not looking forward to policing rumours on herself, it was hard enough with others! It was too late now, though. Serena realised she didn’t know what Bernie was short for. She would have to ask.

Her problem now was that if she tried to keep it under wraps there would be a lot of speculation that could escalate very fast, but she wasn’t ready to acknowledge that friendship, even as such. If Ric and Raf were right and most people believed Serena swung both ways, so to speak, before she even knew, she wouldn’t be able to pretend this was just friendship considering it took several people calling her on it to admit she was attracted to her. Her avoiding pronouns could be disastrous, and her not correcting people… She groaned, what she hell had she gotten herself into.

“Ric, listen, I’m asking as a friend, a friend who would like a shot at whatever this is: stick with friendship and mechanic, mention the convertible if really necessary, forget about the army… and let me know if there’s something I should know.” She said.

“Yes, but, Serena?” He interjected. She let out a noncommittal sound, clearly done with the conversation. “If you’re as convincing that this is only a friendship as you were the other day… You’re a good actor, Serena, but I’m not sure you can pull that off.” She could hear him smile.

“Do your bit, I’ll handle it on my end.” She replied sternly.

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am.”

“Oh, don’t start!”

“You know better than to give me ammunition, Serena.” He pointed out. He was pretty sure she was smiling. “If you’re lucky something else will come up and it’ll die down quickly, or just be background.”

“I learnt a long time ago that relying on luck when dealing with the rumour mill is never a good idea!”

“True, true. So, do you have plans?” He asked, curious.

“Oh, go to hell, Ric!” She replied, partly jokingly, hanging up just as Jason walked in. She wondered whether the rumour had reached the porters already. Of course it had. The look on Jason’s face was telling enough. Now, to brief him and hope he agreed to stick with her version, which was the truth after all, save for the pronoun, of course.

 

  
Once done with the gate, Bernie cleared some things out of the living room and sat down in front of the piano, picking the music sheets she had selected. The piano would only be tuned tomorrow, but it was good enough for practice, and an hour or two wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway.

 

  
It had taken Serena a good while to make Jason adhere to her point of view, but he had agreed. Now she couldn’t help but wonder how things would be the next morning. The damage control she had mentioned to Bernie earlier would, ironically, be because of her. She couldn’t wait, and knew that the prospect of spending the evening with Bernie would make her day considerably better, no matter what the rumour mill had to throw her way.

 

Neither of them slept very well that night, Bernie was haunted by a nightgown and Serena by the unholy balcony combination from that morning. They both woke up wondering how they would be able to face the other later that day. They avoided the temptation of trying the meet the other’s eye across the space between their houses and focused on getting ready.

 

Serena could tell something was off the moment she walked in the lobby. She went to get her coffee and made it a priority to find Raf. Maybe the rumour was what he had been trying to talk to her about the previous day. In any case he should be able to tell her which stage it had reached. When she arrived in the ward, she met Fletch’s eyes, and from the smile on his face he knew something she didn’t. She walked toward him with what she hoped was a dangerous smile.

“I’m glad you’re getting back on the scene, boss. ‘Bout time.” He smiled wildly, genuinely happy, it seemed, leaving behind a very baffled Serena. Something had clearly not gone according to plan. Was Ric to blame yet or had the rumour mill gone in thread-mill mode again?

She managed to corner Raf in the locker room. She didn’t even have to ask.

“I tried to warn you yesterday, Serena, but I couldn’t get to you.” He started, looking a bit guilty.

“What do they know. Or suspect. Or speculate. The lot, Raf.” She demanded. He nodded.

“Well they noticed you lighting up when you got a text from a certain Bernie yesterday. Wide smile after an otherwise tough shift and all.” He explained.

“So that was yesterday.” She said, having by now an extremely clear understanding of the way things worked in cases like these. “Where are we now?”

“Well, everyone seems to be aware Bernie is a mechanic.” Raf started. Serena cursed under her breath. So Ric had had time to drop some ‘hints’ after all. “The rest is pure speculation.” He finished, refusing to look at him. She feared the worst.

“Spill it.” She asked playfully, something dangerous in her tone still.

“On the bright side, no one seems to question the fact that Bernie is a man. Even a manly man, too, something about the mechanic thing, you know. From the name, they assumed it was someone older.” He stopped, trying to remember if there was anything else. “Oh, and there was mention of a convertible, apparently? Not sure what this is about?” He asked. Serena hissed Ric’s name.

“Ah, he met h-Bernie then?” Raf asked. Serena nodded. Raf had still not seen her, and was now starting to wonder what she looked like. He hoped Ric didn’t have a picture, or Serena might find herself in a tricky situation.

“He happened to be in the neighbourhood yesterday while Bernie worked on her gate.” She explained, realising that she would have to be more careful about pronouns. Raf seemed to have noticed the same thing. “What is the word, relationship wise?”

“Ah, er, well, there are several versions. Either him trying to woo you and you playing hard to get.” Raf laughed. “There’s the long distance relationship, which doesn’t make sense with the car thing, but who knows.” He continued. “There’s the high school sweetheart one, I liked that one, because it didn’t make sense with their idea of the age difference.” He laughed again. “There’s the budding friendship between neighbours, which I’m assuming is Ric’s doing, but he hasn’t made that good a job at convincing anyone, and it’s a lot less exciting, too.” He paused. “I think that’s about it, but Fletch might be able to tell you more.” He said apologetically.

“When I came in Fletch told me he was glad I was back out there, or something to that effect.” She replied glumly.

“Well I guess in a way you are!” Raf smiled encouragingly. She glared at him and he chuckled. “We better go back, we don’t want to give them any ideas.” He teased, walking away before she could glare at him again.

 

  
Serena went to her office only to find Hanssen waiting for her at the door. She opened it and let him inside, closing the door behind her. He handed her more paperwork than she had time for, having asked her about the one she had just handed in. He stopped in his tracks before he left, turning back to her.

“Also, you wouldn’t happen to have your car serviced at the garage next to the nice café you mentioned to me the other day?” Hanssen asked. Serena knew he probably didn’t mean anything by it. But what if he did. She had waited too long to answer and was blushing more and more by the second.

“They have very nice and efficient mechanics there.” He stated. “Still, I believe temporarily discouraging the staff from using their services might be in everyone’s best interest.” He said, almost lightly.

“And how would you go about doing that?” She asked.

“Well, I happen to know that almost every garage in a fifty mile radius has a mechanic called Bernard in their employment.” He explained. “A simple online search might be able to give them a list of names, garages, and even pictures. I have a feeling they might not find your Bernie on that list.” He added with what she believed might pass as a gentle smile. She nodded thankfully.

“Thank you Henrik.”

“My pleasure. I am all too aware of the dangers of the rumour mill.” This time it was a real, genuine, clearly visible smile. He was long gone by the time Serena frowned. If there really were this many Bernie, how had he known which was ‘hers’? She didn’t remember mentioning the garage? Had even he picked up on her attraction to women? He had clearly done his homework, too. He was being very helpful. He was a friend, but still. At least she knew she could count on his discretion.

 

  
She was barely out of her office when she heard her text tone. She saw at least a dozen heads turn to her. She could have glared at them, or gone back to her office, but instead she checked her phone, thinking that there was no way Bernie would text her now.

“Did you find out what you colleague wanted? I hope it went alright. -B”

Serena knew she was smiling too much but couldn’t help herself. She replied quickly while no one accidentally found themselves looking over her shoulder.

“I did, turns out he just wanted to piss me off. It worked. I look forward to tonight though! Nothing quite like a good mystery to take your mind off petty squabbles. Looking forward to the company too! -S”

She hit send before she could think too much about it, immediately regretting it. Was it too direct? Too much? She didn’t want to scare her off, but she didn’t want to beat around the bush, either. She promised herself never to use that expression again, too.

“We might want to start a support group! I look forward to it too! Good luck with the rest of your shift! -B”

The text made Serena melt a bit. She wasn’t sure she deserved Bernie, in any capacity. She feared she might be disrupting the mechanic’s life as much as she was disrupting hers. Not that she minded.

“Thanks! How about ‘Embittered Mill fighters club? -S” She felt giddy. Why did she feel giddy?

“I would suggest putting it on a t-shirt but that might have the opposite of the desired effect! -B”

Serena laughed, walking toward the nurse station but accidentally heading off course, her staff automatically walking around her. She was still laughing when she collided with a column. She kept laughing, seemingly unaware of the sudden silence.

“We should put it on columns, because I just walked into one laughing at that! -S” Serena had been walking this ward for years, she could sleepwalk her way through a trauma situation if necessary, but apparently texting her attractive neighbour made a number of her brain.

“Ouch, are you alright? -B”

Serena could almost hear the concern in her words and replied as lightly as she could.

“Yes, but that won’t help my case! -S”

“Sorry! -B” Serena had a feeling Bernie was the kind of person who apologised a lot when she was out of her comfort zone. She would have to make sure she became part of her comfort zone.

“Don’t be, it’s been a while since I last laughed this hard at work! -S”

In fact she couldn’t remember when she last time had been, things had been tense lately.

“Glad to be of service! -B”

Serena almost blushed, and decided to leave it at that. They both had work to go back to. Serena shook her head and walked away, missing the shock on her staff’ faces. They’d never seen her like that. As far as they were concerned this definitely disproved the neighbours to friend hypothesis. What kind of people laugh so much at a text from their neighbour that they walk into walls? Raf, standing at the other end of the ward, shook his head. She was in deep. There was nothing more he could do to help now.

 

 

Bernie had sent her first text during her break, not expecting an answer. And yet, straight away...

Her smile grew with every word and she soon gave up on glaring at her colleagues. She was sharing nice texts with a friend, they could all go to hell!

Serena saying she looked out to their evening, to her, had made her feel… she wasn’t sure what she had felt, lightheaded, free, her heart and stomach full of a mix of bees and butterflies, all flutter and energy. She wished she could be there, see her, see the look on her face, but her words alone made her blush. Texting was easier than talking when you didn’t want your face to betray your feelings, some almost forbidden thoughts forming almost easily on the screen.

Once she had reciprocated, having looked around for her staring colleagues, and thought about her own eagerness, she had not expected an answer. It came straight away again, Serena’s name for their potential support group making her laugh and startling the whole garage. Whichever colleagues weren’t already interested in her budding relationship fully invested now. She had answered playfully and the text she got in return made her laugh even harder.

One of her colleagues managed to look over her shoulder, and she knew she would get teased until the end of time. “Making women fall in your arms is one thing, Bernie, but walk into columns is a whole new feat.” He said. She slapped him playfully on the arm and replied, apologising, knowing that Serena wouldn’t be able to tell the width of her smile. She would have a hard time policing it to get back to work. Customers might get the wrong idea.

As she sent the last message, she had been about to reply ‘I aim to please.’ when the colleague looking over her shoulder had cleared his throat while suggestively waggling his eyebrows. She had blushed a deep shade of red and went for ‘glad to be of service’ instead. Crisis averted.

No one actually said anything for the rest of the day, but the way they looked at her was enough. She was relieved when she got to clock off early. One step closer to Serena.

 

Bernie was startled when she heard the doorbell. Facing her was a young woman with a shy smile and toolboxes that looked too heavy for her. Bernie let her in, thankful not to have to deal with the man she had had the misfortune to meet the day before. She wouldn’t have been as understanding the second time around.

She introduced herself and got a name in reply. Fatima. Her last name reminded her of the interpret they had on her last few tour, a great man with an addiction to mint tea who spoke more languages than she could remember. She had never seen him again, but had heard from one of her teammates that he wouldn’t have been there if she had come back. One more name on a very long list of people whose work would be remembered but whose names would subsist in just a few minds.

She snapped out of her daydream when she saw the concern on the young woman’s face. “Sorry, memories of an old friend.” She winced. Fatima smiled, seemingly relieved, and Bernie realised that her name had probably elicited violent responses in the past.

The xenophobes could keep the misogynistic twat, she would happily welcome the quiet young woman. Fatima took a torn sheet of paper out of her pocket and groaned.

“I hope his behaviour was better than his handwriting.” She sighed, making Bernie wince.

“Not really.” She smiled, playfully rolling her eyes, making the young woman laugh.

Bernie explained everything she had the previous day, her explanations met this time with sensible questions. Fatima asked a few more questions as she prepared her tools and opened the piano. She might have been young but the ease with which she moved around the strings and hammers betrayed a lengthy experience. She explained that her family had lived next door to the shop all her life, and she had always been fascinated by it. The ageing tuner’s son had gone in finance, and he had taken her under his wing and trained her.

“There is something magical about giving instruments their voices back. You never realise how much they lost until they are fully tuned again.” She explained. Bernie thought to herself that, in a way, she was a lot like that piano. She wasn’t sure she could find a tuner for her own broken voice. Serena’s name floated at the edge of her mind, but she ignored it.

Bernie enjoyed watching her work, her precision and skill very effective and swifter than any tuners she had met. Part of her wondered what it would be like watching Serena work, before realising that it was, thankfully, unlikely. Once she was done, Fatima gave Bernie some advice on when to have it tuned again, that playing it by ear was easier if she was going to play regularly.

 

  
As soon as she had left, Bernie went up to her room. She probably didn’t have long until Serena got there, and she had a feeling that answering the door half dressed wouldn’t get the right message across. She went for one of her favourite pairs on skinny jeans, and a shirt whose sleeves she could roll up comfortably. She twirled in front of the full mirror of the wardrobe she had claimed as her own, feeling more than a little silly.

She was trying to fix a strand of hair that kept sticking out when she heard the doorbell ring. A smile took over her face and she practically sauntered downstairs hoping Serena couldn’t hear her rushing there. She opened the door almost violently, making Serena jump then laugh. She curtsied as her neighbour stepped inside, rolling her eyes, amused. She took her coat and tried to place it carefully on the precariously balanced coat stand.

“Some things still need fixing.” She said as an apology and gestured for Serena to go up first. She realised she hadn’t asked if she wanted anything. When she did, Serena turned to her.

“A three day long nap sounds good right now.” There was an intensity in her eyes that made Bernie’s words catch in her throat. She had an idea how to help with that, but she banished it to the back of her mind.

She went to get them cushions so they wouldn’t have to sit on the hardwood floor.

Bernie had prepared the toolbox and set it next to the closet door. The key wasn’t broken clean off, which would, hopefully, make things easier. They hoped it wasn’t seized, it would be tricky enough as it was.

“You’re a surgeon, you’re probably better at this than me.” Bernie said, breaking the comfortable silence. Serena frowned.

“You’re a mechanic.” She pointed out, deliberately patronising.

“Yes, but the level of precision you work at is finer than mine.”

“Well this is more mechanical than… well, let’s just say I’m more at ease with tissues.” Serena muttered.

“You’re pretty good with plants, too.” Bernie teased. Serena shot her a dark look. Bernie wasn’t entirely sure what kind of darkness it was and decided not to let her mind wander.

“Yes, well, plants don’t normally lock themselves in!” Serena replied, mock-offended.

“Right, well, we’ll have to find the right tool for this. Any ideas?” Bernie asked, the itch to please Serena impossible to resist. What was it about this woman? She was right, she could have done it on her own, but it wasn’t the point. They point was to do it together, share that moment, and work together just like they had in the garden, where Serena had been the one who had the edge.

“You’re more familiar with those tools than I am.” Serena countered, her logic infallible. Bernie pinched her lips, thinking.

“If this was a surgery, what would you go for?” She asked, trying a different angle.

“How about this one?” Serena pointed to something in her toolbox, solving the issue.

“Alright then, ladies first.” Bernie smiled, suddenly feeling more confident. This, the mechanical side of things, this she knew how to handle. She realised she could have chosen her words more carefully when she saw the look on Serena’s face.

“You’re a lady too.” Serena protested, seemingly a little lost as per where the comment was coming from.

“You’re more of a lady than me.” Bernie countered, raising her hand in the air in a ‘this is a universal truth’ gesture.

“I wasn’t aware there was a ladyship scale.” Serena bit back, her smile and the glimpse of amusement in her eyes negating her sharpness of her words.

“You’re… graceful, and elegant, and, sensible, and I’m…” Bernie started, realising too late that coming up with compliments this quickly might betray the fact that she spent a little too much time thinking about her than would be normal for a neighbour. Still, she meant it, and tried to convey that as best as she could. She was in way over her head and she knew it, hoping to play it by ear and try not to mess things up from then on.

“You what?” Serena asked gently, having chosen to ignore Bernie’s compliments, her cheeks already sporting a large blush anyway. She didn’t want to linger on that, or the look in Bernie’s eyes. It was dangerous territory, and she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t slip and fall, making a fool of herself in the process.

“Have the grace of a bull in a china shop.” Bernie replied, wincing. Serena forgot to think for a few precious seconds and looked Bernie up and down pointedly. She could tell the other woman was flustered and she felt the spark of hope she had kept alive deep in her mind start burning bright.

“I don’t think you’ve ever seen a bull. Or a china shop, for that matter.” Serena’s words luckily didn’t reflect her inner thoughts, which would probably have been an utter disaster. She had her place in a china shop, but she could probably fight a bull. Serena liked that she was both, liked the way she was biting her lip and not quite looking at her.

“But-” Bernie started, still not looking at her, afraid of what Serena might find in her eyes, afraid of what she might find in Serena’s.

“No but, Bernie. You’re genuine, and ingenious, and bold, …”

Bernie blushed and lost herself in Serena’s eyes, wishing herself to never ever look away, not even, especially not, stray down, not stare at her lips, too. She didn’t feel bold at that moment, if she had she would have kissed her, lost herself in that, too, taken her chance and run with it. She was sure that, for a fleeting moment, a minute fraction of a second, Serena had looked down.

It took all her strength for Bernie to lift the tool from where it lay in front of her and hand it to Serena, careful to handle it so their skin wouldn’t touch, knowing she wouldn’t, couldn’t, bear it. Serena took it, bit her lip and looked at her hands, moving so that was kneeling in front of the door. She had to tear her eyes off her, knew that it was the only way. There was no mistaking what had just happened.

Neither of them had moved away. Neither of them had moved forward. Serena had used every ounce of self-control to fight the urge to kiss her, no matter how incredibly tempting it had been. She was scared, scared of what this meant, having not entirely come to term with her brain dumping a somewhat life changing revelation despite what she had told Raf and Ric. Scared of ruining her only chance, by taking that chance, by doing it wrong. Scared of the intensity in Bernie’s eyes, despite knowing she could see the same in hers.

She was careful to insert the tool properly, grateful that nerves never made her hands shake. She couldn’t quite get the hang of it. She managed to get a pretty good grasp on the end of the key but she couldn’t turn it. She looked at Bernie and gestured for her to take over.

Their hands brushed, sending shivers up their arms as they shared the same air for a few heart-stopping seconds. It took a few attempts, the tool sliding off a couple times, but little by little Bernie managed to free the key. She looked at Serena as she opened the door, and noticed her neighbour had taken a step back, eyeing the stain on the floor suspiciously again. The door creaked, startling them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *endless evil cackling*
> 
> If it’s any consolation, I was very, very, very, very, tempted to have them kiss there. It was very difficult to resist. But I did! They will, eventually, I promise! It’s all planned and everything! *frustrated fic writer moan of despair*
> 
> Next up: the closet and its consequences (including an unwelcome addition to the ever-growing canon cast appearances!). I’m not sure how far it’ll go past that, but possibly some Alex, definitely more of them being in the same room and using all the self-restraint they have!


	11. Slow Bern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest one yet (at over 8K), has a bit of everything: Alex, Ric, texting, poetry, balcony, piano, ... (Hence why it's so long, but I didn't want to cut it, not in the middle anyway...)
> 
> I chose this title for this chapter because I thought it was appropriate, but really it could be an alternate name for the whole fic! (sorry not sorry!)
> 
> I quote extracts from Vitam Impedere Amori by Apollinaire in this chapter. Here are links to[ the original (French)](http://francais.agonia.net/index.php/poetry/13949615/Vitam_impendere_amori) and [the English translation](http://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/French/Apollinaire.htm#anchor_Toc24461594) of the poem
> 
> Thanks for your comments, I particularly enjoyed being shouted at this time around!! (Means I did my 'job' right!) There might be more shouting... Just saying!
> 
> But for now, let's see what's in that closet!

Bernie paled as she peered inside the closet.

“Definitely not wine.” She stated, her voice even, her brain racing. The blood was clearly as old as the dust that had long settled everywhere in the house, yet it felt chillingly fresh. The fact that it hadn’t been cleaned before the house was vacated told of a grim story Bernie wasn’t sure she was ready for.

The bulk of the blood of the floor seemed to have dripped from the inside of the door. The stain there was vaguely human shaped, although it might have been her overactive imagination. The only other content of the closet was a couple bathrobes and cigars, none of which Bernie considered getting some use out of in the future.

“Are you going to be okay?” Serena asked, putting a hand on Bernie’s shoulder, startling them both. Bernie nodded, frowning. She had seen blood before, but it had been so far away from home… and mostly fresh. This, however, was unsettling.

“What do you think this is?” Bernie asked, both to Serena and herself.

“Well either someone stacked a bunch of dying chickens and put it in there…” Serena started, attempting to cheer Bernie up a bit.

“Could someone bleed out that much and make it out alive?” Bernie asked, relying on Serena’s medical knowledge. She appreciated Serena’s effort but they both knew better than to hide from the truth.

“No.” The answer was clear, blunt, precise. Bernie just nodded. “You want to know what happened, don’t you?” Serena asked. Bernie nodded.

“Wouldn’t you?” There was disbelief in her voice. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but of all the things that could have come out of the closet…

“This is bound to be an old case, you might be able to track it down.” Serena pointed out. Bernie winced.

“How? I’m just the new owner, not even a relative.” She said, staring at the floor.

“Well, pointing out that there is a giant pool of dried blood in your closet might help matters.” Serena teased, making Bernie look up and smile. “I might have an idea.” Serena said, not entirely sure it was a good one.

“I’m all ears.” Bernie smiled a little brighter, wondering why Serena’s face reflected more doubt than she had even before.

“My ex, Robbie, is in the police force. He owes me a few favours.” She said before closing her eyes, then rolling it at the way that had sounded. Bernie chuckled, mostly to try and hide her embarrassment.

“I don’t want to be any trouble, Serena, I…” She started, not sure how good an idea that was.

“It’s no trouble, really, and I want to know too. There’s always been something that bothered me about this house, ever since I moved in. I guess we might be able to get some answers.” She replied. Bernie smiled and nodded slightly.

They went to sit in the armchairs facing the window, carefully closing the closet door. Serena took her phone out and Bernie could see her hesitate. She was about to say something when Serena looked up and smiled at her.

“Robbie, it’s me.” She started, and with every word Bernie’s hopes crumbled a little more.

By the time Serena hung up Bernie was wringing her hands and biting her lip like her life depended on it, looking at everything except her. She almost jumped when she felt Serena’s hands on her forearm, meeting her eyes in a deer in the headlight way that had Serena worried. It reminded her of what Ric had told her, about his impression that Bernie had been relieved to see he wasn’t, how had he put it, a ‘suitor’? She had rolled her eyes then, but now she wondered whether there had not been some truth in it. She was most certainly not going to get back with Robbie, but now she had to make sure Bernie understood that. And she had a feeling she would have to make sure Robbie did, too. What had she gotten herself into this time?

“He has a colleague who can look into it, but he won’t be back until next week. He asked if you had names, anything that might help, because narrowing things down by address might be tough if it’s not properly filed, it’s probably not on anything but paper files.” She explained, trying to make it sound as casual as she could and failing miserably.

“I-I’ll see what I can find.” Bernie said, getting up, not entirely sure where she was going, what exactly she was looking for, just needing to be away for a moment. Serena understood and gave her the space, knowing better than to tell her it wasn’t urgent.

She took her time to gather the administrative documents she might need, taking several deep breaths in the process, keeping an ear on the creaking steps of the staircase. Her first reaction had been disappointment, she was scared, and had felt a little lost after the intensity of the moment they had shared earlier. But it was the jealousy that scared her, she had no reason to be jealous, no right to be.

Her brain screamed ‘leave’ but she was in her own house, and didn’t want Serena to leave, not now, not ever if she could help it. She had to bottle everything up, she was good at it, and gather herself. She was as calm and composed as she could muster when she came back up, Serena greeting her with a soft smile and provisionally threatening her balance, as if two legs just weren’t enough anymore.

She put the paperwork on the console between them and took out a battered notebook with frayed pages and bent corners, covered in chicken scratch.

“You should have been a doctor with that handwriting.” Serena joked, hoping to lighten the mood somewhat. Bernie barely cracked a smile.

“That was the initial idea, but I wasn’t good with people.” She said, shocking Serena who had no idea how to answer to that and decided not to. Maybe one day she’d get to hear the rest of that story, but she had a feeling neither of them was ready for it.

Bernie flipped through the papers in silence, writing down the names she found as legibly as she could with dates next to them. After a while, she looked up at Serena, turned the notebook around so the could read the names.

“Do you remember any names from the pictures that aren’t there?” She asked.

“There were a few, but if they shared a gate I think they might have had the neighbours around quite a lot. We don’t have last names, and I don’t think I do either.” She said. Bernie nodded, deep in thought.

“Do you think pictures might help?” She asked, wondering whether there was a picture in those she had seen that could be of any use.

“Well, for some reason I don’t think facial recognition might be of much use!” Serena said, tongue in cheek, making Bernie laugh. The sound echoed about the room and made Serena’s heart swell. Bernie was about to tear the page but Serena stopped her, her hand on hers, and turned the notebook around, simply taking a picture.

“Simpler.” She said, resisting the urge to wink. That and she wasn’t particularly keen on seeing Robbie again sooner than she needed to. He was a detective, and she wasn’t sure she wanted him to detect whatever was going on. She was starting to get tired of people figuring things out long before she did.

She closed the notebook delicately, her hand brushing Bernie’s. She looked in her eyes and saw Bernie about to say something, opening her mouth for a second before closing it again. Serena wanted to reach out, stroke her hand, touch her, bring her closer, anything to remove the doubt and sadness in her eyes. She knew she couldn’t, shouldn’t. She was the one who cared for others, and Bernie clearly wasn’t used to be cared for. That was a gap between them Serena hoped trust and time could mend.

Her hand was still on the notebook and she could feel the unevenness of the cover under her fingertips, wondering whether it was deliberate or just accidents over the course of its life. Wondering how many accidents had left traces on Bernie, inside and out. How much of her own blood she had seen, how many sutures, how much pain. She looked away, unable to bear the look in her eyes now that her thoughts had gone in that direction.

Her eyes shot up again when she felt a small pressure against her hand, one of Bernie’s fingers barely grazing hers in a stuttering attempt to reach out, breaking Serena’s heart just a little bit more. Their eyes met again, and this time the words died on Serena’s lips. How… How could you have that meaningful a conversation with someone… She was used to sharing meaningful looks, but losing herself in someone else’s eyes, giving in to that pull, made her feel naked. She always had barriers up, and Bernie had effortlessly passed every single one of them, effectively trapping herself there, never really leaving Serena’s mind.

They both jumped away when they heard Serena’s phone, a flash of… something raw in Bernie’s eyes. Serena looked down but already knew what it was. She had set an alarm to be on time for dinner with Jason. They had lost track of time, had long had they sat there? Serena felt more exhausted than she did after hours of difficult surgery.

She showed her her phone without a word, and felt Bernie relax somewhat. They got up, Bernie a step behind Serena in the stairs, Serena tempted to slow down, stop, give herself, give them, the opportunity to share another moment, but she didn’t. She took her coat off the coat stand, laughed as Bernie rushed to keep it standing when it started to wobble. Large smiles on their faces, they looked at one another one last time before Serena left, words still unnecessary.

Bernie watched her walk out and disappear, knowing she wouldn’t turn around, couldn’t, taking some comfort in the fact that she had chosen to use the gate still. As she closed the door she rested with her back to it, the back of her head hitting the wood. She let herself slip along the wooden panel until she was sitting at the foot of the door and took a deep breath. She knew what she had to do. She took out her phone and sent a quick text.

“Call me tonight if you get the chance? -B”

 

 

Serena’s steps were less and less confident and by the time she reached the gate she had to hang on to it for a few seconds before opening it. She felt drained. She braced herself as she walked inside and hung her coat on her solidly fixed coat rack. She greeted Jason who didn’t remark on anything and she was grateful for it, be it that he didn’t notice or kept it to himself. As he started talking about the rumours he had heard, she realised she had completely forgotten about it. She heard his explanations but didn’t really listen to them. It didn’t seem important anymore.

She poured herself a glass of Shiraz after dinner and decided she needed something that could help her disconnect, just for a bit. QI wouldn’t cut it. She searched her computer for the medical journals she had been neglecting for a while and let herself be sucked in. She had done good progress by the time Jason went to bed, her glass only half empty. She decided to call it a day too, downing the rest of the glass and putting her laptop away. As she got ready for bed she noticed there was no light in the bedroom opposite. She wasn’t sure what it meant.

 

 

Bernie’s phone rang less than a minute after she sent the text. She smiled tentatively, thankful for her friend’s support.

“Bernie? Are you okay?” Bernie realised from the concern in Alex’ voice that her attempts at phrasing the text as undramatically as possible hadn’t worked.

“It’s okay, it’s just…” She paused, trying to find a way to phrase it, realising that she would have to struggle through the whole conversation. “Lots of things happened. And you did tell me to keep you in the loop.” Bernie heard Alex let out a small sigh.

“Good, I’ll just put the kids to bed and I’ll be right back with you.”

“Tell them good night from me.” Bernie replied fondly. She heard a high-pitched voice reciprocating and smiled. There was a giggle when Alex came back.

“They want to know if you’ve seen the nice lady again.” She said. “I told them that I wanted to know, too!” Alex teased.

“You might want to sit somewhere comfortable, it might get long.” Bernie replied. She wasn’t a talkative person, but Alex made up for that by asking pertinent questions.

“Where do you want to start?” Alex asked, trying to get things going.

“I don’t know…” Bernie replied, infinitely helpful, making Alex sigh.

“Chronologically?” Alex suggested. Bernie heard things being shuffled about and pictured Alex finding a comfortable spot on her sofa.

“Saturday night, long after you left, she came by.” Bernie started. She could picture Alex nodding. “Said she didn’t have my number or she would have texted.” Bernie added.

“So she asked for your number in a way that you thought was completely innocent. Well done, Bernie, you got the lady’s number without even trying!” Alex teased her.

“It wasn’t like that!” Bernie defended herself, thinking back to that moment. It probably was like that. “We had a bit of a conversation.” She added.

“What kind of a conversation?” Alex asked. “How much lips were involved?” She added, knowing Bernie would blush.

“Not that kind of conversation, Alex. Just a quick word on death and how dealing with it daily is something few people understand.” Alex was surprised by how solemn Bernie sounded. Clearly the exchange had left a trace.

“Well, that’s possibly the worst pick-up line I’ve ever heard of.” Alex said gently, knowing how sensible the subject was. She knew Bernie had a lot to work on as regard the army, and if Serena could help her open up, then it was for the better. It was unexpected but definitely needed.

“Well, I did invite her to come cut the hedge the next day.” Bernie added, back to her cheerier self.

“What is it with you and hedges?” Alex laughed, remembering the first conversation they had about Serena.

“Well, I don’t know, but it worked.” She could hear Bernie grinned.

“Oh, so you do know how to woo the lady after all!” Alex grinned as well.

“Well, I wouldn’t say woo. We just cleared the gate, and at some point she more or less collided into me, and I ended up with my hands on her waist, and…”

“Bernie, Bernie, wait, you ended up face to face with your hands on her waist and did nothing?” She cried out in disbelief.

“No, she had her back to me.” Bernie explained slowly, still enjoying her friend’s tone.

“How fast did she move?” Alex asked. There was a long pause. “Bernie?”

“Well, not straight away.” She admitted sheepishly.

“So you moved, didn’t you?” Alex asked, somewhat rhetorically, wondering how Bernie would ever manage not to act stupid around her new neighbour.

“No, she did, she was standing on my foot so she had to be the one to move.” Bernie explained. “And I didn’t want to anyway.” She muttered, making Alex smile.

“You’re a lost cause, Bern.” Alex sighed fondly.

“We did the garden afterwards. I asked, and she agreed, and we explored a bit. She’s really good at it. There’s a lot of work but we started a bit, and she makes it fun, somehow.” Bernie admitted with a smile.

“I get it, you like her.” Alex smiled, knowing something was coming.

“She got a call from her ex-husband, something about his new wife, or their daughter, she didn’t elaborate, but she stopped me from walking away.” Bernie said, realising that it was something that was still bothering her.

“What did you get from it?” Alex asked.

“Well she is clearly really really pissed off at him. Hung up on him, too. Said something about mistakes to learn from.” Bernie recalled.

“There’s still hope for you yet.” Alex teased.

“I don’t know if there is, I think there might be, after the last two days…” Bernie was mostly talking to herself now. “After that, we were in the kitchen and… we didn’t talk. We just…” she left her sentence hang in the air.

“Had one of those silent conversations you’re really good at, except you normally only manage those with people you’ve known for years.” Alex finished.

“Yes.” Bernie admitted. “Exactly.”

“You mentioned the last two days… you’ve seen her again, haven’t you?” Alex asked, knowing she barely had to push her now. It was rare enough to witness Bernie ‘bottle-up-everything’ Wolfe talk of her own volition, she knew it was something that really got to her, and she knew how much trust Bernie had in her that she felt comfortable talking to her like that.

“Yes.” Bernie said simply. “You were right, by the way.” She said with a dreamy smile.

“About what?” Alex asked. She could remember at least half a dozen things she had been right about already, and wondered what the others were.

“I was on my balcony on Monday, and I looked up and she was there.” She explained.

“What were you wearing?” Alex asked. Of all the things Bernie had expected her to ask, this was not one of them.

“Shorts and a singlet.” She replied straight away, remembering how cold, and exposed, she had felt.

“Bernie, are you trying to give her a heart attack?” Alex laughed. There was a pause and she could almost picture Bernie looking offended.

“No, we just… looked at one another, and at some point she turned around and waved, and disappeared.” Bernie explained. Alex could tell there was something bothering her.

“You thought she had someone there, didn’t you?” Alex asked, teasing. She wished Bernie could see the obvious. “Bernie, if she had, do you genuinely think she would have been ogling her neighbour!”

“She wasn’t ogling me!” Bernie replied defensively.

“Alright, let’s go for admiring the view.” Alex laughed. This was getting good, and yet she had the feeling there was more to come. “Has she mentioned anyone?”

“An ex, earlier, Robbie? He’s a police officer, she wanted to ask about, well, it’s complicated.” Bernie fumbled with her words. Alex had asked for a chronology of events and she had just skipped a few. “And there was someone, too.” She explained, knowing full well that she wasn’t making much sense.

“Someone?” Alex encouraged her.

“Yes, a colleague of hers came by yesterday while she wasn’t home, I was out trying to fix the damn gate, and he introduced himself. Apparently Serena had mentioned me because he had this kind of smile…” Bernie explained. She could hear Alex chuckle.

“Bernie, I’m fairly sure some people on her side have picked up on it, too.” Alex was happy she wasn’t the sole sufferer of two middle aged women too blind to admit they had a thing for each other.

“Anyway, I texted her to come here tonight, I was home early to get the piano tuned, and we tackled the locked closet, you know upstairs?” Bernie started before remembering she had forgotten something. “And I texted earlier today and made her walk into a wall.” She added, laughing.

“Berenice Griselda Wolfe, you did not!” Alex laughed so hard she had to take a moment to breathe before she could speak again. “This is a new one, Bernie! Next one, try to get her to walk into you! Preferably not with her back to you, yes?” Alex was still laughing. “I do remember the closet, yes. Afraid what might come out of it?” She teased. She felt a sudden unease at her choice of words.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Bernie winced. “But we were both in front of the lock, trying to figure out how to crack it, and…” She started.

“And what?” Alex asked.

“And… and I guess we almost kissed. We were this close, I… I…” Bernie said, blushing as she remembered the moment.

“Wait, would you mind explaining to me how you went from picking a lock to kissing?” Alex felt a bit lost.

“I wanted her to be the one trying, she’s a surgeon and all that, and… I don’t know, I ended up complimented her, and she complimented me, and things kind of got out of hand from there.” She explained, still baffled by that moment. “I managed to resist, I still don’t know how.” She admitted.

“Bernie!!! Why? Why would you resist? I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t misread someone trying to kiss you!” Alex didn’t know what to think anymore. “Were you waiting for her to make a move?” She asked, suspicious.

“Kind of?” Bernie answered, shyly.

“You do realise that she probably thought the same thing, right?”

“But, Alex…”

“No but, Bernie, you’re head over heels for her, do yourself a favour and take that plunge. You’re torturing the both of you, and if you’re right in thinking she thinks she’s straight, then she most definitely won’t be the one making the first move.”

“But, Alex…” Bernie repeated.

“Is there anything else I should know?” Alex asked. Bernie bit her lip.

“Kind of.” She admitted.

“Out with it!” Alex demanded.

“The closet was full of blood. Old, dried blood, but full of it all the same. Most likely human, too. Serena said it’s unlikely anyone could survive losing this much blood.”

“That’s an acute case of a skeleton in the closet.” Alex admitted, suddenly a lot less enthusiastic.

“Serena suggested asking her ex, he’s in the police force. She called him and the colleague who could help won’t be back before a week.” She explained.

“And you freaked out.” Alex completed, the tone of Bernie’s voice clear to her.

“Yes.” Bernie admitted lowly. “But…”

“But?” Alex encouraged her. There was more, there had to be, or Bernie wouldn’t have called her, wouldn’t have needed her hopes be lifted.

“We just… looked at one another.” Bernie explained softly.

“How long?” Alex asked suspiciously.

“I don’t know, Alex. I really don’t know.” Bernie said, feeling out of breath.

“What did she say when she left?” Alex asked.

“She didn’t… I mean we didn’t…”

“You didn’t need to say anything.” Alex sighed. She could tell Bernie was shaking her head. “What are you going to do next?” Alex asked.

“I don’t know. I want to explore the library with her, but I don’t want to sound too eager if I invite her tomorrow, you know.” Bernie said.

“Library?” Alex asked. Ah, Bernie thought, yes.

“When I showed her the room, Serena pointed out that the volume wasn’t right. There should have been more space, and there probably was a room somewhere behind the library.” She explained.

“And you didn’t tell us because you wanted to keep it for the two of you.” Alex completed her thought.

“Yes...” Bernie admitted, a bit sheepish.

“Well it might be a good way to move on from the bloody closet.”

“Who knows what we might find in there, though.” Bernie pointed out.

“Text her and invite her? Maybe not tonight though. Anything else you have planned for the both of you?” She asked.

“Not, not really.” Bernie admitted. She didn’t want to run out of ideas, but she hoped that they would keep coming.

“Have you considered inviting her to dinner?” Alex asked. She could hear Bernie’s sharp intake of breath.

“No! Alex, no!”

“Bernie, come on, just the two of you, that’ll give you time to just be together, with no excuse between you.”

“But, how? And I can’t cook anyway, and inviting someone to takeaway doesn’t really sound as good.” Bernie pointed out, already panicking. Give her a motor to fix in under ten minutes and she’d go for it. Cooking, for someone else, something that was neither burnt nor tasteless, was definitely not her thing, least of all for Serena who she suspected was the most accomplished cook she’d ever met.

“To thank her for all the help? That seems appropriate, given the situation, even if she volunteered.” Alex stated. “And you must have some cookbooks laying around.”

“I… I do, actually, found some in the basement the other day.”

“There you go! There must be someone doable in there. Make sure you can find a day that works for the both of you and go for it?”

“Alex, I hate you.” Bernie stated.

“I know.” Alex grinned. “But you’ll thank me later!” There was a blank. “Also, maybe try and have another one of your conversations on your balcony tomorrow morning?” She teased. She heard Bernie sigh.

“I meant to practice, actually. I found some piano pieces I really wanted to work on. Playing the other day really… made me want to play again.” She said, knowing full well that Alex must have heard something.

“You could play for her, whenever you have dinner together!” Alex suggested.

“I’m not that good.” Bernie said, self-deprecatingly.

“Bernie, if you can remember most of a Gnossienne after this many years, I think you can pull off something nice with some practice and the music sheet.” Alex said gently.

“Maybe.” Bernie admitted. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

“Bernie.” Alex said, more serious than she had been before. “You won’t be ready until you try, this is too close to your heart for you to be objective.” She added. “Which is probably why you called me to kick your butt and tell you to go get the girl.” She finished with a smile, making Bernie chuckle.

“Thank you Alex.”

“Any time! Take care, and let me know.”

“Will do. Goodnight.”

Alex’s words rang in her head for a long time. She fixed herself a sandwich and started flipping through one of the cookbooks she had found. It was simple enough, and there were a lot of annotations in the margins. It was a good sign, right?

She went to the piano as soon as she was done eating, revelling in its sound. She played until she could feel her fingers ache, more and more confident as she went about practising the pieces as carefully as she knew how. There was hope.

A [prelude by Chopin ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiwPzHJ-Pic)seemed to call to her doubts, the cracks in her armour. Duct tape wouldn’t hold very long anymore, there was only so much DIY you could do on yourself. Would Serena be the one yanking it off or mending it? Perhaps both. Bernie wasn’t sure why she was so ready to trust her, so desperate even. She hoped she wasn’t wrong.

She expected her brain to play a loop of her non-conversation with Serena, but she found herself sleeping better than she had in a while, putting it down to the piano helping her let go, and Alex’ benevolent match making. She woke up bright and early, bright because of the sun that seemed to be able to pinpoint exactly where her eyes would be just as she turned around, early because that’s what it did, wasn’t it?

She stretched and lazied around for a bit, trying to process everything that happened the previous day. She needed a cigarette, she decided, if not two. There was a lot to process, and it was early after all. Of course there was also the fact that she hoped to see Serena, even though she had spent the evening doing little else. She put on sweatpants and a sweater, knotting it under her chin in a nod to what Alex had told her about giving Serena a heart attack. Maybe she was right. Well, hopefully not about the heart attack.

She stepped outside, thankful for the extra warm layer, wishing she had thought of putting socks on too, because she felt the cold seeping through her feet and up her legs to radiate in her entire body. Not the most comfortable feeling, and yet she didn’t go back inside. She struggled to light her cigarette, her lighter suddenly unhelpful, and looked up as she took the first drag. She let it out gently as she met Serena’s eyes. She didn’t look like she had gotten much sleep, and Bernie felt guilty. Had their time together had that effect on her?

She smiled at her with a small wave and Serena replied the same way. Bernie had found a comfortable position, her forearms on the railing, looking up with what she knew was a cheesy smile, but it was too early for her to care. Serena was leaning against the edge of the window, responding in kind. After a while, their smiles growing little by little, Bernie’s face lit up, she stood up properly and hopped inside after a quick wave to Serena to tell her to wait. She came back with a large smile and her phone and she saw Serena smile and go get her own. By the time she was back at the window Serena already had the first text.

“Hi -B” Serena smiled at Bernie, and replied.

“Hi -S”

“Long day ahead of you? -B”

“Most likely, you? -S”

“Nothing some glaring at reticent colleagues can’t fix. -B” Serena sighed at the thought.

“Lucky you, I’d need extra pairs of eyes to do that. -S” Four would do.

“I”m sure you’re a much more effective glarer than I am -B”

“I’m not sure that’s a word, and I’m faced with very resourceful people. -S”

“If you steer clear of columns, you should be alright -B” She teased, she could see Serena rolling her eyes.

“Either that or I make sure one of them walks into one -S”

“That doesn’t sound very ethical. -B” Bernie laughed.

“I didn’t say I was going to force them! -S” The look of mock disbelief on Serena’s face made Bernie laugh even more.

“Do you have a name in mind? -B”

“I have a list. -S”

“Please tell me I’m not on that list! -B”

“Of course you aren’t! -S” I don’t think you could ever be, Serena added to herself.

“Good to know! -B”

There was a pause.

“Also, what happened with the closet made me think of the library, what do you think we’ll find there? -B” Bernie was about to cross her fingers but was afraid Serena might see it.

“Who knows. But I really want to know! -S”

“So do I! Come by any evening you feel like and we can have a look, try and figure it out? -B” She held her breath, had she been too forward?

“Tonight? -S” Serena answered straight away, Bernie looked up, hope in her eyes, only to meet a similar expression on Serena’s face.

“Sure! -B”

She suddenly saw Serena checking her phone and frowning.

“Looks like there is news on the rumour mill front. I’ll go early, see if I can’t tackle it so I can do actual work later on. I’ll let you know if work gets late. -S” She didn’t really want to go, but she knew it was probably best, for her sake.

“Sounds good! Give them hell! -B” She waved and saw Serena smile then disappear from view. Serena’s smile widened even more as she left the room. The day was off to a good start.

 

  
Bernie went back inside shortly after Serena left with a spring in her step. She got ready quickly and took a look at her watch. She had half an hour before she needed to leave. She set a reminder on her phone and walked to the piano, wondering what to start with. If she were to play for Serena, what could she play? It had to be something special, meaningful. Would she be ready?

 

  
Serena arrived early and was greeted by large smiles. Whatever hope she had gathered as she got up was long gone, the awkward feeling from the night before dawned on her. She realised it was probably for the best. Who knew what ideas they’d get if they saw her arrive chipper than usual.

She couldn’t find Raf, and Ric was clearly avoiding her. She managed to corner Sacha but he couldn’t tell her more than she already knew. He tentatively asked a few questions out of, his own, curiosity and was glared at for his troubles.

Back on AAU, Serena caught sight of Morven, all but sneaked up on her and smiled her signature ‘tell me what I need to know, now’ smile. She had known Morven long enough that the junior doctor recovered promptly, although she had genuinely gotten the wrong message and talked her through unusual night shift events. When Serena nodded and kept smiling, she realised what it had been about and blushed slightly.

“What do you want to know?” She asked tentatively.

“Everything.” Serena replied. She could see Morven attempting to piece things together for Serena to follow, who wished she had paid more attention to Jason at dinner.

The column incident had been misinterpreted as inappropriate texts seeing as she’d been blushing and subsequently disappeared for five good minutes. Serena sighed, blushed slightly, then laughed.

“If only she knew.” She said to herself, before noticing Morven’s frown. “Ellie, I… She wouldn’t believe how far fetched your theories are.” Ellie most likely wouldn’t, but luckily she wouldn’t be around to poke a hole in her little white lie either.

“Anything else?” She asked, knowing there had to have been more or Raf wouldn’t have texted her.

“Well, everyone thought that you, when you left, last night…” Morven left her sentence trail off, hoping Serena wouldn’t make her spell it out.

“Had everything intentions to have sex?” She finished and she could tell Morven was less and less comfortable.

“There’s a betting pool, from what I’ve heard.” She added, almost whispering.

Serena’s face went from disbelief, to annoyance, to anger, to wrath and Morven took advantage of someone handing her a patient file to make a run for it, leaving Serena rooted to the spot. She saw Fletch across the yard, caught his eye and glared down the grin that had been growing on his face. Contrarily to what she would have thought, he walked toward her rather than away as Morven stared at him in panic.

“Betting pool?” She asked, trying to stay angry, although part of her couldn’t help but find the situation ridiculous. If only they knew…

“Take it you’ve heard.” His smile was starting to reappear and she glared it off his face again. “Nothing’s settled yet.” He said. She rolled her eyes.

“Well, there’s nothing to settle, for starters!” She countered.

“So Jason says.”

“And he isn’t known for lying.”

“He is not. He also doesn’t believe that the column incident was due to texts of a sexual nature. His words, not mine.”

“Ha! Good! Can you move on to someone whose life is more exciting than mine, please?” Serena’s tone was anything but pleading, but it was supported by a powerful stare.

“He did, however, say that you are indubitably attracted to your neighbour, whom you were going to visit last night.” He grinned. Serena sighed.

“I did.” She said, wondering how exactly to explain the mess the evening had been.

“Anything to report? When will you see him again?” Fletch asked, and Serena realised that she would have to choose her words very carefully.

“Tonight, promised to give a hand with something.” She said. She could see the shock on Fletch’s face and realised that, in her haste to skip the pronoun, she had chosen a very unfortunate turn of phrase. “No, Fletch, not *that* way.” She added as an afterthought, but it was clearly too late. She heard someone approach and turned to see Raf who looked like he could use a day-long nap. It was the end of the night-shift after all. He shot a quizzical gaze at Fletch who burst out laughing. Serena turned to Raf and looked at him in despair.

“What did you say?” He asked, hoping to be able to make things right. It couldn’t be that bad.

“I mentioned going to my neighbour’s tonight.” She started before cringing, wondering how she hadn’t caught on it before saying it the first time. “To lend a hand.” She finished. Raf started laughing, almost doubled over, the tiredness adding to the irony of the situation.

“Serena, you are digging your own grave!” He said in between fits.

“I should go lay in it before I make it worse.” She muttered, the two men starting to laugh even harder. “Oh for Christ’s sake!” She said, a little too loud, bringing attention to their little exchange.

“Serena!” Ric called her from across the ward and Serena closed her eyes, took a deep breath and hoped for some kind of emergency. By the time Ric arrived the two men had sobered up and Fletch had filled Ric in, Raf desperately trying to stop him, before realising it was a lost cause. Serena gestured for him to go home, get some sleep, and he headed to the locker rooms, wondering what state he’d find the ward in when he came back.

By the time Ric was caught up, his smug grin was almost too much to bear. Serena had heard Fletch use the wrong pronouns several times, and the fact that Ric knew…

“Does… Bernie know about this?” He asked, voluntarily leaving a beat to scared her.

“I did mention the rumour mill, but sh- - -aring more would be silly.” She said, having caught herself just in time, Ric chuckling while Fletch had a feeling he was missing something.

“You’ll have to mention it eventually.” He said. “Preferably before we meet that neighbour of yours.” He grinned.

“Haven’t you met him?” Fletch asked, Serena shooting a warning stare at Ric.

“I have. Really Serena’s type, I should add.” He said, teasing her, surprised and pleased when he saw her blush. Luckily for her, Fletch didn’t read too much into it.

“Do you believe that she wouldn’t have made a move?” Fletch asked Ric, ignoring Serena and knowing he’d pay for it later.

“I think she’s too shy.” Ric teased, Fletch’s eyebrows shooting dangerously close to his hairline.

“Shy?” He repeated, not entirely sure he heard right. He noticed Serena wasn’t answering. Shy was the last word he’d have asked to describe her.

“Cautious.” Serena added after a while.

“Call it what you want, Serena, but admit it might be a nice… experience.” He finished, knowing she would understand and that Fletch would be none the wiser.

“Don’t you two have somewhere to be?” She suddenly snapped. This conversation had been a disaster from start to finish, and she really hoped her shift wouldn’t overrun because the prospect of ending the evening with Bernie was the only thing helping her fight back the stares she received from all those in the know.

 

  
Bernie spent the entire day smiling too much, blissfully ignorant of the rumours behind her back. She was a delight to be around, not that she generally wasn’t, but she managed to lift the spirits of even the most grumpy colleague, and that was saying something. They all knew she had seen her neighbour the previous day. They all thought they had at least kissed, some even whispered something about horizontality, but they were too attached to their privates to dare ask her.

It was soon clear to them that she also had a ‘date’ the same night, which the more daring colleagues thought was a proof of their theory. About half an hour before closing time, Bernie’s phone rang, and they all started trying to work as silently as they could given their respective work stations. They could see the look of concern on Bernie’s face as she picked up the phone. She listened carefully, frowning at first, biting her lip, then beaming as she nodded even though her interlocutor obviously couldn’t hear it.

“Of course, Serena, no problem. See you later.” They heard her say softly. They were used to what they called her army voice, and hearing her talk like this made for a lot of teasing material. She shot them a victorious smile and went back to the leaking coolant she was meant to be investigating. Serena’s shift would run late, but she asked whether she could come after dinner.

Bernie was more than happy to agree, anything to see her, she realised, and she wasn’t ashamed of it, embracing it, even. Maybe some time soon she would have the courage to kiss her. Or the madness, whichever it was in the end. Plus coming that night was Serena’s idea, one Bernie wouldn’t have suggested herself, not wanting to sound too eager. This was perfect. As long as there was no blood in the library, or worse…

 

 

Serena’s shift had been utter chaos from the moment she had dispersed the rumouring men, and she had realised with each passing hour that she would never make it to Bernie’s in time. She found that she could be even more effective than usual with something specific to go back to, although it was draining beyond belief. She called Bernie, knowing she would barely be home in time for dinner. She could come by later, and, in a way, have more time together, even though she would probably be too tired to really stay very long.

To her surprise she arrived at just the right time for dinner, and it didn’t last any longer than usual. She debated whether or not to change and decided against it. She looked perfectly presentable, save for the fact that it looked like she hadn’t slept in over a week. After letting Jason know, she went out, only half grateful that the gate didn’t creak, not wanting to sneak up on Bernie.

She rang and waited. It took a minute for her to hear Bernie almost run down the stairs. She had clearly changed. Skinny jeans, fitting shirt, disarming smile, Serena realised she was staring and decided to justify herself somewhat: “You look amazing.” She saw Bernie blush slightly, and Serena had a feeling she wasn’t used to compliments, which seemed really unlikely given how good she looked.

“You look really good yourself, especially for someone who needs a three day nap.” Bernie replied, looking her straight in the eye with a twinkle that made Serena’ heart do something a cardiologist would have disapproved of.

“Shall we?” Bernie asked, letting her go first. She had opted against coffee, and thought that herbal tea was probably not the brightest idea with someone who was already almost asleep, and had prepared some mint tea, with a generous amount of sugar, having found coasters to put the steaming mugs on. She handed one to Serena who hummed her appreciation, making Bernie look away with a small smile. They each took a minute to take a few gulps of their tea before turning toward the section of the library they knew hid something.

“Where do you want to start?” Serena asked.

“No idea. You?”

“Maybe we should look at the books? I mean not necessarily inside, but if there are any that are particularly worn, that have been moved a lot, that kind of thing?” Serena suggested. Bernie nodded, before frowning.

“What I don’t understand is the floor. If you look carefully, there are no marks there.”

“Then it opens forward.” Serena said, logical. Bernie nodded again. They might not crack it tonight, Bernie hoped they wouldn’t, but it might be fun! She knew it would be, with Serena there. She took another gulp of her tea, took a deep breath and turned to face her.

“Serena I, I meant to ask…” She started, not actually asking anything. Serena looked up at her encouragingly.

“You’re really helped, a lot, and I’m not sure how to thank you…”

“You don’t need to, really, I like being here.” She said, adding ‘with you’ in her head because she wasn’t sure either of them were ready for that just yet. She wondered where Bernie was going with it, but hoped it might be what she hoped it would be.

“Would you have dinner with me?” Bernie asked, hoping not to make a fool of herself. “I’m not a very good cook, but I’m sure I can come up with something decent. We’ve been stuck in weeds and dust, that might be a nice change.” She offered, biting her lower lip the second she stopped talking, her heart dropping as she saw the look on Serena’s face.

Part of her wanted to run, at least metaphorically, apologise, tell her to forget about it, but she was rooted to the spot. She knew her eyes were pleading but she didn’t care anymore. And then something switched. She saw the hope in Serena’s eyes, unsure whether it was just a reflection of her own. There was a small blush she wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t spent so long staring at her, and the cutest smile she had ever seen which made her smile in response.

“When?” Serena asked, feeling like Christmas had come early.

“Whenever you can. I mean, want. Just, let me know?” Bernie knew she sounded too eager, but Serena had said yes, or at least that’s what the ‘when’ entailed, and she didn’t want to mess it up or stall it.

“I have a late shift tomorrow, but I think I can do Friday. A group of us wanted to go for a drink after work, but I know I’ll want to murder everyone if I stay more than ten minutes, so it would be perfect!”

“That’s great!” Bernie replied, biting back the ‘that’s a date’ she would normally have thrown at that stage of the conversation.

They went back to studying the library, a little closer than before, matching smiles on their faces.

They decided to each start at one end, shooting looks, knowing that their competitive side would do wonders in that kind of context. There was a lot of pushing and prodding, picking up books with weird titles, opening random pages and reading them aloud, taking regular breaks to drink tea and share long looks. They had reached the middle panel, standing side by side, shoulders brushing, when Bernie noticed something.

On the second shelf from the bottom, a book felt like it might just fit the description. Well worn, stuck between two unrelated volumes, it stood out to them. They crouched down, poking at the surrounding wood, removing the neighbouring books to check the back of the shelf to no avail. Bernie opened the book, French poetry, Apollinaire. She hummed appreciatively with a smile and showed it to Serena whose eyes lit up too. It seemed like French was yet another thing they had in common. Bernie balanced the book on her palm and let it open by itself. Toward the end of the book, a page marked with pressed violet was covered in annotations, several stanzas standing out.

Bernie started reading the first one:

Tu descendais dans l'eau si claire  
Je me noyais dans ton regard  
Le soldat passe elle se penche  
Se détourne et casse une branche

  
_(You descended through the water clear_   
_I drowned my self so in your glance_   
_The soldier passes she leans down_   
_Turns and breaks away a branch)_

Serena had held her breath, and only realised when she heard Bernie’s steady breaths once she had finished reading. The intensity in her eyes was almost too much, and yet she couldn’t get enough of it. There was more confidence in this Bernie, perhaps the clothes, or the company. Maybe she was just more at ease, more daring. Something had changed, minutely, and Serena couldn’t get enough of this new layer. She refused to let the side of her brain which argued that there were too many layers altogether get freedom of speech. It was not the time nor the place to fantasise about her when she was just there, a breath away.

Serena took the book from her hands, fingers almost entwined for a second. She turned it around, and Bernie pointed another stanza to her. This one had subtle drawings around it. Serena started reading, Bernie’s hand on her knee making her voice less assured than she would have wished.

La vitre du cadre est brisée  
Un air qu’on ne peut définir  
Hésite entre son et pensée  
Entre avenir et souvenir

_(The glass in the frame has cracked_   
_An air defined uncertainly_   
_Hovers between sound and thought_   
_Between ‘to be’ and memory)_

They shared a look. Crouched down as they were, they kept shuffling, half resting against the library. Time stopped. Serena licked her lips. Bernie bit hers. They looked at each other, checking that this was real. It was a mutual understanding to do this together, the same way they had done everything since they had met.

They were half a breath away when they heard it, a mix of wonder and desperation on their faces as they felt the library move. Their combined weight had released the mechanism, all they had to do was push it a little bit forward. Their combined chemistry had led them there, all they had to do was close the space between them. It was so simple…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *endless evil cackling*
> 
> Up Next: what's actually in there, a visit by Jason, and, hopefully, a setup of the events of Friday!


	12. A blast from the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you all for reading, and for leaving awesome comments!!! It really means a lot!
> 
> You know how I always tell you 'this chapter wasn't meant to be this long but whoops there it is'? Well, guess who wrote over 8K again? That means more to read for you!!
> 
> Just to be clear, I will NOT apologise for the cliffhanger! *evil grin* I won't promise I won't do it again, either, but there's no cliffhanger in this one. Which doesn't mean you won't want to shout at me because of everything else!
> 
> At some point in this chapter, there'll be a link to a plan/map I made of the garden. It was originally meant to be just for me so I could stay consistent in the way I described it, and I did a first draft, looked at it and went 'oh, no, no, brain, did you really have to make it look like *this*'? So the link is to a picture I took of my kinda-final version. You might need to zoom in if you want to see the details, but that's not really the reason why I linked to it. From that, you'll want to imagine what it might look like from above, from that window on the first floor. You'll understand once you get there ;)
> 
> This chapter has partially been taken over by what used to be a vague background idea and has more or less become part of the plot. This is not a whodunnit, but there's an element of that (for many reasons that I won't disclose for the time being!)
> 
> If you're looking for something that'll cheer you up... This chapter might not be it! Also, a wild side-pairing (re)appears!!
> 
> Enjoy!

They shared a look, the tension in the air fizzling. The moment had faded and yet they lingered, feeling the pull toward the other still there. Without the support of the shelves, Bernie had to lean on Serena to keep her balance, a hand on her shoulder. She was about to get up when she felt Serena lose her balance too. A bout of flailing later, Bernie’s hands firmly on Serena’s shoulders, Serena’s arms around Bernie’s waist, they landed on the floor with a muffled thud that had the both of them wince.

Whatever pain their fall had elicited was soon obscured by the realisation that Bernie was almost laying on top of Serena. Their legs, still at an odd angle, had lead them not to fall exactly on top of the other, still what contact there was was both incredibly awkward and distractingly… right.

Bernie knew that the logical thing to do next was to apologise and find a way to get up without making things worse, but she had taken a really deep plunge in Serena’s eyes and was struggling to come back up for air. There was also the fact that Serena’s arms were still firmly wrapped around her waist, and boy did that feel good. Their awkward position made kissing a difficult option, and Bernie was glad for that. There was a part of her she didn’t trust to let lose around Serena, not just yet anyway, and kissing her like this… would most likely have been way too much way too soon.

She bit her lip, taking advantage of the situation to study Serena’s face while still paying attention to her every movement, ready to get up again the second she felt she was uncomfortable. It also meant she could feel her breath, her heart even, having little more to do than cast her eyes down to admire her neck, resisting the sudden urge to cover the spot with her lips. The blush on her cheeks was burning brighter and brighter, and she was wondering whether it would ever go away or if she would have to justify it the next day at work with a story few of her colleagues would believe. She could feel Serena’s fingers move ever so slightly along her spine and her hand was close enough to the collar of Serena’s blouse for her to stroke her skin with her thumb.

When she finally moved, she couldn’t resist running her fingers across Serena’s jaw, leaning on her other arm to prop herself up and roll to her side so she could free her willing prisoner. She managed to manoeuvre so she was kneeling, about to get up when she hit her head on the edge of the desk, making her laugh so loudly it echoed in the room, Serena joining her.

Bernie offered her hand to help her up and once again Serena realised how strong Bernie was; she decided to stop her brain before it got out of hand. The moment they had just shared had been… intense, surreal. She wasn’t sure she had ever experienced something like that. She had had to force herself not to move, not to let her hands wander, her lips even. She wanted to, so badly it had scared her, and she could read in Bernie’s eyes that she wanted it, too.

It was not the right time, not yet, Serena told herself, knowing she had already missed two opportunities in as many days. The third had felt so incredibly powerful she hadn’t dared breach that barrier between them. She knew they would get there eventually, wondered which of them would give in first. There was no hiding from it now, and when she had felt Bernie’s fingers on her neck, on her jaw, it had felt like fireworks, a whole crate of them lit at once.

For a second her brain had mocked her, reminding her of the easy excuse of the not yet caffeinated moments. Serena wasn’t sure, still, whether she was attracted to women. One thing she was undeniably sure of was that she was attracted to Bernie so indubitably it hurt to think that it had taken Bernie landing on top of her to fully acknowledge it. She had seen a self-restraint in Bernie’s eyes behind the layer of desire that had scared her, too. Was she ready for this?

What had scared her even more what the fact that both body and mind almost screamed yes, blinding her for a hot second. It just felt right. The way they had acted and gravitated toward one another from the start now allowed them to see the genuine side of each other, no pretence, just an ease neither of them could explain, opening up more than they normally would.

They were still close as they got up, Serena reaching to try to tame one of Bernie’s stray strand of hair, with limited success. They turned to the shelves again as one and pushed simultaneously without even needing to look at one another. The door, as it were, slid surprisingly well considering that it had not been opened in a number of years.

They couldn’t see anything, one side was a wall while the other seemed to have a door. A gentle pushed proved them wrong as they were faced with a velvet drape. Bernie held it up so Serena could go first but she declined, letting the army weathered Bernie go first. Who knew what they would find in there. With her fingers crossed, Bernie reached around in the dark for a light switch. If there was one, there was no guarantee it would work, and if it did it might short circuit the whole house.

It worked, although the light coming from the bulb dangling from the ceiling was nothing like they would have expected. They were in a darkroom, which explained the drape, and while the space was small it felt almost… cosy. Whatever products had been used at the time had been disposed of. Bernie wondered what it would have smelled like otherwise.

She tested the mechanism of the door, making sure they wouldn’t get trapped in there. She stopped with the shelves halfway in their rails, beckoning Serena closer with a frown on her face. Behind the shelves was a set of strings with pictures on them. The ones around the room were mostly of the garden, with a [plan](https://goo.gl/photos/ios72Wi6AthRxSE89) at one end, which Serena was happy with, but the ones Bernie had just discovered most definitely weren’t.

She could see the look of surprise on Serena’s face. The series of pictures, six in total, were all of the same person, a woman whose exact age was difficult to establish with what little light they had. Bernie had seen less tasteful nudes before, but it was still unsettling, especially knowing that both the photographer and the model were long gone. Serena cleared her throat and they both went to the other side of the room.

Past the photography apparel was a cosy armchair with a small desk next to it. Bernie went straight for the armchair and found a stack of letters, showing them to Serena. One on top wasn’t tied to the others and she unfolded it, holding it right under the bulb so they could both read as comfortably as possible given the low light.

“Dear Kit,

Here we are again, barely parted, bare of one another, and yet I cannot stop thinking about you, your eyes, your face, your soft skin, your miraculous hands, your everything. How long will it be still? You said two days, I heard two years. You say a heartbeat and I hear an eternity.

I yearn to meet you, by the gate or on our swing seat, stay out at night to hear you play when you leave the window open. Who do you do it for? Yourself? Me, perhaps, or are you just thanking nature for all it has offered us?

I know you treasure those pictures of me you keep in your sanctuary. Do you read my letters there? Has your safe place remained untainted, or must you hide there too. Has Apollinaire betrayed us, or is our secret still a murmur in the house, bouncing between the walls like your moans when we are finally alone?

Going back to Samuel is a little harder each time. He knows. I think he does, he must. I have long been but a presence in the house, as has he. Were I tomorrow to find him with another woman, would I be jealous still, or happy that he too found solace in someone his heart, his soul, would have chosen, rather than reason. I think he knows, though does he? Has he uncovered the burden of our love in all its danger? Would he still let me see you? Would he let you in our home, shield you from his counterpart you fear so?

With all my love, love, I must rest. As magical as it is watching you sleep, it doesn’t lift my own tiredness, other than that of my heart.

And remember: “Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us.”

Yours, truly, forever

Mary.”

“Serena?” Bernie asked, something bothering her. “What do you think of this?”

“Well, reading someone else’s love letters is always a bit…” Serena said, not quite able to put a name of it. Uncomfortable? Intrusive? Intimate?

“No, no, Serena, the content.” Bernie pointed out, waving the letter in the air before pointing at it, a smile slowly blooming on her face. “You don’t see it, do you?” She asks again. Serena frowned. “Read it again. Read it again, and tell me what your gut tells you, what you think the situation was.” Bernie insisted. Serena took the letter from her hands and read it again, feeling like she was indeed missing something.

“This is most likely a letter from the neighbour.”

“Mary.” Bernie encouraged her.

“Mary, married to Samuel.”

“Yes.” Bernie smile was widening still, she seemed excited about something, and the delight in her eyes was almost blinding in the low light.

“Her lover, Kit, probably the husband her-” Bernie stopped her, and took one of the pictures of the garden, putting it next to the letter. Serena hadn’t really looked at the overall shape, but she preferred to focus on the letter.

“His counterpart.” Bernie said, almost smugly. “The husband’s counterpart.”

“Well, yes, the wife.”

“Or is it? Look at the quote at the bottom.”

“I’m not familiar with it.”

“I am. It’s Sappho. And look at this picture and tell me you don’t think there’s a message behind that. And look where the violets are, too, while you’re at it.” Bernie said triumphantly. It took a moment for it to dawn on Serena, her eyes going from one thing to the other, before rereading the letter, her eyes going back from that to Bernie’s face.

“You think…”

“Oh yeah.” Bernie was definitely smug now.

“Which begs the question…” Serena raised an eyebrow, refusing to linger on what she had just learnt.

“Which woman got shoved back in the closet.” Bernie finished her thought, gravely.

“From what this letter can betray, I’d say it’s Kit.”

They didn’t speak for a while, each following their own lines of thought. Bernie was drawing endless parallels between past and present, the quote “Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us” echoing around them like a ghost. Serena felt like she was intruding, being there, the only place Kit, whoever she had been at heart, had found solace. The darkroom was untouched, having most likely not been discovered. Would it have been reopened hadn’t it been for Serena’s observation? What should be done with it now?

Bernie turned toward the desk, and found two more letters there, with different handwritings. The one matching the one they had just read was on the left side as if someone had been answering it. The sheet of paper in the middle was only half written, an uncapped fountain pen still next to it.

“Dear Kit,

I know your fears, and you know mine. Your fear for your life, I fear for you. We must leave, come what may. I know you have more to lose than I do, but it is exactly why I beg you to reconsider. You cannot enjoy what you have when you are no more. The end of your life would be the end of mine, the start of ours would be your salvation.

You said yourself he would never hurt your children, and they are at an age where growing without an ever-present mother would do them no harm. You know of my own, you have seen them grow the same way I have seen yours. What else keeps us here still? The garden we have built has long since been taken over by weeds we can no longer control, a mirror to our own love.

As for Samuel… he knows, I am sure of it now, were he to see me pack he would most likely not stop me, other perhaps to ask for a word, an explanation. I could give it to him without a hesitation. All is thought out for me, I have enough for the both of us, enough money, space, and love, to care for you too. Every breath we stay apart I fear that I may never see you again, never feel your lips on mine or your body under my hands. Come, my love, please, come. Let us not mourn a life that has yet to begin.

Yours, more than ever

Mary”

They held their breath as they read the letter, a sinking feeling of impending doom, far gone and yet feeling so real in the moment, impossible to shake. Bernie put the letter back down, her hands almost shaking, and picked the answer up. She knew, they knew, that that had been the last letter, that it might just be the last clue, or the last goodbye, giving it all a sordid spin.

“Sweet Mary,

Your every word makes my heart sing, and your every fear makes it ache. I could never be brave enough to do what you have planned for yourself, even less so for me. I can’t, my love, even if your lips on my skin will soon no longer be enough to cover the bruises.

Even with the children no longer there, I stop in their room, sometimes, especially at night when I can’t bear to sleep, fearing slumber and the man next to me as an unholy combination.

Could I ever dare to leave, when I am so rarely alone? Run across the garden to you in a nightgown? That would be indecent despite what we know and have seen of one another. I see no leeway, there-”

They had unconsciously huddled together in the already cramped space, Serena’s hand on Bernie’s arm, neither of them sure which was reassuring the other.

“Let’s… Let’s get out of here.” Serena asked, almost begging. There was something about this space that was deeply unsettling. Bernie walked right behind her and seemed as eager as she was to let the curtain fall and let the door close again. They didn’t speak until it did, not really looking at the other.

“Do you still want to know…” Serena asked, not sure she did.

“Yes.” Bernie replied. “If only because I’m not sure they ever got it right.” She mused, gravely.

“There is nothing we can change now.” Serena said.

“No, but sometimes knowing makes a difference. “Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us.” That was their sentence, when you think about it. I feel like I owe it to them.” Serena nodded thoughtfully.

Serena’s phone rang, deafening in the thick silence, startling them both. Serena’s hand shot up to Bernie’s arm and she kept it there as she retrieved her phone, frowning as she saw Ric’s name. She knew she had to answer, it might be an emergency, but she had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t.

“Ric.” She said, sounding more tired than she had hoped.

“Serena? How is your evening going?” He asked. She could hear him smirk. She wanted to feel angry, to bite back, but she just felt the weight of it all fall on her. She took a step back to rest against the desk and Bernie mirrored her movement, her hand covering Serena’s on her arm, Serena’s eyes meeting hers with a sad smile. She realised she hadn’t answered Ric, but couldn’t be bothered by what he might be thinking about that long pause.

“Complicated.” She finally replied. Understatement of the century.

“The good kind?” He teased.

“Not really.” She replied. She wasn’t bitter, just exhausted.

“Are you okay?” He suddenly asked concerned.

“Ask me again tomorrow.” She replied, before realising how dreary it sounded.

“Serena…” He started, he was really concerned now, and wasn’t sure what to say.

Serena felt Bernie move, extending her free arm, offering her her mug of tea and taking her own. Serena found herself facing a shortage of hands, balancing her phone between her shoulder and ear before taking a sip. It was almost cold but very much welcome.

“Ric…” Serena didn’t know what to say, wasn’t sure she wanted to say anything.

“Good night.” He finally said, realising that, if she had wanted to talk, she already would have. She mumbled something about night and it being good and hung up, placing the mug of tea carefully beside her to put the phone back in her pocket.

“You don’t want to know.” Serena said, looking up at Bernie who was watching her over the rim of her mug, and under her fringe, making her smile. How could someone be this infuriatingly moving? “I think I’ll have to abandon you before I fall asleep on my feet.” She said sweetly. “Not that I don’t trust you to catch me, you’re more than strong enough for that.” She added, unable to help herself, a small blush colouring Bernie’s cheeks again as she ducked her head, peering from a little further under her fringe. “Still up for Friday though?” She asked, feeling that Bernie wouldn’t trust herself to ask. Bernie nodded enthusiastically, her hair following the movement rather comically.

“Text if you feel like it?” Bernie offered with a shy smile. Serena nodded, her hand brushing Bernie’s arm, wanting one last contact, one last anchoring in her presence. Bernie moved as she did, their hands brushing too, fingers entwined for a few seconds.

Serena turned, had to, downed what was left of her tea and heard Bernie take a step toward her. She could hear the silent apology, the same sadness that had overcome her, and the shock of the story that was still coursing through their veins. She forced herself to turn back around, they were standing in the same space now, again, a feeling of déjà vu that was now tainted. Serena moved swiftly, kissing Bernie’s cheek, refusing the acknowledge the softness, or her hair brushing the side of her face. She met Bernie’s eyes one last time, saw the shock, the hint of a smile, hope, and a sadness she knew had little to do with their recent discovery. She turned around and left, knowing that she couldn’t trust herself to turn around, to meet those eyes again.

 

 

  
Jason was in front of the tv when she came back and raised an eyebrow when he saw the look on her face.

“Did your investigation not go well?” He asked, surprised.

“We found what we were looking for.” Serena said. “And a lot more that was a bit upsetting.” She finished. Jason nodded. “I’m going to bed now, Jason. I’ll check the locks, and you take care of the lights?” Jason nodded his understanding before turning back to the tv. Serena realised that, only a couple months ago, that dialogue would have gone a lot differently. Now that they had learnt to adapt their schedule and routines to fit their work life and their needs, things were starting to settle down in a way that did Serena good too.

She checked her phone as she got into bed, wondering whether she should send something to Bernie, deciding not to. They needed time, and some space.

 

 

  
Bernie had stayed in the office a little longer after Serena had left, finishing her tea, enjoying the last hints of her perfume before she went to the kitchen, staring at the dishes, deciding she would leave it for the next day. The revelations had made her uneasy, the house was full of ghosts after all, or at least a couple.

Going to her room, she dug in the boxes to find a book she had started several months previously and almost entirely forgotten about before wrapping herself in her comforter with a packet of crisps. She would be complaining about the crumbs in the morning, but for now it was all she needed.

She woke up before dawn, the book had fallen in her lap and she still had her hand in her crisp packet. She finished it and threw it toward the bin next to the door. She missed it by quite a wide margin and extended her hand toward her phone. It was way too early, even by her standards. She had, somehow, fallen asleep earlier than she normally would, and knew full well that trying to go back to sleep now wouldn’t get her anywhere.

She picked up the book and sighed. She had two chapters left, it wouldn’t keep her busy very long, but at least she wouldn’t wonder what happened next all day. As she closed it, she realised that it might have been a good way of avoiding the uneasiness that had still not faded. The guys would be curious, she knew, she would be in their situation, but she wasn’t even sure what to tell them. How close they had been to kiss? How soft her skin was? How tragic a history hid within the walls of her new house?

After quick shower, she spent the following half hour staring at her glass of orange juice. She had bought some for the kids the previous week and she only had enough for half a glass. Was it half empty or half full? She wasn’t sure, what she knew was that it tasted nice, and seemed to be the most interesting thing in her mind at the moment.

She reached out for the cookbooks, discarding the one that had seen the least use, flipping through the pages of the other. Nothing in there stood out as both relatively easy to make and appropriate for the kind-of-date the next day. She noticed two sheets were stuck together and managed to pry them apart. Aha! Curry! That would work! That might just be the one thing she already knew how to do with questionable results, a recipe might help bridge the gap between ‘I’ll eat it myself but no one else will’ and ‘I think it’s about good enough for general human consumption.’

She flipped through the dessert recipes but nothing caught her eye. She let her mind wander to all the desserts she had once had a hand in, some of those literally, and ruled them out one by one. There were a few things she had helped the kids with when Alex had attempted to multitask, and she hadn’t done too badly. She was, she had been told, very good at icing cupcakes, decent at shaping cookies, and terrible at stirring without making a mess, hence why Alex had relegated her to the simplest tasks, and overall babysitting.

She suddenly let out a victorious exclamation. That was it! The one thing she knew she could make on her own, that didn’t ask for too many ingredients she might be likely to forget about, or too much time. That, and it was delicious, and almost impossible to mess up. She went upstairs to get her notebook, sure it was either in that one or its predecessor. It took quite a lot of flipping through, but she found the recipe, scrawled barely legibly and covered in chocolate stains. Desert roses.

Even if she messed up the curry, she would have those to hang on to. In a way, it could be see as a callback to her time in the army. That or the fact that she was both unpredictable and a bit wonky.

Recipes in hand, she drafted her grocery list. Given how early it was, if she showed up at the grocery store as it opened and hurried, she might make it home in time to get back to work once everything was at its proper place, or at least the necessary stuff in the fridge and the rest haphazardly on the kitchen table.

 

 

Serena was woken up early, way too early in her opinion, by her phone, the insistent noise stopped within seconds as she saw the number. Holby. There had to have been some kind of emergency. She was already up by the time Fletch said her name, and in the bathroom by the time she hung up. She wouldn’t have time to think about Bernie, about the library, about the lovers. She wouldn’t have time to think about that damned board meeting that had made her push the dinner the next day. She wouldn’t have time to think. And she was grateful for it, willing to throw herself in her work, even more so than she usually did. She needed that, right now.

She left Jason a short note on the kitchen table and left as soon as she could. She liked to take reasonable time in the morning when she could, but she had been a doctor long enough to have a contingency plan in case of emergencies.

She focused on the road as intently as she could, feeling like the long since familiar stretch was suddenly endless. She was almost already out of breath by the time she got out of her car, and begrudgingly went for the stairs when she saw the queue in front of the lift. AAU was a mess already and she couldn’t really tell who had been put in charge. Within a few minutes she was and everyone knew it as things calmed down enough for her to give clear and concise orders as per how she wanted things organised.

She saw Raf look at her from across the yard and stared at him, urging him to get going. She knew she would get Ric on her case, too. She doubted he would have added his grain of salt on the rumour mill that was grinding enough as it was, but who knew. For now, she had lives to save, and a ward that was barely holding its weight. It would take a lot of figurative duct tape once more to hold them all through this crisis. Hopefully things would ease through the day, but she suspected more trouble was still to come.

It was Ric who caught her first. She didn’t realise it was him, at first, when she entered the theatre, but she met his eye and she knew she was in for one of these covert conversations. The surgery would be long, but not complex enough that it required absolute silence, and she knew that Ric was well aware there were enough people around them interested in their business to have her dance on the spot. She wasn’t in the mood, and she hoped it would show early enough that the F1s and nurses wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

“Hello, Serena. How are you feeling?” He asked before asking for a scalpel.

“Peachy.” She replied with a sharp tone. He looked up at her, concern in his eyes.

“You weren’t kidding, last night.” He realised. “Want to talk about it?” He asked, and she could see a bit of a twinkle in his eye. She focused on her work and only talked once she had asked for what she needed.

“Not really. Least of all with you.” She had tried to make her voice as icy as possible, and she could see the F1 next to Ric blanch. Maybe it was a little too much.

“Well well well, someone’s got their panties in a twist.” He teased, seemingly reassured that it was nothing vital, and therefore rumour material.

Serena heard someone snicker on her left but had no idea which of the nurses or the anaesthetist it was, and was in no mood to glare anybody down. Eyes front, soldier, she told herself, focusing on her work again, before the blush she could feel creeping up her cheek made her brain catch up with ‘soldier’. She would have to work on that, it was getting ridiculous. And now Ric would think he was on to something; well, in a way, he was, after all.

“Being called up at the crack of dawn will do that to you, Ric.” She said and she heard him chuckle lightly, passing something to the F1.

“Didn’t feel like getting out of bed, did you?” He teased. She stopped her hands and looked up, glaring at him over her face mask.

“I slept alone, if that’s what you’re interested in knowing.” She replied.

“That would explain why you’re so grumpy.” He countered. She sighed, closed her eyes, took a deep breath and glared at him again.

“There are other reasons than frustration from any kind of relationship to be grumpy.” She pointed out.

“Like what?” He asked. She knew answering him with any kind of detail would be a bad idea, but she wasn’t sure she cared anymore.

“Like skeletons in the closet.” She said.

“Hers or-” Ric started before catching himself.

“No, there are no skeleton in Elinor’s closet, Ric, you’d think I’d have noticed after all these years.” Serena countered, not missing a beat, hoping no one caught on Ric’s hesitation.

“Then where?”

“Next door.” She replied, shooting him a look, one most of the hospital had come to fear. He spent the rest of the time in the theatre looking intently at his hands, knowing full well he had messed up, and now slightly concerned again. He would try to get her alone later, or the next day. He had a feeling cornering her before or after the meeting might not be the wisest thing to do.

 

 

 

Things had calmed down enough by lunchtime that she managed to take a short, but well deserved, break. Grabbing a sandwich at Pulses, whatever they had left at this stage, she went to find sanctuary on the roof, hoping to find it empty, or at least with a quiet corner still available. She found Raf sitting on the steps, facing away from her. She hesitated before approaching gently and asking if he minded her sitting there as well. He looked up at her with a smile and scooted aside to leave her enough space to sit comfortably without forcing her elbows in his ribs as she ate.

“Are you alright?” She asked, clearly seeing that something was bothering him. Trying to help him might just be what she needed to get her head on straight, find another point of view.

“Yes, but it just gets hard, sometimes.” He said. She left him some time to continue. “When you share all those moments, you get closer, every time, but you just don’t dare make a move, it’s… It’s torture, Serena, because I don’t know if he’s aware, if he would ever want this.” He turned toward her and she could see the doubt in his eyes. She nodded gently, the previous days giving her some rather thorough understanding of what he meant.

“Go for it? I know it sounds ridiculous, but at some point, make sure you’ve drunk enough, or rather make it look like you have, and act on it. You can always blame it on that later and draw a veil over it.” As she spoke Serena wondered whether she couldn’t use her own advice.

“It does sound ridiculous, but I am getting desperate.” He admitted self deprecatingly. She put her hand on his shoulder and he nodded slightly. “What about you? Anything good?” He asked, hope and a smile on his face. She nodded slightly.

“Yes. No. Both, and neither.” She started. She saw him frown. “We almost kissed, a couple times, she even landed on me by accident…”

“Accident, eh?” He teased.

“No, really, it was an accident. It wouldn’t have happened like that if it hadn’t been.” She explained. “But we discovered a lot of things about her house, and…”

“And?” He pushed gently.

“And it’s brought up a lot of questions and odd feelings. Also, I was definitely right about her being into women, I think, because I don’t think many straight women can recognise Sappho at a glance or that kind of subtext, oh and there was those pictures, and the garden...” She brushed it off, blushing slightly.

“So attractive lesbian neighbour has a creepy house. What’s next?” He asked. Serena beamed and he chuckled.

“Dinner, tomorrow.” She said, knowing she sounded like a teenager with a crush.

“Are you going to make a move?” He asked. She frowned.

“I… I don’t know. We’ve had opportunities before, I think we will again. All it takes is us being in the same room, really, at this point.” She said before realising how true it was.

“You’re really far gone.” Raf chuckled again.

“You’ll understand when you meet her.” She said with a smug smile. She frowned, realising how it sounded. “I mean, you’re bound to meet her at some point.” Raf nodded, smiling. He didn’t want to push her any more, waiting to see if she was ready to share more of her budding romance.

He wondered when he would meet Bernie. She must have been clearly quite something to have Serena in that state, and to have made her realise her attraction to women. They finished their sandwiches in silence and headed back downstairs in companionable silence. As she were about to enter AAU, Serena turned toward Raf.

“We’ve got to take those chances, Raf.” She walked away, living Raf with a peculiar smile. His eyes had met Fletch’s across the ward and he realised Serena was right. He really needed to take business in his own hands, because expecting Fletch to come to him was too much to ask. Had realising it been this eyeopening for him as it had for Raf? That was something they could always talk about once they realised there was something there, acknowledged the delicious yet torturous tension between them.

He saw Serena check her pocket and smile. He rolled his eyes and headed to the nurse station, intent on catching up with the patient flow.

Serena looked at her phone and smiled. Someone had hung some kind of old nightgown on the overhead lamp of the garage break room.

“This is what I have to work with!” Bernie wrote.

“Thank you for the laugh! Needed it after this morning’s emergency! I’ll let you know if I get anything shifty on my end!” Serena replied. Her day suddenly felt a lot brighter.

 

 

  
Bernie had been appalled when she had come in the break room, rolling her eyes at her snickering colleagues.

“You have the wrong size, lads!” She pointed out.

“Well, sorry, but my nan’s rag pile doesn’t have much of a range.” One of them teased. They refused to take it down straight away promising it would be gone by morning.

She liked their spirits, and liked, too, that they didn’t press on the sadness she had been dealing with. They could tell it wasn’t related to her neighbours as she smiled out of the blue all day. It had to be something else, and they had long learnt not to press on truly personal matters with her. She would talk about it if she wanted to. Until then it was best if they kept to themselves.

Her day didn’t go too badly, although some of the previous day’s discoveries were still weighing on her, but what truly bothered her was how affected Serena had been, more so than she had. How would that affect their relationship, if it was even the right term? She had asked for confirmation on dinner the next day, so it wasn’t that bad, but she was afraid she had accidentally built a wall between them just as she had been ready to reach out, and yet, as she left…

Bernie had rarely asked herself this many questions in a case like this, although she would normally have run a long time ago. There was something drawing her to Serena, and then there was Alex kicking her butt, too. She realised she would have to talk to Alex, or maybe just text, in the evening. That should give her time to think about how to best phrase the awkward moments.

And then there was the poetry. What if she had moved then? She had seen in Serena’s eyes that she would have met her halfway. Would it have made a difference? She didn’t believe in ‘meant to be’, that library thing was just a coincidence, but she couldn’t help but wonder how the discovery would have impacted them if they had kissed before then, wondering where that kiss might have led, and whether her lips were as soft as they looked. She shook her head, took a deep breath and took the keys her boss was dangling in front of her. Up next, something fishy with the fuses.

 

  
Serena spent her afternoon chasing patient files, and sometimes the patients themselves, as well as avoiding Ric. Raf helped a couple times, but there was only so much he could do. Ric finally found her having coffee outside, watching the intricate if somewhat hectic ballet of ambulances.

“Serena!” He exclaimed with a self-satisfied grin.

“Ric.” She sighed. She wasn’t mad, and she wasn’t as tired as she had felt earlier, mostly thanks to large amounts of caffeine and that picture Bernie had sent her.

“Skeleton in the closet, eh?” He tried. She replied without looking at him.

“Yes. Blood. And some age-old love letters.” Then she turned her head and saw the disbelief on his face.

“That’s… Okay, that’s… off-putting.” He admitted.

“That’s one way of putting it.” She replied with a dry laugh.

“Does that mean that you two…” He asked, concerned. That would explain her avoiding him.

“Were a bit shaken and decided to go to our own beds early? Yes, Ric.” She finished.

“Are you planning on seeing her again?” He asked, the hint of a smile back on his face.

“Well, she is my neighbour, avoiding her till the end of time might be tricky.” Serena pointed out. “But yes, I am, she invited me for dinner tomorrow.” She saw Ric’s eyes opening wide.

“You’re skipping the drinks then?” He asked, hoping to take advantage of her absence to prepare a matchmaking scheme if the evening didn’t go anywhere.

“No, I just won’t stay long.” She reassured him, suddenly realising that telling him about the dinner was probably one of her worse ideas, after telling him about her neighbour that was.

“I see.” He grinned. She wondered what it was he saw. “Any plans for that dinner?” He teased. She shook her head.

“Just spending some quality time with a friend, that’s all.” She said but she knew she was blushing slightly.

“Friend, eh?” He replied. “Serena, if you were any more obvious you would have a giant flashing sign on your forehead.” He pointed out. “She can’t possibly have missed it.”

“She might just not be interested.” Serena said, not believing it herself.

“Right, so she invited you to dinner because…” Serena rolled her eyes, of course he had a point, but still.

“Look, I like her, there is something there, but you meddling isn’t going to help!”

“So you admit that there is something there, then!” He said, triumphantly.

“Yes.” She sighed.

“And you want more.” He pressed.

“I’m letting whatever this is take its course.”

“Since when do you… Oh! Is it because…” He didn’t finish his sentences and she was grateful for it.

“No, well probably a bit, but it’s her… She is…” She couldn’t finish her own sentences and it annoyed her a bit.

“Special?” Ric offered with a genuine smile. Serena rolled her eyes. “That’s good! You deserve that!”

“We should head back.” She said, not entirely comfortable with where the conversation was heading.

He nodded and chucked his paper cup in a nearby bin. He was reassured, and she had a feeling she had done a fair bit of preemptive damage control while at the same time clearing her thoughts. Bernie was special, their relationship was one of a kind and she didn’t want to mess it up, didn’t want any of her colleagues to interfere. She wanted Bernie for herself, and not just for an evening.

The rest of her shift was calm enough that she was on time for the meeting. She met Ric’s eyes across the room, and the look in his eyes echoed her own: it was going to be a long, and utterly unnecessary one. It ran longer than it was supposed to, to no one’s surprise, and as Serena checked her phone on her way to her car she saw a message from Jason.

“I’ve had dinner. I am going to say hello to Bernie now.”

It made her smile and fear the worst. She spent the whole way home imagining the worst that could happen and realised that it couldn’t possibly be that bad until she turned off the engine and realised that Jason had had first hand knowledge of the rumour mill…

 

 

 

 

After some careful cleaning and tidying as soon as she got home, Bernie went to sit at the piano, facing the keyboard, deep in thought. She had a choice to make. She selected a few pieces and started practising them while random thoughts went through her head. She would have to do the desert roses in the morning. Pick a reasonable outfit, too, something she didn’t want to think about too early or she would end up on the phone with Alex for hours. It had happened before, shortly after she had gone back to civilian life, and that was part of what had prompted Alex to drag her along on that hellish shopping marathon.

She realised she had been playing the same piece over and over when she heard the doorbell ring in between two repeats. She froze, wondering who it might be, knowing Serena was probably still at work. Was it a coincidence that the bell had rung in between pieces? She realised as she opened the door to Jason that it had been no coincidence. She let him in with a smile and could see him taking in the room.

“Hello Jason.” She found herself surprisingly chipper. “The house is still a bit of a mess.” She said as both an apology and a justification, and he nodded, not commenting on it.

“Hello.” He said, and the way he looked at her put her off for a second. “Auntie Serena said I was welcome to come say hello.” He added, and for a second she wondered whether he was going to take it literally. “She said last night that you had found something upsetting.” He continued, trying to read her as she tried to read him.

“Yes, we opened a room, a hidden room in the office, and it helped us understand why it felt like the people had just deserted it.” She explained, unsure how else to describe it.

“It is very peculiar.” He pointed out. She nodded.

“So was the blood we found in the closet.” She said, before realising that Serena might not have mentioned it to her nephew. His frown confirmed it. “We think someone in this house was having an affair and might have been killed by their spouse.” She summed it up. It sounded a lot more sensible when you put it like that!

“I see. That is upsetting. Are you not upset?” He asked. She nodded.

“The house has always felt strange, but knowing its history is like waking old ghost.” She said.

“You don’t believe in ghosts.” He replied. It wasn’t a question.

“You’re right, I don’t, but it’s still uncomfortable to know someone got killed in the house you live in.” She explained lightly. He nodded. “Would you like me to show you around?” She asked. He shook his head.

“No thank you. Maybe once you have discovered all there is about this house and the crimes that have been committed there.” He finished. She nodded her assent. There was a pause, both of them deep in thought. “You were playing the piano.” He said, continuing as she nodded. “You play very well, but it’s not very even.” He pointed out. She laughed.

“No, you’re right, I’m only practising, but I’ve never liked to stick to the tempo too much. Or the note values.” She said, realising that yes, she did take quite a few liberties when she played sometimes. “I find that by altering the piece a bit I can express myself better.” She explained. He nodded with a smile.

“I understand. Music is mathematical, but feelings aren’t mathematical.”

“Exactly.” She smiled. Few people understood both sides of the coin, the fact that you had to balance it on the rim.

“Are you going to play for Auntie Serena?” He asked, and she couldn’t help but wonder whether there was a connection there, there had to be! She nodded shyly.

“Maybe?” she offered, still doubting she could pull it off.

“She would like that.” Jason stated. Bernie’s mouth hung open for a moment before she answered. She had not expected it.

“Do you think so?” She knew there was disbelief in her voice, more than she actually felt.

“Yes. She really likes music, and she really likes you.” He said in a way that felt both very blunt and very sweet. Bernie’s eyebrows shot up and she bit her lip while trying to find something to answer to that.

“I invited her to have dinner, tomorrow? I hope she has told you.” Bernie realised that Serena might not have had time. “Is there anything she particularly likes?” He was her best chance to make some last minute changes to her meal plans.

“Yes, I know.” He said, not elaborating. “She likes Shiraz, and food that’s a bit spicy. She likes chocolate, too.” He added. Bernie smiled wildly. As far as food went, she was on to something. She could buy the wine to next day. Finding wine glasses in her boxes would be tricky, if she even had matching ones.

“I should go there is a documentary on the French occupation during World War 2 starting in 8 minutes.” He said with a small smile. She smiled back. “She really likes you.” He added. “I can tell. At first I thought she was only attracted to you, but now there are other signs.” He didn’t elaborate on that and Bernie was glad for that as she was already blushing more than she would have wanted him to see. He turned around toward the door.

“Th-thank you, Jason.” She wasn’t entirely sure what she was thanking him for, but she was thankful. “Good evening, and enjoy the documentary.”

“I always do, good evening Bernie.” He turned as he spoke before walking away, using the front gate. Bernie was relieved, somehow, that the door in the hedge was still theirs.

She spent the rest of the evening going through some of her boxes, fishing out a cutlery set she had been meaning to find, a stack of plates that would definitely come in handy, and more beer glasses than she remembered owning. She managed to find the wine glasses too and put a large sticky note on her bag that read ‘Shiraz!!!!’. She worked on the piece she had chosen a bit more before realising she had completely forgotten about dinner. Having had a look at the time, she decided to go for a snack instead and head to bed shortly after. Being exhausted the next day wouldn’t help her nervousness.

 

 

Jason was back by the time she got home, watching a documentary he commented on with annoyance all through, clearly not what he had been expecting. She greeted him and fixed dinner quickly before relocating to the couch.

“This documentary is really deceiving.” He said. “And disappointing.”

“Why are you still watching?” Serena asked between forkfuls.

“I am waiting for the ad break to stop.” He explained. It made sense, somehow. She waited for him to be finished before she asked him about his visit to Bernie.

“She is very nice. She was playing the piano when I arrived.” He said. Serena nodded, waiting for more. “She explained why the house was upsetting.Won’t it be uncomfortable to go back tomorrow?” He asked.

Serena was a bit shocked. She hadn’t thought of that. It wasn’t that bad, really. And Bernie… She would probably feel at ease in a derelict cemetery in the dead of night with her, not that she ever intended to go anywhere near one. Maybe it was the big macho army mechanic effect, or just that she trusted her that much. Still, she looked forward to their dinner, and hoped that Bernie would agree to play something for her! Should she ask or wait for Bernie to offer? Would she? She would have to improvise, like for everything else.

Not being able to plan scared her, this was new for her, but it also allowed her to let what there was between them guide them both. It wouldn’t help her falling asleep though. She had had Bernie on her mind every night lately, but in this particular case she wasn’t sure it would do much to help, least of all if her brain got any ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Friday: the drinks, the dinner...
> 
> Oh, and if you've never had desert roses.... You really should, they're delicious!!!!


	13. Piecing it together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting! You have no idea how much I smile and flail every time!
> 
> I think I poured a little bit of my soul in this one, like some sort of Horcrux. There is a very large serving of Feels, toward the end.
> 
> This chapter is one I’ve been building to for a while, full of scenes you’ve been wanting to see. The rest of the story isn’t planned as clearly as it was to this point (and by ‘not as clearly’ I mean there are notes written at every angle in my notebook, I know in what order they’re supposed to happen, I just need to link them properly. Preferably with lots of cute moments!)
> 
> There’s a scene toward the end, with a few Italian words interspersed through the paragraphs. For those not familiar with them, these are music terms that appear on music sheets (among other things) although in this instance I picked those to fit the situation rather than the music itself. I tried to pick some that were common/self-evident but I’m a bit biased, so there’s a cheat-sheet linked on the first one.
> 
> I'm actually nervous about posting this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it!

  
Serena had tossed and turned all night. She had even gone downstairs for a glass of water in an effort to keep her mind off Bernie and how infuriatingly attractive she was. It hadn’t helped, other than leading her to get up to go to the loo a while later. She couldn’t remember the last time the prospect of going on a date had made her this nervous. She would have blamed it on Bernie being a woman, but the more time passed the more she realised that it didn’t matter, not with the chemistry they had.

Once she had given up on sleep, she got up and headed for the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of her favourite early bird. Bernie happened to be stretching, an activity that could lead to injuries when not done properly. In this case, it was Serena’s jaw hitting the floor. So Bernie was strong and flexible… that was good to know. Or rather it would have been if her imagination hadn’t already been running wild.

A few seconds later Bernie looked up and smiled and Serena forgot how to even be tired. She waved slightly and felt like an idiot, but Bernie mirrored her action. Neither of them made a move to get their phone, looking at one another instead, their smiles growing from shy to enthusiastic.

After a while, Bernie’s face fell. She mouthed that she had to go and all but bolted. She had smiled though, and Serena knew that smile would easily carry her through the day, hoping nothing would come up. She knew how plans like theirs could be cancelled in a heartbeat, or more often than not the lack of one. She could skip the drinks entirely if it came to that, but she didn’t want to postpone her evening with Bernie.

 

 

Bernie had gone on her balcony hoping some fresh air and stretching could help dissipate the last of the not entirely clean dream that had plagued her that night. She was mid-stretch when she got the feeling she was being watched. As she looked up, she realised from the look on Serena’s face that she had been there a while, and was admiring the view. Instead of making her feel self-conscious, it made her feel more confident, and she knew she didn’t want to look too much into that. They stared at each other for a long time before Bernie remembered about the desert roses. Robbing herself of a few precious minutes now would, hopefully, reward her with a smile in the evening.

 

 

Serena’s day felt like it was slowing down to a crawl. She was grateful for the lack of emergency but could feel more and more eyes on her. Had Ric said something? Was she behaving that out of the ordinary? She was tempted to text Bernie but couldn’t think of what to say, making her realise that she had no idea what they could talk about that evening. Maybe she should start thinking of topics? Or maybe she could just go with it and let herself get lost in her eyes again. The only problem with that option was that every time she did she had more and more trouble finding her way back.

 

 

Bernie had to be nudged out of her daydreams every now and then by teasing colleagues. She was out as soon as she could and headed home, her mind already on the content of her closet. A lot of pacing was involved once she got there, picturing Alex shaking her head at every new question she considered. After a while, having narrowed it down to five options, she went for the most comfortable. It wasn’t the fanciest, but it wasn’t the point. She felt good in it and actually liked the way she looked in it, too. She debated whether or not to put on make up. She didn’t want it to be too obvious. Now, all she had to do was wait.

 

  
Serena left her ward on time and met Ric on the way out. She knew the man well enough to know he would drop as many hints as he possibly could once the drinks were ordered. She hoped he would keep a closer ear on pronouns this time around. There was only so many things she could blame on Elinor.

Serena met Morven as she went to order, Raf and Fletch on her heels. Sacha beckoned them to an empty booth, Dom following shortly after. Ric was last but Serena let him sit first so she could be as close to the door as possible. They were too old to play leapfrog.  
  
“So, Serena, date tonight?” Ric started, killing any other conversation in the bud. She rolled her eyes. There were smiles all around the table and she found herself blushing.

“It’s just a dinner.” She said.

“With a very nice and attractive neighbour, yes, Serena, we’re aware.” Fletch teased, making Raf laugh. Serena noticed Raf’s hand was resting on Fletch’s thigh at the edge of his knee She grinned at Raf who coloured somewhat as well. “Could you tell us any more?” Fletch pushed, knowing Serena had the attention of the whole room.

She thought for a moment and blushed more and more, knowing it would give them the wrong idea. How much could she really say before her dancing around pronouns became obvious? Raf had noticed. Fletch might. Dom most certainly would. She wasn’t sure about Morven. Ric already knew, and she didn’t think Sacha cared.

After a while, Serena heard someone come up behind her and clear their throat. She turned to find Jac’s signature stare turned in her direction.

“Yes?”

“Looks like you’ve made yourself some friends. You have four flats. Doesn’t look too accidental.” Jac dropped before turning back to the bar, leaving Serena slack jawed. Oh, no, no, this was not happening!

She grabbed her coat and keys and was back a minute later with a very dangerous look on her face. She muttered something they were happy not to be able to understand. She looked at her watch then her phone, closing her eyes, unsure what to do. She had a feeling one of her colleagues would volunteer to give her a lift but she knew it was a dangerous idea on many levels. They saw her pick up her phone, and only got one side of the conversation.

“Bernie? Hi, sorry, I’m still at Albie’s, I’ve got a flat. Actually, I’ve got four flats. Looks like your colleagues won’t be letting you off the hook either.” She giggled, making her colleagues stare in disbelief. “I was about to call a taxi, but I wanted to let you know that I’d be late…” They could see Serena playing with the handle of her handbag. “No, Bernie, it’s alright, I don’t want to be a bother-” Now she was tracing random patterns on the table. “Alright then, thank you. See you in a moment.”

She hung up with the largest smile on her face they had ever seen and resumed sipping her Shiraz. Things were a lot easier to overcome with a big macho army mechanic at hand!

 

 

  
Bernie was pacing in her kitchen while keeping an eye on the curry. It seemed to be going great so far. She jumped when she heard her phone. She had put it down on the table that she had set earlier. A shiver of panic bolted through her spine all the way to the base of her skull. Was Serena regretting her decision, cancelling, had there been an emergency… She pressed the phone to her ear, fingers blanching as she gripped it a little too tight. The spatula in her other hand was hanging in mid-air, ready to drip any second.

The conversation was quick and Bernie knew her smile had grown wider and wider as Serena spoke. She had felt the wave of relief wash away any doubt she had had. She carefully put the curry off the heat and uncorked the wine bottle. Taking a quick look through the room she nodded to herself and turned to the mirror. Not too bad either. By the time she sat in her car she was back to making a list of all the things that could go wrong.

The road took less time then she would have thought, considerably less than she would have needed to think it through. Should she wait in the car or go inside? It might worsen Serena’s rumour mill problem. Still she didn’t want to make Serena feel bad about leaving her sitting in the badly lit parking lot if she wanted to finish her drink. Taking a big breath, she got out of her car and squared her shoulders. She hadn’t really had the chance to get used to the heels she was wearing, but it beat her favourite pair of trainers in the respectability department.

Raf understood the second he saw Bernie step into the bar, before Ric even beckoned her over. There was something about her, a mix of confidence and hesitation, that commanded respect. Or maybe it was the fact that she had managed to reduce the unflappable Serena Campbell to a giggling teenager.

Quite a few heads had turned before anyone even realised who she was. Once her name was out, there had been a shockwave of realisation. Raf had had his hand on Fletch’s knee and had to squeeze it to keep him from whistling. He didn’t want him killed by either Serena or her very stunning neighbour before he got the chance to make a move.

“Serena will be back in a minute.” Ric said, gesturing toward the loo. Bernie nodded her understanding, somehow happy she could get a moment with them before Serena came back.

She walked toward the table and leaned on the wall next to the booth, smiling at its occupants.

“Bernie, this is the bulk of the joyous bunch Serena has to put up with on a daily basis.” He said with an encouraging smile. Bernie could tell every person around the table was trying to come to term with the situation. “And this is Bernie, Serena’s neighbour.” He finished, looking so smug she wished she had something witty to reply that wouldn’t get Serena in trouble.

“They’d picked up on Serena’s behaviour.” He explained simply.

“Right.” Bernie replied. “You mean you picked on her.” She said sternly, holding back a smile. There was a short silence before she started laughing, startling them all. “I swear I didn’t make her run in that column on purpose, by the way.”

She felt a bit self conscious but somehow more confident than she would have thought. Serena generally revealed a softer, shyer version of herself, but if they wanted someone to spar with, she was their gal! Years in the army had her better prepared for this type of situation than the dinner that would follow.

 

 

Bernie had her back to her when Serena got out of the loo. Bernie had tamed her hair, mostly. She was wearing a long coat that made her look even taller than she was, and Serena could see skinny jeans peeking from underneath. And heels. Serena gulped. If she looked this good from the back… Serena had a feeling that ‘cleaned up nicely’ was a euphemism.

There was something in Bernie’s posture that she had only had a glimpse at when she had seen her with her colleagues, something a bit cocky that was exactly what Serena’s colleagues needed. Serena liked it, too. She wondered if the fact that she was ex army would transpire. She knew she would be done for if it did, if only because it meant going back to imagining her in fatigues and that was not a good idea, at all.

Serena shook her head and started walking, feeling her cheeks burning a little more with each step, knowing she couldn’t blame it on the Shiraz. She walked so she wouldn’t be right behind Bernie but next to her, giving her time to hear her. Bernie must have heard her, felt her coming, Serena realised as Bernie turned around. Serena knew the whole booth, possibly the whole bar, had their eyes on her. No pressure, Campbell.

She had been right about Bernie cleaning up nicely. She wondered whether she would be able to blame her buckling knees on her shoes, but decided to power through. She couldn’t see Bernie’s outfit very well with the coat but caught enough of a glimpse to know she would have trouble focusing on the food later on. Bernie had clearly made an effort. The fact that she had, in such a way, was the ultimate proof for Serena that this was indeed a date. It only made her more nervous. She could tell Bernie was ill at ease too, she was biting her lip in an almost imperceptible way, but Serena had spent too much time looking at her to miss it.

She stopped a few paces away. Bernie was still leaning on the wall, and Serena promised herself she would ask her how she could make it look this damn good. She lost herself in her eyes and tried to repress the stupid smile tugging at her lips. She could tell Bernie was doing the same. They ended up sharing a laugh, breaking the spell, returning their attention to the people in the booth.

Serena came to stand next to Bernie, closer than strictly necessary, raising a few eyebrows. She was about to finish her drink and take her bag when she saw a smug grin appear on Ric’s face. He started speaking before she could glare him down.

“Come on, Serena, after that change of plans the least you can do is buy her a drink.” She felt Bernie tense beside her and she was very tempted to kill Ric in a very painful way. She tentatively turned toward Bernie and got lost in her eyes for a second. They didn’t need words and Serena knew it wouldn’t help her case.

“Beer?” She asked in a low voice. Bernie nodded imperceptibly with a smile and Serena turned her back to them all, ordering a beer for Bernie and a refill for herself. She had a feeling she would need it for the conversation to come.

When she came back, she discovered her colleagues had managed to make room for one more person. Bernie was still standing by the table and let her go first. Serena found herself stuck, almost stacked, between Ric and Bernie, who she was fairly sure was sitting on the edge of the seat. Any closer and she’d be sitting on her lap, which was something Serena didn’t want to think about just yet.

She also noticed that Fletch, contrarily to Bernie, was sitting comfortably, and Raf didn’t seem to mind being pressed to him. Morven’s slender frame served her well in a case like this. Serena chuckled when she realised Ric was stuck between her and Sacha, who wasn’t making much of an effort to fold his large shoulders into a smaller space. She knew Ric wouldn’t lean on her and grinned inwardly. She clinked her glass to Bernie’s and there was a spark there that all around the room noticed.

Serena didn’t remember ever being this close to Bernie, not even in the hedge almost a week ago now. She could tell Bernie was still tense but there was something about the way she held herself that betrayed how ready she was to face the situation head on. This conversation would probably be considerably more entertaining for her than the others would have believed.

“It’s nice to finally meet the person behind the unpredictable weather of the AAU ward.” Ric started, a little smug. Serena was about to object when she felt Bernie move slightly, her hand grazing her thigh.

“I was about to say the same thing.” She replied, a raised eyebrow as punctuation. “Trying to distract a colleague by having her fight the rumour mill…”

She let her sentence trail on, trying to be as unreadable as possible. She could feel Serena relax; she still hadn’t moved her hand.

“You brought it on yourselves, really.” She smiled slightly, the smile turning into a smug grin that had Raf chuckling and trying to hide it by taking a sip of his drink. “She has a lot more patience than I have. I mean, sure, there are quite a lot of petty things you can get away with in a garage, but, still.” She added.

Serena frowned and she explained.

“You know, sabotaging the coffee machine, resetting every seat in the place on the smallest setting, putting extra grease in places there shouldn’t be, like, say, the men’s room’s door handle…” She was clearly smug and looked at everyone around the table one after the other. Sacha looked impressed. Morven was appreciative, Dom seemed to be inspired, Raf and Fletch had exchanged a look, hoping Serena wouldn’t get any ideas.

“I’m sure you could find something.” Bernie told Serena teasingly. Serena smiled back at her.

“Oh, now that I think about it, I just might. There are plenty of things that aren’t vital but would be very much annoying if they went… wrong.” She grinned.

“Although I have a feeling glaring is your weapon of choice.” Bernie replied. Serena nodded.

“The problem with glaring is that it’s not preventive.” Serena replied, clearly flirting.

“Changing rooms?”

“Break rooms.”

“Bunks?”

“Oh, definitely bunks!”

Their little exchange seemed to make everyone around the table progressively more uncomfortable as a bubble formed around them.

“Brainstorming ideas, ladies?” Ric asked, smugly. Serena blushed but Bernie didn’t miss a beat.

“I’ve been in the army for two decades, Mr Griffin, and let me tell you, there’s space for little else than sleep on bunks.” She insisted, and Serena noticed her posture had changed somewhat.

“There are stories about the army.” He continued.

“There are stories about hospitals.” She countered. “And yet I’m pretty sure supply closets aren’t misused as often as the general public would believe.”

“You’d be surprised.” Serena muttered, making them all laugh.

“The hardest is coming out of them.” Dom said with a side smile. Serena was about to say something but Bernie beat her to it again.

“With the whole ward watching it like a hawk, I can get why it wouldn’t be easy.” Serena smiled in her glass of Shiraz. She was almost done, as was Bernie, still she enjoyed herself too much to drain her glass and nudge Bernie toward the door just yet.

There was a pause. This was going better than expected.

“Have you been in Holby long?” Morven asked, earning herself a soft smile.

“I came back here after my medical discharge.” She explained, answering two questions in one.

“It must have been quite a change.” Morven tentatively continued, knowing she was on dangerous ground, but Bernie didn’t look too put out by her question.

“Well, blatant misogyny, salacious jokes, good-humoured comradeship, motorised vehicles… The main difference was the weather.” She joked, letting Morven off the hook with a smile. She waited to see if someone was going to say something about her being ‘one of the guys’. Hopefully her appearance that night would be enough to deter them.

“We should probably go before they start asking you for car tips.” Serena smiled and Bernie nodded.

“You’re the one with four flat tyres.” Fletch pointed out. She glared at him.

“Well, I can drop you off in the morning if you want, I do live next door after all.” There was a little hesitation in her words, but considerably less than there would have been if they had been alone. Serena nodded appreciatively.

“You’ll be stuck with me for half the morning though!” She pointed out. Bernie grinned smugly.

“I don’t really mind.” The way she stressed the word made the butterfly in Serena’s stomach go on strike. Bernie winced. “I’ll just have to be a bit more generous with grease on the door handles.” She said, mock-annoyed, making Serena laugh. “They’re not that bad.” She reassured her. “Just… don’t answer any question they ask you, ignore anything they say to test your reactions, and refuse any coffee because theirs is always terrible.” She listed, knowing that as far as coffee went, it was the pot calling the kettle black. “Come to think of it, I should probably have stuck to that myself.” She grinned, looking around the table.

“I have a feeling they’re relatively tame compared to yours.” Serena continued, not even looking at them.

“Well, mine might have trouble locating your face.” She pointed out, laughing. “Nothing some glaring can’t fix.”

“How do you expect me to glare at someone who’s not looking me in the eye.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” She said, getting up and gulping down the rest of her beer. She did a mock salute and followed Serena who was already on her way out, trying very very hard not to look at her arse and failing considerably.

 

 

Behind them, the group in the booth exchanged glances.

“Wow!” Sacha exclaimed.

“Wow indeed!” Fletch replied. Raf was deep in thought and Fletch elbowed him in the ribs. “Penny for them.”

“I don’t know what I expected, but she’s…”

“An attractive woman?” Ric offered.

“Perfect for Serena!” He finished.

“She’s quick with come-backs.” Dom admitted.

“And neither of them denied it was a date.” Sacha pointed out.

“They knew it was too obvious already.” Dom gave a side look to Raf and Fletch. Fletch didn’t seem to notice but Raf glared at him quickly and moved his hand so it was back on his own leg.

“Am I the only one here who’s actually happy for her?” Morven asked.

“Let’s see where it goes before being happy for her.” Ric tempered.

“You’ve seen the way they look at one another!” Raf replied.

“You’ll see soon enough if something goes wrong. We can always use some extra hands!” Sacha joked. They toasted to Serena and her impeccable taste and kept their fingers crossed. Who knew what the future held.

 

 

  
On the parking lot two very awkward middle aged women were wondering the exact same thing. They had both almost landed face first on the floor, Serena because she could feel Bernie’s eyes on her and her knees were still unreliable, and Bernie because she had discovered that she was not nearly as comfortable in those heels as her feet had previously led her to believe.

She fumbled with her car keys and had to stop herself from opening Serena’s door for her. She could almost hear Alex snicker. Chivalry, she usually said, wasn’t dead : all of it was hiding somewhere deep in Bernie and kept coming up whenever she saw someone cute.

Once inside, their eyes met and Serena could see the remnants of Bernie’s seemingly easy confidence still shining there. There was something magical about it, how many different sides there were to her, and how she was in love with every single one of them. Serena stopped her train of thought for a moment to go through what her brain had just processed. No, it was still there.

She had started to fall for the hot mess next door, bit by bit, and she knew even landing in her eyes wouldn’t stop the fall, on the contrary. They weren’t there yet, and she was still scared about it all, but in that moment, sitting side by side in Bernie’s convertible in Albie’s badly lit parking lot, Serena knew. She didn’t believe in meant to be, but she trusted her guts, and they were telling her to give in. They had been from day one, she suspected.

Bernie had noticed Serena staring at her, studying her face, and she could see the slightest changes in the surgeon’s face, something that never failed to amaze her. Still, she couldn’t tell what any of it meant. There was an intensity in the way she looked at her that would normally have made her feel self-conscious.

Bernie felt something bloom, like a flower piercing through the snow. She pictured a deep red rose with sharp thorns but delicate petals. She had a lot to give, but it was out of reach of anyone who didn’t know her well enough. Serena had danced her way there with an ease that had scared Bernie at first. Every time Serena’s eyes strayed to her lips Bernie’s heart missed a beat, and she knew she would have to do something about it soon. Now, even.

Serena had been fidgeting with the pendant around her neck, and Bernie reached out, the tip of her fingers reaching for Serena’s hand, not to stop her, only to ground her. They were both slightly, ever so slightly, inching forward and Bernie could have sworn the rest of the world had stopped for a moment. She was proved wrong when her phone rang.

“For fuck’s sake!” She swore, biting her lip and reaching for it. Serena giggled somewhat nervously and sat back in her seat before looking over at Bernie. If she moved just a little she could lean on her shoulder. Her head gently nestled there as Bernie sighed in frustration.

“Nick! As happy as I am to hear you, you have the shittiest timing of anyone I know! And yes, that includes me!” Bernie replied, almost barking. She pinched her lips while the person on the other end of the line talked.

“That would be great! Call me when you’re all back and we can see about that!” There was a pause. “Nick, fuck you!” And she hung up. She turned her head so she could look at Serena, only able to see the top of her head from that angle.

“Teammates on leave in a week or so, wanted to arrange a meet-up.” She explained. She knew she didn’t owe Serena any explanation, but given what it had interrupted…

“Dinner?” She asked.

“Dinner.” Serena replied, missing the contact the second she moved away. Their eyes met and a weight lifted, another wall had crumbled down.

The drive was spent in comfortable silence, but things were a bit awkward as Bernie parked in her driveway. The fact that they were neighbours made this dinner turned date somewhat awkward all of a sudden. Serena laughed when she saw Bernie go through her colour coded keys.

“What? It works!” She explained playfully.

“Clearly.” Serena replied, rewarded by an elbow in her ribs before Bernie let her in, spending half a minute finding the light switch.

“Those are never where you expect them, are they?” She mumbled, making Serena chuckle.

“Smells good!” Serena had just got in the kitchen and noticed the neatly arranged table, and what she assumed was dinner put away carefully.

“I wasn’t quite done when you called, so it’ll take a few more minutes.” Bernie said, putting the curry back on the burner.

Serena hovered behind her, so close she could almost feel her breath on her neck. She didn’t say anything, just watched her over her shoulder, her chin almost resting on it. They were close, in a way neither of them wanted to give up on now that they had silently acknowledged that they were on the same page.

She felt Serena’s hand on her waist and leaned into it, swallowing a moan before it reached her lips. She tried to focus on the curry and felt Serena move, pressing a little against her so they faced one another. Bernie knew exactly what was going to happen, knew how much it meant that Serena had created that situation rather than taking advantage of something that was already there.

And then the timer went off.

They were already halfway to the other. Bernie moved quickly and left a very soft kiss on Serena’s forehead before turning around, stopping the timer and checking on the curry before heading to the table with it. Serena was still rooted to the spot, wanted to say something but just watched Bernie move with ease around her, in a way that didn’t exclude her but made her part of the whole process.

Bernie focused on what she was doing, making it look as decent as she could manage before discarding the pan. Serena still hadn’t moved and seemed a bit… lost, looking in the distance with a smile on her face. Bernie turned around and reached for the bottle she had opened earlier, presenting it to Serena who smiled up at her, her eyes twinkling slightly.

“Jason?” She asked. Bernie nodded. “What else did he tell you about me?” She asked, suspicious. Bernie opened her mouth a few times before choosing not to reveal the bit where Jason more or less pointed out Serena liked her, a lot.

“Spicy food and chocolate.” She decided. Serena nodded. “Which was already what I had in mind.” She added. Serena was still looking at her like she was expecting more. The more Bernie got to know her, the scarier a boss she realised Serena must be. “Which also happens to be the only things I’m least likely to mess up.” She finished sheepishly. Serena smiled broadly at her.

“The curry is really good.” She pointed out. Bernie had to agree, she had actually done quite well considering her usual failings.

“Thank you.” Bernie managed to bite back any self-deprecating comment that came to mind and focus on not making a mess instead. Serena had a tendency to lead her brain to disconnect the motor functions from overall logic, and with a white shirt it could lead to disastrous consequences.

They were sipping on their wine, the plates all but wiped clean, and Serena could see Bernie’s eyes focused on something behind her.

“You said something about chocolate, I believe?” She asked teasingly and Bernie looked up, half sheepish half teasing. She got up, put the dirty plates in the sink, bringing the larger plates on the table. She had had to use a mix of plates that could both fit as many desert roses as possible and fit in the fridge, making for a mismatched set. Serena didn’t seem to mind, her eyes on the content.

“Desert roses.” She stated. Bernie nodded. “I suppose you haven’t seen a single one anywhere near the desert.” She joked. Bernie shook her head, chuckling.

“They would melt before you had time to eat them!” She pointed out. She took one and sunk her teeth in it, encouraging Serena to do the same. They spent the next five minutes trying to bite the roses so they had the least loose flakes to catch. Serena’s laugh echoed around the kitchen and the look in her eyes when she looked at Bernie was pure unadulterated joy.

“I haven’t had those in years.” She explained. “The last time would have been when Elinor was in kindergarten.” She added. “I’m not going to try and figure out how long ago that was.”

“I think those are generally only made with or for children.” Bernie pointed out. “Which I don’t get, because they’re fun and easy to make, and you get to finish the chocolate yourself!” She added, making Serena laugh. “Oh, and I made more than enough so you can bring some back home. Jason might like them too!” Bernie pointed at the amount on the plates. There was one more in the fridge.

“I’m not sure he’ll approve of them, but I have no problem eating whatever he doesn’t want.” Serena joked. “I don’t want to deprive you of any, though.” She tempered. Bernie grinned.

“Leaving me with this many around is a terrible idea.” She pointed out. “The whole idea was to share them.”

She made the mistake of looking straight in Serena’s eyes as she licked her fingers, the chocolate melting off the flakes any time you handle them too long. Bernie bit her lip and looked away as quickly as she could to locate her glass, gulping half of what was left down in an attempt to settle her nerves, knowing full well that Serena had not only noticed but most likely seen the blush on her cheeks too. Damnit.

She tried very hard to think of an appropriate change of conversation, but it turned out Serena beat her to it, clearly not wanting to linger on that moment.

“Jason told me you had been practising when he arrived yesterday.” She started, her eyes falling on Bernie’s fingers doing nothing to help her get the look on Bernie’s face get out of her mind knowing it would now be mirrored on hers.

“Yes, I’ve been trying to play as often as I can.” She said tentatively. “The tuning really made a difference.” She tried to find an opening, and she had the feeling Serena was too. Serena could probably tell, as well. Bernie cracked a smile at the idea that Alex would be screaming in frustration if she knew.

There was a pause. They exchanged a look. Then another. Bernie cleared up as much as she could, washed her hands and Serena followed suit. She looked at her, bit her lip and gestured for her to follow her. She let her hand trail slightly behind her and felt Serena take it. She waited for a second before looking up.

Bernie let go of her hand so she could open the piano, took a chair nearby and passed it to Serena, letting her sit as close or as far from her as she wanted. From the second she sat in front of the piano, Bernie didn’t look at her, knew she would never be able to take her eyes off her if she did. She ran her fingers gently over the keys a couple times before picking the music sheet she had selected.

She could feel Serena close, chanced a small glance, knew this would be harder, so much harder than she would have thought. She had wanted something meaningful, a [piece](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2LkRNvUz8M) with which she could say what she couldn’t voice, but there was a difference between rehearsing that and playing it with her in the room, with the tension between them. If she took that plunge, she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to recover.

Could she really let Serena see that much of her, so soon, ever? Could she afford to trust someone that much? She moved the music sheet slightly, out of nervousness rather than need, and put her hands on the keys. It was now or never. _[Con anima](https://beezarrewatchesholby.tumblr.com/private/161578973670/tumblr_or85n3rOyA1wn8847)_

She felt Serena move ever so slightly closer as she started playing, and Bernie felt her fingers stutter as Serena put her hand on her thigh. She slowed down for the first repeat, took a deep breath and let her shoulders relax. _Rallentendo_

When she reached the end of the first section she closed her eyes, dipping her toes in the troubled water. _Crescendo_

She knew she could rely on muscle memory to do part of the work, but there was a difference between playing the right notes and playing the piece. It had never been this easy a line to cross. _Liberamento_

For a moment, she forgot. She forgot about everything but the music, forgot about the room, about the house, about its history. She forgot her facade and the life she was chained to. She was faced with herself and the brewing storm in her head and in her heart. Serena’s hand on her thigh was a lifeline between the dark clouds and their silver lining that shone so brightly it choked her by its intensity. She let the downpour happen, unsure there would be a calm after the storm. _Appassionato_

At the end of the next repeat, she found an echo. A young boy, playing the flute, running along their slowing jeep one moment. An explosion the next. The music, and the life, cut short. The blood, the tears. The nightmares. The guilt. _Doloroso_

This wasn’t what she had wanted. This she couldn’t share, not even with Serena. Not even with herself. Some things just cut too deep and were best kept for those long nights filled with that overwhelming feeling of dread. Alone. Stranded. Stuck between home and a world where home was a flickering flame in the night, a whisper away from extinction. _Ritenuto_

Her hands struck a chord and it stabbed at the pain, letting some of it burst and dissolve, a burden lifted. She felt Serena’s hand squeeze her thigh gently and she let go, little by little. _Decrescendo._

She reached the last line, the notes trickling down like autumn leaves, remains of a time past, the fading colours off the bare tree so it can grow again. She let her hands hover over the keys for a moment before opening her eyes. She willed her heartbeat to slow down before she could turn to Serena. She wanted, needed, to try to read the look on her face, hoping seeing that side of her hadn’t ruined the bound they shared.

Her hand was still on her thigh, hadn’t moved away. Maybe there was hope. She turned slowly, putting her hands on her thighs, squeezing Serena’s hand in hers before meeting her eyes. She was still there, body and soul. There was something softer, tender, and gingerly exposed about her in that moment, like the music had lifted something off her too.

In that moment, Bernie knew what she had to do, knew that if this moment passed…

She turned on her seat, facing her, lifting her free hand toward Serena’s face. On the edge of her seat, she bridged the distance, their lips meeting as her fingertips brushed the side of her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *victorious pterodactyl screeching*


	14. Emotion and Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I procrastinated (with a Soulmate!AU) but I’m back and I’ll be juggling those two from now on (but slightly less gigantic chapters so it’s bearable on both fronts and I can post more often.)
> 
> Thank you all for your comments, as usual, they’re a great support!
> 
> This… this is… what happened next ;)

Bernie was a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in insecurities that tugged at Serena’s heart at the best of time. As she sat next to Bernie, as close as she dared, Serena realised how important this was for her, and how lucky she was to have been invited to that inner sanctum. There was no confidence in her movements, but something else, an ease, with just a hint of nerves.

There was something about the way she moved, though, something organic, a delicate flow that made her look ethereal. When she started playing, Serena knew. She knew this was more than just sharing music, more than just a moment for them to spend together. It was a declaration of… Serena wasn’t sure of it just yet. She had put a hand on Bernie’s thigh, as much for Bernie to know, feel, she was there, as to ground herself in the moment.

Watching Bernie play, her fingers flowing over the keys, her body intricately balancing the movements of her hands, was like watching her come to life. Her body was a vessel, the piano a mean for her soul to shine through. Her eyes closed, she was lost in the music, in the emotions she otherwise hid so well.

Serena could see the pain, the anguish, more than she knew Bernie would ever be willing to say out loud. More that even her eyes revealed. And yet it was to her that she felt comfortable enough to open up. Serena felt the intensity of the music, of Bernie, change her. It was a feeling she knew she could never forget.

Watching Bernie throw herself into it woke something in Serena, like plucking a string she couldn’t remember was there, but it resonated along with the music. She felt tears well up in her eyes, never wanting the moment to end, but needing Bernie to break the spell, let the pain ebb away. She could feel the piece ending, squeezed Bernie’s thigh, let her know she was still there, that she wasn’t alone. She felt Bernie let go.

Bernie didn’t open her eyes straight away, and it took a moment for her to face Serena. The doubt, fear, and pain on her face were almost too much to take.

Serena wanted nothing more than to reach out, wrap her arms around her and bury her face in the crook of her neck. Tell her how much it meant, tell her what she couldn’t bear voice, had no way to express.

When she had seen, felt, Bernie move, she knew. She let her take her time, let her lead. It was her moment and Serena was too scared to break the spell, afraid she might shy away from it. The second Bernie’s fingertips grazed her skin she promised herself to tell her, tell her everything. Tell her without a word.

 

 

When their lips touched she felt her heart free-fall, one hand still in Bernie’s, the other fluttering to her side without knowing what to do. She wanted to edge closer, but couldn’t, and she wasn’t sure she trusted her knees to hold her up just yet. She felt Bernie’s hand letting hers go and settling on her waist. Their eyes met as they parted for air, and there was an intensity, and a vulnerability, in Bernie’s eyes that almost choked her. For a second, they could have sworn they smelled violets.

Serena initiated the movement, going up slowly, her hands mirroring Bernie’s. A step forward and they had their arms around one another, almost holding their breaths. Serena moved, slowly, and all but melted against her. Bernie was holding her close, like she was afraid to lose her, and Serena made a point of letting her know she wouldn’t. She kept kissing her, afraid to look in her eyes and see the pain she knew was still there.

When she finally dared there was something else, a hint of hope, tenderness, a resolve that stole her breath away. And an affection she had not been ready for. For half a second she had been tempted to leave, never look back, but it sunk in and she knew Bernie would read the same things in her eyes, however much it scared her.

Her temple resting against hers, Serena whispered ‘thank you’ in her ear and felt Bernie’s sharp intake of breath. When she looked at her face again a tear had escaped and rolled along her cheek. Serena wiped it off and smiled gently at her. Bernie kissed her again, gently at first, then more and more passionate, losing herself in the kiss. Serena moaned against her lips and it seemed to surprise Bernie long enough for Serena to take control and deepen the kiss, flinging her doubts and questioning away, Bernie’s hand on her back the last hint she needed to let go.

Serena felt her knees buckle and Bernie held her up, a hint of concern in her eyes. Serena let out a small laugh. Bernie smiled, a small smile at first that turned into a large one. The pain seemed to fizzle away, or it might have just gone back in its insecure shell, but there was a freedom in Bernie’s eyes that was dizzying.

Bernie led them to the sofa, a few paces away, and they sunk in it with delight. They were still close, arms around one another again, Serena’s head almost on Bernie’s shoulder as she nuzzled her hair. Every now and then they would kiss again, gentler and gentler. Serena didn’t want to leave, but knew she had to. She stretched slightly and felt Bernie move.

“You should get home.” She said, her voice slightly hoarse. She hadn’t said a word in all that time, Serena realised. It hadn’t been needed.

“I know.” Serena replied, ‘I don’t want to’ hanging in the air.

“What time would you like to leave, tomorrow?” Bernie asked, thinking back to Serena’s car. Serena didn’t answer straight away and for a second Bernie thought she had fallen asleep.

They agreed on a time, and how they would organise. They were both reticent to get up and laughed together when they had trouble doing so. Bernie walked Serena to the door, her hand on the small of her back.

 

 

They were face to face, the open door letting the cold air in. There was no pain or thoughtfulness now, and they moved together to meet halfway, kissing one last time, longer and deeper than necessary, a little out of breath as they parted. Neither of them said a word. Serena missed Bernie’s eyes welling up.

Once Serena had left, she let herself sink to the floor against the closed door and let go, the intensity of the evening catching up with her in waves. The silent tears erupted behind closed eyelids, the slight shaking of her tall frame contained by her arms wrapped around herself. Relief was flooding her and yet there was something holding her back. The house had never felt so empty. She had never felt so alone, having something this intense to compare to. She decided to send Alex a simple text, it was too late to call.

“She feels too right in my arms. -B” She received an answer a few minutes later.

“Don’t let her go. -A”

Bernie bit her lip, she wasn’t sure she had it in her. Serena had stayed, even when faced with how broken she really was, something she had hoped, but feared too. She couldn’t remember having ever had a connection with someone this deep that she could really unveil this side of herself this fully, let someone else take a plunge in the dark waters stagnating at the back of her mind. They had known one another so little time, and yet…

But there was something else. However accepting Serena was, what she had seen in her eyes had scared her. She had pain of her own, and yet had welcomed Bernie’s, a pain Bernie knew could destroy so much. Serena didn’t deserve that. She couldn’t impose it on her, couldn’t bear the thought of her demons destroying her too. And yet the idea of knowing her so close, just out of reach, tore her apart. She would have to protect Serena from her own pain if there was any chance it could work, and she had never wanted something this much.

 

 

Serena had hurried home, not trusting herself not to turn around and go back to Bernie. The moments they had shared were still floating at the edge of her mind as she opened her front door. She made it to the sofa before letting go. Bernie’s at been a lot comfier, she realised, or maybe it was just the company.

Her brain was trying to grasp the reality of it all, what it meant outside the bubble that had formed around them. Bernie had all but bared her soul to her, showed her her demons, hoping she could accept them. Serena had done all she could to tell her, tell her she could help her fight them, tell her of her own. Tell her how much she cared, more than even she had realised.

She could have spent all night on her sofa, falling asleep in her arms, and that had scared her too, because she had let go, so much, so fast, lowered her defences without a second thought. Bernie had, too. She didn’t strike Serena as being someone who trusted easily.

She had seemed as surprised, shocked even, to have found herself there, standing in each other’s arms, so close, so in tune, that it didn’t entirely feel like a first time, a first discovery of a first step of intimacy. There was some sort of echo, in this house, that made both of their hearts beat a little faster when they were close enough, effortlessly bringing them together.

Feeling herself falling asleep, Serena went up to her room, glancing outside as she turned the light on. She saw Bernie smoking on her balcony, saw her look up. She couldn’t see her face, didn’t think Bernie could see hers either, but they stayed there, realising that they had no idea what tomorrow had in store for them. The evening had been shielded, something for just the both of them. Bernie wasn’t sure how to mask what she felt from her colleagues, but having Serena there… How would their dynamic evolve?

Serena wondered how she could walk into work the next day and pretend nothing had happened. She wasn’t sure she could. She knew she couldn’t, but she needed to shield herself from the world as much as she possibly could. They had agreed on something simple. Bernie would drive Serena to Albie’s, sign the paperwork with the tow truck, drop her off at work and go to the garage. It was much simpler, they had agreed, but both of them had known that it wasn’t. Their ease around one another had been affected by what had happened, and they knew the car ride might go a number of ways, most of which they didn’t look forward to.

 

 

Serena was woken up by her alarm, which hadn’t happened in a very long time. The reason for it hadn’t happened for a while, either. Having woken up in the middle of it, she remembered way more details of the particularly steamy dream she had just experienced than she wished she did. It had featured, unsurprisingly, her neighbour, and an alarmingly small amount of clothes.

The fact that it had happened, in itself, hadn’t surprised her. The intensity had, as well as the relative lack of guilt. Some of what she had seen in Bernie’s eyes the previous night had resonated with her, parts of her that were too afraid to think of it more thoroughly during the day, but were clearly not past doing so at night.

She wasn’t sure how she would face her later, wondering whether she’d be able to see it, secretly hoping the same had happened to her, before realising that just kissing her had overwhelmed her when she had looked, really looked, in Bernie’s eyes. This, past the fantasy, was too much.

 

 

Bernie hadn’t gotten much sleep, the image of Serena dancing behind her eyelids whenever she closed her eyes. In those moments she was torn between wanting to hold her close and protect her, or kiss her senseless and explore her body until she asked her to stop, hoping she wouldn’t. She knew she had to keep those thoughts firmly locked in her room, under cover of darkness, that those fantasies could burst the bubble they had formed around themselves.

Then she remembered the moment she had almost slipped, over dessert, her eyes and mind sidetracked, surprised to see Serena reciprocate just a breath later. She wanted it, too, but did she? And was she ready for it? And damnit they had met less than two weeks before, even if it felt like an eternity already, a relationship on fast forward that she wanted to pause, just for a bit, hold her, kiss her, and forget everything else for a second.

What if it showed, the next time they kissed a little too intensely? What if it showed in her eyes, what then? Used as she was to be the one to be stopped, she found herself being the sensible one, and she feared she might slip and let things go too far if her own better judgement legged it. Getting up, she resisted the urge to take a look out, and went to take a cold shower. It didn’t help.

 

 

Serena was at her door five minutes early, Bernie had been ready for ten, both at bit tense. This first moment could make the whole house of card they had built together tumble down. The tension dissolved as they stepped closer, their eyes flickering to the other’s lips. They gave in, taking advantage of the nervousness that had caused them to be early to spend some time in one another’s arms. Bernie’s arms were tied lightly around Serena’s waist, but Serena’s were holding her close, reluctant to let go. They were both holding back, not quite looking in the other’s eyes.

“Are… are you free tonight, or…” Serena started, no matter how often she’d promised herself not to push, knowing her so close was devilishly tempting.

“I’m only on morning, so anytime.” Bernie had any intention of matching her pace for pace, taking every moment she agreed to give her, good sense by damned.

“So am I… lunch?” Serena suggested. Was it too much? Too soon? Bernie nodded, and kissed her again, deeply enough that she understood just how much she looked forward t it. She could either pick Serena up and drop her back at the garage, or let her find her own way. She was doomed either way. Bernie had to be the reasonable one, in a way that had rarely been the case in the past.

The drive was spent in silence, each of them sneaking glances at the other, smiling when their eyes met. Serena had decided not to pay attention to the way Bernie drove, because she had doubts as per just how good for the car, or in fact the passengers, her driving style was. One more thing to add to the list of reasons Bernie might be responsible for admissions in the cardio-thoracic ward.

They arrived at Albie’s early, in the end, Serena fidgeting, knowing that for every minute late they’d get even more on her case. The tow truck contained two of Bernie’s colleagues, both of them very smug. The usually pre-filled paperwork wasn’t, something that was clearly no accident, but Serena’s long use of administrative forms had that one ready faster than anyone around her thought possible, thoroughly impressing Bernie’s colleagues.

“I thought she was a doctor.” One muttered to the other.

“Well, they’re meant to be good with their brains. And hands.” The wink wasn’t lost on the two women, each thinking the other would want to be the one shooting them down.

“How about you put yours to good use.” Bernie suggested, making Serena smirk.

“Nice morning ahead of you.” Serena smiled.

“Cruder, but to the point. And it comes in handy to have them all in one place, distortion and all.” She got lost in Serena’s eyes, thoroughly ignoring her colleagues.

“Well then, ready?” Bernie asked with a smile once they were back in her car. Serena winced and Bernie took her hand, surprising them both. She held her glance for a long time, silent support, willingness to kick arses if need be, promise of another moment just a few hours away. When she let go to start the car, Serena was smiling again.

 

 

There were an unusual amount of hospital staff loitering on the parking lot when they arrived. They exchanged a look, quick but effective, Serena would text as soon as she was available. Before Serena got out of the car, her hand lingered slightly, fingers brushing along Bernie’s forearm still on the gearshift.

She didn’t look back, not just to avoid her colleagues’ snickering but also because she didn’t trust herself not to walk into something again. She tempered her smile and walked in the lobby confidently, skipping coffee to everybody’s disbelief. Who needed coffee when you’d kissed someone who gave you so much energy?

Raf caught up with her in the corridor. He smiled at her, not asking anything, knowing it was the best way to get something out of her.

“The evening went well.” She said, the memory of the whirlwind of feelings making her sound unimpressed.

“Ouch.” Raf winced.

“No, Raf, it did!” She insisted. “It was just… more intense than either of expected.”

“Intense, eh?” Fletched asked, having appeared out of nowhere. Had Hanssen been giving evening classes?

“Yes, we shared memories and, she’s a very good pianist.” It was as detailed as she was ready to get. Fletch smirked.

“No, Fletch… No.” She was stern and felt her own face fall, the moment they had shared still haunting her.

“Are you going to see her again?” Raf asked.

“Well, she lives next door, so presumably yes.”

Raf rolled his eyes. She shot him a small smile that said yes, containing a bigger one that basked in her lunch plans. She spent the vast majority of the morning on paperwork until she felt someone hovering at the door of the office. She knew it was Hanssen without even looking up. She kept going until he spoke up, which took several minutes.

“Ms Campbell, could I have a moment of your time?” He asked. By then she had forgotten he was there and jumped, glaring at him.

“Of course.” She put her pen down and elbows on the desk. If moments had been a clear unit of time, he wasted at least a few more then.

“It has been brought to my attention that you had date last evening.”

“Whoever brought it to your attention should learn to mind their own business, but yes, I have a social life outside of work. I hope concerns about my effectiveness are not what brought you here.” He smiled.

“Not at all, I had merely come to enquire as per how it had gone.” He said. She frowned. As much as she appreciated his concern, the more time he spent in her office, the least time she’d get with Bernie.

“It went well, Henrik, thank you for your concern.” She picked up the pen again and uncapped it, hoping he would get the hint.

“I’ll leave you to it then, I wouldn’t want to endanger your lunch plans.” His slight smile and tendency to move quickly and silently left Serena with an answer on the tip of her tongue. How did he know? Had he been at the garage and heard someone mention it? She’d have to ask Bernie if the name was familiar.

She pondered where they could have lunch. She wanted something casual, very casual perhaps. Bernie might have already thought of something. Having a lengthy conversation about it at the garage didn’t seem like a very good idea.

 

  
Bernie had expected some teasing, but not that much. She had given up on any kind of retaliation, for now, and focused on work, keeping an eye on the clock and an ear on the phone. After a while her colleagues noticed her lack of reaction, and the two who had brought Serena’s car were grilled with questions. Had there been any tension, had they seen anything?

Bernie was cornered as she got out of the loo by a genuinely concerned colleague. They’d all been able to tell that this one was special, but… She assured him it had gone well, knowing that, had it been anyone else, she’d have mentioned kissing, knowing that they’d find out about her meeting Serena’s colleagues but she wasn’t ready to share it all just yet.

They all turned toward her when she received a text.

“On my way, Ric agreed to drop me off, probably with some less than subtle ulterior motive. Should be there in ten. -S”

“Noted, should be done by then. Afraid Ric might find some like-minded souls here. -B”

“If we’re lucky they’ll adopt him and get him off my back. -S”

“What’s in it for me? -B”

“We’ll adopt you and get the load of them off our backs. -S”

“What about the rest of yours? -B”

“Now that they know you were in the army they should stay in line. -S”

“I like your optimism! -B”

“Well I do have a lunch date. -S” Serena realised it might have been too much.

“As long as they don’t figure it out, I’ll stay optimistic too. -B”

“Come to think of it, if any of them know… -S”

“We’re going to have to coordinate our efforts. -B”

“Leave separately and meet up somewhere to discuss where we’re going? Or texts? Any suggestions? -S”

“Somewhere neither of us will know anyone? -B”

Serena sent the last text as she got out of the car, Bernie’s colleagues spotting that and the blonde’s smile with a snicker. Ric was greeted by a few friendly mechanics, fishing for info, while Serena paid and tackled the remaining paperwork.

Bernie waved as she left, Serena waving back. She finished what she was doing and left, in no apparent rush, parking in front of a convenience store to finish their conversation. They agreed on a small Italian restaurant at the other end of town and met there less than half an hour later.

They walked side by side as they went in, their hands brushing and sending shivers up their arms. Relaxed, in a different context, they opened up on the more casual aspects of their lives, connecting some dots, and creating new ones.

The food was good, the company exquisite, and they ended up sharing dessert, playfully battling over it, making the other smile as they pouted in defeat.

They held hands on the way to their cars, unwilling to part. It was Serena, again, who initiated it, revelling in the fact that Bernie wasn’t pulling away.

“Fancy some gardening?” She asked, biting her lip, looking away, mentally crossing her fingers.

She felt Bernie’s under her chin, didn’t look up straight away, and closed her eyes when she did, Bernie’s lips on hers, her arms pulling her close. She reciprocated with everything she had, from the previous night, from the meal they had just shared, from how right it felt. She felt Bernie answer in kind and moaned against her lips. They opened their eyes as they broke up for air, a little dizzy. Serena still had a good hold on a handful of Bernie’s shirt as her arms had snaked under her coat.

Bernie smiled gently, kissed her again, chaste but lingering, almost begging for more, whispering ‘see you there’ in her ear before letting go, their eyes never leaving the other on the way to their respective cars, taking deep breaths before driving away

None of them noticed Alex eating a sandwich in the café opposite, a genuine smile on her face and an interesting picture on her phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I might have turned a little sappy.


	15. What cannot be said will be wept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to all those who commented and encouraged me!
> 
> This chapter is shorter than the ‘monsters’ I’ve posted before, and the following two will be too, mostly because of the content (I don’t want to give you too much at once!) and so I can post more often!
> 
> Here is the gardening date! Featuring something you all seemed to have forgotten, one more discovery related to the mystery they are haunted by.
> 
> Also included are intense kisses, and Jason being Jason.

They never let the other go very far, Serena keeping an eye on the rear-view mirror, spotting Bernie’s car never more than two vehicles behind her. They each parked in front of their own house, Serena well aware that her work clothes wouldn’t resist a bramble encounter. She realised as she changed that there was a good chance of Bernie wearing her overalls again. Not getting sidetracked might get complicated.

Bernie changed quickly, sticking to the tight overalls, wearing a light v neck t-shirt underneath in the hope of not ending up looking like a lobster. She could have worn something thinner than the overalls, but her memories of the spiky hazards in the garden were dissuasive. That and Serena seemed to like them.

She hesitated for a moment, standing in front of the library. She took a deep breath, opened the door, passed the curtain, and took a quick picture of the garden plan before leaving again. She didn’t want to disturb anything more than they already had, and taking something out didn’t feel right.

They met at the gate, the way Serena looked at her not lost on Bernie. She’d kept the t-shirt out of view for now and wondered how many more shades of red she could have gotten out of Serena once their eyes met if she hadn’t. She tried to not let her victorious grin show but she wasn’t sure it worked. Why did she feel that proud of herself?

She saw Serena biting her lip, seemingly focused on her still rebellious hair, and stepped forward, a little bit more, cupping her face for a second before kissing her. She felt her surprise before she heard the tools Serena had had in hand hit the ground. One of her arms came around her waist, the other up her back, reaching her shoulder. One of them moaned into the kiss and Bernie wasn’t sure it had been Serena.

She wanted to stop it, she really did, but pressed together as they were, she didn’t have it in her. She let Serena lead, the only and most torturous way she could find to be the reasonable one. Her arms were around Serena’s neck and she wished she’d had the good sense of rolling up her sleeves.

She felt Serena lose herself in the kiss a little bit more and it took everything she had not to take advantage of it. She felt her step back quickly and suddenly felt it had still been too much.

“Sorry.” Serena said, looking sheepish. Bernie, her mouth half open, was trying to come back with an appropriate answer.

“Don’t… Don’t be?” It sounded more like a question than a statement. “I started it.” She pointed out, not regretting it in the least.

“I… kind of… got… carried away.” Serena mumbled, blushing slightly, looking away.

“Well I... didn’t stop you.” Bernie pointed out. ‘I wasn’t strong enough.’ She added to herself. ‘That’s how bad it’s gotten.’

Serena smiled tentatively, and she could see her confidence come back.

“Garden?” She suggested, still a bit out of breath.

“Garden.” Bernie’s voice sounded a bit raw to her own ears and she hoped Serena couldn’t hear it.

Serena looked straight ahead, afraid what she might see on Bernie’s face, be it the same desire she felt, she partly blamed those overalls, or discomfort at the whole debacle. What had she been thinking? Well, that was an easy one to answer. She’d managed to keep that dream she’d woken up to in check so far, but there had been something in Bernie’s posture... She couldn’t just blame it on the overalls, they just accentuated it.

What scared her most was that she could tell Bernie was holding back, letting her call the shots, putting her first, perhaps also because she wasn’t sure Serena could handle all she was ready to give. She had felt her almost slip several times during the kiss, and had wished she’d had the courage to push her that much more.

“There’s something I’ve been thinking about.” Bernie started, getting her phone out of her pocket, and finding the picture she had taken earlier. Serena frowned. She took a look and stared at Bernie. “I just went there quickly to take a look, didn’t touch anything, it’s just…”

“Not right?” Serena finished her sentence, knowing they felt the same way. A loose strand of hair had moved to frame her face and she was tempted to put it back behind her ear but she didn’t trust herself to do it without being tempted to kiss her again.

“We haven’t really talked about…” Bernie started. She wasn’t keen on words, but she felt it was something that had to be spoken rather than thought.

“It’s just that…” Serena started. She took an extra step and gave in, replacing her hair gently, Bernie leaning into the touch, eyes still on her.

“We’re waking old ghosts.” Bernie started. “And we’ll never really… have closure, I think.” She continued. “Not even if we have the answers on the police side.” Serena nodded, unable to look away, Bernie’s eyes a whirlpool of emotions she couldn’t decipher. “But there is something we could do, something that might help us get past that feeling we had in there. Something I’d like us to do together.” Bernie finished, Serena hadn’t moved but Bernie had caught her hand in hers.

“Remember the letters, the pictures, the maps? There’s something of theirs we forgot. Something I hadn’t noticed at first, but it kept… calling me.” She explained. She couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken this much, the last time the words had flown like that. She could tell Serena was ill at ease, felt like she was missing something. Bernie showed her the picture again.

“The swing seat. It’s in there, somewhere, in the back. It was theirs. Not a hiding place, not a resting place, it was somewhere their lived, together, rather than died.” Bernie was starting to think that Serena was a wordsmith, the intensity of her eyes leading her to keep on talking, on and on, until she talked herself.

“You want to find it?” Serena asked. It was as much a question as it was a statement. Bernie nodded. She handed her her phone again and she took a closer look, turning to face the garden, trying to locate it. It would be fairly easy to find, just tricky to reach. The area they had freed would help. “It might take a while, but you’re right. We have to do this.”

They got ready without another word, and got to work, just pointing at where they each wanted to work. They worked quickly, efficiently, not sharing as much as a look, side by side but separate in a way they hadn’t expected, needing time for themselves. They soon found themselves at the end of the line of thick boxtrees, past the vegetation that formed a natural barrier to the section they wanted to reach. They were faced with a heap of ivy, surrounded by mint, and the usual nettles.

“It’s in there somewhere.” Serena pointed at the heap, wondered if it was still standing under there; it looked rather heavy.

“Nettles first, ivy second?” Bernie suggested and Serena nodded. The treillis that had been supporting the ivy had long been overtaken by it, and it wouldn’t help them, threatening to collapse even if they tugged too hard.

The nettles took a while to remove, and when they finally got rid of them the intricate weaving of ivy liana seemed gigantic.

“Ideas?” Bernie asked.

“A few. None of which we could implement without setting something on fire.” She answered with a quirky smile, making Bernie chuckle.

“I was thinking stepladder, cut along the top from both sides and try to reach the middle together?”

“Theoretically, that would work. But the weight of it might make everything collapse.”

“Any other idea?”

“Not really. Let’s go for it.”

They moved all the equipment they’d need and set things up, giving Serena ample time to admire Bernie’s strength and the way her overalls highlighting her muscles. Serena’s cuts were neater but Bernie was faster and she had to wait for her before they cut through the middle, repeating the process layer by layer. It took longer than either of them had anticipated, but they finally managed to get the last layer, and free the canopy from the sides as well.

Standing in front of where they hoped the swing seat would still be, they shared a look and tugged. They soon realised that the ivy had, of course, anchored itself to what it had been covering. They soon came to an agreement, Bernie would hold the tangled mess while Serena tried to get the major roots. It took another while, but Bernie’s strength and Serena’s dexterity worked wonders.

When their eyes met again, they had access to the swing seat, and looked at one another. It was there, it was still standing, and there was something on it. It was an incredibly detailed wood carving of a large violet encased in glass, the basis a kind of marble that had allowed it to stay there all this time. On it, engraved, were the words ‘Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us.’

As they approached, removing some of what was covering the glass, they saw a small piece of paper next to the violet, that read ‘What cannot be said will be wept’.

“Sappho.” Bernie whispered. She felt Serena nod and slipped her hand in hers. She squeezed it lightly.

“What now?” Serena asked. Bernie turned toward her.

“Now we remember.” She smiled. “And make this garden our own.” She finished, having unconsciously automatically used the plural. Serena didn’t remark on it, touched, knowing exactly what she meant.

They stood there for a while, looking at it together, before Bernie tugged at her arm and they left, leaving everything in place, progressively shaking the peculiar feeling that seemed to have enveloped them. Bernie drew her close as soon as they were out of the garden, and they clung to one another for a while.

“Would you, like to, have dinner with us?” Bernie heard, Serena’s voice partly muffled by the fabric of her overalls, Serena face pressed against her shoulder. It took her by surprise, and she tensed, feeling Serena tense in surprise too, hugging her closer so she knew they were okay.

“Would, would Jason be okay with it?” Bernie asked and she saw Serena smile as she looked up.

“He likes you.” Serena said. “He doesn’t like change, but if I tell him now, if you’re ok with it, I think he’d like that.” She answered gently. The fact that Bernie understood that, understood Jason’s needs, to some extent anyway, and cared, meant a lot to her.

“Then I’m okay with it if he’s okay with it.” Bernie said, her voice trembling a little, their lips meeting shyly at first, then with little hesitation. Serena took out her phone and texted Jason, waiting for a reply that came almost straight away. A couple texts and a smile later and she nodded.

“Looks like you have dinner plans.”

“Looks like I do.” Serena hated to hear Bernie’s voice crack like it did, the happiness in her eyes unmistakable.

What they had hadn’t seeped past the two of them, the meeting of their colleagues a mere accident in itself. Jason was something else, and they both knew it. He knew already, or at least suspected something, and they both wondered what he could possibly say to make things involuntarily uncomfortable, but it didn’t matter, because now, it was an invitation. Their relationship went past the garden, Bernie’s house, and her car, it was bleeding through the gate onto Serena’s side, and she was welcoming her there.

They kissed again, gently, holding back, Serena taking a step back and biting her lip after a while.

“I should go and start preparing dinner if I want it to be ready on time. Join me when you’re ready?” She asked very gently, reaching toward her again for one last kiss, getting lost in it, feeling one of Bernie’s hands in her hair, the other on the small of her back, holding her close. She moaned into the kiss, trying to resist the pull before giving in.

Having to spend the whole meal trying to resist kissing her would be an ordeal, but seeing her in her space would be worth the torturous long lasting looks. When they broke up for air, Bernie whispered ‘see you in a bit’ almost against her lips before letting her go.

Serena almost fell over as she turned, blaming it on her legs, when she also felt a bit lightheaded. She looked back when she passed the gate and saw Bernie looking at her with her hands in her pockets. Did she even realise what kind of power she had??

 

Bernie went back inside the second Serena disappeared from view, wondering what she could put on. She went for something simple, something she felt good in, something that wasn’t likely to stain too easily. Looking at herself in the mirror, she realised that a black shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans were probably not the cheeriest outfit she could have put together.

She went through the gate and was greeted by Jason before she had time to knock on the door.

“Hello Bernie, welcome, Auntie Serena is in the kitchen.” He smiled at her and she was a bit put off by the way he looked at her.

“Thank you, Jason.” She smiled back, not really at ease.

“You didn’t wear a jacket.” He pointed out. She shrugged with an apologetic smile.

“I live close enough.” She explained.

“You can still get cold.” He argued.

“Not if I run.” She replied with a cheeky smile.

“But if you run in those shoes you’ll twist your ankle.” He finished.

“I’ll run carefully but fast enough not to catch a cold.” She compromised.

“Or alternatively, if it starts hailing by the time we’re done here, you can borrow one of mine.” Serena smiled, having walked over to them, the two women sharing a knowing look.

“It doesn’t hail at this time of year, Auntie Serena.” Jason sounded a bit patronising, making them both smile a little wider. Serena was about to reply something but he went back to the sofa and they rolled their eyes as one.

Serena checked from the corner of her eyes that he was facing away from them before kissing Bernie, shortly, but slowly.

“I can see you, you know. There is no need to hide.” They heard from the sofa, making them both blush.

“Very discerning young man.” Bernie pointed out.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Serena replied, putting her hand on Bernie’s back and leading her toward the kitchen, letting her take in the space. She had had a peak of it as she’d come to ask for matches on her first day next door, which felt like years away now.

It was Serena’s space entirely, and she could tell from the slightest details, although some betrayed what she thought were Jason’s organisational systems. It was neat, tidy, homely, tastefully decorated… everything her house wasn’t, everything she doubted her house would ever be. She felt at ease there, suddenly, every new thing she discovered by looking around her made sense, as if her home was an extension of who Serena was, making her feel as well there as she did in her arms.

She watched Serena move around the stove and peered over her shoulder, her hands caressing her waist rather than resting there, feeling her shiver.

“Bernie, if you distract Auntie Serena too much we won’t eat on time.” Jason remarked. She didn’t remove her hands but she chuckled and felt Serena lean back against her. Bernie kissed her shoulder and took a step back, knowing that, deep down, Jason had a point. She felt Serena instinctively move a little toward her and moved next to her, peeking into the pan she was stirring.

“Smells good.”

“Tastes even better!” Serena promised. Bernie had to resist the urge to reply ‘like you’, afraid Serena might misinterpret her words. She looked away just in case, and stared at the knife block.

“I thought you were a surgeon, not a butcher.” She teased.

“Well, sadly, some of my colleagues have yet to learn the difference.” She answered bitterly before shooting her a smile. They kissed, quickly, hearing nothing from Jason this time.

Bernie heard her phone and took it out of her pocket, leaning against the counter.

“How are things going? Do you intend to call soon? -A.” Bernie smiled and shook her head.

“I’m invited for dinner tonight, maybe another time. -B.” That would hopefully get the message across.

“Lunch and dinner? You two are inseparable already -A”. Bernie squinted at the screen, before realising it wouldn’t make the meaning of Alex’ words clearer. How did she know…? “I was sitting on the other side of the road, you didn’t even notice. You two look cute together. -A.” “See attachment.” She saw a picture that had indeed been taken from afar of the two of them kissing.

“… -B.”

“Call when you’re available. Take care. -A.”

“I will. -B.” Bernie replied, not specifying to which part she was answering. She saw Serena look at her, surprised.

“Alex.” Bernie said, shaking her head, not really wanting to go into details.

 

Jason had set the table earlier, Bernie immediately deducing which seat he had prepared for her from the way he had organised it and smiled. The relationship between aunt and nephew was clearly a lot more than just Serena adapting to Jason’s habits, it worked both ways and it appeared in the slightest details, and in their interactions, too. Serena had talked about him a little at lunch, how they had progressively found their balance.

She had mentioned Bernie was the first person who seemed to take it in stride, and she had shrugged. Jason followed his own logic but it was hardly rocket science, he just had a slightly different view of how the world worked. Bernie had found herself wondering whether it wouldn’t be simpler if everyone thought adopted that approach. It wouldn’t help her, what with being rubbish with words, though.

They talked about a variety of things, she asked after the documentary he had wanted to watch and he detailed his reasons for disliking it, then asked details about her life in the army, which she was happy to provide. Serena spoke very little, watching their exchange with a smile, almost stopping him a few times but Bernie had let her know it was okay. It was hardly personal questions, just details that were perhaps more sensitive, but the way he phrased his questions made it easier to stay detached from what pain it might have caused.

The discussion flowed a lot easier when he started asking about tanks, and Bernie saw Serena roll her eyes and clear the table, bringing desert. They debated which was the most efficient tank overall, making Serena chuckle. What she’d call the army side of Bernie, freer and somewhat bolder, was in full view and she was clearly at ease, even more than before. She could watch her all evening, which she hoped to be able to do.

Jason managed to enrol her to watch a documentary with them, with Serena’s permission. Although Jason normally never allowed any interruption, Bernie’s knowledge of the subject allowed her to give extra information, and correct some of them, leading them to sometimes talk over it in a way that surprised Serena. They had been sitting side by side, and despite Bernie speaking animatedly she had almost nestled against her. It was comfortable in an almost painful way.

A good while later, Jason having gone to bed, Serena let out a small laugh, and Bernie bit her lip.

“Sorry,” she apologised, “it’s the kind of subject…” She started, sheepish.

“I don’t mind. It’s amazing watching you talk, and I’d rarely seen Jason like this.” Serena smiled, kissing her gently. And again. On the third kiss they knew stopping there would definitely be wiser.

Bernie looked at the time and winced. It wasn’t that late, but she feared Serena might work the next day and didn’t want to keep her up too late.

“Anything I can help with tomorrow?” Serena asked, disproving Bernie’s theory, her voice so hesitant Bernie’s heart broke a little.

“I hope so.” She replied. “Come over whenever you feel like?” She suggested, knowing that they’d most likely see one another through their windows, or at least that Serena would be able to tell she was up.

They were on their feet, facing one another, neither of them ready to move.

The second they kissed again Bernie knew no resolve could get her through this one. There was an abandon in the way Serena kissed her that pulled at her heartstrings, nagged at her brain, and made her body sing all at once. She felt Serena’s hand drop from her face to her neck down to what little skin her shirt revealed, making her shiver and deepen the kiss. She didn’t dare, didn’t dare move, didn’t dare touch her, but it was making her crazy.

She forced herself to open her eyes, hoping it might help, realising as they gasped for air that it really wouldn’t. Serena’s eyes, as dark as they could possibly get, seemed to be pleading, almost, in a way that was painful to resist. Bernie, her hands on her hips, drew her toward her again. She put a hand on her cheek, their skins tingling at the contact, keeping her distance, wanting Serena to know, to understand. To slow down. For them both. To wait.

She knew Serena understood, could see it in her eyes, but wanted to make something else clear. That she wanted it at least as much. She kissed her again, pouring everything she had and hoping Serena would have listened, that she would stop her. She did, whispered ‘thank you’ in her ear and Bernie realised Serena truly knew, understood. They’d stop there, for now.

The moment they’d give in though… She promised herself to give her everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have Things planned for the next chapter…


	16. Window Undressing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for your comments! Thanks also to DaisyDoctor13, for, well, everything, but mostly feeding the plotbunnies and cheering me along! You’re the best! I apologise if I find myself responsible for your untimely death some time soon!
> 
> As promised, this chapter has Things… (The next will have THINGS…) It also has other things. And even some stuff. Hope you enjoy!

Bernie hadn’t been able to fall asleep, the events of the previous day going through her head, Serena’s face, lips, hands, under her eyelids the second she dared close her eyes. She had left her window open and, at 2.30, started regretting it. After half an hour of what sounded like a drunken fight further up the street she gave up and decided to do something about it, putting on sweatpants and a sweater, a pair of trainers, and heading there.

She had broken up drunken brawls before, although it was, admittedly, in the army, where her name, and face, were renowned for being one not to piss off. Still, she counted on her squared shoulders and glare to do the trick.

They saw her walk toward them and she could see the disbelief on their faces, the alcohol clearly making them a little more confident than common sense would normally dictate. By the time she stood in front of them she knew she could have made new recruits shake in their boots.

It didn’t seem to work as well with the three inebriated idiots who had resumed yelling at one another, swishing around bottles of beer that spilt their contents on their interlocutors. Given how long they’d been at it, Bernie found it hard to believe that the bottles were still full. She waited for them to turn toward her again but soon realised they didn’t care.

“Oi! You three!” Her voice had, once, made a recruit or two pee themselves. Those three could have peed themselves for virtually no reason, and in fact it smelled like they already had. At least they had stopped yelling, but she saw lights being switched on at several windows around them.

“It’s 3 in the bloody morning. Some of us actually fancy getting some sleep around here!” She stared at each of them in turn. One threw his hands in the air and left, walking away from them in zig-zags that presaged an encounter with a bin or two. One down, two to go.

“And who the hell are you, sunshine?” The most enthusiastic bottle swisher made the very stupid mistake of looking her up and down with a smug look on his face.

She rolled her sleeves to her elbows and crossed her arms.

“I’m the one who’s going to make sure this street gets some peace tonight. I didn’t survive the army life to be kept up by a bunch of guys who can’t hold their drink.” She saw the guy flinch at the mention of the army.

“And what are you going to do about it?” He taunted her, stepping closer, the bottle smashing on the floor as it slipped between his fingers. He was well into her personal space and had a smug look on his face which very quickly turned into a wince as she took his wrist and twisted it just enough that he’d bend forward, throwing up just out of reach of her shoes.

“Now, that should help sober you up.” She said, letting his wrist go. He left and didn’t look back, looking slightly less likely to embrace a career as a binman. The last guy had slipped along the car he’d been leaning against, looking the worse for wear, a large gash on the side of his head she hadn’t seen from where she’d been standing.

“Shit.” She took out her phone. “Hang in there.” She said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Serena? Brawl down the street, got two to leave, last one doesn’t look too good, do you mind coming to take a look?” She nodded a couple times and pocketed her phone.

“You’re lucky there’s a doc up the street!” He nodded faintly and she got back up, looking in the direction of Serena’s house.

She heard a window being open in the house behind her and looked up. Serena arrived just as she was about to say something.

“Mr Smith.” She nodded toward the neighbour Bernie couldn’t see from where she was. There was no indication of the window being closed.

Serena knelt next to the unfortunate drunk who seemed to sober up quickly. Bernie knelt next to her. One hand on her back, Serena turned to her.

“He’s going to need stitches.”

“Thought you’d say that.” Bernie nodded. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Thought you’d say that, hopefully about not having me go out in the street at 3 in the morning to check on a bleeding drunk.” Serena pointed out, earning herself a kicked puppy look that made her forget where she was for a second and fight the urge to hug her.

“Need any help, ladies?” They heard, looking up to see the concerned neighbour. It was his car, after all.

“We’re good thanks.” Bernie said just as Serena replied “He’ll be needing stitches, I’ll call.” They exchanged a look with a knowing smile, counting on the questionable street light to hide the look on their faces. They heard a small throat clearing come from the guy they had forgotten about for a minute. They weren’t sure which part he had disapproved of, but thought it best not to ask.

Fifteen minutes later, their impromptu patient was being taken care of, and there was still light at most of the windows.

“Did it wake Jason up?” Bernie asked, concerned.

“Don’t think so, he’d have woken me up. It was your call that did.” She pointed out, mock-accusatorily.

“Sorry.” Bernie replied so softly it made Serena smile.

“That’s alright, you interrupted a particularly unpleasant dream.” She recalled, wondering why her brain would provide her with the image of Guy Self asking her to rewrite the hospital policies again and again until he could find a loophole to have her fired.

Her next thought was that she would have slept better with Bernie at her side, and she managed not to blush. The thought after that made her realise that if she’d been dreaming about Bernie that little encounter might have been more than a little awkward.

“Back to bed?” Bernie suggested. She’s really not helping, Serena sighed to herself. She hoped the neighbours would see them go into different houses or they’d be the talk of the neighbourhood for days, if it wasn’t the case already.

They shared a look as they parted, and she knew that if the neighbours had seen that, she was done for.

 

 

The next time their eyes met was across the space between their two houses. Bernie had been the first one there, waking up even earlier than usual and making coffee before stepping outside on her balcony. Remembering what Alex had told her, she went out with just her singlet and shorts. She’d be cold, but it would be interesting to see Serena’s reaction.

She was leaning against the railing when Serena appeared. She didn’t look very awake, and they were still rather far, but Bernie saw her jaw drop and struggled to keep her grin in check. She saluted and saw Serena bite her lip and reciprocate. She didn’t feel so cold all of a sudden. She couldn’t wait to see her close, hold her close, meet her eyes, meet her lips, and forget about everything else.

They didn’t move, didn’t text, just looked at one another, the coffee getting cold. She saw Serena move slightly, smile and roll her eyes, then wave at her, a promise to meet soon. Bernie got ready quickly, not sure what they could do, deciding she’d offer to start on the room overlooking the garden. There were plenty of things to discover, and the view was interesting, if a little depressing as far as making it look nice again went.

She made more coffee, progressively more worried as she saw the time pass, almost fly. She had told Serena to come when she wanted, and she realised that it had been stupid to imagine she’d come straight there. Still.

She was incredibly relieved to hear the knock at the door. Serena, a blush on her cheeks, seemed to have ran. Bernie ushered her in and closed the door, taking her coat and bringing her straight to the kitchen to give her some, clearly much needed, coffee. She noticed Serena looking at her, at her clothes, or perhaps at what she knew was hiding under there. She caught her looking and added another layer of blushing. Bernie caught her lips as she was about to look away. Serena and coffee in the morning, she could get used to that.

“ Sorry, I’m later than I meant to be, Jason will be with Alan for the week, and there were a few things to check before he could leave.” Serena explained after a few sips of coffee. “It had… kind of… slipped my mind.” She admitted a bit sheepishly. Bernie waved her concern away and looked at her over the rim of her mug as she drank her coffee, strands of hair escaping her hair tie to fall in front of her eyes.

“How can someone our age be this bloody cute?” Serena said, realising too late that she hadn’t meant to say it out loud, making Bernie blush and almost choke on her coffee as she chuckled.

“You can talk.” Bernie replied, putting her mug down on the table and drawing Serena to her, kissing her thoroughly, hearing Serena’s mug hit the table a bit more forcefully that would have been advisable. “The balcony this morning, your face was well worth the cold.” She whispered, watching the look of shock spread on Serena’s face.

“Well I was just admiring the patterns of muscle development the army leads to.” She defended herself weakly.

“What are your findings, Doctor Campbell?” Bernie teased., leaning into her, pressing Serena into the table, very, very tempted to lift her onto it.

“That you look bloody good in a singlet and shorts.” She muttered, making Bernie laugh.

“Call it retaliation.” She said. Serena frowned. “You look good in everything!”

“As do you. Especially those overalls of yours.” Serena admitted. Bernie started to grin, but there was a tinge of red on her cheeks.

She kissed her again. And again. And again, losing track of time, Serena finding herself on the table in a common effort. She was on the edge of the table, her legs loosely wrapped around Bernie’s, her hands lost in her hair. There was something in the way Bernie was looking at her that made Serena’s heart flutter.

Bernie’s hands were on her hips, pressing her close, and they both heard, and felt, the text alert. They shared a panicked look but Serena sighed when she looked at who the sender was.

“My daughter.” She announced with half an eyeroll. Bernie took a step back to give her some space but stayed close. Serena sighed again before replying quickly.

“She has holidays, wants to spend a couple days at home this week. She’s not really asking for permission.” Serena said. “And bringing someone with her. Will. I remember the last boyfriend being called Bill. Do you think there’s a trend?” She asked, making Bernie laugh. “There’s something in the way she phrased the text though, look.” She passed her phone to Bernie.

“There’s a… distinct lack of pronouns.” Bernie admitted.

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“I guess Will isn’t a William.”

“This is a bit rich coming from a Bernie.” She joked. “I believe we’d mentioned exploring?” She asked. She saw a huge smug grin on Bernie’s face and stared at her blankly.

“I was thinking upstairs? There’s plenty more to see other than that closet?” Bernie tempered. Serena nodded and followed her after downing her coffee. She’d need some caffeine to so much as try to focus on what she was doing with Bernie so close.

 

  
It had taken them by surprise. They were at ease, moving around one another organically, pausing to kiss, watching the other move, taking in their body and their concentration on the task, or lack thereof. It was all good until they found themselves face to face, a hairbreadth apart, nothing remotely innocent in their eyes.

Bernie initiated the kiss and felt Serena waiting for her to lead, trying to invert the dynamic she had trapped them in. She let go, because why not. Serena trusted her, and she trusted Serena to stop her.

She felt Serena’s hands sneaking under her shirt, just above the waistband of her jeans, caressing her skin gently. She moaned and mirrored her movement, finding the hem of her blouse and letting her hands roam just a little higher, tracing abstract patterns there, the call of her skin, of her warmth, almost too much.

She inched higher and higher, slowly, and felt Serena’s breath hitch, meeting her eyes, stilling immediately but not withdrawing, feeling her heart in her ears. Serena had stopped moving, they were still close enough to feel the other’s breath on their lips, eyes locked.

Bernie shivered, biting her lip when she felt Serena’s fingers move again to settle on her waist. She looked in her eyes and moved, kissing slowly down her neck, travelling at a snail pace toward her shoulder, pushing the fabric of her blouse as far as it would let her.

She felt one of Serena’s hands leave her waist and reach up, undoing one button, offering more skin, then another. She started on Bernie’s next, caressing every inch of skin she discovered. She reached for one of her own again, then one of Bernie’s, setting the rhythm and leaning into Bernie’s touch.

Bernie’s hand had abandoned Serena’s back and reached her neck, brushing past her collarbone and keeping the collar of the blouse as open as it could be, her lips travelling downward rather than sideways, making Serena shiver and undo a few more of Bernie’s button in retaliation.

Bernie kissed every inch of skin Serena allowed her, shivering under her touch, and smiled against her skin when she felt her reach for a button again, and another, leaving her plenty to explore, letting her mirror her action on her own shirt.

She felt Serena make quick work on her shirt and felt her heart flutter. It was completely undone in seconds, as was she. She kissed a quick trail upwards and buried her face in her neck, moaning her name faintly. Serena undid the last button of her blouse and felt Bernie’s arms around her waist, her hands on her back, as it slid off her arms. Her hands on Bernie’s shoulders, she gently pushed the fabric away, her shirt joining her blouse on the floor.

Serena dove in Bernie’s eyes, finding more than just desire there, a care that took her breath away, an abandon that scared her, and a hint of something deeper that made her close her eyes. What could Bernie read in hers? She opened her eyes again, feeling Bernie’s lips against her own again.

Whatever she saw didn’t stop her, didn’t make her hesitate, any trace of hesitation gone from the way she moved, now confident in the way she could read Serena, her every breath, her every move, confident that Serena would stop her if she wanted to. Holding her close, closer, she whispered in her ear.

“You’re so beautiful.” She felt Serena shiver, moved so she could see her face again. Serena, out of words, decided to kiss her again, only letting their lips part for air, hands discovering slowly, eliciting moans on both their parts. Serena’s hands ended in Bernie’s hair, undoing any effort at taming them, enjoying setting them wild again as Bernie’s fingers confidently travelled across her skin.

Kiss after kiss, Serena could feel herself lose control, enjoying every second of it, knowing she had no intent of stopping this, no intent on stopping Bernie, no intent on stopping herself. She moaned a little louder as she felt Bernie move away from her lips toward her pulse point. She whispered her name, feeling Bernie hum against her skin.

She was about to stop her, kiss her again, tell her to stop, to never stop, to let her lead, however slowly she wanted to go, when she heard her pager. She felt Bernie stop, freeze, and moan slightly in frustration. Serena’s bag was close enough that they didn’t have to move much, neither ready to quite let the other go just yet.

Serena called, teeth clenched, Bernie’s lips on her shoulder and her arms around her waist, feeling her breath on her shoulder blade.

“Yes? How many? When? Where? What do you mean you- I’m on my way.” She sighed as she hung up.

“Some bus drivers have really bad timing to crash into a ditch.” She said before kissing Bernie again, short, full of everything she had to say, everything that could have been, everything there would be, later. She stepped away and Bernie bent down to collect her blouse and her shirt, stealing a kiss as she helped Serena into her blouse.

“I’m sorry.” Serena let out.

“I understand.” Bernie replied with a small smile. “Life and death doesn’t wait for any man, or woman, especially if they can help fix it.” She summed up, and Serena realised that she was thinking of her time in the army again.

“Something like that. It’s not just about being a doctor, it’s also the fact that they’ll run around like headless chickens if I don’t get there before the victims.” She laughed and drowned into Bernie’s eyes as she buttoned her blouse, starting from the middle.

Their fingers brushed one last time as Serena dashed out, Bernie following her with her eyes, biting her lip.

 

  
Now would be a good time to call Alex, but first, she needed coffee. And possibly a shower. Or three. She could still taste Serena on her lips, her warmth on her fingers, smell her perfume… Interruption after interruption, she knew they would get there, in the end, and enjoy it even more perhaps, or just throw themselves that much more into it, which came down to the same thing.

A strong cup of coffee in hand, she went back upstairs, sitting in one of the armchairs just a step away from where they had stood. Taking a deep breath, she called her.

“Bernie, hi, I was wondering if you’d call.” Alex’s sing-song voice made Bernie smile despite herself.

“Hi Alex.”

“No neighbour today?” She teased.

“She just left, emergency, something about a bus.” Bernie explained calmly.

“Interrupted something, I take it.” She could hear Alex grin.

“Yes, I, God, Alex, she…” Bernie’s brain struggled to string words together, missing a verb or two.

“That bad?” Alex chuckled.

“We were just… kissing.” Bernie started.

“Bernie, I know you, you weren’t just kissing!” Alex replied, accusatory.

“Okay, no, well, yes, but…” Bernie was still struggling.

“Out with it!” Alex chuckled again, enjoying that side of Bernie, the endless teasing possibilities.

“We were kissing.” Bernie started, so far so good. “Ended up undoing our shirts…” She didn’t finish, knowing Alex would cut her off anyway.

“And you found yourselves standing in your bras with a medical emergency on your hands.” Alex filled in the missing parts.

“Pretty much.”

“On a scale of one to ten how frustrated are you”? Alex teased. Bernie groaned.

“Eleven?” She admitted. Alex chuckled. “Okay, twelve.” She corrected, hearing Alex start to laugh.

“You need a shower!” Alex exclaimed.

“Not sure how good an idea it would be right now.”

“Bernie!” Alex said, almost shocked.

“I swear, Alex…” Bernie started, not entirely sure what her voice was doing, hoping Alex wouldn’t be either.

“You more than like her, I get it. I guess now is as a time as any to say ‘I told you so’?”

“Alex…” Bernie sighed, smiling. “Any other relationship forecast up your sleeve?”

“Well, for your mental well being I think the sooner you two get in bed the better. Hell, even if it’s just cuddling, I think you need the symbolism already.” Alex was grinning. “But you want to do things properly, don’t you?” She asked. Bernie sighed.

“Yes, as much as can be anyway. I’ve been trying to be the reasonable one, she hasn’t made it easy, Alex, I…” Bernie agreed.

“You really care you about her, don’t you?” Alex asked softly. There was a silence at the other end of the line.

“I do.” Bernie conceded after a while. “And that’s what’s really making it complicated.” She took a sip of her coffee, waiting for Alex’ reply.

“What do you see in her eyes?” Alex asked after a while, sighing.

“More than I could hope for.”

“Bernie…” Alex was smiling. “You deserve this. You haven’t scared her off, you like her, and by the sound of it she isn’t going anywhere, go with it.”

“What if I mess it up?” Alex could hear the frustration in Bernie’s voice.

“I really don’t think there’s any way you can mess it up, at this stage. You’ll make mistakes, the both of you, you haven’t run away when you still could, and now you’re in too deep to even think about it.” Alex said, realising as she spoke just how much it meant. There was a long pause.

“I don’t want to lose her.” Bernie said, realising how true it was as the words passed her lips.

“Make her understand that. She probably already knows. Your eyes aren’t the only part of you that speak without words, Bernie.”

Bernie sighed. She knew Alex had a point, she always did. She hesitated whether to mention Jason and decided not to. She changed the subject and Alex didn’t bring it up again, knowing Bernie needed time to think it over. And over, and over, and over, knowing her.

 

  
Serena was still flustered as she parked her car in her spot, deciding to blame her blushed cheeks on the anger she channelled in her quick steps and tightly pressed lips.

“Serena, this-.” Raf started, about to explain the situation in more details when he saw the look on her face. “Serena, are you alright?”

“Don’t ask. What do we have?” She snapped.

“Bad timing, was it?” Fletch teased as he brought Raf a couple patient files. Serena glared at him, giving him both an answer and an order: get out of her way!

“Ouch. That bad a timing?” Raf winced. The look she gave him discouraged him from asking further and he started explaining. The second she was out of sight Fletch managed to catch Raf in full flight through the ward.

“I believe you owe me a beer, mate!”

“As far as we know nothing happened!” Raf countered.

“This was not the face of a woman who got interrupted before anything happened.” Fletch smirked.

“Famous last words.”

“Mate, her shirt wasn’t buttoned properly…” Raf pulled a face. “Like I said, you owe me a beer!”

 

  
They still had enough time to prepare until the victims started arriving, the ward surprisingly efficient for a Sunday, reinforcements arriving surprisingly quickly, enough surprises that she could take the time not to half-run everywhere. She saw Morven gesturing toward her and went to see what she wanted.

“Serena, there’s… You kind of have…” Morven gestured towards her own collar, hoping Serena would get the idea, but she just stared at her. Morven bit her lip. She was about to say something when she saw Ric Griffin standing behind her with a wide grin on his face.

“Your buttons aren’t done properly.” He sounded so smug Serena forgot to be embarrassed and went straight to cross. She looked down and realised it wasn’t just one button, but two.

“I’m going to kill her.” She hissed in a low voice.

“Who is it we should prepare a bed for, Ms Campbell?” Hanssen asked, making them all jump. She glared at him. “I believe your current state of dress doesn’t really conform with the hospital dress code.” He pointed out with a large smile. She all but stomped to the changing room, starting to realign the buttons the second she passed the door.

“Did you get dressed in the dark?” She heard, looking up to see Dom.

“Why are you here?” She asked, avoiding the question.

“Hiding, mostly. Two buttons, though, that’s some serious fumbling.” He said, seemingly talking from experience. He got a glare for his trouble.

“You’d think I’d be better at it being a surgeon.” She muttered, making him chuckle.

“Come on, it happens.” He sympathised. “This is just terrible timing.”

“Don’t talk to me about timing.” She snapped. He snickered and left, leaving her to take a look at her work and realise the buttons were offset the other way around. She groaned in frustration. Next time, she decided, she’d wear something without buttons. Because there would be a next time. Preferably sooner rather than later.

Sneaking a look out, noticing that she wasn’t needed right that second, she took out her phone and sent a quick text.

“Two buttons offset. Four people called me on it, at least another two noticed. This is going to be one hell of a shift. -S”

“I’ll make it up to you. -B” Serena shivered. This could mean a lot of things, and she had a feeling it meant them all. Should she reply? She decided not to, it was safer that way. She’d go and see her the second she was out of AAU, wanted to at least steal a kiss, or two, or twenty, steal her, or let herself get stolen.

 

  
The crisis was averted, the ward able to process the few victims that had been sent their way. Many had been sent to other hospitals as the crash site was equidistant, avoiding a single flood of patients. Serena had kept an eye on the time every second she had spent out of the theatre and was relieved when she could finally make her way home.

It was early evening when Bernie heard the doorbell. Her heart skipped a beat, hoping it was Serena. She had spent the rest of the day trying to keep busy, going grocery shopping once she was out of the shower, tidying her room, emptying more boxes, making the room hers, Alex’ words ringing in her head, hoping to see Serena in her space, all of her, one day. She opened the door to find Serena there. She looked exhausted.

“Hey.” She said gently, extending her hand. Serena took it and she led her inside, closing the door behind her, keeping her hand in hers, heading for the kitchen. Serena kissed her first, softly, slowly, trying to find some strength in her own. Bernie suggested tea as they broke up for air and she felt Serena nod as she held her close.

Bernie reluctantly moved away, started the kettle and turned to find Serena behind her, brushing her hair away, locating the scar that had still not completely faded. She kissed the spot, mumbling ‘I can’t believe I have Guy Self to thank for this.’

They jumped when the lights went out, the kettle stopping in its bubbling tracks. Bernie used her phone to locate the torchlight and Serena followed her to the fuse box. She frowned, flipping a couple switches, all the lights back on again.

“I’ll have to look into that later.” She said, stilling when she heard noise outside. She gestured for Serena to stay behind her as she opened the door slightly. She was at a loss when she saw her old teammates almost lining up on the way to the door.

“I… I thought they said…” Bernie started, looking at Serena who looked back at her questioningly.

“Bernie!” They heard before Bernie had time to explain. “How is our favourite retiree?” She opened the door wider to let them in, still too stunned to reply, happy to see them, Serena’s presence making her still a little dizzy. How was she supposed to go about this? This was not something she’d been ready for, not something Alex had even thought of mentioning, and she knew she would if she’d thought about it.

Several bone crushing half-hugs later, the first of Bernie’s teammate noticed the surgeon standing right behind her, smiling smugly at Bernie who looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

Serena ran her hand along Bernie’s waist and smiled slightly at her. “I’ll leave you to it.” Her voice wasn’t entirely as steady as she’d hoped, uneasy, noticing how Bernie seemed to be caught between both worlds and not wanting to interrupt the reunion. She was gone before Bernie had time to say anything. She noticed they were all staring.

“Go get the girl!” One of them sighed and she took off running after Serena.

“This one’s special.” She heard behind her, missing the answer. “Looks like we keep interrupting.”

Serena had walked quickly and was surprised to hear someone running behind her. She’d reached the door when Bernie caught up with her.

Bernie had run after her without preparing anything to say and was faced with it when she saw Serena looking at her, expecting her to speak first.

“Serena, I…” She took a deep breath that she couldn’t really blame on her sprint. “I’m sorry, they took me by surprise…” She explained, running out of things to say, Serena still hadn’t moved or talked and she decided to do the sensible thing, closing the space between them and kissing her. She lost track of time and knew she’d get them on her case later but she didn’t care.

“You can stay, if you’d like, I-” Serena cut her short, a finger on her lips.

“They’re your team.” She smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, work permitting.” She kissed her again, making a point of letting her know just how not angry she was, just how hungry she was, leaving Bernie standing there as she went in. Bernie walked back slowly, trying to process it, hoping the blush on her cheeks would have partly disappeared by the time she went back inside.

“Neighbour?” Someone asked.

“Shut up.” She replied with a small smile and a mock punch on his arm.

“Known her long?” Another asked.

“Shut up.” She countered.

“How well do you know her?”

“Shut up!”

“That well, eh?” Snickers ensued.

“Shut up. If you don’t behave you won’t get any beer.” It seemed to calm them down for about 30 seconds. They had brought some beer themselves.

“Ready to settle down?” One of them teased. She turned toward him, a weird look on her face.

“Well, nothing says settling done like a gorgeous neighbour and a haunted house.”

“Doesn’t look haunted to me.”

“I’ll spare you the bloody closet and the shrines. I assume you were thinking pizzas?”

Half an hour later, fresh pizza and open beer cans were being shared alongside long tales as they caught up, Bernie realising that, while she felt as at ease as she ever had with them, she wished Serena had been there, and they could tell her thoughts drifted off at regular intervals, sobering them up after a while.

“You really like her, don’t you?” One of them asked with a genuine smile.

“Yes, now could we go back to The Ghost?”

It was past midnight when they left, having pity on her having to wake up early the next day. They promised to meet again soon, no impromptu visits though. She hesitated whether or not to send Serena a text but she didn’t want to wake her up. She went to bed to thoughts of soft skin and concussions, wondering what the next day had in store for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those were the Things. Next up: THINGS. And some light shed on the tragic past of the house and its previous inhabitants. *happy grin*


	17. Things that go blunt in the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those who commented and made my day and to DaisyDoctor13, as always, for everything!
> 
> This chapter has everything you don’t want: Robbie, sleeplessness, murder, and the possible urge to take a shower, all of which combine to give some Answers, and THINGS. You will notice the rating change to M.
> 
> As far as the answers go: this is not the end! A plotbunny led to another…

Serena had spent the evening going through the chores she had meant to do during the weekend, keeping her mind busy, an irrepressible smile lighting up her face at regular intervals. She knew she wouldn’t be seeing Bernie again that night, didn’t expect her teammates to leave at a considerate hour, but her memories brought her back to every single moment they had shared. In the kitchen in the morning, interrupted by Elinor. Upstairs…

Upstairs had been something, something she had yet to recover from and that still made her grin. That bus driver was lucky to be alive, in more ways than one. And that small moment before her teammates had showed up... There was something in their interactions that made every single one of them special, not matter the interruptions.

Having Bernie run after her, using her words as well as her lips, that had been the icing on the cake. She had promised to see her the next day. Work permitting. She would fight tooth and nail for work to permit, because she needed her, needed her close.

After a simple dinner, she settled in bed with a glass of Shiraz and a good book, something she rarely did these days, stealing quick glances next door in the hope of seeing Bernie’s room light up. The book was interesting, but not as interesting as the deliciously infuriating neighbour and her brain soon decided that reading was overrated.

With her book safely put away and her glass empty, she turned off the light, hoping to get an early night and try and catch a glimpse of Bernie again the next morning. Her guilty pleasure had found her more and more guilty, and with Bernie taunting her with revealing outfits she knew she would soon have trouble keeping her body in check.

There was something about Bernie, something she couldn’t quite explain. The way they danced around one another was a gentle choreography made of several different layers of attractions, desire only one of them. Still, in the dark of night, and in the slightly less dark of early morning, it was the one haunting her. With Bernie close, she was tentative, but with herself for only company, her brain was a lot more daring, and it didn’t help matters.

She knew it wasn’t about taking the edge off, the only thing that could was Bernie herself, and the very thought of that brought her back to the problems she was facing: an overactive imagination, a frustrated body, and a sense of guilt she couldn’t shake. And yet, the more she thought the more she realised Bernie would probably not mind. Possibly even do the same. That last thought was not helping, in fact it was making things much, much worse.

She tossed and turned, hoping sleep would ambush her after her umpteenth attempt at repositioning her pillow. She knew, deep and about halfway down, that it wouldn’t work, she knew why, and she knew that any attempt at not making it about Bernie would be met with as much success as her little sheep-counting expedition.

Her body turned out to be unsurprisingly less picky about its position when she decided to give in, promising herself to make it quick, wanting to be able to face Bernie the next day without having it written all over her face. Her body let her down, again, as she was trying to school her thoughts. She groaned in frustration and gave in, letting her brain flood her with memories of Bernie’s hands on her skin. She gave up on making it quick, too. It didn’t really matter at this stage…

Later, turning around as she felt herself dozing off, she saw light opposite filter between the curtains. She fell asleep with a smile on her lips, any trace of guilt washed away by a healthy dose of endorphins.

 

  
Bernie had been in bed for half an hour when she realised that thinking of the feeling of Serena’s skin under her fingers would definitely not help. It was late enough already. She was faced with a choice, waiting to be truly exhausted and sleep then, which could take a while and would inevitably lead to her being half-awake at work, or take the matter into her own hands, and hope her poker face could hold.

She had resisted the urge to get some release in the shower she had taken after talking to Alex. She couldn’t remember the last time this kind of thoughts had truly bothered her. She knew damn well that that kind of frustration only built up, that it was just a matter of time. She needed to take the edge of that off if she wanted to be able to take her time, really take her time with Serena.

She let her mind wander, knowing it was the fastest way, hoping to be able to go to sleep quickly enough that she’d be operational in the morning. Her mind was trickier than she thought, and fast hadn’t made the to-do list. She enjoyed it, every, long, minute of it, and came biting her lip, hoping it would be enough. It wasn’t. A long while later, she made a mental note not to leave in the morning without having changed the sheets.

 

  
Bernie got up the second her eyes opened, not wanting her body, or mind, to get ideas. She had a cramp in her back and spent a good amount of time stretching and cursing. She was early enough that she had time to change the sheets, take a shower, have breakfast, and reorganise the cutlery in her whole house by size. She didn’t do the last item on the list, but found herself pacing, glancing at the piano as she paced in the living room. She hadn’t touched it since she had played for Serena.

She had not had nearly enough sleep by regular standards, but nothing she hadn’t coped with on a regular basis in the army. She would make it through the day. She went back up at around the time she knew Serena would be around. She realised with a sigh that, if she’d been more awake at the time, she could have gone for a run, she had been more than early enough. It was too late now anyway.

 

  
Serena hadn’t slept nearly as well as she’d have liked and woke up earlier than usual. Taking advantage of Jason’s absence, she got ready and found herself right on time at the window to see Bernie appear. She was fully dressed, too, and Serena couldn’t help the nagging feeling at the back of her mind that maybe, just maybe, they had the same reason for it.

Being both ready, they shared a knowing smile, leaving simultaneously. Serena dropped her things in her car before joining Bernie at the gate. They had time, time for many things, except perhaps exactly what they had in mind.

They stuck to light touches and tender kisses, talking quietly and laughing together as Bernie shared some of what had happened the previous night. They parted regretfully, the last touch through their hands, none of them wanting to let go. Serena felt Bernie pull her back toward her and kiss the back of her hand before letting her go and all but sauntering to her car, making Serena shake her head and blush slightly.

 

  
They both managed to keep their thoughts away from the other all morning, or at least that’s what they’d have said to anyone who’d have asked. No one asked Serena because they liked being on the right side of hospital beds, and no one asked Bernie because she made a point of sharing the anecdotes she had gotten from her teammates, the ones she could anyway.

And then Robbie showed up shortly before lunchtime, and Serena knew her day would be a lot more complicated than she’d have wished. She had felt the whole ward tense before she even turned around, and Robbie hadn’t asked for her, having spotted her straight away.

“Serena. You don’t seem particularly happy to see me?” He asked, somewhat chipper. She didn’t reply straight away, knowing why he was here, knowing she’d asked a favour, having every intention of seeing it through, knowing, too, that she didn’t want to have him around more than strictly necessary.

“I’m having a tough day.” She replied, not elaborating.

“Looks fairly quiet to me.” He smiled at her, full of good will, waving a file under her nose. She gestured toward her office. She could feel a dozen eyes following them. She made a point not to close the door.

“Your colleague was quick.” She remarked with a tight smile as she sat at her desk. He’d taken the chair closest to it and she felt cornered.

“He likes an enigma.” Robbie smiled. He was smiling a little too much for her taste. She could almost feel him phrasing a way to ask her out.

“I suppose you can’t just let us have a look.” She tried to get the information out of him, realising she’d have to have Robbie and Bernie in the same room, and just how bad an idea that could be.

“You suppose rightly. That neighbour of yours inherited a seriously creepy house, especially since it hasn’t been lived in since then.”

“Well, yes, we noticed.” She replied blankly, thinking back to the hidden room in the library. She wasn’t sure she wanted to mention it to him, he’d want to see it and neither of them wanted it disturbed. “Thank you for coming, but you could just have called, you didn’t need to spend any more of your time on this.”

“Always a pleasure to see you Serena.” There it was again, that smile. Why did she keep giving him an opening?

“I can give you Bernie’s number so you can meet whenever you’re available. I’d rather be there too, if possible, I know it’s okay with Bernie, but if there’s some scheduling conflict then…” She let it trail off. Better leave these two alone if need be. Bernie could fend for herself, she had proved it with her colleagues, and Robbie could be really clueless for a detective sometimes.

“I was thinking after dinner tonight, if it’s possible for the two of you.” He looked very eager. She hid her sigh with a smile and started typing a text.

“Hi, Robbie has the file, offers to drop by after dinner, is it alright with you? -S”

“Alright with me, what time is after dinner for him? -B”

Serena looked at Robbie, relayed the question and answered Bernie. His after dinner would be her before dinner, she’d have to eat fast, didn’t think she’d feel like food afterwards.

“That’s a date then!” Robbie exclaimed with a smile, getting up, she closed her eyes for a second before calling after him.

“Robbie…” He turned around, having reached the door.

“I know. Neighbour got under your skin, did he?” He sounded a bit bitter but was still smiling, probably thinking he still had a chance, wanted to get a chance to check out the competition. Serena didn’t correct him on the pronoun. This could be very fun.

She leaned against the door frame, watching him leave, knowing the entire ward was watching her. She made a point of rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

 

  
Serena spent the whole afternoon going through as many nightmare scenarios as her brain would provide. Raf caught her staring at a wall in her office and sat on the edge of the opposite desk for a minute.

“Earth to Serena?” He called gently. She sighed. “That bad?”

“I asked Robbie to see if he couldn’t get the file on Bernie’s house, long story, he found it, we’re meeting at Bernie’s after dinner.”

“Oh.” He seemed about to offer his condolences. “Does he know…?”

“He suspects I have something for the neighbour, it seems, which doesn’t take that much detecting.” She paused. “He doesn’t know Bernie is a woman.” She could feel a small smile creep on her lips and didn’t bother suppressing it. Raf laughed.

“That should be interesting.”

“It should indeed!”

“Does Bernie know that…?”

“She does.”

“Good.” Raf chuckled. “Let me know how it goes?” He asked gently and Serena nodded. She’d be home in a few more hours, make herself a solid dinner, and treat herself to some really, really good Shiraz. That sounded like a plan.

 

  
Bernie had spent her afternoon with squared shoulders and jaw, and her colleagues were miraculously staying out of her way. She had no idea what to expect and knew that any confidence she had right then wouldn’t hold until the guy showed up. She should have asked Serena. She would have to play it by ear.

Hopefully having Serena next to her would help. Or it would make it worse. She tried to focus on what to have for dinner, that guy’s idea of what constituted after dinner was a bit early for her taste, but she knew that what they’d discover would probably discourage her from eating afterwards.

She made herself a sandwich as she got home and went upstairs. This, she had decided, was combat, and no soldier went to combat without the right gear. She went for a fitting shirt, which seemed to have worked on Serena, a skinny jeans with a completely unnecessary army belt, and boots. Her hair tied tightly like she used to do in the army helped her hold herself straighter.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she smirked. Serena would probably notice the details and understand them. She was a sensible woman, so the guy was most likely not a jerk. She heard the doorbell ring and briefly crossed her fingers, hoping it would be Serena. Ten minutes early, it probably was.

She made herself look as stern as she could, knowing she’d melt the second she met Serena’s eyes if it was her. She opened the door to be faced with a man with an air of surprise on his face. He hadn’t expected her to be a woman. Good.

“Robbie.” He smiled, looking relieved, extending his hand.

“Bernie.” She shook his hand, making a point of crushing it slightly, seeing him hide a wince. She let him in, directing him to the kitchen.

“It’s funny really, the way Serena talked…” He started. She lifted an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. “I could have sworn she had a thing for her neighbour. She hadn’t mentioned you were a woman.” He finished, relieved. He took her tight smile as an encouragement. “When she called… I have to admit I’m kind of hoping to get her to have dinner with me.” He added, somewhat sheepishly. Bernie didn’t bat an eyelid.

They were standing in the middle of her kitchen. He had put the file on the table and he was clearly uncomfortable. He was looking around, clearly trying to look anywhere but at her. She noticed that when he did his eyes generally didn’t go all the way up to her face. He jumped when he heard the doorbell. She didn’t.

She took half a second pause before going to answer at a measured pace. She could feel his eyes on her back. She wasn’t sure it was her back. She beamed at Serena, then pointed at the kitchen.

“He’s here.”

“Good. How late am I?” She asked, knowing she was early. Bernie let out a chuckle and let her go first. Bernie could feel the tension the second she stepped in the room. Serena seemed to be the most tense and Bernie felt bad about it.

Bernie offered coffee, which they both agreed to, and gestured toward the table before handing them the mugs. Serena knew what to expect. Robbie didn’t. Bernie’s poker face served her well again when she saw him cringe and hide it in a smile. She didn’t expect him to finish it.

She sat next to Serena, opposite him, and she could tell it was making him uncomfortable. He was used to being on the other side of the interrogation. Bernie had moved her chair close enough that they were shoulder to shoulder, close enough that she felt her relax.

“As it is, this is a relatively straight forward case. Crime, victim, perpetrator identified and sentenced. I’m assuming it’s the details you’re interested in?” Robbie started. The women shared a look and nodded. Starting with a confirmation of the victim and the perpetrator would be something already.

“There are some things that… raise questions.” Serena admitted. She smiled tightly, encouraging him to start his explanation.

“Alright, so, John Lane, then owner of the house, reported his wife Katherine Lane, née White, missing on the Monday morning. She had not been seen, by him, since the Saturday evening. There was no sign anything having been disturbed in her things or in the house. That is, until the next door neighbour, a man by the name of Samuel Davies, came to them in the middle of the morning. He was meant to meet his mistress, had an appointment for when then husband left, and instead of joining him in the garden didn’t show, so he let himself inside.” The two women shared a look. Samuel had covered for his wife…

“There was no trace that she had left, no luggage, nothing missing, and he knew the house well enough to tell that there was something off. He reported her telling him about her husband being abusive. It was his word against his. There was a confrontation at the station, and things got ugly, the husband all but pounced on the other. The neighbour’s wife, Mary, had some connections, and had the house searched, luckily before the husband could react. Whoever wrote the file seemed to have been surprised that she wasn’t fazed by her husband’s affair.” Bernie shot Serena another look. It made a lot more sense when you knew the motivations of the people involved.

“The wife’s body was found in the closet upstairs, the one you discovered, wrapped in a rug, beaten to death, with many traces of past violence.” Robbie paused, letting them take it in.

“It turns out the rug came from the children’s room, and traces of blood were found there, making it the crime scene.” They exchanged another look. Cam and Charlotte’s instincts had been right, after all. “The kids weren’t there, the oldest Charles had just joined the army, and the youngest, in her early teens, Lucy, was sent away.” He paused. “Who knows why it happened there.”

“We found letters.” Serena interrupted. “She went there at night when she couldn’t sleep, even if the children weren’t there anymore.”

“Well, it seemed to have happened during the night of Saturday to Sunday. I’ll spare you the pictures.” They nodded, better not.

“What did he use?” Bernie asked, not entirely sure why.

“That’s the thing, they interrogated him, he pretended to know nothing about it, even accused the neighbour, but no one was duped. The master bedroom was searched, it was taken apart bit by bit, that I can show you pictures of.” The room, the one Bernie had claimed for herself, its emptiness now easily explained, had indeed been taken apart.

“Nothing was found there, but they chose not to search the whole house like that, it would have taken too long, and they were starting to think it was elsewhere, the garden perhaps. The search so far came mostly down to the neighbour’s wife’s connections. There’s not much on her really, but it clearly mattered to her, they were close apparently.” The women shared yet another look.

“What next?” Serena asked.

“They never found the murder weapon, it’s just listed as blunt instrument, who knows it might still be there somewhere, but I’m thinking, and they were thinking, that he disposed of it as soon as he could, so it’s probably long gone. It was in the late 30s, who knows. He was put on trial and judged guilty. He died in prison soon after, his son died in France, leaving only the daughter. That’s where the trail ends.” He said, closing the file. It wasn’t that complicated, just macabre.

“That might explain why the house has remained untouched, and feels like people just… left.” Serena said, looking at Bernie.

“It does… But with all we’ve figured out, Serena, I feel like I’m missing something. And it doesn’t explain how it got passed down to me, but I’ll probably never know about that, I’m the only one left.” Serena took her hand under the table and squeezed it, making her smile. “Could you give us all the names again please?” Bernie asked, taking out her notebook and writing everything down with her free hand. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I hope it helps.”

“Well, knowing where the blood in the closet comes from sorts of settles it. We’d found love letters that were hidden at the time, and they fill in some of the gaps.”

“Where were they?”

“The library.” Serena said, not mentioning the secret room.

“Well if the lover had known he might not have wanted to draw attention to them.” Robbie pointed out.

“Indeed.” Bernie replied with a small smile. That, or the pictures.

“Given the scandal it led to, the neighbours next door left, that’s all I have on there. Young Lucy ended up an orphan with a unusable house.” He finished.

“Lucy… Do you have her age? Birth date? For any of them, actually?” Her questions surprised Serena and Robbie, Serena knowing she’d probably get an answer later. How much deeper did Bernie want to dig? This was the end of the line! Robbie gave her everything he had. There were no birth dates for the children, just their ages, there were for the parents though. “Thank you.”

“No problem. That must be one hell of a welcome in the neighbourhood though.”

“Well I knew it was an old house, with an history, I just didn’t imagine… this.” She smiled as she was about to speak again. “And I have a really nice neighbour next door, so all in all…” She looked at Serena who looked back at her with the hint of a blush.

“Have you had the chance to meet Jason?” Robbie asked, ignoring Serena’s and her raised eyebrow. “He can be a bit… challenging.” He said in a tone that Serena really didn’t like, but Bernie bit back before she had the chance to formulate an answer.

“He’s a great young man, you just have to want to understand him.” She said almost aggressively. “He is the one facing the challenges, precisely because people can’t make the effort to be a bit more open minded.” Her tone was considerably more tempered but there was still fire in her eyes. “As a detective, I’m sure you can understand that.” She added, to try and sweeten it while giving one final blow. He clenched his teeth but didn’t reply, choosing to take a sip of his coffee before realising how bad an idea that had been.

There was a pause. It was a long pause, and there was only so much of Bernie’s coffee that Robbie could handle before trying to fill it.

“Serena mentioned you were a mechanic.” He tried with a smile. “You’ve got to have your pick of men.” He added, hoping the change of subject might lighten up the mood. He didn’t see Serena trying to repress a smile. He did see something pass in Bernie’s eyes.

“It works on women too.” She added, leaning slightly forward, looking him in the eye, making him squirm. “It’s the overalls.” She said lightly, shrugging slightly. She heard Serena chuckling.

She leaned back, slightly toward Serena, still holding his stare. He clearly didn’t know what to think, trying to figure her out. For a detective, he really couldn’t take a hint.

As they were getting up, Bernie thanking him again for his help, Robbie seemed to get it.

“You were military, right?” He smiled, seemed to relax, puzzling Bernie.

“Yes.”

“I knew there was something. It’s the way you hold yourself.” He paused. “Serena couldn’t go for a military type.” He smiled at Serena who was starting to be seriously fed up of him talking as if she wasn’t there. “She’d need someone… softer, caring.” He finished. He hadn’t meant to look at Bernie, but he did, and it took him too long to register the smug grin on her face.

“Campbell.” She called out, gently but firmly, making him tense. Bernie meeting Serena’s eyes who all but melted in her arms and kissed her. They both missed the look of shock on Robbie’s face.

"I... I should.. go." He said, gesturing toward the door, making his way there and trying to shake the image out of his head. He would need a shower, and a scotch. Neither of them seemed to pay attention as he let himself out.

 

 

As they broke up for air, Serena ran her hands on Bernie’s arms. “Definitely stronger than you look, Wolfe, aren’t you?” She remembered a few moments, noticing a few details that had made her brain scream.

“If I make your legs this weak, I could always carry you upstairs.” Bernie still sounded cocky but there was a bit of hesitation, asking for permission, not sure this was really okay. The way Serena bit her lip, the way her eyes darkened, gave her the answer she was waiting for.

She swept her off her feet, Serena’s arms flying to her neck. She realised with satisfaction that she hadn’t lost as much strength as she’d been fearing. Manoeuvring up the stairs ended up being trickier than she’d anticipated, but they ended on the landing in one piece, no bruising expected to show the next day.

Bernie let her down there, realising she didn’t want to push her into anything she didn’t want, fearing she was too forward, but the look in Serena’s eyes mirrored her own and she wanted nothing more than to see her eyes flutter shut again, feeling her get lost in the feeling. They jumped when the lights went out. Bernie huffed.

“I’ll really have to fix that.”

For a moment, she thought to herself just how convenient a timing this was. Serena hooked her fingers on the belt of her jeans and dragged her forward, backtracking into Bernie’s room, the clear sky and almost full moon enough light for now.

“Pick up where we left off?” Serena suggested, husky voice and short of breath.

She watched as Bernie’s undid the buttons of her own shirt, deliberately slowly, tracking Serena’s eyes following her fingers. She removed it as gracefully as she could, cursing when her watch caught in one of the cuffs, removing it too. Serena chuckled and edged closer, kissing her slowly, so deliciously slowly she forgot about everything but her for a minute before remembering that Serena was definitely overdressed.

She removed button after button, excruciatingly slowly, one handed as her other hand snaked up from the hem, caressing the underside of her breasts through her bra. The second she was done, the blouse forgotten on the floor, Serena made quick work of both their bras, the moonlight making their skin look alight.

They stood in front of one another, a smile on their faces, eyes wandering, slowly coming forward, hands on the other’s waist, exploring from there, lips meeting again, drowning in the feeling of the other’s hands on their skin.

It was Serena who initiated the next move, tugging at the waist of Bernie’s jeans, knowing she’d never manage to get them off on her own. They worked together, practicality first, finishing in their underwear, Bernie wishing she had thought of the lacy ones she had rediscovered before realising she’d never been this comfortable in them, and it would have been a little odd, perhaps, to plan ahead that way.

There was a pause and Bernie went first, knowing this was the line past which she’d do most of the leading. Serena stepped tentatively closer, Bernie feeling her breath along her neck, her lips next to her ear, her arms around her waist.

“I want this, Bernie. I want you.” Her voice had gotten so low Bernie almost didn’t catch her words over the sound of her blood rushing to her ears.

Bernie moved so she could face her, close enough that they’d barely have to move to be kissing again.

“Serena, I…” Bernie started, getting lost in her eyes. “You have no idea how much…” Her breath caught in her throat. “I want you, Serena.” She paused. “I want to give you everything.” She whispered against her lips, the intensity in her eyes making Serena’s heart miss a beat. Bernie’s hands on her skin, bringing them impossibly closer, were a sweet torture she knew she could never get enough of.

Bernie walked toward the bed, wishing it wasn’t that low. They sunk on it slowly, Bernie immediately drawing Serena close, running her fingers on her side, kissing her. She moaned against her lips when she felt Serena bring her closer and arch toward her, eyes closed, biting her lip.

She moved so Serena was on her back, hovering on top of her, reading the surprise on her face. She let her hands roam her body slowly, watching as Serena leaned into her touch, her moans harder and harder to suppress, feeling her grip the sheets as Bernie’s fingers ventured on the inside of her thighs. She explored her legs, itching to go back higher but wanting to take her time.

Watching Serena, the whole of her, move under her fingers, giving the whole of herself to her, was a sight she hadn’t dared dream of, not like this. She kissed her way up, slowly, to meet Serena’s lips again, a curse swallowed by a bruising kiss as her fingers traced small patterns inside Serena’s thighs.

She had moved enough that Bernie could move as she pleased, feeling Serena trying to meet her hand at every movement, the next moan coming from her own throat. The next time they broke up for air she heard Serena’s voice, trembling, pleading. “Stop teasing.” She was very happy to oblige, feeling Serena’s grip on the sheets tighten the closer she got.

“Bernie, please…” Serena’s voice betrayed just how lost she was in the moment.

Bernie’s lips left hers and travelled to her breasts, her fingers travelling upwards, Serena arching into her more than before. Bernie moved as slowly as she could, resisting the urge to make Serena writhe under her fingers, wanting the moment to last as long as possible, testing her own restraint and Serena’s limits.

Serena’s eyes were closed, mouth slightly open, her hands in Bernie’s hair, the softness of her touch contrasting with the insistence of her body. Bernie felt as much as she heard Serena let out a long moan and travelled up to kiss her again, leaving one hand on her breast, still moving her fingers slowly.

Serena opened her eyes, meeting hers. She was almost begging, knowing just how much she was ready to give Bernie, just how close she was to it, just how intimate the moment was.

She came with Bernie’s name on her lips, one hand in her hair, the other on her back, knowing she would leave the marks of her nails, needing to feel her there, to make her feel just how intense this was for her. She let Bernie make it last as long as she could, letting out moan after moan as Bernie watched her, admired her, the look in her eyes one of worship which stole away what was left of her breath. She didn’t remember having ever felt this way, having had any lover this focused on her, and she knew it wasn’t a matter of gender.

She wanted to talk but she couldn’t, not just yet, so she went for the next best thing, plunging in Bernie’s eyes, caressing her face, until her vocal chords decided to work again.

“Bernie, this was…” She bit her lip, her body still singing, Bernie’s hands stilled but still there. She saw Bernie smile gently and was overcome with the need to reciprocate, to make her feel what she had felt, every detail, every peak of desire and every wave of pleasure, the incredibly slow buildup to a tsunami more overpowering than she had been prepared for.

She was still shaking slightly and knew she had to wait, knew too that if she closed her eyes she would most likely fall asleep, find herself in her arms and probably sleep better than she had in weeks. She pulled her close, something in mind, brushing the hair off her face.

“Bernie.” She started, her hand on her shoulder. “I want…” Her hand trailed to her breast. “… you…” She stilled for a moment. “…to feel everything…” She stared into her eyes “I want you to feel what I did.” She kept talking as her hand travelled down, one goal in mind, making Bernie’s eyes widen.

“You don’t have to-.” She started but Serena put a finger on her lips.

“I want to, Bernie. Don’t think I’ll let you go anywhere before watching you come for me.” She said with a smile that grew and grew as she saw her words sink in and her fingers work make Bernie’s eyes close. “I don’t have the same patience you have, Bernie, but I know a thing or two about anatomy that should make up for my lack of experience.” She teased. She saw Bernie open and close her mouth a few times before she managed to get words out.

“Well, I’m fairly sure you have ample experience on yourself.”

“Oh, I do, Bernie, and I intend to put it to good use.” Serena replied, moving her fingers ever so slightly, making Bernie arch into her.

She had warned Bernie of what little patience she had, but, as a surgeon, she had plenty of experience of long periods of time working on intricate tasks and intended to make this as long and as enjoyable as she could.

She plunged in Bernie’s eyes every time she opened them, watching every reaction on her face, the moans she swallowed before they reached her lips, her name whispered at regular intervals, more and more insistent until Serena moved just enough to taunt her, knowing just how not to push her to far, building her pleasure erratically, Bernie’s moan finally passing her lips.

She could feel Bernie truly let go, fully hers, drinking in the sight, knowing this was what she had been hoping for, not expecting it to feel this personal, this intimate. Bernie wasn’t someone who let her barriers down easily and watching her like this was hypnotic.

She knew how close she was, could read it in every single detail she discovered for every passing second. She wanted Bernie to open her eyes, wanting to watch her as she came, wanted to see her, the whole of her. Bernie’s eyes fluttered open and she looked lost, lost in the moment, lost in her, drunk on her even. She cried out her name as she came, surprising Serena who had trouble matching the rhythm of her hips.

Bernie had buried her face in the crook of her neck, kissing her skin at regular intervals and letting out small moans that drove Serena mad. It took her longer to come off the high and Serena held her close for a long while, thinking she might even have fallen asleep. Serena herself was almost shaking, unsure what she had been expecting, knowing this had been special for Bernie, knowing there was more to this than a one off.

“Serena.” She heard Bernie’s voice against her skin. She moved so they were facing one another again. Bernie kissed her, pouring everything she had, everything she was, into the kiss. Serena overwhelmed by it, broke the kiss to look at her again. Bernie smiled at her before pushing gently against her until Serena was on her back again. Bernie moved to whisper in her ear, her voice so steady it made Serena shiver, the meaning of her words sinking into her.

“I could make love to you all night.”

She didn’t meet her eyes, but the message was clear, and they both knew Bernie was right, that that was what it was, and that there was more to come.

Bernie kissed her way down Serena’s body, stopping on her thighs, looking up, asking for permission. Serena bit her lip. With Bernie’s tongue against her, her hands buried in her hair, all that mattered was living in the moment, and giving her everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	18. A day trip to the other side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry about the unexpected two week hiatus! I’m back, for real! Put some Things at the end to make up for the wait!
> 
> This is the morning after! This chapter is just them, and some people who should mind their own business. There will be more about the mystery later on!
> 
> Thanks as usual to all those who left comments!! And to DaisyDoctor13 for her support and willingness to share Feels!

Neither of them had slept that well in months, if not longer. They woke up together as Bernie’s alarm rang, too comfortable to move to stop it. They were entangled close, reluctant to move away from one another. Bernie was at just the right level to kiss Serena’s forehead. She looked up sleepily.

“I have to go.” She let out, clearly not enchanted by the idea, not moving a muscle.

“I know.” Bernie whispered, not moving away either. She really had to, they both knew. They knew, too, that either of them arriving late at work would be a terrible idea, although their usual schedule allowed for a few more minutes in bed if they hurried afterwards.

“Serena…” Bernie started.

“I know.” Serena replied. She kissed her, moving away but letting her arms, hands, fingers in contact for as long as she could, rolling away so she wouldn’t have to crawl out.

She was surprised by how fast Bernie managed to move, dropping a kiss on her shoulder with her arms around her waist, just a light presence, a goodbye they knew they couldn’t do facing one another. Serena turned around anyway, her hands on Bernie’s shoulders, back, neck, hair as she kissed her again, feeling Bernie’s arms hold her close.

“Tonight?” Serena whispered.

“Tonight.” Bernie confirmed with a small smile, letting her go, their hands only leaving the other’s skin at the last possible second. Their eyes were still on each other, drinking in the sight of the tousled hair, the other’s skin and movement in the early morning light, the body they had learnt by heart the previous night and yearned to hold close again.

Bernie wrapped herself in the covers, still warm, as she heard Serena make her way downstairs and all but fly through the door. She had the distance to cover, and even if she hurried through breakfast she was most certainly not going to be as early as she liked to be. Bernie knew that some military discipline and the skipping of breakfast should have her back on schedule in time to get to work at her usual time.

Getting up, dragging the covers with her, she stood at her window, waiting for Serena’s light to shine through hers. They stood there for a few minutes, just looking at one another before Bernie ducked her head, Serena disappearing out of view as soon as they broke eye contact.

 

  
Serena rushed through her morning routine, focusing as much as she could so she wouldn’t be tempted to stop and think about the previous night. The day would be a long one, every movement reminded her of Bernie, her body aching in, mostly, delicious ways. She knew her colleagues would be able to read it on her face, there was no way they couldn’t, but she was past caring.

She was in her car five minutes later than she usually was and was five minutes late by the time she parked in her usual spot. She met a jogging Fletch as she entered the lobby, and he seemed to decide not to say anything, looking a bit guilty.

Serena tried, and failed miserably, to repress the smile growing on her face. She’d be chipper all day, no matter what happened, and they’d have to go with it because damn if she was not going to enjoy every ounce of happiness the previous night had brought. She and Fletch had walked fast as they reached AAU, Fletch disappearing in the locker room as she rushed to her office. By the time she opened the door she could already hear whispers.

 

Bernie took the time to tame her hair military-style, hoping it would help her channel some sternness instead of the infectious smile trying to take over her face. She still couldn’t believe what had happened the previous night, Serena in her arms, the way she’d looked at her all through, each of them giving everything they had, every kiss, every touch overwhelming in its intensity.

She reached the garage her usual ten minutes early, the boss grumpily letting her in. She was usually one of the first to get there. He was not a morning person and didn’t seem to notice anything. She decided to sneak in and start the coffee maker before their regular coffee colleague got there. She’d need it to make it through the day. She checked the fridge to see if there was anything edible left there and immediately closed it again. Whatever there might have been would smell very strongly of the worst cheese she’d ever had the misfortune to encounter. Better not.

By the time her colleagues arrived she was properly caffeinated and talking with the boss. She managed to keep a straight face, something her military pals had always told her she was, obviously, rubbish at.

“Military hairdo, Wolfe, something the matter?” Someone asked. She had done it before, generally when something bad had happened. She made the mistake of turning around before getting her smile in check. She heard half a dozen whistles.

“Oh shut up!” She blushed, something she knew she normally wouldn’t.

“Blushing, interesting, really liking the lady, are we?” Another said. Bernie ran the list of possible answer in her head, none of which wouldn’t be misinterpreted as something salacious, and gave up.

“Yes, actually, now would you mind going back to minding your own business?” She had given up on taming her smile entirely and knew she had stars in her eyes to match, too. The day would be a long one with this lot on her back, but every time she moved called memories of the previous night, and it almost made up for it.

 

  
Serena was about to exit her office, eyes on a file, when she almost collided with none other than Ric Griffin. She immediately thought the call of the rumour mill had been too strong, but he seemed to be oblivious, something she knew he wouldn’t be for very long.

“Serena, remember this patient we treated last week, he-” He stopped mid-sentence and looked at her with wild eyes. “Slept well last night?” He teased.

“I did, thank you.” She replied as charmingly as she could, her smile refusing to disappear. “Now, as per the patient, you might want to give me a name, or be more specific.”

They kept the conversation flowing but Serena could tell Ric was distracted.

“Serena.” He said once they were done, lowering his voice. “This is serious, isn’t it?” He looked concerned.

“It is.” She replied simply, having long since dropped the pretence. They both knew it was, and everyone else seemed to guess the second one of them was in the room.

“Treating you right I hope?” She would have been offended if he hadn’t still sounded concerned.

“Very.” She grinned, making him achieve a very convincing impression of a fish out of water.

“That’s… that’s good. It kind of… shows, too.” He started smiling, his smile turning into a large grin.

“Didn’t you have a patient to treat, Mr Griffin?” She asked teasingly and they exchanged a look. He was happy for her. Which didn’t mean he wouldn’t give her hell as far as the rumour mill was concerned.

 

“Apparently people are scared to approach me because I smile too much! -S”

“I merged our techniques and instead of glaring I smirk at them like I know something they don’t, seems to keep them in check for now! -B”

“We make a good team. -S”

“Yes we do! -B”

 

“Ah, Mr Hanssen, what can we do for you today?” Bernie shot the man her usual smile. His car had been in and out of the shop for the past two weeks, and, as far as she was concerned, he might as well buy a new one. His tall, stern look had made the guys snicker, so they’d encouraged her to take over.

“I came to enquire whether there hasn’t been repeated incidents of slashed tyres, to your knowledge.” He started. His own car was running well, thank you very much. “One of my collaborators had such an incident last week, and another last night, and being the garage closest to the hospital I was hoping you might be aware of more.” The way he talked made Bernie’s brain rewire itself in army mode, but the word hospital rang in her ears. She could remember one such incidents alright. This was too much of a coincidence.

“Well as far as I’m aware, we’ve only had one such incidents arrive here, as I’m sure you must be aware.” She replied. “I understand why you’d be concerned by surgeons having their tyres slashed, mind you, it might be dangerous.”

“Well, I hardly fear for Ms Campbell’s life, not with benevolent military protection.” If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought there was the ghost of a smile on his face. He clearly knew who she was.

She remembered Serena mentioning a sneaky Swede, and could now put the pieces together. That would be the CEO of the hospital, his presence around the place clearly not an accident. From what she’d heard from Serena though, he was the kind who protected his own people, so nothing too creepy there.

“I actually believe Serena fully capable of defending herself. I think angering her would be a bad idea, don’t you Mr Hanssen?” She smirked. This time, there was the hint of a smile on his lips.

“Quite. I better let you go back to work, Ms Wolfe.” The smile was still there, but barely visible.

“And I you, Mr Hanssen, I’m sure you must be flooded with paperwork.”

“Luckily I can delegate.” He smiled a little more, nodded and left. Bernie took her phone out of her pocket.

“Your CEO was just here. He’s been here a few times actually. I believe he was concerned for you. -B”

“What did you say to him? -S”

“Just reminded him that pissing you off isn’t a very smart move and he left with a very, very small smile, so that must count for something. -B”

“I know you’re irresistible, but making Henrik smile… -S”

“Irresistible, eh? -B”

“It’s the overalls… -S”

 

For once, the day seemed to fly by for Serena. She couldn’t wait to meet Bernie again in the evening, but she found she had more energy than usual, and the constant influx of patient was less exhausting than it would normally have been. Some, mostly Fletch, suspected she had found a way to harvest the energy of the rest of the ward, to which Raf replied that she had clearly started by him, considering how ridiculous what he said was, Morven giggling behind them.

There was something about Serena that made them realise it was more than just the two of them having most likely spent the night together. It wasn’t just that kind of glow.

“Looks like feelings are really getting in the way.” Raf sighed.

“Afraid it might mess things up?” Morven asked, a bit concerned herself.

“I don’t remember having seen her like this before.” Morven nodded at his words.

“Let’s enjoy it while it lasts then!” Morven smiled and handed him the file she’d been waving about for the past minute.

 

On her way to the break room, Bernie noticed that the blackboard that was regularly covered in questionable remarks had been reclaimed and now featured a list that made her chuckle. The title was scrawled in a barely legible handwriting and read ‘Things we know about Serena:” The boys were looking out for her, or placing bets. Most likely placing bets, really, but still. The list, she supposed, was partly courtesy of Serena’s colleague:

-Flirts with everything with a pulse (Bernie knew about that)  
-Very good at administrative stuff (Bernie, and a couple colleagues, had witnessed it first hand)  
-Owns fur hat (??) (Now that she was curious about, but knew better than to ask)  
-Has a nephew living with her (Well he was, conveniently, away for a week)  
-Divorced, one daughter (She winced, this she also knew about)  
-Likes Shiraz (Bernie could definitely get used that that)  
-Competitive (That she didn’t doubt)

She noticed a few of her coworkers staring. She smirked, and scribbled something at the bottom: “Really good kisser.” That should keep them busy for a while.

 

A while later, Bernie had just finished helping a colleague on a particularly recalcitrant motor when a customer arrived, and came straight toward her.

“Excuse me? Hi.” The woman smiled brightly. “My car has been… emitting some strange noises, lately, my ex said I should get it checked out.” She pointed to her car. Bernie could already think of half a dozen possible reasons on that kind of model. “She’s hardly an expert, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to check.” Bernie missed the woman’s eyes taking a, much, closer look at her.

She asked a few questions while looking under the hood, looking for anything out of the ordinary that could be a clue. She noticed the woman’s answers took longer and longer the further in she peered but didn’t question it. The woman looked a bit off when Bernie straightened up with a pout.

“From what you’ve just told me, we’ll need her for a good few hours, if we have the right parts.” She announced. The woman licked her lips.

“I see, will you be the one working on it?” She asked. Bernie looked back inside and shook her head.

“Don’t think so, that Ford’s exhaust pipe has my name on it.” She replied, gesturing to a car at the other end of the garage. “I’ll see who’s available.” She smiled politely and waved at a colleague, a few of them conveniently lined up nearby.

“I suppose you need my number.” The customer paused. “To call when it’s ready.” She added with a seemingly innocent smile.

“Yes, I’ll let you see that with Tom.” She gestured toward her colleague who was making a very convincing impression of a fish out of water. Bernie didn’t notice the slump in the woman’s shoulders or the shock on her colleagues’ face.

Once the customer had left, one of her colleagues walked up to her.

“Bernie, you do realise she’s been flirting with you since the second she set eyes on you, right?” He said, sounding concerned. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. She hadn’t really been paying attention.

“Bernie, an attractive woman your age hitting on you is hardly something you can miss!” Another laughed. She shrugged. The only attractive woman her age who mattered to her at the moment was working a few miles away.

 

Doubt started to seep through their smiles and energy as they both made their way home. They hadn’t talked, parting the way they had found one another, not knowing what to expect. They were both aware that Bernie didn’t do words, and Serena was almost relieved because she wasn’t sure she had any strong enough for what she wanted to say.

They hadn’t planned anything. All Serena wanted was to see her again, be with her again, feel Bernie’s skin against hers, fall asleep in her arms. What else they did didn’t matter.

Bernie wasn’t there yet when Serena arrived, and she found herself in her room, pacing, over-thinking, staring at her neighbour’s driveway, wondering just how quickly it was acceptable to go. She decided to take a quick shower, hoping it would calm her down (it didn’t), picking an outfit she knew would be easy to remove (and spending a quarter of an hour in her underwear staring into the closet).

By the time she had made up her mind, there was light next door, and she almost ran downstairs. She forced herself to walk leisurely to Bernie’s door, not that surprised when she opened it before she could even knock, her hair dishevelled from having combed her fingers through it too many times.

“Hi.” Bernie sounded a bit short of breath.

“Hi.” Serena replied with a smile.

They were drawn to each other, and they both took a step forward, letting the door close behind them. They were almost in each other’s arms, lips a hairbreadth apart. Bernie’s hands came to frame Serena’s face, stroking her cheeks with her thumbs so tenderly Serena felt herself melting in a whole new way. Or was it?

This, this was what scared her. She had fallen for her so quickly and deeply, and despite the endless caring and devotion she could read in Bernie’s eyes, something that took her breath away in its own right, she was afraid. She closed her eyes when their lips touched. They heard a quick fizzing sound and the lights went out. Serena groaned and heard Bernie’s chuckle as her lips drifted to her neck.

“Any idea how to fix it?” Serena asked, her voice hoarser than intended.

“None whatsoever.” Bernie admitted, clearly not caring. She could always get the lights back on, but how long it would last was anyone’s guess.

“Then let’s go.” Serena tugged on the strings of her hoodie, that were nodded in a neat little bow, and felt Bernie tense. “I have perfectly functional wiring.” She stated, adding “and a very comfortable bed” to herself. Bernie stepped away from her, most likely trying to locate the bare minimum she would need, colliding with several pieces of furniture in the process, uttering a string of curses that Serena suspected she had learnt in the army.

The moment they were outside, the air suddenly felt much chillier. Bernie solved that issue by pressing her against the door to kiss her, a more than valid way of conserving body heat.

It took them a while to make their way to Serena’s house, and Serena was thoroughly distracted as she tried to unlock her door, Bernie standing behind her with her arms around her waist and her lips on her neck. Serena realised as she turned the lights on that Bernie seemed a little more daring with less light. She’d have to take advantage of that at some point.

She heard Bernie’s stomach growl and she almost sighed in relief. She wasn’t sure she could have skipped dinner. Now, whether to get takeaway or cook something simple… Would cooking be too domestic? Would they manage not to get sidetracked? Bernie turned to kiss her, chastely yet teasingly, silently asking what was going on.

“Pasta?” Serena offered. Bernie nodded. They headed toward the kitchen, Bernie watching as Serena moved around with ease. She could tell what she was making from the ingredients but, for now, the food wasn’t what interested her.

With Serena having her back to her, she could watch her to her heart’s content. The way she moved fascinated her, but in that moment it was mostly her body itself that occupied her thoughts. Having seen, discovered, her body the previous night gave her a new appreciation of what she could see. She got up from the angle of the table she had half perched on and walked toward her, peeking over her shoulder.

“Smells nice.”

“It shouldn’t take too long.”

“I didn’t mean the food.” Bernie added with the hint of a grin in her voice. She could feel Serena pause but she didn’t tense. After a second she turned around, finding herself in her arms.

“I shouldn’t take too long either.” Serena’s voice seemed to indicate that Bernie just being there… the memories… She bit her lip, loosing herself in her eyes.

When their lips met again, Serena was suddenly very grateful that she had picked a dish that could be left unattended, at least for a time. Bernie was tender but passionate, and seemed to have the exact same thing in mind as she did. Serena’s eyes fluttered shut as Bernie’s hands snaked on the naked skin of her waist, congratulating her choice of outfit. She could only hang on, overwhelmed, Bernie clearly not minding.

A suspicious noise forced her to step away minutely to stir the pan. Pasta, sauce, and chicken were ready, and she tasked Bernie with the filling of the plates. She gestured toward the couch and they settled there. She rarely, if ever, ate there, but she couldn’t bear the thought of being too far away from Bernie.

They ate in silence, watching the other more than their plates, stealing kisses at regular intervals, eyes flickering toward licked lips more often than not.

Once done, having brought their plates and cutlery back to the kitchen, Bernie found herself leaning against the table again, Serena in front of her, tugging at the knot of her hoodie and slowly, very slowly zipping it down before letting her hands wander lightly under her t-shirt. Bernie brought her closer, kissing her deep enough that she’d lose track of what she was doing.

“We probably shouldn’t stay here.” Serena’s voice was lower than usual, and she had not moved one inch.

“We probably shouldn’t.” Bernie echoed her words, her eyes as dark as Serena had ever seen them. She didn’t try to move either.

“On the other hand, your hoodie would look considerably better on my bedroom floor.” Serena said, deciding that daring was appropriate.

“Lead the way.” Serena did just that, turning the lights off as she went, finding herself pressed against her bedroom door before she could even turn the lights on. She had decided to only use the bedside lamps, but now they were in complete darkness, and she was the only one who could navigate it blind, that was if Bernie didn’t take that away from her, too.

She felt Bernie’s leg between hers and knew they wouldn’t make it to the bed, not straight away anyway. This was miles away from the previous night, hurried when it had been slow, increasingly passionate when it had been tender, but it still felt right.

She heard Bernie’s hoodie hit the floor, shortly followed by her t-shirt. Serena’s top joined them soon after. Serena managed to make Bernie’s sweatpants slip off her hips and she stepped out of it quickly. Serena’s trousers proved a little harder to remove, but were still off in seconds.

Serena was letting her lead, enjoying the way she could trust Bernie, let her make her head spin, give in, having every intention of returning the favour soon after. She found Bernie’s hand on her hip, a light pressure she barely registered as they kissed again. Her heart missed a beat when she felt Bernie shift, a leg back between hers. Serena’s head fell backwards to hit the door gently as she felt the wandering hand glide along the inside of her thigh.

They were pressed together, Bernie’s intentions unmistakable, Serena’s arms around her, keeping her close. Her breath hitched when she felt Bernie’s fingers stop just shy of where she really wanted them. Bernie kissed her, lingering as her fingers moved again. Serena moaned and felt Bernie smile against her lips. She would be the death of her.

“God, Bernie…” Serena was almost pleading, not sure how long she could take this before her legs collapsed under her. With Bernie’s lips on hers and her fingers teasing her, she let out moan after moan, Bernie seeming to know exactly how to keep her on the edge. She broke the kiss as her breath hitched.

She could feel her control on her body slipping entirely, giving in to Bernie’s skilled fingers. Her hands on Bernie’s shoulders struggled to keep their hold, slipping down her back. Serena knew she would probably leave marks but was too lost in the moment to register it. Bernie guided them to the floor, huddled close, out of breath, Bernie stealing kisses every now and then, her hands still roaming Serena’s skin.

“Bernie.” Serena started speaking, not entirely sure she’d manage to finish her thought. “Take me to bed?” She heard Bernie chuckle.

“You’re going to have to guide me.” Bernie warned and helped her get up again, getting rid of all underwear in the process. Serena took her hand and walked to the edge of the bed, finding the edge of the sheets and leaving it open. She wasn’t sure whether or not to turn the lights on.

“Lights?” She asked.

“If you want.” Bernie’s answer was neutral, and Serena hesitated for a second before reaching for the lamp on her side, turning it on on the lowest setting, looking toward Bernie to see her watching her.

They turned so they were face to face, still catching their breath. One of Serena’s hand was on Bernie’s waist and was heading down by ways of small, lazy patterns. She could feel Bernie caught on when she let out a low moan. She was, pleasantly, surprised, to feel Bernie’s hand mirroring hers. She would have thought her body would need more time, but the previous night had already proved that her body made a lot of exceptions when Bernie was concerned.

They matched each other, stroke for stroke, moan for moan, Serena coming first, swallowing a small cry as she felt Bernie start to lose control. She slowed down and could see the quizzical look on Bernie’s face as she ran a hand through her hair. Serena kissed her, and started to trail down, kissing a clear, straight line downward, slowing the rhythm of her fingers practically to a crawl. She saw Bernie’s hands grasp at the sheets, knew she wouldn’t last, knew it didn’t matter. They had all night, or at least a significant amount of it left before it threatened their need for sleep.

None of them heard the two sets of somewhat muffled steps going past the bedroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward…


	19. A window to the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments, and thanks as usual to DaisyDoctor13 for feeding the plotbunnies and encouraging me in my far fetched ideas and research!! 
> 
> This chapter contains one of the plot bunnies I mentioned in previous chapters, and you’ll get to see who the nightly intruders were! This chapter, in short, has answers. And more questions. Well, mostly one more… *knowing grin*
> 
> I didn’t know what to do with Elinor, so… well… she isn’t very nice.
> 
> Also, I am now on Twitter as Beezarre Writes! I tweeted the music I used to write on this lately, and I’ll put it here again: [Secret Garden (Room in Rome OST)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8Dn_SBMqfE)

They woke up trapped in a tangle of sheets. It was early, their usual kind of early, and Serena, fighting the sleep daze still weighing on her, dragged Bernie to the window, opening the curtain. They looked at the garden together, the early morning dew making it glisten in the first few colourful sun rays.

Serena shivered and Bernie went to get her bathrobe. She hopped in her sweatpants and hoodie, and wrapped her arms around Serena. Serena laughed as she took in her hair. It was way past taming. She ran a hand through it gently as Bernie kissed her before they turned toward the window again.

“You’ve got a good view from here.” Bernie whispered. Serena nodded. They were shoulder to shoulder, leaning against the other, their temples touching. Serena had a feeling she didn’t mean the garden.

“Be right back.” She whispered. “Loo?” Serena pointed her in the right direction and she opened the door just a crack and slipped out of the room, feeling like Serena’s house, not unlike her own, had a life of its own.

She jumped when the light went on, having not touched anything, and froze when she saw why.

She found herself faced with a young woman who was unmistakably Serena’s daughter. She had, clearly, inherited her no-nonsense expression.

“Mum?” Elinor called. Bernie heard a soft thud and suppressed a smile. She suspected Serena’s forehead had hit the window a little too forcefully. Elinor’s eyebrow was arched neatly, and quite judgmentally, as her mother appeared in the door frame.

“There’s a woman in your bedroom.” Elinor pointed out. Bernie didn’t move, didn’t breathe, waiting for what would come next. She saw a slight blush on Serena’s cheeks, a moment of confusion as per what to reply, before she matched her daughter’s judgemental eyebrow.

“Pot, kettle, black, darling.” She replied, pointing at Elinor’s bedroom, from where a seemingly shy young woman, Elinor’s age, probably Will, was peeking.

“Hi.” They heard. Bernie had a feeling Will was about as happy about the situation as she was. A solidarity in masculine nicknames possibly.

“If no one’s using the bathroom, do you mind if I…” Will gestured toward the door tentatively. After another second of stilted silence she decided to go for it. If she was going to survive this, she couldn’t do it on a full bladder!

Bernie was still rooted to the spot. Serena and her daughter were locked in a stare off that Bernie had a feeling could last a good while. She shot Will a quizzical look as she got out of the bathroom. The young woman just shrugged apologetically and came to stand by Elinor’s side, a step back. Bernie had a feeling that it was a terrible idea but she mirrored her position by Serena’s side. Her standing aside would probably only make things worse.

“What happened to your hair?” Elinor suddenly exclaimed, making her mother’s state of mind go from awkward to annoyed in just a few words.

“It’s always like that.” Bernie was rolling on the ball of her feet and forced herself to stop once she realised what she was doing.

“I might have made it worse.” Serena admitted, looking at Bernie rather than her daughter, their eyes meeting, sharing a moment, then another.

“Oh, God.” Elinor sighed.

“Alright, ladies, we can meet downstairs for breakfast. Bernie and I actually have work to go to, so we’ll take the bathroom first.”

“Mum!” Elinor sounded outraged. Serena blushed and Bernie shook her head in what she hoped was reassurance. That would most certainly not save time. “And, wait, Bernie?” The disbelief in Elinor’s voice was reinforced by her smirk. They heard someone clear their throat.

“Will is short for Wilhelmina, remember?” Will pointed out, hoping to defuse the situation, and hopefully limit the number of people who’d resent her at the end of the day.

“What’s Bernie short for? Bernadette?” Elinor asked, now laughing at her.

“Berenice.” Bernie’s voice was soft, softer than even she had expected it to be. It seemed to calm Elinor down.

“That’s actually pretty. You should have kept that.” It was almost a sneer. There was a pause, and they went back to their rooms.

 

  
“Listen, Bernie, you don’t have to stay…” Serena started, her eyes pleading that she would. “This is… a mess.” She barely finished her sentence, running out of words.

Bernie drew her close and kissed her. Her brain screamed for her to leave, she knew she would have, if it had been anyone else, but, now… Now she wasn’t so sure. Serena was strong, facing her daughter was a struggle she was well used to, and she doubted Will would be any trouble, but she didn’t want to let Serena face this alone.

It was her fault, too. If her wiring hadn’t messed up… If she had heard them sneak in… How had she not heard them? And now she looked in Serena’s eyes and got lost in them.

“I will, stay, if you want me to.” Bernie said, a whisper against Serena’s lips. Serena nodded a couple times and let her go.

“You’re probably the fastest in the shower, at least one of us will have a chance to be on time this morning.” Serena let out with a small smile. They looked at one another a moment longer before Bernie ducked her head, took her things and dashed across the hall.

“Use whatever you need.” She heard as she closed the door.

 

  
Serena heard a light knock on the door and looked up to see Elinor leaning against the door frame.

“Is this serious?” She asked bluntly. Serena opened her mouth and realised she didn’t know what to say. She nodded slightly instead, mouth still open.

“It’s special.” She finally let out, biting her lip to keep her growing smile in check.

“You know, Mum, you could have told me you were into women.” Elinor’s matter-of-fact tone took Serena by surprise.

“Likewise?” She replied a little sharply, before softening a bit. “And I might have, if I’d figured it out earlier.”

“Wait, you mean… You didn’t know?” The disbelief in Elinor’s voice made Serena roll her eyes.

“Yes, I know, you’re not the first person to tell me I should have figured it out ages ago. Am I really that transparent?”

“Well… yes!” Elinor was known for saying things as they were, and for once her mother was grateful for that. “So how did you two meet?” Serena gave up on taming her smile. She gestured toward the house next door.

“She moved in next door.”

“Wait, the old creepy house?” Elinor frowned. She had always hated the place.

“You have no idea!” Serena cringed in recollection, the ghosts felt further away somehow.

“When did she move in?” Elinor kept firing questions, but it didn’t feel like she was prying, just yet. Maybe she wasn’t awake enough to be fully snarky.

“A… a little over two weeks ago?” It felt like eons to Serena, but hearing herself say it made her realise just how peculiar it could sound.

“Two… two weeks?” Elinor gaped at her. “Wow! That’s… Mum…” This time Serena knew sleepiness didn’t have much to do with her daughter’s speechlessness. “How long have you actually been together?” Elinor asked in disbelief. Her mother wasn’t someone who got into things without thinking them through, that was her job.

“I guess that … depends on your definition of together?” Serena wasn’t really sure how to answer to that. It wasn’t exactly the kind of thing she and Bernie had talked about. They hadn’t talked about much as far as their relationship was concerned, it was still too fresh, too tentative.

Elinor shrugged, they could talk about it later. They would talk about it later. Now was time for a tactical retreat before her mum remembered Will.

“Elinor, wait.” Elinor tensed, bit her lip and turned around. “This is important, to me.” Serena looked her in the eye and she could tell her daughter understood. What she would take from it was anyone’s guess.

“At least it sounded like you two had fun last night!” Elinor’s words made her mother tense. Just how much had they heard? And why hadn’t they said anything? It was almost worse that way.

 

Bernie came back just as Elinor went back to her room, leaving Serena to go shower. Elinor waited to hear the water running before she went to knock on her mother’s door again.

Bernie turned toward her, her hair, now wet, lying flat, making her look like a drenched puppy.

“You really like her, don’t you?” Elinor asked aggressively. Bernie nodded slowly. “Okay, so I know your name, what do you do?” Elinor asked again. This time, it was an interrogation.

“Mechanic.” Bernie replied, not entirely sure she trusted her brain to make sentences just yet. Elinor laughed dryly.

“Wow, okay, isn’t that kind of a cliché? Anyway. What’s your favourite colour?” Elinor’s question took Bernie by surprise. “No knowledge of Monty Python’s, could do better.” Elinor took a deep breath and the smile on her lips made Bernie clench her teeth.

“Listen, my mother has a notoriously atrocious taste in men. Anyone who’s ever met one of them could tell you that.” Elinor started. She was standing in Bernie’s personal space and Bernie was trying very hard not to tense up. “Now, I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.” Elinor’s voice made Bernie’s mouth dry. “I’m very good at finding out stuff about people. So if there’s anything I should know, that Mum should know, now’s the time to spill it out.”

Their eyes were locked, and Elinor could see Bernie’s posture change to one of defensiveness. There was something. There always was. Elinor smirked and left the room, Bernie waiting for her to be out of sight to let out the breath she had been holding.

 

  
Bernie went downstairs to help Serena with breakfast, hoping to steal a moment with her before they had to leave for work. She looked ill at ease in her own space, miles away from the way Bernie had seen her move the previous night. Bernie stopped her, a hand on her hip, another brushing her face gently before kissing her.

“I’ll look into the info we got from Robbie tonight.” She said in between kisses. “I’ll let you know if anything interesting comes up.” She smiled.

She knew the situation was complicated, didn’t want to be a burden, or for Serena to feel bad, and she genuinely wanted to figure it out. There was something nagging at a corner of her brain that just didn’t sit well by her, and she had to find it. Serena nodded, thankful, and kissed her, more passionately than before, both of them letting go, cherishing that last moment of sharing a space, and time, uninterrupted.

They stepped away when they heard someone walk past them, Elinor making a show of moving around them to grab a spoon with a very loud sigh. Will was standing at the foot of the stairs, clearly not sure what to do with herself. Serena gestured for her to come sit at the table.

They all ate in silence, anything that was needed was mimed and handed from one person to the other without a word. Serena and Bernie spent most of the time sharing looks, ghost touches, Elinor was ignoring them, and Will seemed to be fascinated by the content of her plate all through.

Bernie was the first to leave, stealing a kiss that proved longer than planned as neither of them wanted to let go. They missed Elinor’s aggravated eyeroll. Serena followed her out, Elinor handing her her bag to get her out of her daydream. Serena would try and arrange for them to be able to spend more than just the evening together.

 

Bernie didn’t let anything show at work, going through her day as normal. No one asked, no one seemed to notice, and she was grateful for that, her mind already on the house mystery, wondering what she’d find, if there was something to find, too. That should keep her thoughts off the awkward encounter. She knew where to start, even though she didn’t look forward to setting foot inside the library again.

 

  
Serena managed to free her afternoon, nothing short of a miracle at such a short notice, and spend it with her daughter and her girlfriend, who turned out considerably more chatty when she was relaxed. At least the morning mishap didn’t put her off too much!

It had been a while since Serena had really been able to spend that long with Elinor, and she noticed things, here and there, that she felt she had missed. Elinor noticed through the afternoon, and evening, her mother suddenly lost in thoughts with a slight smile on her lips.

She could start her research the next day, it shouldn’t take more than a few hours, if she was lucky. Will had a few things to do in town, and she could revisit her familiar future journalist haunts for details, even if part of it was stuffy library basements. There was something to find, and she was going to find it.

 

Having eaten the dubiously edible result of a one-pot recipe, Bernie went to the office and settled there, putting everything on the desk, trying to get things in order, to get a better picture. With the notes she had taken and the pictures from the box, the large desk was soon almost covered with a mix of notepaper and sticky notes.

Bernie didn’t look forward to sneaking back into the room behind the curtain and took the time to study everything again. Something, at some point, had caught her attention. All she needed to do was figure out what and start digging.

She didn’t keep track of time, getting up to pace at regular intervals before finally deciding to open the library. Once inside, she sat down and started reading, having brought a notepad and a pen, hoping to make sense of her thoughts, and of the history of the place.

She read many letters, some she just perused, others she studied carefully. The low light made her eyes tear up but she didn’t want anything from there to get out, as if it wasn’t ready just yet.

After a long search, she felt the knot in her stomach dissipate, then tighten even more than it had. It was there. It had been there, all along!

Letting the letter she had been reading fall on the table she rushed back out of the library and shuffled the sheets around, trying to find a specific one, ending up making more of a mess. She slid everything off the table onto the floor, widening her work setting, and knelt down. The puzzle was slowly getting together, and if she was right…

She spent a long time standing right under the lamp, holding the pictures she had found in the basement. There had to be something in there, something that confirmed it. Or something to prove her wrong.

Her hands started shaking when she found what she had been looking for. She fell to her knees and held the picture close, head back, taking in the room, the house, and what her discovery meant. She knew she was crying, felt the hardwood floor press on her knees, the pain in her chest only partly her own.

She reached out for her phone and pressed it close to her ear, hoping, needing to hear the voice on the other end, to share this moment. She couldn’t let it be, it had waited too long for her to come there, for the door to be reopened. It could have waited another few hours, but she couldn’t.

“Serena? Serena, it’s Bernie, I… I said I’d contact you if I found something, and, I did!” Bernie’s voice was hoarse, she was half speaking half mumbling, and Serena thought she could hear her crying.

“Bernie? Bernie, what…”

“I… I spent the whole evening…” Bernie started, but Serena interrupted her.

“And half the night, yes?” There was no judgement in her voice, only a tinge of sleep she hadn’t quite managed to get rid of just yet.

“I took everything we had, all the papers, all the notes, all the pictures. There was something, I knew there was, but I couldn’t figure it out, so I went back inside and read a few letters.”

“How many are a few?” Serena was concerned now, hoping to calm her down, if only for her own sake, so she could follow.

“I… I didn’t count, several dozens maybe?” Serena sat up in her bed, staring in the distance. Where was this going? “I… Serena, it just… It was there, Serena, it was staring me in the face, all this time!” She could hear a hint of desperation in Bernie’s voice.

“Bernie, please, slow down.” Serena asked gently, her voice soft, she realised she could have fallen asleep to Bernie’s voice if she hadn’t sounded so distressed.

“You remember, there are four kids, right?” Bernie started explaining, hoping it might clear things up for herself as well.

“Yes, two on each side, a boy and a girl each, I think.”

“Exactly, meaning that on the pictures, we have Lucy and Charles, the Lane children.”

“Right, yes, did you manage to make sense of the names on the back then?” Serena was starting to be a bit more awake now, but it was still going a bit fast for her.

“Not all the pictures have names, but once I found what my brain had been screaming, I went back to those pictures, and I realised something, along the way, too.”

“Bernie…”

“Serena, when kids this age, I mean Lucy’s age, when their parents die, after something like this, it makes sense their names would have been changed, generally to their mother’s maiden name, right?”

“Yes, I suppose so.” Serena wasn’t sure where this was going.

“Meaning she wouldn’t be Lucy Lane, but Lucy White.” There was a tinge of victory in Bernie’s voice.

“Yes, Bernie, that makes sense, I just don’t understand why you’re calling me in the middle of the night to tell me this.” There was a pause. “Bernie?”

“Care to guess what my grandmother’s maiden name was?” Bernie’s voice was soft, all of a sudden, reverent. Serena thought she could hear a sad smile there, too. “She had a birthmark, on her shoulder. I remember it well. And it’s there, on the pictures, it’s there, on just a couple of them, you can see it.” She paused, her voice breaking as she kept talking. “It’s her, Serena. Lucy White, Lucy Lane, was my grandmother.” Her voice had become a mere whisper and Serena could feel tears prickling her eyes.

“But…” Serena had many questions, but she had no idea what they were, so she let Bernie fill in the gaps.

“As far as my family knows, my grandmother grew up in an orphanage, lost her parents and sibling. She never talked about it, it wasn’t so much a family secret, really, just… something no one thought could hide something.” Bernie’s voice was soft again, almost child-like.

“So it’s not a stranger’s house, after all.” Serena said, wondering what the look on Bernie’s face was at that moment, tempted to sneak out and find out, yearning to go, wrap her arms around her and draw her close.

“Serena, it’s…”

“A lot to take in. Try and get some sleep, if you can? Do you want me to, come over?” Serena offered hesitantly.

“No, no, it’s fine, I’m sorry I woke you up, I just needed to… I needed to tell you.” There was something desperate in Bernie’s voice that choked Serena. It took her a moment to be able to speak again.

“I understand. I do.” Serena whispered. She smiled, hoping Bernie would hear it.

“It’s really different, now that I know this.” Bernie spoke softly, almost whispering too. “I have to reevaluate everything. Rethink everything. This house was already not a blank slate, but now…”

“Now it’s a family portrait.” Serena’s words dawned on them both.

“Something like that. And I have no one left on that side of the family, nothing more to dig, other than the content of the house.”

“May I suggest you wait till morning, or better yet, evening.” Serena’s voice was slightly cheery now but it didn’t ring right even to her own ears.

“Of course. There’s one thing, though.” Bernie added, the tone of her voice making Serena tense up.

“Yes?”

“It’s ironic, really. My great-grandmother was a lesbian, or bisexual we’ll never know how she identified, if she did, and my great-grandfather had blood on his hands.” There was a pause. “It’s history repeating itself.”

“Sounds like it.”

“I’ll let you sleep, sorry.” Bernie seemed to have shaken herself off her trance.

“It’s alright, good night Bernie.” Serena smiled as she hung up, putting her phone back on her bedside table. Something Bernie had said didn’t sit well with her. What had she meant about blood on her hands? Someone rescued too late in the army? Or was it something else?

 

  
Bernie took a big breath and called the next person she meant to talk to. To hell with time, she needed to talk about this. She heard mumbles that she suspected were a large string of curses, before the could make up something audible.

“It’s 4 bloody AM, Wolfe! I know it’s the full moon, but…” Alex started, clearly barely awake. “Bernie?” She asked, suddenly concerned. The last time Bernie had called her that late, she had been utterly pissed, and had started singing something atrociously off-pitch. There was no singing on the other end of the line this time.

“Alex, it’s, I know it’s late, but, it’s, well, I, it’s…” Bernie started, confused, having ran out of good sense and sentence making abilities a few hours previously.

“Bernie, Bernie, deep breath, sit down because I can almost hear you’re standing right now. Start from the beginning.”

Alex talked gently, both to try and not wake her partner, and to soothe Bernie. Her wife was already awake, she realised as she heard a sigh that didn’t come from her phone. She kissed her shoulder and tried to find a comfortable position. This could take a while, and she had to make sure she wouldn’t fall asleep.

“Alex, I, the house, it’s… Serena’s ex, the policeman, he brought us the police file, and we had some answers, but there was something bothering me, I couldn’t figure out what it was.”

“So you kept digging.”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t think of stopping digging at a reasonable time.”

“Well I didn’t exactly look at the time. And the clock in the office stopped, possibly several decades ago, so…”

“So you’re still at it at 4am.”

“Well, I found it.”

“Found what?”

“The answer.”

“What was the question again?”

“What is it about this story, about this house, that didn’t sound right.”

“And what’s the answer.”

“This is not a stranger’s house, my grandmother inherited from her parents.” Bernie whispered. It still felt like a secret. There was a pause at the end of the line.

“I thought your grandmother was an orphan?” Alex asked. She had met her many times, she never talked of her childhood, said it brought back bad memories.

“Well, she was. Her father died in prison shortly after killing her mother, and her brother soon afterwards.”

“So this was her house. It wasn’t some kind of mysterious inheritance, or an acquaintance who had no one left.” It dawned on Alex exactly what this meant to Bernie.

“It was. This is a family house, Alex. Not an awkward house full of strangers’ things. They are strangers, but…”

“But they’re relatives. You could say you’re bound by blood…” Alex started. She heard Bernie snort on the other hand of the line.

“What do I do now, Alex?” She asked, at a loss.

“Well, sleeping sounds like a good idea right now.” Alex smiled. She felt her wife poke her in the ribs. “Anneke agrees.”

“Sorry. I should let you sleep.” Bernie sounded guilty, but considerably calmer.

“You can start over tomorrow, start exploring. Do you want your neighbour around for this?” She asked. Her wife rolled her eyes, knowing it could mean another half hour on the phone. She’d known the two of them long enough.

“I don’t know, this feels… more intimate. I called her, earlier, to tell her, and…”

“Bernie, you called your neighbour in the middle of the night?” Alex laughed, shaking her head.

“Well, yes, we would probably have spent the night together, but her daughter arrived last night, well, the night before, and meeting in the corridor in the morning was awkward enough for now.” Bernie explained with a sigh.

“Wait, wait, did you say you planned to spend the night together? As in you have before?” Alex was smiling and saw her wife roll her eyes.

“Well, last night…” Bernie sounded both embarrassed and smug. Alex smirked. “And the night before that.” This time Bernie was mostly smug.

“No interruptions, then?”

“Well, not unless you count accidentally meeting the daughter in the morning, no.” Bernie was still a bit cross, about that, mostly at herself. She was a soldier, used to pay attention to her surroundings, two twenty year olds sneaking up the stairs into the next room should have been something she’d have picked up on.

“When exactly in the morning was that?” Alex asked. She had the feeling that it wasn’t just a breakfast encounter.

“Early.”

“How early?”

“Just got out of bed to go to the bathroom early.” Bernie explained. She heard Alex laugh loudly. She tried to muffle her laughter as best she could.

“That must have been fun!”

“Well, the mother-daughter relationship isn’t the best, and the daughter’s girlfriend looked about as comfortable as I did.”

“Ouch.”

“The daughter is something, a bit aggressive, but then again, given the situation, I can’t really blame her. Although according to Serena she’s always like that.”

“So you met the daughter…”

“I did.”

“And you didn’t run.”

“I didn’t. I couldn’t just…” Bernie knew she could have. As did Alex, who thought this was starting to look a little bit like commitment. She knew better than to tell Bernie as much though.

“You care.” Alex summed up. “And you can keep caring in the morning, go sleep before you give the guys at the garage the wrong idea.” She had kept her tone light but was still concerned for her friend.

“I think they already have the wrong idea anyway.” Bernie admitted almost dryly. “Good night you two. Sorry I woke you.”

“Take care Bernie. Get some sleep!”

“I will.” Once the call was over, Bernie reclined in the arm chair she had picked in her peregrinations through the office. She wasn’t sure she would be able to get any sleep.

A few minutes later, her eyes were closed, her phone falling in her lap. She was sleeping too deeply to notice the lights going out for the first time since she had come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	20. Faded lives grow anew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the plot-bunny I’d been hinting at. It’s one of those ‘Would this work? How did I manage to foreshadow it before I even thought about it?’ kind of plot-bunnies. And it mostly stemmed from freewriting and ending the scene on ‘blood on her hands’… By the way, there is some blood in this chapter (but not where you’d expect…)
> 
> I said in chapter 2 that Marcus didn’t exist. How wrong I was back then… Don’t worry, he isn’t here to stay! And Elinor is leaving at some point in that chapter, too! 
> 
> I didn’t mean to post this so late, and then time happened. It happens a lot lately…
> 
> Thank you all for your comments, they mean a lot, and endless thanks to DaisyDoctor13 for letting me send her snippets (that probably cover the entirety of this chapter at this stage…) and watering the plot-bunnies!!! Also for helping me find the title!!

Bernie had barely gotten any sleep the previous night, and no one had questioned the look on her face. They knew better than to joke about it, too. She had even missed a couple hands on her shoulders through the day.

She worked in a kind of daze, trying to process what she had figured out. Details were still coming together the same way she reassembled difficult parts to make a car run again.

A loud noise and sharp cry snapped her out of it and she was moving before she even thought about it, ushering everyone out of the way the second she saw what had happened. She gave quick orders no one discussed, had someone call it in and put her on speaker.

For a moment, she was focused, completely focused, more herself than she had been in months, useful, under pressure. Efficient in a way that felt right. When the call was put through, she spoke before even registering what she was saying, feeling like part of her brain was welcoming her back.

She gave a few more, detailed, orders, and noticed no one was questioning it. Maybe it had been her tone, or maybe she was the only one who wasn’t too in shock to think things through. Sitting by the side of her impromptu patient, she looked in his eyes to see a fear that was all too familiar.

“Hang in there, mate.” She had meant to be reassuring, but it didn’t seem to work.

She cleared the way, having done all she could so he had a shot of getting out of there alive. This was one of those freak accidents. She knew the statistics, with that kind of machine crashing like that, the chances of survival were low. She had done everything she could for him, hoped it would be enough. Part of her knew it would be.

When the ambulance arrived she went through what happened again, no one questioning her explanation.

It was only once their colleague was on the way to the hospital that she heard the silence. Turning around, she found herself facing all of her coworkers. She wasn’t sure what to tell them.

“Is he gonna make it?” Someone in the back asked.

“I think so.” She replied. That was the best she could say.

“Army coming in handy, eh?” Someone else asked. There was some of that, she supposed. She shrugged and gestured toward the break room.

They could all use some coffee. The boss had already started it. He looked at her with something in his eyes. She’d done some patching up in the past, but that was on a whole new level. She knew there’s be a new kind of respect in all of their eyes from now on, and she didn’t think she deserved it.

 

  
When they heard from the hospital -Stew had made it after all- the boss sent Bernie as scout. He wanted to give her a break. She’d been off all day, and a whole other kind of off after the accident. The gal deserved a break; even though the hospital might not fit that description it was better than having everyone steal glances at her until closing time.

 

Bernie had cringed when she’d heard which ward he’d been sent to. It made sense, of course, but there would be questions, ones she wasn’t ready to answer, let alone in public. It would give her a chance to see where Serena worked though, maybe even see her work. This was her universe, her territory, and a small smile pierced through as she wondered where exactly Serena had found herself walking into a wall.

She recognised a few faces, noticed a few jaws dropping and realised she had buttoned her shirt a little less conservatively than usual when she had changed. They’d have to get over it. She was pointed toward a bed, where she sighed and smiled, faced with a grinning Stew. She couldn’t help but grin back.

“How are you feeling?” She asked. He looked well, and from what equipment he had, and didn’t have, around him, he’d make it out alright.

“Floating a bit, they gave me the good stuff I think!” He grinned a little wider. She shook her head. At least one of them was in a good mood. He’d always been the one to cheer others up. Without him things had already taken a turn toward gloominess. They’d have to make do.

 

  
“Bernie Wolfe!”

She had heard her name across the ward and had turned, just like everyone else in the room. Brilliant, she thought to herself, just what I needed. She blanched as she recognised who had called her. The man’s face was familiar, he hadn’t changed that much. She couldn’t remember that much about him, other than the fact that he used to annoy her even back then.

“Marcus, right?” Her brain had helpfully provided her with a name, which seemed to be the right one as Marcus’ smile grew a little larger. Maybe pretending not to know his name would have been a better move.

“Dunn, yes, we were…” She didn’t let him finish.

“Yeah, I remember.” She cringed, remembering the number of time he’d asked her out, unable to take a hint. She hoped he wouldn’t try again, she had better to do than fight him off. She hoped Serena wouldn’t step in, it would be a whole other level of awkward.

“What did you end up specialising in?” He asked with an encouraging smile. She remembered he had gone for something like orthopaedics. How she even remembered that was beyond her.

“Mechanic.” She replied, trying to read his reaction. He was shocked, as expected. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, making him look really stupid.

“Stay-, stayed around then?” He offered, trying to save face.

“Not really, enlisted, only properly came back after an injury.” She was staring at him intently, clearly making him uncomfortable. With some luck he would take the hint.

“Saved his life though. Some things never go away.”

Did the guy ever stop? There was something a little smug about him though that annoyed her a little more with every word he uttered. She hoped it would turn out to be a short conversation, or she would end up snapping at him, and that would be bad news for her reputation, although Stew had seen worse, and she had a feeling Serena might back her up.

She hadn’t heard Serena approach, too intent on trying to make him leave.

“Bernie? Is everything alright?” Bernie could hear the worry in her voice and turned toward her with a smile. Her annoyance disappeared the second their eyes met, getting lost there for a second, the way Serena’s eyes travelled to her collarbones not lost on her.

“Just came to check on the idiot over there.” She joked, resisting the urge to wink.

“I can hear you, you know.” The idiot in question replied, making her laugh. “How long till the wife gets here?”

“Might be a couple more hours mate, hang in there.” She teased. He saluted her with his free arm and she rolled her eyes.

“You two know one another?” Serena asked, her eyes going from Bernie to Marcus, looking a little surprised.. Bernie squared her jaw, waiting for the blow.

“Studied together. She was brilliant.” She could see the surprise on Serena’s face, knew this was the start of a complicated conversation she hadn’t meant to have at any point in the near future.

“And by that he means he kept trying to get me to go out with him.” She managed to get Serena’s attention and could see her get lost in her eyes again. It never got old, nor did having to resist the urge to kiss her.

“Mind if I try again?” He asked, missing the look of disbelief on Serena’s face. Bernie’s laugh echoed through the entire ward. Bernie hadn’t wanted to put Serena on the spot but she felt her hand on her back and smiled a little smugly.

“Some people can’t take a hint.” Now she was really, really tempted to kiss her, to really get the point across.

“Clearly.” Serena replied. It took Marcus a moment to realise what was happening. He rolled his eyes.

“Well, that explains some things.” He didn’t seem too put off, Bernie hoped he would just go away, but apparently he was still interested in conversing with his long lost classmate. Didn’t he have patients to treat?

“This is one hell of a coincidence.” Bernie was fairly sure her eyeroll was audible from the other end of the ward.

“Well, Holby can turn out to be a really small place, sometimes.” Serena tried to temper things, having noticed just how tensed Bernie was.

“Small world, indeed. Still, you really don’t look like a mechanic.” He insisted.

“You should see her in overalls, mate.” Stew called out from his bed. Bernie turned toward him with an aggravated look on her face. “What? Not my fault you look bloody good in those, Wolfe!” Serena laughed.

“I have to admit he has a point.” She looked at Bernie, clearly remembering an instance of her wearing them and sticking her hands in her pockets in what had clearly been an attempt at manslaughter. Marcus looked at each of them in turn.

“You could have gone for the RAMC.” There was still a disbelief on his face.

“Well I went for the REME instead.” It was starting to feel like an arm wrestle, and Bernie was ahead. Serena felt her square her shoulders, stand slightly taller. She knew most of the ward was watching them, looked toward Bernie’s coworker and saw him smile smugly, clearly aware that the guy didn’t stand a chance.

“Just finding it funny that you’d go in the army after…” He didn’t finish his sentence, and Bernie was glad for it. This was not something she wanted made public, not there, not then. Not until she had a chance of talking to Serena, if she could find the courage.

“The army is more than violence, Marcus. It’s nothing like the comfortable life you’ve built for yourself here. I never regretted it, still don’t.” Her voice was steely and Marcus was slowly starting to get the idea.

There was a pause.

“What can you tell me about him?” Bernie’s voice and tone were closer to those used to put recruits in their place than addressing customers at the garage.

Marcus had been at least partially in charge of her coworker, and she knew, hoped, that it would direct the conversation away from her past. They all stepped closer, Marcus taking the file so neither of them could read as he started listing the conclusions, using all medical terms and abbreviations, seemingly as a dare.

“That means you got lucky.” Bernie told the rather annoyed patient.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ve had about six people already telling me you saved my life and my arm.” He wasn’t nearly as annoyed as his words hinted at.

“No I mean this could have killed you instantly.” Bernie was smiling but there was concern in her voice. There had been a moment there…

“Eh, well, I’m here now, aren’t I?” His optimism made Bernie roll her eyes. He would be missed at the garage, that was for sure.

“If she hadn’t done what she had, you’d have been stuck in a wheelchair with a missing arm for the rest of your days, and that’s if you had survived.” Marcus wasn’t talking to him but to Bernie. He turned to Serena, detailing what Bernie had done while she gritted her teeth.

“Impressive.” She admitted, aware that Bernie was clearly not comfortable with what was happening. “What matters is that mister…”

“Stewart, ma’am.”

“Mr Stewart is here, and in good hands.” She looked pointedly at Marcus who gulped as discreetly as he could. The message was clear: she was at the head of the ward, he was a locum, and he’d better do as he was told. Hell hath no fury like a woman understaffed, overworked, and pissed off by a random idiot trying to hit on her girlfriend.

“Bernie, tell the boss he’ll need to find someone else to fill in for Bob? I think it’s Andy’s turn.” Stew’s voice saved them all from engaging in a glare-off.

“Will do.” Bernie smiled. “We’ll take turns to check on you.”

“You do that!” He paused. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” She walked away, walking next to Serena. She was guiding her, and Bernie foresaw a long conversation in her office. Serena sunk in her chair and Bernie took one right opposite.

“That was impressive.” She pointed out, not quite fishing, but almost.

“Well, like I told you last week, medicine was the initial idea. I didn’t follow through.” Bernie shrugged. She couldn’t do this. Not like that. She felt like the owed Serena an explanation, but this was too hard. Not in the hospital. Not when she was likely to face Marcus on the way out.

“That’s not really first year techniques.” Serena’s voice was gentle, there was concern in her eyes, and a softness that made Bernie’s heart do something she wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

“No, he got lucky I was nearby though.” Bernie’s voice had sounded raw to her own ears, and she hoped Serena hadn’t caught that.

“Indeed.” Bernie could tell Serena was slowly accepting that she wouldn’t get the explanation she’d been hoping for, but her smile still surprised her. It felt like Serena instinctively knew her boundaries, when she herself found them blurred in more and more places when Serena was concerned. Bernie knew Serena wouldn’t go digging, feared someone else might. She’d have to talk to her soon.

There was a long silence.

“Not a big fan of Marcus then?” Serena smiled at her and Bernie smiled back, looking down.

“Not particularly, no. Never knew how to mind his own business.” Looking in each other’s eyes, they both knew it was as far as that conversation was going to get.

As she got up, Serena drew her forward and kissed her, gently, making Bernie’s heart flutter again in a way that was too comfortable for comfort. They’d had a two-second window and both knew that was all they could allow themselves. The day was still long, and they’d meet again. They needed to, at this stage.

Bernie waved at Stew on the way out, and turned toward Serena who was standing by her office door as she left, exchanging one last look, one last smile, entire colonies of butterfly migrating across the ward.

 

 

When Serena got out of theatre a couple hours later, she found her daughter waiting for her in her office, absentmindedly playing with a pen. She got up when she saw her mother come in, and the smile on her face, almost victorious, made Serena uneasy. Elinor handed her the file she had had on her knees. She watched her as she opened the file.

Her daughter had always been prone to dramatics, the only thing in there was the copy of a small newspaper cutting on a large piece of paper. “Young doctor assaulted by patient, kills him in self defence.” Serena looked up at her daughter quizzically, and Elinor gestured for her to keep going.

Serena’s heart missed a beat when she recognised Bernie’s picture next to that of an older man, the patient presumably. She looked up again, looking her daughter in the eye.

“Why are you showing me this?” She asked, blanching.

“Because you needed to know. I knew she had something to hide. Everyone has. That’s not your typical shoplifting attempt, is it?” Serena didn’t answer her, the venom in her daughter’s words hurting more than she was willing to admit.

“Blood on her hands. That’s what she meant. That’s what she was trying to say.” Serena’s mind caught up with the conversation that hadn’t quite made sense. Of course. Now it did.

“What?” From the look on Elinor’s face she wasn’t pleased by her mother’s reaction.

“She called, last night, in the middle of the night, something about the house, it’s complicated. She said something about having blood on her hands. And about medicine before that. A former classmate was there today, pestered her.” Serena was mostly voicing her thoughts, not expecting her daughter to follow, let alone understand. “No wonder she quit medicine.” Serena was looking in the distance, a knot in her throat.

“She never really quit though. Guilt, probably.” Elinor shot her a bitter smile and gestured for her to turn the page over. There was a collage of newspaper cuttings and military announcements. As it turned out, unassuming simple mechanic Bernie had made saving lives in the vehicles she was working on her speciality. Marcus might have had a point about her having her place in the RAMC.

It dawned on Serena that, since she had come back to civilian life, Bernie was left with nothing but cars to fix. Why had she even called her for the drunken brawl? She sighed. The more she discovered about Bernie, the more her unease with words made sense. It also called for more talking. Elinor wasn’t helping. Not that she generally was, but Serena was especially at a loss there.

“I… I still don’t get why you’re showing me this.” Serena shook her head, finding it hard to tear her eyes away from the reality she felt she had known all along.

“You keep falling for people who fuck up because you don’t think you deserve better.” Elinor paused, letting her words sink in. “And now you’ve managed to find someone who might just be the same kind of broken as you.” She paused again. “You see those articles and you get it. I don’t. But if you’re ready to live with that…” She walked past her mother toward the door. “I hope she’s worth it.” She stopped at the door.

“Will and I are heading back. Say hello to Jason for me when he comes back!” And with that, she was gone, leaving Serena to stand in the middle of the office, still staring at the file her daughter had given her. She closed it and placed it carefully on her desk. Looking at the time, she realised she had a good hour still before she could go home. She had to talk to Bernie.

 

  
Will had their things packed when Elinor arrived at her mother’s house, but Elinor asked her to wait. While Will put everything in the car, and the heating on, Elinor walked to Bernie’s door and waited.

As it turned out, Bernie had been let out early after the freak accident earlier than day. She was surprised to spot Elinor sitting on the steps. She invited her in without a word and led her to the kitchen. She refused her silent offer of coffee, and Bernie reheated a mug for herself.

“You don’t really do words, do you?” Elinor asked. Bernie held her gaze. “I found articles. About the patient. About the medals. Gave Mum the lot.” Elinor saw Bernie clench her teeth but that was the only reaction she could get out of her.

There was something in her eyes that made Elinor uneasy, something she felt she should have seen before, a kind of pain that made it look like she was her own prisoner, her screams never getting past the barred windows of her eyes. She gulped, uneasy, looking around the room for a second to compose herself.

“I don’t know what you did to her, but she didn’t run away.” Elinor managed to look at her again, gulping as she saw the glimmer of hope dancing in Bernie’s eyes. “She got it. She accepted it. She forgave it. Who knows.” Elinor paused, struggling to find the right words, feeling like it suddenly mattered, faced with someone who used few and knew just how much meaning they could carry.

“You’re both good at caring for people, and rubbish at caring for yourselves.” Elinor was about to add something when Bernie finally started speaking.

“It’s easier.” She explained, her voice hoarse. “When you don’t think you deserve it…” Elinor nodded, encouraging her to continue. “As a doctor, you want to make a difference, save as many people as possible.” Bernie had spoken quietly, but there was a strength in her words that made Elinor frown.

“So you still consider yourself a doctor.” Elinor could hear the disbelief in her own voice. Bernie nodded gently.

“You never stop being a doctor. You can stop working as a doctor, but you never stop being a doctor.” Elinor could see just how important it was to her. She decided to try another angle.

“What do you see, when you look at Mum?” Elinor asked, frowning at the surprise on Bernie’s face, she hadn’t expected the question, or maybe hadn’t expected Elinor to take her own feelings into account.

“I see… I see what you said, earlier. I see someone who’s so used to caring for others, and has no one to care for her.” Bernie paused. “It’s a bit like looking in the mirror, sometimes, except the reflection is full of hope. I’m in black and white and she’s in colour.” It looked to Elinor as if Bernie hadn’t meant to say the last part out loud.

“She makes you want to be in colour.” Elinor was frowning, maybe there was hope for her Mum after all, if Bernie was ready to make an effort.

“No, she makes me in colour.” Bernie’s simple statement, almost childlike, took Elinor by surprise, and she knew Bernie could see it. There was a pause.

“I think you’re the first person she really trusts, with the whole of her, even the broken parts, for a very long time. Because she knows you’ll accept them, that you won’t try to fix them and make her something she’s not. Because you’re broken too.” Elinor’s words were suddenly a little more intense. There was some venom in there, but also some real concern. “Don’t break her more than she already is.”

Elinor delivered the last words with a strong look Bernie held, before turning around and leaving. Bernie put the mug on the table, leaning against it with her hands on either side of the mug. She heard the car leave the driveway next door, and decided to do what Elinor had done. Go there, and wait.

 

  
Serena’s first idea had been to park her car, leave her things inside, and head to Bernie’s. There was no light she could see. Keys in hand, she went to open the door to find Bernie sitting on the step in front of the door, her head resting against it. Fast asleep. She was adorable but there was a vulnerability there that made her heart constrict.

She crouched down slowly and hesitated whether to put a hand on her knee or shoulder. Instead, she put a strand of hair back behind her ear, stroking her cheek as she went, greeted by two warm brown puppy eyes that made her smile wide.

“Sorry.” Bernie whispered sheepishly, blushing and looking down. Serena put a hand under her chin and kissed her. Neither of them moved forward and the kiss felt like a balance that could tip any moment.

When they broke the kiss Serena went to open the door, effectively pinning Bernie against it. Bernie didn’t seem to mind, putting her arms around her neck. They knew they had to talk, but that didn’t mean kissing was out of the question.

 

  
They ended up sat on the sofa, a cup of tea each, staring in the distance. They weren’t sure they could do this facing one another, not just yet, there was too much for their faces to betray, too much pain, too many ghosts. For now they were shoulder to shoulder, leaning against the other, the sofa helpfully caving in between them.

“I was going to say that it’s complicated, but it isn’t, really.” Bernie started, her voice low and raw. She knew she had to get the words out now before the emotions choked her, before the warmth of the tea and Serena’s presence dissipated.

“When… when I killed that patient, I knew I couldn’t go on. I knew I couldn’t face that again. That’s why I left, why I turned to cars rather than people, thinking it was mostly a transfer of skills, that I could live with myself that way. But I was wrong.” She took a deep breath.

“I was wrong, because, even today, that moment haunts me. And you don’t just go from people to cars. Today, I can see a broken car and think to myself, someone else can fix it, there’s no rush, nothing hanging in the balance. But people… when you’re a doctor, it becomes part of you.”

“I know you know that feeling. But it’s odd when you’re not practising. It kicks in every now and again. When I was deployed… it kept happening. The vehicles were urgent, but there were lives to save and they had to come first.” She was stroking the edge of the cup with her thumb, deep in thought. Serena didn’t interrupt her, grateful that Bernie wasn’t looking at her, that she couldn’t see the tears on her cheeks her broken voice had let free.

“I have faced death many times, in the field, some I feel responsible for, some I got to too late, some no one could help, but those aren’t the eyes I see when I close mine.” She paused. “It doesn’t happen as much anymore, as if…” She took another deep breath, repressing a sob. “As if for every life I saved I could forgive myself a little.” She paused again. “And every time I realise that it makes me feel a little guiltier.” She felt Serena’s hand squeeze her thigh and closed her eyes, leaning so her head rested on Serena’s.

“I’ve seen things, out there, Serena…” She started talking again, her voice breaking a little more with each word. “I was there, and I knew I could have helped, if only… Seeing someone die knowing you could have saved them in better conditions…”

“When I looked in their eyes… most of them were afraid, even in the field, especially there I think, no one is really ready for that, death is for others. Some knew, some faced it the same way they’d have faced any mission they could have been given. And it’s the understanding in those eyes that hurt most.” She paused for a few deep breaths.

“And then there’s everything else, all the injuries that I knew how to treat but couldn’t. Sometimes I managed to make do with what was on hand. Whenever that happened and someone from the RAMC showed up while I was still there, they looked at me in disbelief. It didn’t always work, but when it did they always made a point of letting me know.” Her being there had made a difference… But it never made her want to go back to medicine. She didn’t think she could stomach it.

“Bernie.” Serena took her hand and tugged on it lightly, making Bernie turn toward her. There were tears on both their cheeks but they looked past that into one another’s eyes. “We can’t save everyone.” She whispered, noticing Bernie biting her lip when she used ‘we’. They were equals, after all, both doctors, fighting for life whenever they could.

“What happened with that patient wasn’t your fault. I know you must have heard that a thousand times already, but… It was you or him.” Her voice was barely audible but Bernie could fill the gaps by reading her lips. “And I’m glad it was you.” She saw rather than heard, the intensity in Serena’s eyes making her eyes well up again.

“Thank you.” Serena started speaking again, a little louder this time. “For sharing this with me. I can tell how much it means to you.”

“I haven’t talked about it in a very long time.” Bernie admitted, looking away again. “Didn’t think I’d find someone who understood.” She turned toward Serena with a slight smile, reaching out to catch the tears on her cheeks. “I don’t want my burden on your shoulders, Serena. But I want you to understand my ghosts.” Serena let out a giggle, making Bernie recoil somewhat.

“Sorry, I just remembered what Charlotte said. About cats being good against ghosts.” She smiled. Bernie relaxed and smiled too. The thought of her goddaughter cheered her up. “I have some too. Not nearly as… intense, as yours, but… they come with a baggage I don’t want you to carry, either.” She smiled sadly. Bernie nodded. They took a moment to sip on their tea.

“Can you… I mean, do you want to…” Serena wasn’t sure how to ask. She could see she had Bernie’s full attention, and she was afraid of asking, afraid she might refuse. “Stay here tonight?” There was too much hope in her voice for her taste, she hadn’t meant for this much to come through.

Bernie nodded with a small smile, almost shyly, before bridging the distance and kissing her. Now wrapped in her arms, safe, and warm, Serena wondered whether her daughter had actually had a point. They were broken in the same way, although there was still many more open wounds to unveil. It made it easier, somehow.

There was something about Bernie. She could feel the warmth of her skin through her clothes, itched to touch her, soothe the scars she could see for lack of being able to reach the others just yet.

She knew, with just one shared look, that they wouldn’t be going much further than the couch just yet. Knew, too, that this would be something else, something new, something tentative and delicate, something meticulous and intimate, an apology, an introduction. Just them, their beating hearts only slightly out of sync, and the fainting ghosts giving them some space, just for this once.

There was no frenzy in the way they moved. It was a gentle battle against fabric and buttons, a peaceful fight against close-fitting garments, movements slower and more deliberate as more skin was revealed, the playing field levelled and revelled in. In one last, symbolic movement, Serena reached for Bernie’s hair and freed it, letting it frame her face.

It was the last thing she saw before Bernie’s fingers travelled up from her waist, making her eyes close as she sighed, leaning in the touch, barely there and yet meaning the world to the both of them. She opened her eyes again to see Bernie looking at her with a reverence that stole her breath away.

She didn’t feel she deserved this, but as she felt Bernie’s fingertips reach her shoulder she started moving too, the simple contact almost more than they could bear. Their hands stilled as they kissed again, before reaching for the other’s neck in quiet support.

 

  
_For a moment, time had stopped, or maybe all of it was happening at once. Next door, the wind was gently pushing the swing seat and its precious memorial._

_Deep in the library, a woman’s tears echoed through the ages, silent as they diluted the dark ink on the page. She would burn that page later. No one would read her goodbyes, not even the one who mattered._

_In just a few hours, she would head to bed and, like many nights before, she knew better than to think she might live to see another day. She lived on borrowed time, and one day she would have to give it back._

_She would come to rest, one day, she knew. There was no distance where she was going. Hands could be held across time and space, and, there, she could finally follow her love. All she had to do was wait, wait for her, for the happiness she had never allowed herself. Then, she could let the pain fade away, she could let herself fade away. She would be free, finally free, a freedom she didn’t think she deserved._

_In her last moment, as her nails scrapped on the rug, her face pressed against it next to an abandoned toy, she wondered what freedom would feel like. She stopped fighting, her mind finding an odd comfort in the feeling of warm blood, her blood, slowly covering her skin like a gentle caress that was soothing her as some of it claimed her last breath in a deep gurgle._

_As her vision swam for the last time, she saw her lover dancing for her, happy and carefree, all curves and smiles, leading her forward one last time. No one caught her last tear which was long dried when her blood stopped seeping through the rug._

 

  
As the swing seat stilled, they finally broke the kiss, a little out of breath. In an attempt to take over, Serena almost had them roll off the couch, and their laugh echoed through the empty house.

Wrapped in one another, they took a moment to take in their embrace, enjoy the heaving of the other’s chest and the regular rhythm of their breath. It took Serena a little while to notice Bernie’s deeper breathing and she smiled when she finally realised.

Bernie had fallen asleep, a sweet happy smile on her lips, a record amount of hair in her eyes. They would be cold soon, but for now she could indulge in watching her. She was completely relaxed, as close to her as she could, and Serena wondered when Bernie had ever trusted someone this deeply for the last time.

It didn’t matter now. She was there for her. They would be there for one another. And they’d be having takeaway, too. Something they could share. One of many things to come, she hoped.

Bernie moved a little with a contented sigh and Serena kissed what little skin she could reach. ‘I think I love you, Bernie Wolfe.’ She thought to herself, not daring to voice it. She’d been in love before, she recognised the symptoms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone really needs to give Bernie a break!


	21. What cannot be said will be wept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe I long it took me to get this ready and posted. I love this story, more than I can say, and I will *not* abandon it. I know where it’s going, there’s a full, long, chapter planned and ready to be written (waiting for my brain to process it), and I’ll be working on the Soulmate AU as well, but I’m still writing! Just… at a snail’s pace, as opposed to the frenzy of the beginning.
> 
> This chapter contains Feels/Sads, piano, Sappho, and possibly too many metaphors. (It’s long because I didn’t want to make the pain last!) It all ends well! I promise!!
> 
> Thank you all for your comments! Thanks to DaisyDoctor13, for enduring my random secondary plot bunnies and regular feelsy snippets! Thanks also for helping me find *the* perfect piano piece for *that* scene!!

Serena realised she had fallen asleep as well when she felt a soft kiss against her skin. Her lover’s arms were no longer enough to keep her warm. She knew they would have to do something about that soon, but in that moment their eyes were speaking volumes, always on the same page. They spoke of the waves of emotion troubling the waters on which their frail ship sailed, of clinging onto the other, drifting away together where those waves would take them. As their eyes closed and their lips met, a slight breeze turned into a storm.

Bernie, having awoken just a few minutes before Serena, felt closer and closer to the tip of a wave too violent for her to handle, knowing going overboard would mark the end of something she hadn’t realised she needed that much. As she took her time to watch Serena, doubt started seeping through her. Could she do this?

Bernie had met her mermaid, plunged deep into the sea of her eyes, trusting her with everything she was. Putting this much of her in the hands of one person who she thought didn’t realise how broken she really was scared her. Not Serena, she couldn’t do that to her. Bernie feared that she might shatter at the slightest false move, and feared, too, that Serena would be cut too deep to recover, recover from her.

She resisted the urge to gently run her fingers along Serena’s side, just another feel of her skin, drawing her closer, pushing her further… She was lost, lost in Serena, her own emotions choking her as she kissed her skin, meeting Serena’s eyes, and seeing those very emotions echoed there. No, she decided. She had to stop them before it got too far, if it hadn’t already, but not just yet. Just one more night. One more night and she would give Serena a chance of a happiness she couldn’t offer her.

 

They agreed to part long enough to get up and organise the rest of the evening. Serena sent Bernie upstairs to retrieve her robe and a hospital hoodie that had sneaked its way home at some point in the past few months. She retrieved the takeaway menus. Jason had stacked them neatly in order of frequency they most used them. There was one on top, and the others were jumbled as they practically never used them for anything other than assert that they’d go for their usual one, thank you very much.

Turning around toward the source of light footsteps, she was greeted by the view of Bernie in her hoodie, tousled haired and mock-pouting at her. She had put her trousers on again and looked way too comfortable to Serena who had to fight the urge to get it off her. She accepted the robe with good grace and wrapped it around herself before Bernie wrapped her arms around her waist, leaving a chaste kiss on her lips.

“What now, Ms Campbell?” She asked with a twinkle in her eye. She hadn’t realised the weight of the question, and hadn’t been prepared with the weight of the emotions in Serena’s eyes, making her throat tighten, but her face didn’t fall, not yet. She would allow herself those last few hours, no matter how much it hurt.

“Now, Ms Wolfe, we dine.” Serena managed to reply quickly enough to hide the waver in her voice. This moment, this kind of intimacy, was almost too much.

“And what’s on the menu?” Bernie’s husky voice gave Serena a pretty good idea of what Bernie thought should be on the menu. It took her a moment to reply, torn between letting Bernie get her way, or answering to the call of their stomachs.

“Food.” Serena’s word earned her a slight pout that made her let out a light laugh. The woman was maddening at all times, but seemed to be particularly irresistible that night. Bernie coming into her life had been the spice she had needed to realise just how bland her life had become.

 

They ate huddled on the couch, stealing food from the other although they had ordered the same thing. Serena didn’t notice Bernie slowly pulling on the tie of her robe until it was almost falling open. She was about to stop her but felt a hand sneak underneath and the words of protest died in her throat.

Bernie let the side of the robe fall, one hand ghosting past her throat all the way down, taking a detour to her thigh to rest on her knee. Serena looked at her expectantly. She clearly had something in mind, and she knew for a fact that whatever Bernie would do next would most certainly not help her racing heart.

The words of surprise died in her throat when Bernie straddled her. She met her eyes and saw how caring and yet desperate Bernie was, her fingers framing her face almost hesitantly, guiding her into a bruising kiss that had Serena hanging onto her waist. When Serena opened her eyes again, she saw in Bernie’s eyes the same thing she had during their first night together. The devotion tore at her heart strings, and the hint of worship made tears prick her eyes. She didn’t feel she deserved this.

They kissed again, and again, until Bernie’s lips delved lower, along her jaw, the side of her neck, from one end of her collarbone to the next, exploring on her way down as if she wanted to commit every inch of her skin to memory. Her hands were always there before her lips, and there was soon very little doubt as per where she was heading. She moved away from Serena long enough to find herself in front of her, Serena moving toward her instinctively.

She let out a small sigh when she felt Bernie’s hands slide from her knees to the inside of her thighs, just short of where she truly wanted them. She moaned when Bernie’s lips lazily traced the same route. She didn’t stop this time, and Serena combed her fingers through Bernie’s hair in an attempt to swallow the moans dying on her lips.

Bernie was taking her time, and stopped at regular intervals to look at Serena. The darkness, the passion Serena saw there made her shiver. Just as Serena thought she was about to finally give in, Bernie stopped, Serena moaning in protest. Bernie guided her gently until she was lying on the couch. She kissed her way back up, pausing to look at her with an intensity that made her heart miss a beat. Serena closed her eyes when Bernie kissed her and touched her again, loosing herself in the feeling.

Serena knew she wouldn’t last, couldn’t, and yet Bernie seemed to know her body better than she did already, her eyes never leaving her, drinking in her pleasure, biting her lip every time Serena moaned her name. She came with Bernie’s lips on hers, a hand in her hair, another keeping her close.

Bernie was watching her, deep sadness in her eyes, laced with an almost painful affection. She was reminded of the text she had sent Alex, what felt like years before, only a few hours after their first kiss. ‘She feels too right in my arms.’ It had never been truer.

 

  
“We-, we should probably move upstairs.” Serena’s voice was trembling slightly, and she could have sworn that Bernie’s smile was too.

Serena soon realised that Bernie had picked up on her inability to walk just yet as she found her big macho army mechanic carrying her up the stairs. It felt like déjà vu, their first night together feeling like an echo at every step. They were already in the bedroom by the time she started wanting to protest.

Bernie let her take over, and Serena almost choked at the look in her eyes. She could almost see tears there, and a tainted joy that made her want to never let her go. She looked at her a while longer, until Bernie looked away, and promised herself to help her get rid of all that was haunting her.

Where Bernie had patience, Serena had perseverance, and it wasn’t that long before Bernie’s usual unwillingness to speak was reduced to an impossibility. A touch, a kiss, a look, were all it took for them to know, to understand, and yet Serena was at a loss when she saw tears on her lover’s cheeks. For a second her own vision blurred and she wondered whether they hadn’t been hers.

The near desperation in the way they moved to get just that little bit closer broke Serena’s heart. She felt Bernie draw her impossibly closer, burying her face in the crook of her neck, whispering in her ear with a desperation that made Serena shiver and hold her closer still.

“Let me, Serena, one last time.” Bernie words scared her, she wanted to protest, to beg even, if it came to that, but Bernie had quickly robbed her of speech, then thought. There were more last times, through the night, a string of naps, enough to recover, not enough to constitute proper sleep, leaving Serena breathless, doubt nagging at the back of her mind. Why ‘one last time’?

Bernie’s eyes closed when they risked meeting Serena’s to hide the desperation there. How could she? Could she? With every kiss, every touch, Bernie felt like a part of her was being torn apart and molded around Serena’s heart like a delicate ceramic she was about to shatter.

Serena didn’t stop her. She knew the garage was closed the next day, knew that she had operated on less sleep than that, even if the day would feel unbearably long. She couldn’t bring herself to stop Bernie, afraid that this was an end she couldn’t face. Part of her understood, read between the lines of scars on Bernie’s body and heart, and endeavoured to spend what little time she might have left to soothe them. Another felt some of her own scars start to burn again every time she felt Bernie’s lips on her skin.

 

  
Serena could tell from the light coming in the room that it was early morning when she felt Bernie move. She realised as she heard her pick up her clothes that she was leaving, and she felt tears burn her eyes, knowing what this meant, knowing she had been right and hating herself for it. Elinor’s words were echoing in her ears, her smirk stomping on her heart.

She heard Bernie stop in front of the window, and Serena wondered whether she was considering the view, the garden, what they had started to build together, or their first night together. Her heart missed a beat when she heard Bernie tiptoe back to her. She felt a faint kiss on her temple, and whispered words with torrents of tears held back in them.

[“I-I love you, Serena, more than I ever thought I could. I can't break you too.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyggTKDcOE)

She heard Bernie leave quickly and as silently as she could. As much as she wanted to stop her, she knew, deep down, that it was a fight she couldn’t win. Time could heal all wounds, but Serena wasn’t sure this was one of them. To know Bernie this close and yet out of reach made it even harder to accept that giving her time might not be enough. She would have to find a way to get through to her, but first she had to get through the day, and it would be no small feat.

 

  
Bernie made it to the gate before the first tears trailed down her cheeks. It was a mix of self-hate, resignation, pain, remorse, and it stung at her heart, too. She knew there was no going back, knew she had taken the right decision, and yet couldn’t handle the consequences. As she closed the gate behind her, it felt like closing a cage from the inside. This was just the start, the start of a hell of her own devise.

How had her whole world come to crumble down in just a few days. How had it taken this little time for a woman to bring out all the love she didn’t know she had to give, draw out the woman she could have been from under the rubble that still weighed on her too much for her to ever be free of it. It would all crumble down, she had to let go, she knew she had, and yet that rubble had never been harder to bear, it had never been this hard to breathe.

She took a long time to unlock the door, hands shaking, vision blurry through the tears she no longer tried to stop. She reached the dining room, and let out a sigh that turned into a sob. She went for a small cabinet on the side and opened it, taking the large stack of sheet music from it, her great-grandmother’s, and putting it on the side of the piano. Ghosts were the only company she had left now, and she knew how little it took to wake them up.

 

  
There was a mix of loose sheets and books, some heavily annotated in a handwriting that was barely legible. It was mostly indications of tempo, with the occasional rant at a particularly idiotic fingering that made Bernie smile in spite of herself. Some, though, had longer notes, thoughts, pieces of poems, scribbled in the margins, or between the lines like untold lyrics of a curious song.

As she moved, a book escaped from her grasp. Leaving the pile aside, she picked it up, and let it fall open on[ the page that had clearly been most rehearsed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBBzNxErZE). It was rich in notes, some small drawings, underlined musical signs and Bernie was almost sure that the blurred dot at the bottom of the first page had been left by a tear. Every page had a Sappho quote weaved in with intricate drawings that reminded Bernie of the ivy that had consumed, and protected, the swing seat in the back of the garden.

**_Stars veil their beauty soon_ **   
**_Beside the glorious moon,_ **   
**_When her full silver light_ **   
**_Doth make the whole earth bright._ **

The poem on the first page felt like a rough rope tying itself into a noose around her neck. Serena was her moon, eclipsing everything, bringing light to her life where she had hidden in the shadows for so long it blinded her.

The noose tightened as she started playing, slowly, reverently, letting the music fill her, focusing her sorrow on the notes as they dripped off the tip of her fingers like tears.

Turning the page, the next quote felt like the long-dead poetess was mocking her, reminding her of her shortcomings, her mistakes, her ridiculous hopes of a brighter future with someone who deserved so much better.

**_Love is a cunning weaver of fantasies and fables._ **

The moment she had fallen for Serena, she had fallen, too, for the very idea of hope, leaving the taste of blood in her mouth as she bit her lip to stop the sobs that had receded but kept coming back. She poured everything she had in the music, almost running to the next page, almost hoping for the noose to tighten, feeling like she deserved it.

**_Love shook my heart_ **

**_Like the wind on the mountain_ **

**_Troubling the oak-trees_ **

As she read the last line, her hands paused over the keys, choking on her tears. The garden. The garden they had found, discovered, planned to care for together. How would she ever be able to set foot there again? How could she change anything now? How could she face the place that reminded her of Serena most?

She owed it to her not to let it grow wild again, she owed it to her to take care of it, at least as much, at least better than she could Serena. She owed her so much, and yet knew she would never achieve it, not anymore, how could she?

**_All the while, believe me, I prayed our night would last twice as long._ **

When she reached the last page, in a daze, the first arpeggio trembled as the words sunk into her. How? How could she undo, undo one minute, one moment, one breath, undo everything? How could she hope not to be haunted by her, too, as she lived surrounded by ghosts? How much would she be ready to give to hold her in her arms just one more time? Just one second, just one heartbeat…

How much of a torture would it be? But it would be worth it, worth the endless sleepless nights she knew were coming, turning her back away from the window, away from her window, away from her. Hoping she would have someone with her. Hoping she wouldn’t, and hating herself for it. How could she learn to live again when Serena was the only spark of life Bernie had embraced in such a long time? How could she learn to live again when she wanted that spark to be her last?

 

As she reached the end of the piece, her hands remained suspended above the keys, shaking slightly. She looked at the quote again. Twice as long. That she could still do. She turned the pages back in a frenzy, messing up the first bar as she started again.

The more she played, the more she poured of herself into the music that embodied the very pain she was trying to escape from. She could feel the thorns of the bramble that had been strangling her heart dig deeper, leaving it raw and aching. Some new, gaping wounds had opened over the interlaced scars that had taken so much time to heal. Serena had been a balm she knew she didn’t deserve.

She started again, and again, because what difference would it make. The music was lifting her and leaving her crashing down. She played faster and faster, giving everything she had, all the love and all the pain, yet still feeling it wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

She could start hearing mistakes, flagrant ones she hadn’t made before, mistakes that could have been avoided if she had slowed down, mistakes that made her sob, and play just a little faster, just a little harder, until the music started sounding as broken as her.

She stopped a few bars short of the last notes, the book sliding off the sheet rest onto the keyboard in a haunting chord before landing on her lap. She let herself slip off the seat and rested her temple against the cold varnish of the foot of the piano. Curled in on herself, she could still hear the piece in her head, but couldn’t remember it as it should be, mistakes engraved in her memory.

Another familiar music made her jump. She had stuck her phone in the pocket of the hoodie on her way out of Serena’s bedroom, grateful now that she was still surrounded by her smell. She’d have to give it back eventually, she knew. Her nose buried in the fabric, she held her phone in trembling hands, knowing this was the first of possibly many calls, every ring a blow that made her feel that much more vulnerable.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I’m so sorry.” She felt tears on her palms as her phone stopped ringing. It fell on the floor as she wrapped her arms around her knees, head turned toward the garden. After a while, leaving everything behind, she got up and went out. She came back in again a minute later to leave the hoodie inside and put on something that wouldn’t hinder her movements too much, and to hell with overalls.

  
Serena had suspected her day might be long and difficult. She was proved right almost as soon as she arrived on the ward. At 10 it already felt endless and she’d had to juggle paperwork with impossible deadlines, two surgeries for which she had had to explain to fully grown adults that she could only be in one place at once and could they please figure out a way to make it work so they could save both patients, a completely useless talk with Guy Self, and a hemorrhage of staff.

The latter, she later figured out, was partly due to her mood at the time. She couldn’t blame them. Well, she could, and she did, because she had better things to do than running after surgeons and nurses.

She had taken the time, every so often, to seek refuge in her office, call, or text Bernie, knowing she wouldn’t get an answer, feeling her heart shrink a little bit more every time, yet unable to stop. She didn’t want Bernie to think she’d given up on her, but part of her wondered whether she wasn’t grasping at straws. The night, and that moment, all too brief and yet painfully long, a few hours before, kept running through her head.

Should she have stopped her? How? Would it have made any difference? Was she strong enough to lift enough of Bernie’s burden to reach out to her? How had she become this important a part of her life in so little time? Would she ever hold her again, kiss her again, lose herself into her eyes again?

Part of Serena itched to go see her, there and then, clear things up, knowing it would only end in heartbreak, and yet wanting answers, wanting a way out of the whirlwind Bernie had dragged her into. Another part of her, one that scared her, didn’t want out.

She was thankful for the endless stream of broken people coming through their doors, leaving her free to ignore her friends’ concerned looks. She knew she’d have to face them, sooner or later, but was too emotionally exhausted to start putting a story together. She didn’t want them to know, not all of it. That moment was theirs, just like all those that had come before, this one had only etched itself a little deeper onto her heart, and had slowly started to consume it.

 

Bernie wanted to start with the garden, there would be time for the hedge later. She would rather hide herself in the heart of what had come to symbolise not one but two romances with a sour ending. She took a look around, and got close enough to the torch lilies to realise that the wasps were gone. She wasn’t sure how, but she wasn’t going to complain; it would make her life easier.

She started with the brambles and nettles, trying to cover what they hadn’t finished the last time. She felt like she was going faster, even if she was alone. It might have been because, then, she had spent more time staring at Serena than she had been willing to admit, or maybe she was working in a frenzy. The brambles brushed past her bare arms as she handled handfuls of them, but she couldn’t feel them, just their weight against the gloves.

The central section was soon clean, or at least as clean as she thought she could get it. She started working on the box trees, with renewed vigour, feeling like giving them a new start might keep her mind off her hopes, and fears, that Serena could seize that chance too. She lost track of time, paying attention to detail, loosing herself in her work.

She worked on the clematis next, trying to free the oak tree, not sure just how wise her methods were, but it did the job. Some oaklings and violets met a bitter end at the hands of her feet, but she was too engrossed in her taming attempts to notice.

She took a break to drink some water, surprised to find the one she’d brought with her lukewarm. Had she really been out there long enough? It didn’t matter.

She wanted to finish the hedge, knowing that she would have to see Serena to give her the hedge cutter back. She couldn’t just leave everything there, even with a note… Or she could just find a time where it was just Jason. That would have to be it, she could do the same for the hoodie, it would be best for all involved…

She was surprised to see that her hedge cutting attempts were considerably less wavy than they had been the first time. She was, overall, not entirely unhappy with herself, although she felt a stab of pain deep in her whenever she saw the gate. Would any of this have happened if she hadn’t found it?

  
Serena had unexpectedly found herself with nothing urgent to do for all of two minutes, and her eyes had met Mr Stewart’s across the ward. There was a peculiar look on his face, as if he knew. She bit her lip, looked around quickly and headed for the bed, closing the curtains to give them some privacy.

“Ran, hasn’t she?” Stew asked compassionately. She frowned. “It was only a matter of time, with the way she looked at you, really.” He sighed “Sometimes she looks in the distance, with that kind of little air of hers, you know, and you can tell there’s something weighing her down.” He sighed again, deeper this time.

“She’s made pushing people away into an art, keeps us all at arm’s length. It’s fine with us, really, her life, her rules. She’s bloody tough, this one.” He smiled almost proudly, making Serena smile tentatively.

“She doesn’t let anyone close because she’s afraid, not of being happy, mind you, but of making others unhappy. Not sure where that comes from, but you’ll have to do some heavy lifting to chip away at that, if that’s what you want to do, that is.” There was a sadness in his eyes that made it hard to breathe for a moment.

“She’s running to protect you.” He offered a small smile that felt like an apology. “If you care about her… don’t let her run too far.” She could hear in his voice how much he cared about Bernie. She might have been a bit of an enigma to them all, but from what Serena had seen everyone at the garage had her back, and possibly shook their heads behind her back at regular intervals, too.

His words gave her hope, but also cause to worry. She had read it all between the lines already, but hearing it spoken that way by someone else made it more real, somehow. She had to find a way. She just had to.

 

The reality of loosing her was slowly seeping into her, a warning as much as a sentence, when Ric cornered her, earning himself a glare he would rate a 9 on the Campbell scale. No one lived to recall a 10.

To her surprise, he didn’t pry, he just strongly advised her to join them for drinks that evening. He’d seen her hesitation, and had been baffled by the eagerness of her assent. He didn’t question it and made himself scarce after giving Raf a slight nod. Whatever was happening, they’d be there for her.

 

“Bernie?” Alex had parked next to Bernie’s car, and wasn’t that surprised when ringing the doorbell didn’t work. She had been calling her all morning after hearing about what had happened at the garage, and Bernie hadn’t picked up. Whatever her reason had been, it had worried Alex enough to pay her friend a visit.

Alex hesitated for a second before heading toward the garden. Bernie had finished cutting the hedge, and she could see a trail of brambles, nettles, and something else she didn’t recognise, leading to a large pile. Her eye caught on the glass doors that led to the living room. They were partly open, and she could see why Bernie hadn’t been answering her phone: it was right there, next to an absolute mess of sheet music.

“Oh, Bernie…” Alex sighed sadly before tensing. “Bernie Griselda Wolfe, one day you’ll have to learn to stop sneaking on peo-”

The words died in her throat as she faced her friend. She knew that look. This had nothing, or at least very little, to do with the incident at the garage. Her eyes fell on Bernie’s arms. The brambles had done a number of them. She put her hands around Bernie’s face.

“You’re an idiot.” She whispered gently before hugging her close. Bernie’s idea of coping mechanisms usually involved getting immersed into some sort of work, but that was a whole new level of dedication. “Come on, let’s go take a look at this mess, yeah?” Alex spoke softly, Bernie’s gloved hand in her. She still hadn’t said a word. They both knew it wasn’t necessary.

“What happened?” Alex asked gently, looking up at Bernie who was still looking in the distance. Sitting down in her kitchen, Alex felt like her friend was holding back something too heavy for her. She started focusing on Bernie’s skin again, and bit her lip when Bernie started talking. Her voice was low, level, with more sadness and vulnerability than Alex could remember hearing before.

“All the windows to the past I thought I had closed, they all opened. She got caught in my storm, Alex… and…” Alex looked up, meeting her eyes as Bernie’s voice broke. “I can’t, Alex, I can’t do this, not to her!” The despair in her voice made Alex’ eyes well up. “Not to her.” Bernie had repeated the last words softly, shaking her head slightly. She was staring at the cut Alex was taking care of.

“Bernie.” Alex spoke firmly, her free hand under Bernie’s chin to make her look up. She didn’t know what to say. She had expected something like this, but not to that extent. This was incredibly meaningful to her, making her recoil all the more inevitable and painful. “What do you need?”

Bernie just shook her head, and Alex knew that her first thought had been ‘I need her’. She knew, too, that as long as it would be, things would be incredibly difficult.

“Talk to me.” It was almost a plea. She didn’t look away until Bernie did. She might not get much out of her, but whatever Bernie would be able to say would still be that much less left for her to process.

“I left.” She started, picking on the label of the antiseptic. “Her daughter went digging, and someone from back then singled me out at the hospital, while I was visiting Stew. She knows everything.” Bernie breathed deeply before looking up at Alex again. “She knows, and nothing changed. She was still there, and I… I…”

Bernie stuttered, focusing on the label again, not sure she could say those words again. She shook her head again and felt the first few tears burn her eyes, sobbing quietly, biting her lip, Alex squeezing her hand as tight as she dared. It was a long while before Bernie could speak again.

“I love her too much to risk breaking her.” She had whispered so low Alex had barely caught her words. “She’s better off without me.” Her voice had shaken, it was, to her, a truth that hurt more than everything else. She ignored Alex who was shaking her head.

“You at least owe her that explanation.” Alex’ voice had broken too, and she hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t expected the look of anger, and grief, in her friend’s eyes either.

“I can’t!” Bernie almost shouted, her words catching in her throat. “I can’t.” She added more calmly, shaking her head again, looking at Alex desperately. “Because if I do I don’t think I’ll have to strength to leave again.” Her voice was very soft this time, sounding frightened of what she considered a weakness.

“Come here.” Alex had gotten up and hugged Bernie close. Looking in her eyes was almost unbearable. “Want to spend the night at ours tonight?” She offered gently, feeling Bernie relax a little before she shook her head.

“No, no. I can’t run from this.” Alex was surprised by the resolve in Bernie’s eyes, surprised by just how much strength her neighbour had brought out, surprised she was using it that way, knowing better than to argue.

“Want us to stay with you?” Alex offered with a smile, but Bernie shook her head again. “Okay. Am I going to find proper food in your fridge to make you at least one meal for the day?” Bernie rolled her eyes with a very, very small smile. “I’ll take that as a ‘depends what you mean by meal’. Let’s finish here, and we can tend to your empty stomach next!”

After a while of not too uncomfortable silence and small bramble-induced winces, Alex was standing in front of the fridge with Bernie leaning against the table, a constellation of plasters on her arms.

“There’s hope for you yet!” Alex shot her a smile, sparking the hint of one on Bernie’s lips. Alex opened a cupboard. “I… see. Pasta… or pasta?” She asked judgmentally. Bernie shrugged as Alex shook her head. “Pasta it is, then!”

Bernie knew Alex had to leave soon, but she insisted on staying until Bernie had had at least a plate of pasta, leaving with a meaningful look, to call if needed, that she’s be there no matter what.

The second she heard Alex’ car leave Bernie headed upstairs and all but collapsed on her bed. She had been functioning on way too little sleep for the last few days, and she was too tired for her brain to torture her for too long before letting her rest.

 

Serena arrived late at Albie’s. She found Ric, Raf, and Morven seated at a secluded table and went to join them. They had ordered for her already. This felt like an intervention.

“You alright?” Raf asked with a gentle smile that only made it worse. She looked at him over the rim of her glass. It had clearly been a rhetorical question.

“If you want to talk about it…” Ric offered, a hint of worry in his eyes. She looked at him pointedly. She knew she’d have to say something eventually. Morven didn’t say anything, offering a soft encouraging smile and taking a sip of her drink at regular intervals.

“Ok, fine.” Serena grumbled, making both men smirk and attempt to hide it, deceiving no one. “We spent the night together, well the evening too, …, anyway, she left this morning.” Her words were clipped, trying to figure out what to say next. “Not intending to come back.” There was bitterness in her voice, but they could all hear the deep sadness there, too.

There was a long pause, they were waiting for her to start speaking again.

“I can’t lose her.” She swallowed the sob that had tried to escape her throat. “I… I don’t want that horrible, empty, lonely feeling ever again.” She realised, surprised by her own words. She saw Morven look down and bit her lip. It seemed to resonate with Ric, too. But she, she had a chance, she still had a chance.

“She left because she couldn’t trust herself not to mess up our relationship.” Serena explained, looking in the distance. “Just last week, before we even… That doesn’t matter, but she said to me ‘I’ve destroyed too many relationships in my life’ and… I should have seen it coming, shouldn’t I.” She buried her head in her hands, almost growling when she felt Ric awkwardly patting her on the back.

“What are you going to do?” Raf’s voice made her look up.

“I…” She thought for a minute. “I’ll go home, go knock on her door, and sort it out.” She decided, head high, determined to handle it before Jason came back. She had until the next day, and didn’t think she could handle it much longer anyway.

  
Bernie woke up from her nap feeling groggy, her brain slowly catching up with the events of the previous days. She buried her head in her pillow, muttering ‘you stupid, stupid coward’ against the soft fabric before attempting to get up.

Her back was reminding her of her nightly activities and she winced as she was sharply reminded of the state of her arms, too. She picked at a plaster that had started to peel off. She felt cold, not sure whether it was the room or her heart making her shiver.

She put on Serena’s hoodie, hoping to tackle both problems, unwillingly making it worse as she found herself surrounded by her smell again. She felt herself sink into the garment as a few stray tears left salty tracks on her cheeks. She sat on the edge of the bed, head buried in her hands. What now?

 

Serena took several deep breaths as she got out of her car. There was light next door, and her car was there, so she knew Bernie was home. She took a moment to pace through her living room before heading upstairs. No need to catch a cold if Bernie refused to answer the door.

From her bedroom window, she could still see enough of the garden to notice the changes. Bernie had worked, hard, to clean it a bit more, and it made her eyes water. Could she hope that Bernie meant to follow up on what they had started to build together? Or did she want to do the rest alone, reclaim it as hers and hers alone?

She shivered as she put a cardigan on before heading to Bernie’s, teeth clenched as she went down her driveway and up Bernie’s rather than use the gate. She noticed Bernie had finished cutting the hedge, from an unruly mass it had morphed into what felt like a solid wall, reminding Serena of Bernie’s volte-face. As she walked toward the door, it felt like it was further and further away with every step she took. With a deep breath she squared her shoulders and prepared to knock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this ends well! I can also promise another layer of mystery in the next chapter…


	22. I do not know what to do my mind's in two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Serena be able to talk to Bernie? As the day fades, so do Bernie’s options. There is one, however, that she could pursue the next day. Will she find what she is looking for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look! A New Year miracle! *hides*
> 
> I’m really sorry, this chapter took a lot longer than I’d have wanted, it’s something I really wanted to do, but I wasn’t quite sure how to, but there it is. I still have plenty to write, with bits here and there already written. This is far from over!
> 
> There is a rather big reveal in this chapter… The world really is a small place…
> 
> Thanks to all who read, and commented, and to DaisyDoctor13 for her support, ideas, and multiple deaths!

Serena realised she had been standing there, staring at the door, for well over a minute, her hand in mid-air. [She could hear music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D30LAzub2gs) coming from inside, the same piece Bernie had played for her the first time she had been invited in. Going now felt final, and the piece, the way Bernie was playing it now, reminded her of her mother more than ever.

She wrapped her arms around herself as she heard Bernie start over, wondering how many times she had played it already, wondering how much of the emotion Bernie poured into the music she was responsible for. Standing there, she felt a tear stream down her cheek. Her resolve had not just wavered but crumbled, reminded in that instant that they were both broken, in their own unique ways, and that she couldn't afford to forget that she was, too.

With each note, the music felt like it had gotten clearer. Perhaps Bernie was simply playing louder, or Serena's memories of the piece were filling the gaps, but as she closed her eyes, Serena could picture a desolated landscape, a charred tree, a vast expanse of sharp rocks in all directions, and, at her feet, a violet that had grown through the rocks the same way it had in Bernie's garden. It hadn't been weighed down, it had kept fighting. She had to be that violet. Or was Bernie her violet?

Her mental image faded as she started sobbing, her ears no longer tuned to Satie, her tears dragging her back home from the trip down memory lane, the memory of her mother fading, her traits merging with the charred tree.

The idea of going home to an empty bed had never weighed on her that much. Making up her mind, she turned around, sneaking back to her own house by way of the gate. Not using it when going this way around would have felt like a betrayal.

 

  
Playing that piece, the very first she had played for Serena, felt both liberating and excruciating. There was something about that piece, something that got to her. She suddenly stopped, feeling like the cloud had suddenly cleared, just a glimpse of blue sky. There was something she had to do. How had she not thought about it before?

She got up, went upstairs, and grabbed her laptop. It was a long shot, but she had to try.

 

Finding the right websites took a while, the dates helped, it wasn’t too recent after all, old enough to have been listed somewhere. She didn’t see time fly by as she searched, going from one site to the next, feeling ever closer to the answer, and yet for every website offering her no result her heart sank.

As she searched the last database she had found, there was a hit. There it was, black on white in front of her. Kit had been buried close by, in Holby. It made sense, after all. She knew which cemetery. She knew where to go. She had to find her.

She noted down as much information as she could, hoping it would be enough, hoping she wouldn’t be left to search the cemetery grave by grave, aware of how large it was, how impossible a task it would be.

Wincing as she stretched, she wondered what she’d do once she got there. It would be the end, the last piece of a puzzle she kept digging through to make it last because she still couldn’t see the bigger picture. She was trapped, the same way Kit had been, trapped in a cage of her own insecurities.

Sighing, she decided to go and pour herself something from the liquor cabinet. Sitting down, facing the empty seat she had last seen occupied by Serena, she took a small sip and smiled. That, at least, had aged well.

What about her? After all that had happened, could she keep living in this place? She knew she couldn’t sell it, wouldn’t, didn’t think anyone would even be interested in buying it anyway. She belonged there, trapped in the past like everything else, unable to make the future she wished she could afford.

Leaving her empty glass on the table, she bit her lip as she saw the moon shine down on the garden. It felt like it was telling her something. Maybe it was just about seeing beauty in chaos, because there was more than enough of both there. Maybe it was just the light in the darkness. Or maybe she was still too sleep deprived to think clearly.

That part was one she could remedy to. She couldn’t resist the urge to step out on her balcony before going to sleep though. She saw the lights go off in Serena’s room, supposed she hadn’t seen her, hoped she hadn’t. She wondered what Serena would look like in the moonlight, how it would highlight her face, whether she’d see more stars in her eyes, if her lips would taste the same.

Shutting her eyes she went back inside. There was no use torturing herself, and yet it was something she was really good at. Leaving the blinds open, she let the light pool by the foot of her bed as she climbed in. It was there, just within reach. Right there…

 

She woke up to her stomach rumbling. The sky was overcast, leaving her room to feel gloomy. She looked at the clock, groaned and wrapped herself in the duvet a little more. After about five minutes she decided to give in, and went to start the coffee. Her fingers gripped the counter until the knuckles blanched, her nails scraping along the surface. Leaving the coffee to trickle down, she jogged upstairs. She had time to go for a run. She needed to clear her head.

Discovering a new route, she forced herself to focus on her surroundings, trying to pick out details that made the places special, getting nowhere. By the time she reached the house again she was out of breath and felt like all the run had done was awaken pains in more places in her body than she wished she was aware of.

The shower didn’t do wonders for her arms, either, and she spent some time caring for it, adding ‘plasters’ on her grocery list as she reheated the coffee that had gone lukewarm in her absence. Now, she was ready. As she put her shoes on she wondered what she’d find, if she’d find anything, decided not to let it get in her way. The sound of her car door closing felt final, and she felt determined as she passed her gate.

 

  
Serena was wrapped in her bathrobe, peering out the window, when she saw Bernie leave. She had meant to try and talk to her before heading to the hospital, but now knew that was one more opportunity gone. She sighed, knowing it wouldn’t be that long until Jason left either.

She had had trouble sleeping, the bed still smelled of her, and it was both comforting and heart-wrenching.

Just seeing Bernie from afar hurt, and her hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed in at least half a century. Serena liked it that way, if only because it meant that, when allowed, she could comb her fingers through it and no one would be any the wiser. She smiled as she remembered Bernie close, smiling, her face open and worry-free for precious instants she felt she hadn’t cherished enough.

She sighed. She couldn’t let her go, she just couldn’t. She heard the shower running and prepared what she needed for the day. She wondered what she’d tell those who had encouraged her the previous night. She didn’t believe in whether or not things were meant to happen, things happened for a reason, although she had to agree the parallels in their story were a little too close for comfort.

As she heard the door of the bathroom close she headed there, head high, not feeling half the confidence she displayed. Keeping calm and carrying on. She wondered whether she’d ever be able to keep calm when Bernie was concerned, or whether she’d be able to carry on without her, without feeling like there was something missing, somehow.

 

  
Bernie looked at her notebook one last time. It was there, in her own handwriting. Katherine White, Holby South cemetery. She looked at her watch, she had misread the opening times, could have been there an hour earlier. She kept loosing time she wasn’t sure she had. Still, she had almost all day to look for her, or find someone who could.

She unbuckled her seatbelt and took a deep breath as she opened the car door. The office by the gate had a ‘back shortly’ sign hanging at the window, and as Bernie looked around she wondered how short shortly meant in a place like this.

She leaned against the door and waited, her eyes skimming over the peculiar horizon, the only skyscrapers in sight were heavy stone crosses. This place felt old, like it had a soul of its own, looking over those time and families had forgotten. She wondered whether it had taken care of Kit, too.

She was surprised to see a young man, walk in her direction. What was it about those places that made you expect everything to be ageing?

She let him open the door and he gestured toward the chair. Quick and efficient, contrarily to the decrepit computer he was operating, he provided her with a detailed plan, complete directions, and helpfully highlighted key markers. After all the endless breadcrumbs, it felt almost too easy.

The young man had explained that it was at the opposite end of the cemetery; it might have been easier to park closer to the other gate. She decided to walk, soak in the atmosphere of the place, feeling like old and new merged together to give the place an air of timelessness that alleviated the sorrow permeating everything.

She felt her heart start beating faster as she saw the numbers decrease on the map. Her throat constricted, and tears pricked her eyes when she stopped, making her search more difficult. She went through the whole patch a few times over, carefully checking every grave marker and fading engraving to no avail.

Holding the map in front of her, she took a deep breath and a step backward, hoping to get a better view. Her shoulder hit rock and she turned to see the wall of a mausoleum she had passed dozens of times already without paying much attention to it.

She took a step back in the opposite direction and let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. The name White was engraved above the door in strong capital letters. How...?

She walked around it, her fingers grazing the stone with respect. Contrarily to many she could see, there were no weeds around it. The small step in front of the door, and the door itself, were metal, and had been repainted at least in the last decade.

The door had an intricate motive she couldn’t really recognise, something floral, but she couldn’t see anything with just the diffuse light of the small stained glass window.

Holding her breath again, she pushed on the door. Nothing. There was no handle, but she hadn’t noticed the keyhole before. Her heart plummeted. It was the end of the line, this time.

Someone was taking care of it though... Who? Why? She was the last living relative... She paced around it for a long time, tracing the metal pattern, noticing some very small bumps in the paint, probably the metal itself.

 

She decided to take some time to think, and went in search of a bench. It proved harder to find than the mausoleum, and she noted it on the map. ‘For next time.’ Key or no key, she’d come back, but, for now, that closed door was more of a barrier than anything else had been.

She made her way back to the mausoleum after a long time observing a small bird’s attempt at making its nest in the tree next to her. There was life there, after all.

The door was open when she got there. The sun made the clear stone reflect the warm light over the pictures, memorials, statues, plaques, and flowers. How? And most importantly who?

She heard steps behind her and turned to see a familiar face handling a watering can.

“Hello Bernie. Is something wrong? You look sad, happy, and perplexed, and that doesn’t make sense.” Bernie let out a light laugh.

“Hello Jason. There are a few things I don’t understand, that’s all.” She smiled, a happy smile that made Jason smile back.

“Do you come here often?” she asked. He stepped inside and started watering a small plant she had no clue about. She was starting to think he hadn’t heard her, or was ignoring her, but he spoke as he replaced the plant where it had been.

“Yes, every two weeks. It’s a family duty. The minimum is twice a year, but you can’t keep it clean that way. Mum hadn’t even been going once a year when she passed me the key. She said to do what I wanted, but I wanted it to be nice again, because it’s what she would have wanted.”

“She?”

“My great-great-grandmother. She’s the one who paid for the mausoleum, and she gave the key to her daughter when she couldn’t take care of it anymore. No one knows why, or who she was. It shouldn’t have been me, it’s always the first daughter, but I am an only child, and Auntie Serena is the second daughter.”

“Does she know about this?”

“I don’t know. Why would she?” Bernie could feel tears starting to fill her eyes, and blinked them back before Jason could notice.

“What about you, Bernie? Do you come here often?” His question made her bite her lip.

“I’ve never been here before. I was looking for someone. We discovered a lot about my house, Serena and I, and when I put all the information together, I realised I was the owners’ great-granddaughter, although I thought I had no tie to them.” She paused. He was listening to her intently. “Katherine White is my great-grandmother.” She saw the surprise on his face.

“Do you know why my great-great-grandmother would have had this built, and taken care of?” She let out a nervous laugh.

“Her name was Mary Davies, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Then I believe she was my great-grandmother’s lover.”

“She is the murder victim.” Jason started looking at the engraved name. Bernie nodded. “Why wasn’t her care passed down to you?”

“I don’t know, but I’m the last living relative I think.”

“I have to go see my mother. I can leave it open for you, and come lock when I leave.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

 

Finding herself alone, facing the mausoleum, she felt her eyes well up. She was there. Kit’s final resting place, loved and cared for still to that day.

As she stepped inside, she could see the details, the weeping angels, twins on either side of a group of photographs, one of Kit with her children, one on her own, smiling, carefree, and one with Mary, the look in their eyes unmistakable. This one, at least, Bernie suspected she would have taken herself, using some sort of timer.

Mary might have taken the portrait. There was more love in it than there would have been if a stranger had taken it, she thought. There was no trace of her husband anywhere, his presence as her cause of death already too much.

She found the space to be less oppressing than she would have thought. The walls, an off-white time had turned a little sepia, seemed to reflect the light coming through the door, the small high windows on either side, and the stained glass added a hint of colour. Real plants and fake flowers were disseminated around the space. A plaque, in loving memory of a cherished friend, stood on the shelf under the photographs, flanked with dried roses. The space felt suspended in time, frozen in a peaceful breath that was still heavy in Bernie’s chest.

The uppermost shelf was covered in fake plants, really good imitations that had stubbornly resisted the damages of time and still evoked their past beauty. In their midst, she noticed a small box. It was barely within reach, and while she didn’t allow herself to disturb anything from the other shelves, she was curious as to what it was.

She took a good look at it, ebony she reckoned, with a delicate carving of a flower on the top. There was a keyhole, the box was locked. This felt like yet another riddle. Shaking the box slightly, she heard something rattle inside. It was clearly not empty. She wanted to know, now; Jason would have mentioned it if there had been another key, so this was something else. The box was old enough, and dusty enough, to have been there since Kit’s death. Where had the key disappeared to, that was another question.

While Bernie knew how to pick locks, to some extent anyway, this was one she refused to test her skills on. This was yet another place she didn’t see herself entering without having been invited. Could the key be in the house? How would it have made its way there? Was it in the mausoleum? It didn’t seem likely, and she refused to inspect and disturb everything on just that hunch. Taking a step back, she looked around, suddenly overwhelmed.

She spotted a locket, resting in the middle of a ceramic flower crown. Curious, she took a closer look, recognising the same pattern as the door. She managed to open it without disturbing anything. Inside, a picture and a lock of hair. Mary’s. She had left a piece of her behind.

She closed it carefully and made sure it was at its proper place. She wondered if Kit had ever worn it, or if Mary had it put together after her death. The state of the chain was no indication, after all the years that had passed, but the ease with which it had opened hinted at either a regular use, or none at all.

Teeth clenched, her eyes were drawn back to the pictures. She felt words, long unspoken words, escape her grasp, her voice foreign to her own ears from how broken it was.

“So it was you, all this time. The house, it was you. It was you, and it was me, and we’re both rubbish, aren’t we. It was just there, right there… And we didn’t…” Bernie was almost mumbling, looking away from the pictures that seemed too life-like out of a sudden.

“What was your excuse? You were afraid too, but look at you now, even after all these years, she’s still there. Because it’s her, isn’t it. It’s always her. It’s always you. And here I am, just a few paces behind, struggling to catch up with your mistakes.” She had met Kit’s eyes again, her smile seemingly taunting her, the glimpse of happiness the picture had captured almost too much to bear.

“Why? That taste of happiness almost killed me, knowing I had to walk away… Why?” Her voice broke as she swallowed a sob, taking a deep breath. “Why?” She whispered, running her hand along the door. “I found my Mary, you know. She’s…” Bernie smiled. “She’s amazing. I think you would have liked her.” Bernie took a second to inspect the picture of Mary a little more closely. Was there any resemblance with Serena? Was it just her hopes and fears that suddenly seemed to discern a similar shape in their eyes and mouths?

“But, you know, ever since I’ve known, or maybe just ever since I’ve felt you there, you’ve been a weight on my shoulders, the weight of your mistakes, the weight of your pain, your silent suffering…” It felt almost too easy, now, to string together those words that had been jumbled in her head for a few days already.

“You won, now. I’m a ghost in my own home, a ghost in your home. You found someone to keep you company, trapping me like he trapped you. What more do you want?” She paused, angry, out of breath. She could feel her heart beating fast and took a second to let the calm of the place seep into her again.

“I lost her, I had to leave the way you let Mary leave. That was rubbish. You could have had a life together, a new start, but you were too scared.” She huffed. “It’s easier to stick to a pain you know, isn’t it? Let it rot until it consumes you, because you can’t just cut it out. Healing is harder than suffering, but sometimes it’s worth it. Sometimes…” Bernie paused, holding her breath.

“Sometimes there are people in life, people like Mary, people like Serena… And they… They… They just… They make breathing a little easier, they make living a little easier, and sometimes you forget, for a second, that there are ghosts behind you you can glimpse at whenever you turn your head quickly enough.” Her voice was fading, as if she was confessing a secret, suddenly wishing she had a hand to hold, knowing whose hand she wanted in hers.

“Those ghosts, they’re there, but with her there, they’re not as close. They keep their distance. They keep their distance, all of them, except you, because you’re me, and I can’t run from myself. And she can’t banish me. She can’t banish me, and I can’t banish her. If I’m not careful, she’ll become one of those ghosts, too, one of those people I wasn’t good enough for. I can’t let her, Kit, I just can’t. I can’t make the same mistakes you have. You were too scared, you were a coward, and so am I if I don’t take that chance.” She hung her head, then looked up again, a soft hesitant smile blooming on her lips.

“Mary loved you anyway. Maybe if I’m lucky…”

She stopped abruptly, refusing to voice her last thought. She was startled by Jason walking up to the door, and she carefully replaced the box where she had found it before stepping out, her eyes never leaving Kit’s picture, before taking one last glance at the one with Mary. There was so much love there. She wondered what there’d be on a picture with Serena. Part of her knew the similitudes would be ominous.

She stood next to Jason as he locked the mausoleum. She felt a knot form in her throat, she didn’t feel ready to leave. She ran her hand along the wall one last time, Jason waiting for her to move so they could go back to the main path. She wanted to ask whether he’d mind her coming back, but first, she realised, first she had to see Serena.

She had to talk to her, not just about the mausoleum, about the key, about her family, their families, but about the feelings she had for her that threatened to choke her if she thought about them a little too much. She had to let them go, let Serena have them and do what she wanted with them. It wouldn’t hurt any more than the pain she was already putting herself through.

 

  
“How did it go?” Raf’s concerned voice startled Serena as she read through a patient’s file for the sixth time, still unable to retain any information from it.

“I… she was playing the piano, I didn’t… didn’t want to…” She felt like her justification wasn’t really convincing. She knew that, in retrospect, she should have stayed, or tried again later. “She was gone when I left this morning.” Serena’s addition left out the part where she’d seen her leave, part of her wanting, needing to keep that glimpse to herself. She saw Raf nod, sigh, then smile encouragingly.

“You’ll get through this.” He had more faith in her than she had in herself. In fact, she had a feeling everyone had more faith in her than she had in herself, at the moment, even Bernie, especially Bernie, who thought Serena could just move on.

What scared her most was the familiarity of what she felt, the dullness, the lack of focus, a myriad of little details that rang a bell, one of alarm. She’d been there before. She knew, hoped that those would pass, knew the past weeks had been a strain, hoped she wouldn’t have to fight against herself, knowing it was a fight you could never truly win.

She couldn’t let herself go there again, not with Jason depending on her, not that it was a choice, but... It was hard enough to take care of herself, at the worst of it, taking care of someone else would be too overwhelming. She had to stay strong, for Jason if not for herself, and whenever she saw Bernie next, show her how her own demons took advantage of the situation.

There had been something in Bernie that had lifted her spirit, made her see life a little differently, trust herself a little bit more, and discover herself, too. Maybe that’s where the threat of depression came from as well, questioning so much about herself, having her life taken by storm by someone who didn’t even realise what power she had over her. All those stories, too, that were haunting her…

She didn’t notice when Ric sneaked up behind her, and this time she dropped the file, grumbling as she crouched down to retrieve it.

“So?” There was a victorious smile on his face that quickly faded when he saw the look on hers.

“I’ll try again later.” And she would, she knew she would, she had to. He nodded solemnly before putting a hand on her arm.

“I’m here, if you need.” For a second, she wondered whether he had seen it too, that edge she was so near to falling over.

Taking her phone out, she hesitated. Should she text? She sent a quick message, put her phone back in her pocket, and tried one more time to focus on the file in her hands. Walking to the nurse station, she kick-started the medical side of her brain and tried to power through the rest of her shift, one reluctant patient at a time. It had worked before, it’d have to do.

 

Bernie was on her way to the hospital when she heard the text alert, her heart missing a beat. She parked as soon as she was able to and took out her phone, feeling herself light up as she saw who the sender was. Serena. She hadn’t given up on her.

What would she do, or say, Bernie didn’t know, but if there was a chance, just the silver of a chance of making this work… For every mile she drove she felt her hopes and fears start to get the better of her. She smiled but her posture was stiff, her eyes reflected the apprehension she felt as she got out of the car and stepped into the lobby.

She knew where the ward was, now. One step, then another, she’d get there. Then what? What if Serena wasn’t available? She’d wait, wait as long as it took, wait, and see, and hope. She couldn’t do the same mistakes as Kit, not when Serena clearly hung onto her still.

As she stood by the door, she spotted her talking to a patient, her back to her. Handing the file to a nurse, she turned around. The look in Serena’s eyes brought tears to Bernie’s. Serena had kept reaching out, but the flicker of pain Bernie had seen there as she had spotted her made her own coil a little tighter around her heart, knowing she was responsible, that yet another one of her mistakes had hurt someone she cared about so deeply. She wanted to leave, wanted to run, but she knew she had to face her, look into her eyes, as long as it took.

Serena was rooted to the spot, almost felt like she was haunted, wondering whether her sleeplessness hadn’t made a worse number on her brain than she had thought. But Bernie was there, well and truly there, with sad eyes and a smile that held a promise she didn’t want to let herself believe in. She walked toward her, gesturing vaguely toward Raf who understood. Emergency only.

 

“Hi.” Bernie’s voice was hesitant, full of hope and pain at the same time. She wanted to reach out, wipe out the unshed tears Serena needed to let go of. She wanted to hold her, hide her face and comfort her from the pain she had inflicted.

“Hi.” Serena’s voice wasn’t anywhere near as assured as she wished it could have been. Her mask fell, revealing the exhaustion, both physical and mental. She tilted her head slightly and led the way to the roof. She didn’t want witnesses, and she could use some fresh air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, gays on the roof!
> 
> Also, I’m only partly ashamed of the time I spent in my hometown’s old cemetery for fic purposes. (I love that place, but there are really, really few benches!)


End file.
